Save Me (1994)

This is one I covered on a two-part episode with Jon Cross from The PM Entertainment Podcast and the After Movie Diner back in November, number 184 (part 2) in the archives, when we looked at a couple of Harry Hamlin erotic thrillers. The other thing is this is Cole S. McKay's 60th film on the site! That makes him our third member of the 60 Club, and ties him with Gary Daniels for second-most ever, behind Dolph.

Save Me has Harry Hamlin as an investment broker whose wife (Olivia Hussey) has left him and taken their son with her. Also, he was the top broker at the firm, so he's been able to coast on that reputation and do very little work since then. Anyway, one day he's out on his lunch break, and he sees a gorgeous woman (Lysette Anthony) go into a lingerie shop, so he follows her and spies on her. After another time, she gives him a note that says "Save Me" with a phone number on it. Seems she's trying to get out from under the clutches of her abusive partner Michael Ironside, which Hamlin is only too happy to oblige her. He skips work or leaves early so he and her can hook up in his Mustang. But when will this Noir-ish femme fatale show Hamlin she's not all she seems?

This isn't horrible as a fun, time-killing watch. It pops in at around 90 minutes, you get some fun performances, and the "erotic" in "erotic thriller" is there sufficiently well, even if it's not full on Shannon Whirry Skin-a-max kind of stuff. The business aspects of the story are a bit of a trip though. Hamlin has a jerk for a colleague played by Steve Railsback, and at some point their boss, Joseph Campanella, promotes Railsback to Hamlin's manager. Railsback then puts Hamlin on a performance improvement plan, aka "probation," which would lead one to believe that means one more slip-up and he's out, but according to this movie, it means Hamlin's untouchable during the probation period? Like he can tell Railsback "fuck you," and Railsback can't do anything about it? And Hamlin's character isn't necessarily likeable either, he's just more likeable than Railsback. You almost get to a point where you want Anthony to smoke them all and move onto the next town. But therein lies the charm, maybe? The erotic thriller isn't meant to be compelling cinema, it's meant to get us to the church on time, and I think this one does that.

If it feels like we were just celebrating Cole S. McKay's entry in to the 50 Club, that would be right, the thing is, he had over 50 films when we finally decided to tag him, so he skipped the usual 30 and 40 Club posts and came in in the mid-50s. The plan was to review something more action-oriented, or maybe one of the films he directed or starred in, for this 60 Club post, but reviewing The Stray last week changed all of that, and I didn't realize until I started putting everything together for this post that it would be his 60th, but I figured I'd go with it instead of moving everything around. (I also discovered that Kill 'Em All 2, which I'd planned to do here, is now gated by Netflix and unavailable if you don't have an ad-free version? Do these streamers just get more ski mask and gun-y by the day?) Anyway, since we tagged him a few months back, McKay has been cruising up the all-time lists, first passing Art Camacho, now tied with Daniels, and I think passing him will only be a matter of time, since we don't have many Daniels films left to cover, and there could be over 100 other McKay films that qualify--just 1994 alone he has like 25 movies, of which we'll now have done 8. Just his PM stuff will probably push him past Dolph. And while this movie doesn't have a ton of stunts, the ones it does have, like the person trying to run Hamlin down in a parking garage, are all excellent. We take stunts in a film for granted, and I think a big reason for that is McKay and his teams always makes them look great. 60 Club and beyond!

I believe this is our first Harry Hamlin film on the site, but we have looked at him twice on podcast, one being the two-parter I mentioned above that includes this movie, episode 184 in the archives; and the other being episode 132, "Short Shots," where we looked at a series of short films with Rich Hawes from DTV Digest, and Hamlin was in a short film called One Clean Move, which also starred Gary Busey and Luca Bercovici. The thing about these erotic thriller roles is he seems like a drip a lot of times in them, which, after seeing him in Mad Men, makes me think was more by design than I realized. Did he read these scripts and think "this guy is kind of up his own ass" or "I don't know if I'd want to spend ten minutes with someone who acted like this" and then just leaned into it? Take this movie. It looks like his character barely does any work, and often can't even be bothered to finish his day sitting in the office. When his friend (played by Neil Ronco, who also wrote the script--but wasn't the guy who invented an As Seen on TV rotisserie cooker) invites him and Lysette Anthony up to their cabin to spend a weekend with Ronco and his wife, Hamlin proceeds to use it for as a sex escape bed and breakfast with Anthony, the two of them making the beast with two backs all over the place there. Yet Ronco continues to be this guy's best friend. It creates this gray area though where we don't know if we should root for Hamlin or not. Maybe it doesn't matter if we're just having fun.

