The Direct to Video Connoisseur

I'm a huge fan of action, horror, sci-fi, and comedy, especially of the Direct to Video variety. In this blog I review some of my favorites and not so favorites, and encourage people to comment and add to the discussion. If you click on an image, it will take you to that post's image page, which includes many more pics from the film and other goodies I couldn't fit in the actual review. For announcements and updates, don't forget to Follow us on Twitter and Like our Facebook page. If you're the director, producer, distributor, etc. of a low-budget feature length film and you'd like to send me a copy to review, you can contact me at dtvconnoisseur[at]yahoo.com. I'd love to check out what you got.

Kenner's Unrivaled Rant (Not Intended for Minors)


The following comments were taken from my review of Unrivaled.  Before we get too far, I wanted to point out that no one, Mr. Kenner, nor I, condone any violence towards or exploitation of women.  Mr. Kenner's comments are sarcastic and exaggerated to make the point that he felt that Mr. Anonymous was acting like a hypocrite.



The content in this section is sexually graphic, even if it's meant to be sarcastic, and only adults should read further.





Anonymous said...




Mr. Connoisseur,

Thank you for your review. I would, however, like to make a suggestion that perhaps next time before resorting to name calling you do your homework. "Kara's body double" was included in both the credits and the imdb page. Not to call you an ignoramus or anything.



Direct to Video Connoisseur said...



I don't know who the hell you think you are coming on here anonymously and popping off like you have some kind of a soap box you deserve to be standing on. Whether a body double is used or not, my point was that the nude scene was gratuitous, and for the film makers in the commentary to pass it off like it was used for "character development" assumes that we as viewers are ignoramuses. If that's name calling, well, then the shoe fits-- wear it. Maybe you should take your soap box somewhere else, Mr. Anonymous.




Anonymous said...



how cute...you don't like your little review bloggie thing challenged. hahaha...75% OF THE MOVIE WAS GRATUITOUS!! Gratuitous violence, gratuitous nudity....and that's what 99% of us signed up for when watching it! MY point Mr. Connoisseur (clearly loosely termed) is that the actress was obviously not convinced into a nude scene by being told it was good for character development because she, herself did not do the nude scene. By stating that "the rest of us aren't ignoramuses" insinuates that she was. I'm sure you as a "writer" understand that device. I just think that's unfair and unnecessary. With a cousin as an actress I'm well aware of people on their "soap boxes" ie; movie blogs and websites (soap box usually meaning parent's basement where they eat their mac and cheese after their minimum wage shift job ends, jerking off to girls like Jordan and then typing their useless opinions with their sticky fingers while their parents scream to turn down the ACDC). Hmmm.....comfortable, huh? Must be just the right size that shoe! Enjoy...take it out for a walk...the sun actually shines outside that basement Mr. Connoisseur.


Ignoramus (Noun)

(n) ignoramus, know nothing, uneducated person (an ignorant person). Someone who watches "Unrivaled" expecting "Citizen Kane".



Anonymous said...



oops...my bad....Guns N' Roses not ACDC.


Direct to Video Connoisseur said...


Okay, I have a few minutes while my Easy Mac is cooking in the microwave, so I'll just pop on my computer and respond to your comments-- mom will yell down for me when it's done anyway.


First off, if you can't see that "Direct to Video Connoisseur" is supposed to be tongue and cheek, there isn't much left that I can do for you. I do see it didn't take long for your agruement to devolve into a mess of baseless attacks, still hidden behind an anonymous tag. If it makes you feel better to think of me as a fat kid eating mac and cheese and... well, I won't repeat the other stuff you said, because it grosses me out to think that you've been imagining me as a fat kid with mac and cheese all over me doing that while listening to AC/DC-- or rather Guns N' Roses.

Second, I agree that Unrivaled was 100% gratuitous, and I never said anything about the actress being dumb, I said, very clearly, that I get a kick out of the people who make these films talking about their movie like it's, to use your example, Citizen Kane, and a part of that is trying to pass off a gratuitous nude scene as "character development". It's that mentality that assumes the viewer is an ignoramus. I'm not sure how much clearer I can make that, but considering this is my third try, hopefully it will be a charm.

If you feel the need to reply again, by all means, make cracks about me being overweight (which I do need to drop about ten pounds before I go out to Colorado and hit some 14ers next month), or how I live in my parents' basement (I do have a bunch of stuff stored down there), or even how I enjoy Mac and Cheese (which is amazing when made with extra sharp cheddar and paired with a quality Malbec-- not more than a $10 bottle, of course, I only make minimum wage), but if you insist on getting sexually graphic I will have to delete your comments. I didn't do it this time because I figured I'd give you the benefit of the doubt. Now if you don't mind, I hear my mom calling. Hopefully she'll touch up my mullet with her Flobie.