This is not our first Lysette Anthony film on the site, that distinction goes to Strippers vs. Werewolves, but this is her first starring role. She's everything you want in that erotic thriller/film noir femme fatale. She's alluring, seemingly vulnerable, yet can be diabolical when it's needed. Another name we've seen here before is Michael Ironside, who plays the psychologist that's also Anthony's lover. We never know if we can believe him or not, because he's Ironside, exactly who you want in a role like this to be this mysterious. Then there's Steve Railsback, a name we've also seen here before, but I think this is my first mention of him. He's had a great DTV career that we haven't really even scratched the surface of, the kind of name that probably should be in the Hall of Fame if we'd been reviewing more of his films. I'll definitely look for more of them now. And finally, you may have noticed two other names we tagged, Kato Kaelin and Jesse V. Johnson. Kaelin plays a broker at the firm Hamlin and Railsback work at, but I couldn't find him in the movie so I wasn't able to get a screen. And then Johnson is listed as a set designer. It's a tag, and while it doesn't count toward his director tags, it adds to his overall count, which now stands at 15. Other names that round out the cast were Bill Nunn, Olivia Hussey, and Joseph Campanella. They all do great and add that much more flavor to the proceedings, which is what you want when you see their names in the cast list.

Finally, the title of this film gets the Aimee Mann song of the same name from the movie Magnolia stuck in my head. Her hit with 'Til Tuesday, "Voices Carry," is one of my favorite songs ever. I don't know if I can name ten songs that came out after it was released in 1985 that I like better than it. I tried to get into more of  'Til Tuesday's stuff, but none of their other songs really worked for me the way that one did. I remember one time VH-1 was playing 80s stuff, and the VJ said that, while he liked "Voices Carry," their album after that one, Welcome Home, was one of his "all-time faves." It was my first time hearing "favorites" truncated down to "faves" like that, and I found it intriguing. Like, I don't know if I've ever been able to use the term unironically myself, but I do use it quite a bit in a more ironic sense, and you'll find it from time to time here on the site, like in my The Most Dangerous Game review where I call CT "one of my faves from The Real World." It's funny how I pick up these little verbal affectations over time, and how much they've become embedded in my speech, but yet how I also remember exactly where I got many of them from, all these years later.

And with that, let's wrap this up. You can currently get this on Tubi here in the States. Sometimes you just need a 90s Erotic Thriller with names you know, and this is one that'll get you to the church on time. (If you're wondering where I got that expression from, you should listen to more David Bowie.) And for the podcast episode on this that I did with Jon Cross, you can check out episode 184 in the archives, parts 1 and 2.

For more info: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0108045

And if you haven't yet, check out my newest book, Nadia and Aidan, at Amazon in paperback or Kindle!

Neon City (1991)

Continuing our Super Bowl XLVI week, we look at Neon City, which has Lyle Alzado of the Super Bowl XVIII champion LA Raiders. I had been meaning to do this one anyway, for the Michael Ironside factor, so it was good to have that additional reason to bump it up in the queue. Also, our buddy Ty at Comeuppance Reviews hit this one way back in May of 2010.

Neon City takes place in 2053. The planet is messed up, due to factories pumping crap into the Ozone layer, meaning we have ourselves a post-apocalyptic scenario on our hands, and a scenario like that calls for a real hero versed in outlaw justice. Ironside is that man, and when he pops into the messed up outpost of Jericho to drop off a fugitive he picked up (Vanity), he's duped into taking her on a bus to the great Neon City, which is an issue for a lot of reasons, the biggest being that the bus is driven by Lyle Alzado, who has Ironside to blame for his 5 years in the clink; and also his ex-wife is on board. The reason why he's been duped into this job? There's a rich girl on board, and a lot of dangerous gangs between them and Neon City, and they want that rich girl to make it out alive.



This was kind of a fun mix of sci-fi and Western elements, but ultimately, it overstays its welcome by about 20 minutes. 103 is too long. You can only repeat so much driving on the road, ambushed by gangs; find a place to stop, ambushed by gangs. It's fun the first couple times, but then it's like "dude, just get to Neon City already!" Ironside as the hero was great though, as were Vanity and Lyle Alzado, so that helped. This isn't necessarily a horrible one, it's just another case of hubris in trying to break the old 88 minute rule. Few DTV flicks ever overcome that, and this was no exception.

Usually I'd look at Ironside in this paragraph, but since this is Super Bowl week, I thought we'd start with the late Lyle Alzado. I remember his attempt at a come back, followed by the admission that he used steroids. It was right around the time this would've been made. Then a year later he died of his brain tumor. The film role I think Alzado would've been best known for would've been as the enforcer for the evil developer in Ernest Goes to Camp. Based on how big and in shape he looked here, this must've been filmed before he started chemo; imdb does list it as his last film though. Because I was too young to really see him play, I only remember images of him from NFL films, where he looked like a machine. Here's to you Lyle Alzado on this Super Bowl Week, may you rest in peace.



It's good to see Michael Ironside as a hero, even though he's something of an anti-hero for much of this, a real Western renegade type. He's so good at it though, from the moment he first popped up on-screen, I was hooked. He may have been channeling Clint Eastwood, but he was all Ironside in his demeanor and kickassness. I like that when an actor can be thoroughly what we think of him as while playing a variety of parts. He's always Michael Ironside no matter who he plays, yet he still makes each character unique. The fact that the guy has the massive CV that he has, and this is only his 7th tag, is something we plan to rectify soon-- I got a couple on tap already.

Funny that this is the second time this week that we've seen Vanity, the other being in South Beach. Here she has a much bigger part as a fugitive/love interest for Ironside. She hasn't done anything since she became born again in the mid-90s-- 1997's Kiss of Death was filmed in 1993. I remember MTV did a where are they now type show on 80s pop stars in the late 90s, and they showed her in church praying. She had a great line from that special, that I might be screwing up, but I believe it went "I never believed I could be delivered from cocaine." Based on some of the things I heard Steven Bauer say about the availability of cocaine on movie sets in the 80s, I can see why she gave up doing movies if she was addicted.



I'm not sure there is a fan base rooting harder against my Patriots this weekend than the Raiders. If you're not aware, the Patriots and Raiders met in the '01 playoffs, where, in the closing minutes, the Raiders sacked Tom Brady, knocked the ball loose, and recovered the fumble, essentially ending the game. But then the play was reviewed with replay, and it was determined that a seldom known rule, the "tuck rule", stated that the fact that Brady was moving the ball forward toward his body as he was hit, meant it was technically an incomplete pass, so the Patriots kept the ball. With new life, the Pats drove on, Adam Vinatieri kicked a game tying field goal, and then a game winning field goal in overtime. As far as the Raiders were concerned, they were robbed, while my Patriots went on to win 3 Super Bowls in 4 years (though the Raiders did make it to the big game the next year and get smoked by Tampa Bay). Anyway, the Raiders and Patriots will be forever linked by that game, and if you ask Raiders fans, the Patriots can't lose enough.