PS
I showed a buddy of mine your initial comments and my response, and he predicted what your response to that would be-- only he didn't expect you to get so graphic.


Kenner said...



I figure you to be a writer of said movie given the generic tone of insults. I mean certainly people that have blogs live in their parents' basement is accurate but given the economy nowadays I think everyone is living in mom and dad's basement whether they run blogs or not. As for your sarcastic tone, I don't get the whole "Jack off to women like Jordan" I must admit that statement is true. Actually though I tend to prefer blondes and asians. I also get really heavy into the bondage scene, so I watch these movies because my minimum wage job doesn't afford me enough money to purchase such porn (and besides what would mom and dad think, all that splooging in the basement would eventually show, especially since I keep it in buckets in hopes that I can spawn a child one day once the Japanese perfect the whole sex doll thing also it goes good on mac and cheese) anyway these movies provide me a lot of such wanking material because I hate women a lot and Jordan included, so seeing them powerless, naked and humilating secretly allows me vengeance for all that turmoil I faced at the hands of the cheerleader who constantly kept putting me in the friendzone and who I couldn't convince to take to prom despite my numerous suicide attempts. I realized such aggresion wasn't healthy (also all that masturbation...I was rendering myself a unich) so I then decided the only way to come to grips with my stunted high school experience (believe it or not joining that National guard did not make me feel better, nor did those kickboxing championships (Yeah as if people who took martial arts would have interest in writing about Van Damme movies..dream on) In fact not even marrying this nerdy Asian chick make feel good enough in life, so the result was simple I had to go and make a blog in which I would tear down other filmmakers in a psychological attempt to not face my own failures.


I also want to let everyone know that Jordan in particular was wanked over just now by me, because I'm totally a sex pervert.

In fact back to the bondage angle, I love the damsel in distress parts in movies because it establishes how far we need to go, I mean it's not that feminism is actively killing masculinity, it's the fact that women expect to be treated as more than just sex and hostages. Something your movie clearly aruges against ergo you must be treated as the traitor you are to the male species.

Indeed we really don't need such women enablers to you. I mean you gave her the option to use a body double, you should be ashamed of yourself for even being argued, I mean wasn't Jordan payed to be in such movie? Do you think wanted wanted to see her for acting or her fight ability. No way, we wanted some titties and the fact that you failed to deliver such gives you an F- Minus in my book.

I clearly hope that you being the great example of human beings and Hollywood talent who moved mountains and cut god by being part of a movie so epically wonderful and genius in its filmmaking that it's a conspiracy by the jews in hollywood to keep such talented people like you down. I mean I must agree what I saw there was something that has Steven Speilberg crapping his very cottons, at the talent to shake the camera while you film slow fight sequences among non-actors.

I only hope that we hear from you soon after of course i'm done imagining that i'm raping, beating and wanking over the women that you employ, that you don't in anyway exploit and who earnestly see your productions as potential stepping stones to something way better. You know. Like bondage porn.

I'm sure that you made a movie worse than AIDs and don't have the balls to acknowledge who you are is not the reason you are unpopular but then again you read the site and that makes you on par with us blogger misogynists.


Direct to Video Connoisseur said...



I should probably point out, Mr. Anonymous, considering you didn't pick up on the sarcasm in my blog's use of the word "connoisseur" in its title, that what Mr. Kenner just wrote is also sarcastic.


I stand by what I wrote in the post, and I stand by my defending that from an erroneous attack in an anonymous comment, whether you think it's cute or not. The fact that your only recourse was to invent an abhorrent scenario regarding who you think I am as a person proves not only the fatuity of your initial argument, but also lets everyone know the kind of person you are, which I think Mr. Kenner was pointing out, albeit in an exaggerated fashion.

Now I have to get back to watching The Jersey Shore.


Kenner said...



I can't believe how many typos I had. I just couldn't wait to write such. I'm especially upset on how I spelled words like "aggression" and such. My loner CPU sticks. See that's me not reading such over before hitting the publish button.



Direct to Video Connoisseur said...



All right, Mr. Anonymous, I altered a couple lines in the paragraph to clear up any confusion as to whom my opinion was targetd towards. I hope that makes you feel better. Now, considering how nice a day it is, I need to go back down to the basement and hide for the rest of the day.