All right, enough of that (and if the Raiders think reliving the "Tuck Rule" game is tough, imagine what it's like for me to have to relive Super Bowl XLII all week!). This isn't horrible, but it does go on a bit long, and by the time I got to the end, I had lost a lot of interest. Still, you had some fantastic Ironside, and Alzado and Vanity were great too, so I can't say it's a total waste. I wouldn't go too far out of my way for this one, but if you see it cheap or see it on TV sometime, you may want to check it out.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0104981/

McBain (1991)

McBain just looks like a winner, with Christopher Walken, Steve James, and Michael Ironside. The question is, will it fulfill it's too sweet potential. There's only one way to find out, so without further ado.

McBain has Walken as a 'Nam POW who is still in captivity even after the war has just been declared over. As luck would have it, a small troop battalion on their way out spots the POW camp, and saves him and his fellow captives. Years later, the leader of that battalion leads a rebellion in Columbia against a cruel dictator, and is killed. His sister (Maria Conchita Alonso) comes to New York to find McBain and ask if he'll repay the debt to her brother. He does, along with some old friends.



This wasn't bad. It had some slow parts that were just bad repetitive action scenes with Maria Conchita Alonso and the random rebels shooting at things and getting shot at back, which were tedious at best. I'm signing on for Christopher Walken, Steve James, and Michael Ironside, not that crap. There was also a less than stellar fighter jet dogfight that I could've done without. But the Walken we get is spectacular, everyone else was good too, and the action was good when it was there. I also liked the movie's message: is it better to do nothing and be safe, or get out there and do something to help others, even if it gets you out of your comfort zone? Overall, this wasn't bad, but could've done for a good trim of about 20 minutes.

The best Christopher Walken moment for me in McBain came when he was in some seaside house with the other guys, and he says "let's talk... out on the deck." I don't know how to type it in a way where you get Walken's unique voice inflection, just try to do your best Walken impression in your head , and you'll get it. He also has a sweet monologue on Woodstock. As far as an action lead, when he was allowed to be one, i.e. wasn't kept off screen by other crap I could've cared less about, he was great. I especially loved the Hawaiian T.



Yep, that's Steve James, sans shirt, rocking a Wrestlemania cap. Does it get anymore awesome than that? He does some cool shit in this, firing stinger missiles, getting freaked out that his buddy doesn't know how to fly the plane, wearing Wrestlemania hats. Unfortunately, a man that was taken from us too soon by pancreatic cancer. Here's to you Steve James, you were one of the good ones.

Loved me some Michael Ironside in this as well. Wasn't expecting much. He appears early on as an extremely wealthy arms dealer, and Walken gives him the speech about how he's not really living, how he's wasting his life away in his enormous mansion. I thought that would be it, but when he shows up with Walken's weapons, he kind of sheepishly asks "can I go too?" Yes you can go Michael Ironside, what do you think this is. He had a ponytail, but no long hair like Highlander 2, which was a disappointment.



One interesting aspect of this movie is that they use a fictional regime in a real country, Columbia, where the action takes place. I don't know, on some levels that's kind of weird. In 1991, the people of Columbia were still in as rough a situation as they were before McBain was made, it's not like McBain made their lives better. Another interesting thing, ESPN did a series of sports documentaries entitled 30 for 30, featuring all kinds of stories where sports has an impact on greater society. They did one on the 1994 Colombian World Cup team, the one where Andres Escobar was killed after giving up an own goal against the US. It was so weird watching that documentary, after remembering that game and how much I rooted for the US to win, not knowing how much more that team meant to the people of Columbia. It's always good to get a different perspective and see an event like that from the other side.

Though it's a little long and repetitive in parts, McBain isn't a bad bad actioner, and with Christopher Walken and co., it has plenty of novelty as well. It's out of print in the US, but you can get it used on DVD or VHS, whatever makes you feel good. Maybe both make you feel good...

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102422/

Extreme Honor (2001)

I saw this on Netflix, saw Olivier Gruner and Michael Ironside on the cover, checked it out on imdb and saw it had a bunch of other people too, and knew I had to get it. The Netflix synopsis gave me some pause, when it mentioned that Gruner was essentially the bad guy, but I figured there was enough star power to make up for that, right?

Extreme Honor is about a 300-pound pork roast of a man who is dumped from the Navy SEALs in a rather dubious decision requiring a massive leap of faith on our part. His son has cancer, and he needs to raise $5 million for some experimental treatment (I know, another leap of faith). So he breaks into evil billionaire Michael Ironside's and grabs the cash. Now Ironside wants revenge.



This film angered me, deeply. First and foremost, let's hit the bait-and-switch. It's not only an Olivier Gruner bait-and-switch-- he's barely in it for two scenes-- it's also a Michael Ironside bait-and-switch and a Michael Madsen bait-and-switch. All three mentioned on the cover, all three barely in the film for a quarter to half of it. The bait-and-switch was so obvious, in the DVD menu, in the biographies section, they don't even list the 300-pound pork roast who was supposed to be the star. Second, after the bait-and-switch, there was a serious lack of action. I mean, we're talking half-hour stretches of gratingly bad dramatic scenes about the most inane crap by people thinking they're pulling this crap off. Seriously, no one cares how the 300-pound pork roast is doing in his new job post Navy SEALs, if he's in a bar with his buddies, spend that 10 minutes with a bar fight. It is an action film, right? Third, kids, cancer, and action flicks do not mix. Totally sauteed in wrong sauce. And finally, speaking of sauteed in wrong sauce, who centers an action film around a 300-pound pork roast, and tries to sell him to us as a smooth Navy SEAL? What's next, Donald Gibb from Bloodsport will be the next James Bond? Bad, bad, anger-inducing bad.

That's right, egregious Olivier Gruner bait-and-switch. I mean, it wasn't even funny how bad it was. He's pretty much here for a little in the beginning, and then comes back in the end so he can be thrown around a hospital kitchen by a 300-pound pork roast. God damn it! I put this frickn' DVD in my queue for that shit? What about the poor saps who bought it. I almost feel like reporting the distributors and packagers of this sack of asscrack to the Better Business Bureau, because this is so dirty. Just look at that cover and tell me what you think the film is about. You'd think it's an Olivier Gruner asskicking fest, right? Highway robbery.



You might think by my constant use of the term "300-pound pork roast" that I'm picking on the lead too much. That would be the case, if the actual people selling this film had thought he was important enough to promote, or even put on the damn cover, since he's the lead. Hey, if it's not a big deal to them, then it's not a big deal to me, hence 300-pound pork roast. The other reason why I keep driving this home, is to elucidate how much his being cast for this part was so wrong. We've seen big guys in action leads really kill it-- One Man Force is an obvious example, but in that one, the lead, John Matsuzak, wasn't given to us as a smooth talking Navy SEAL, he was a big, boisterous, ass kicking cop, charging at guys with refrigerators and trashing his superior's desk yelling "fuck you!" Also, I don't know if you noticed this, but Matsuzak's face is all over the cover. Exactly.

This had some mega star power in cameo and supporting roles. We already mentioned Ironside and Madsen. Then there was Martin Kove, Charles Napier, Antonio Fargas, Philip Tan, Arnold Chon, Grand L. Bush, Sven Ole-Thorsen, and Edward Albert. All of these guys have been in a film reviewed at the DTVC at least once, and some of them multiple times. Michael Ironside was the closest to having more than a cameo, but, as much as he was great as the baddie, it was so poorly written that it did him as an actor a disservice. Our hero never at any time faced an obstacles in defeating him. Dude, you got Michael Ironside here, show some respect, write him a better part. I think with Michael Madsen, because he's an old buddy of the 300-pound pork roast, was there to make him seem cooler and less like a 300-pound pork roast. That move never works, as much as us guys like to think it would. If Michael Madsen was ever nice enough to hang out with me one night, I too wouldn't be any cooler, any more appealing to the ladies, just because he's so cool.



I wanted to wrap this up with a little what would you do paragraph. In this movie, all the guys in on the Ironside heist with the 300-pound pork roast got $1 million for their troubles, and they were told "no shopping sprees for 6 months", as in, chill out and don't call attention to yourselves. I don't think that would be such a problem. I'd probably catch a bus out of town somewhere, go to a city, spend a little here and there on food and what not, but nothing big. The biggest problem would be the hotel, because you'd need a credit card for that, and that leaves a paper trail. Depending on the time of year, one could hit a sporting goods store and grab a one-man tent and sleeping bag-- but you'd need a car to take advantage of campgrounds, and cars are always easy to track. Youth hostels? I'm too old for those. Nope, I'd be a sitting duck, waiting for Ironside's men to pick me off...

Stay away from this sack of asscrack. The lowness of the bait-and-switch alone makes this beneath your time and money, but beyond that, the movie is boring and poorly made. The sheer star power give this a siren song effect. Don't fall for it, they're barely in the flick, and all you're getting for your trouble is a 300-pound pork roast.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0264606/

The Killing Man aka The Killing Machine (1995)

This is one that's been in my Netflix queue for a while, and when I saw we hadn't done any Jeff Wincott recently, I decided to bump it up and have a go. I'd seen trailers for it in a few other DTV actioners, and it looked good. As an aside, Lee over at Straight-to-DVD-Heaven reviewed this as well, and his post has a great Andrew Ridgeley mention.

The Killing Man has Wincott as a dude who wakes up in a hospital with bandages on his face. Turns out, he was a contract killer in his former life, set up by his ex-employers, and almost killed in a fire. Now he's in the hands of Michael Ironside, who is turning him into a killing machine for the US government. Might be a bad gig, but one could do a lot worse for a new look than Jeff Wincott's mug, so our hero bumps a few people off, then finds out he's bumping off people who are unearthing proof that AIDS was invented by the US government. Heavy stuff man, but a guy like Wincott was made for heavy stuff.

I liked this one. Maybe not the best Wincott actioner, but I kind of dug what they were going for. It was a combination action/Film Noir/Johnny Get Your Gun type deal that was much darker than the average DTV action flick; plus, there was a message about AIDS awareness, though it was only small, it was still a big deal being that this was 1995. I will admit, I prefer my action films with more of a solid identity and a lot more ass kicking, but ultimately, this worked.

Wincott's back baby, and even if aspects of this film weren't quite there, he always was. The voice-overs, the mean mugging and cigarette smoking, and of course, the ass kicking. There's one great scene early on where Ironside wants to make sure he'll kick ass when told to, and he brings in this dude with dreads who killed an elderly couple as he held up their convenience store. Wincott says no at first, but then the guy says something to the affect of "I'll kill you," and Wincott's like "you'll kill me?" Exactly, you know what happens next. One issue I did have, and that scene with the dreads guy can speak to that, is Wincott takes more hits in this one than in some of his better ones. I don't know, some Rastafarian punk criminal shouldn't be nearly kicking Wincott's ass for any segment of their fight.

This is the perfect kind of role for Michael Ironside, total dick, no nonsense, secret service agent--even if he's Canadian. For a guy of his talents and the type of films he does, it's a bit surprising that we haven't seen more of him--as of this posting this is only is fourth film up here. The name doesn't hurt either, I mean, it just sounds cool, doesn't it? Ironside. And he has a knack for playing roles that you'd expect from someone named Ironside.

More often than not, in the DTV movie, the voice-over doesn't work, but here was a rare occasion when it did. Part of that is Wincott's voice, but the director also did a good job of layering them over cool scenes, and making sure the actors sounded like they were reciting the lines, not reading them. There's even a great one over Wincott and his lady interest as they have sex.

This film seems like it's trying to defy DTV action movie conventions throughout, until it hits the end credits, when we get this too sweet hair metal song to send us off with. On the one hand, it left me with a good taste in my mouth, but on the other it kind of made me wish the whole thing was hair metal and montages and helicopters exploding and crazy fight scenes set to electric guitars...

This is a good change of pace, and in that sense it's worth a look. Plus, Wincott and Ironside are not wasted, and a lot of fun, so you get what you paid for with them. The fact that you can get this on DVD through Netflix is an added bonus, so you can take a look at it at very little risk and see if it works for you. Like I said, a lot darker than these things usually go.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0110263/

Looking for more action? Check out my short action novel, Bainbridge, and all my other novels, over at my author's page! Click on the image below, go to https://www.matthewpoirierauthor.com/

Red Sun Rising (1994)

This is one that, as far as I can tell, hasn't been released on DVD here in the US (Amazon lists a Region 2 copy). I don't remember when I first saw it, but I believe it was on a cable station in the late 90s. It has a pretty stellar cast, including Don "The Dragon" Wilson, Star Trek Deep Space Nine's Terry Farrell, Mako, Michael Ironside, and the dubious claim that it was introducing us to James Lew-- more on that later. Oh, and it also has Jacqueline Obradors from Soldier Boyz-- Brophy!

Red Sun Rising has Wilson as a Tokyo detective who watches his partner, Albert Pyun mainstay Yuji Okumoto, get killed by the evil James Lew and his magical martial arts powers. Wilson tracks him and his boss to LA, where he encounters Farrell and Ironside at the local police department, not exactly helping him, but also worried about their own problems with a looming gang war. What does James Lew and his Japanese crime boss have to do with an impending gang war in LA? And can Wilson learn enough from Okumoto's uncle, played by Mako, to defeat Lew?



This was pretty fun. Funny, yes, but fun too. Wilson has some of his better fights, and he and Lew have some good ones at the end. Mako and Ironside were great in supporting roles, though I could've done with more Ironside. The stand out for me was Terry Farrell. She was great. She was hot as always, but also very funny, very good as a tough cop, and carried Wilson in the scenes that required him to do a lot of acting. That was huge, because it allowed Wilson to focus on the fight scenes. Sure, the whole idea of the mystical Japanese martial arts energy which manifested itself in the death poke was very silly, as were James Lew's blue contacts and too sweet mullet. It was good for what it was, a 1990s DTV actioner, and I'm not sure we can ask for anything more than that.

I think we've had a bit of a string of stinkers for Wilson at the DTVC, so it was good to have this one to break that up. It goes without saying that dramatic acting is not Wilson's strength on-screen, that it's his fighting ability that sells his films. What made Red Sun Rising so great, was that it recognized that, allowing him to take a back seat in scenes with Yuji Okumoto, Mako, and especially Farrell, then making sure he had ample opportunity to show us what he could do in the fight scenes. I like that, why make someone like Wilson, who's an athlete first, and actor second, have to do all the heavy lifting, when you have real professionals that can lead, and he can follow their lead, allowing him to react naturally, more than conjure up acting skills that aren't natural.



How do you not love Terry Farrell? Not just Deep Space Nine, but also in Becker, where she was great playing off Ted Danson. According to imdb, she dated Michael Dorn. Can you imagine that? Because they both have great voices, imagine the voice work empire they could've ruled. The funny thing is, I saw her on an episode of Family Ties recently, where she played hottie neighbor Liz Obeck. Great name, huh, Liz Obeck. Anyway, also on imdb, it says she retired from acting around 2002 to focus on her marriage and family.

This film makes a very dubious claim: that it is introducing James Lew. Even if one were to argue that the bulk of his work before that was in bit parts and stunt work, there was still American Ninja V, where he played the main enemy ninja. What, ninja roles don't count? Okay, maybe Red Sun Rising was made prior to AMV, but released after, I'll accept that. But then there's Mission of Justice, or Night of the Warrior, or his TJ Hooker guest spot. Sure, you guys introduced us to James Lew, wink wink, nudge nudge.



Finally, there's a great scene where James Lew blows up a car with a rocket launcher. There's just something about that, a man with a well-feathered mullet, rocking a heavy duster, with the lights of LA against the black of the night in the background, taking a rocket launcher out of a cheap industrial van, and blowing up a car with it-- especially in the early 90s. People often ask me what it is about these "bad movies" that I like so much, and it's that, all of that I just described. People who know, understand what I'm saying.

VHS is your best route for this one, unless you live outside the States, and then you might find it on DVD. I wouldn't go too far out of your way, because it's not that awesome, but if it pops up on cable late at night-- or even during the day-- you could do a lot worse than watching it. Just a solid 1990s DTV actioner.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0107937/

Highlander 2: The Quickening aka Highlander 2: Renegade Version (1991)

In this edition of the box office bomb, we're going with one that was more of a critical bomb than a financial one, though it didn't make back its budget at the gate. It's also a fascinating case, because I'm not reviewing just the original, but the new "renegade" edition, which is supposed to have cured the ills of its predecessor.

Highlander 2 takes place a lot of years after the first one, and Connor is an old dude. The ozone layer had become depleted to such a degree that MacLeod has created a shield to protect us from the UV rays. We also find out that immortals are people from the distant past who are sent to the future for their crimes and forced to fight it out. Connor was sent because he staged a rebellion against Michael Ironside, and on some technicality, Connor could come back to the past and kill him, so Ironside comes to the future. Then Connor calls Connery's name, and he comes back to life. Now they're converging on the shield to take it down, and Ironside and the shield's CEO, John C. McGinley, are there to oppose them.



Let's be frank, the only way to redeem the previous film would be to Lucas Reno Raines and Bobby Sixkiller into it and make it a real Renegade version. I know a lot of Highlander fanboys and girls out there would think Lamas has no chance against Connor MacLeod, but I beg to differ. He doesn't have to kill him, just incapacitate him and take him to jail for the money. Does this all sound ridiculous, a Highlander movie that's essentially a long Renegade episode? Well, let's delve into the actual film and see what we think.

The original Highlander 2 told us the immortals came from a planet called Zeist. That was ridiculous, yes? That means the new version must be somehow less ridiculous, otherwise why make the film, right? So instead of being from a distant planet, they're from a past that's really more like a future, where humans have great bomb making technology, but no guns. This is my improvement? Sean Connery has no concept of modern technology, but Michael Ironside, also from the distant past, is fully familiar with how the subway system works, down to its specific lingo. To be quite frank, the original actually worked better.



The biggest issue was the first Highlander painted the series into a box with its finality. They had to get crazy with it to include Connery, and it only got worse from there. I really felt, as I was watching this, that there was no way they were serious. Think of the scene where Connery, Lambert, and Virginia Madsen are in that room where the fan is coming down on them. When Connery tells them to leave, and then the bagpipes start in-- how can that be serious? So I watched that part with the commentary, hoping Russell Mulcahy would tell us how silly it was, and all I got were crickets. Nothing. They not only made that scene on purpose, they were serious about it!

I just love the idea that had Mulcahy had his way, this is what he would've done, considering he didn't want to have his name associated with the original. Why would he have his name associated with this either? The truth is, the TV series had some two-part story arcs that were much more entertaining. I agree that everyone had every right to trash the original version of this movie, but if you're the director and trashing it, that means you need to have something better that you would've done, and you definitely didn't.



This wasn't all bad, of course. There was plenty to make fun of from start to finish, just because of the basic premise. Then, there were the amazing hairdos. Michael Ironsides sports such an amazing set of lettuce that it makes every misstep Mulcahy made worth it. Not only that, but his scenes with McGinley were nothing short of cinematic gold. And you can never discount what it means to have Connery in another bad film. Just because this was a bad movie, doesn't mean it's not a fun one too.

And here we are, paragraph 8, and I forgot to mention the film's one DTVC Hall of Famer, Christoher Lambert. What is there to say, really? He was as funny as everyone else trying to make sense of this thing. And that's what makes it great for us the viewer too: the fun we have trying and failing to make sense of it all. I'll never forget the review Siskel and Ebert did when this was in the theater, because it was the first time they killed a movie that I really agreed with them on. At 12, I was becoming better aware of what was around me, and as such, less willing to accept as good something that was in actuality utter crap.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102034/

Hardwired (2009)

This was released on Tuesday, the same day as Command Performance, and my plan was to review them one after the other (obviously the Dolph film had first priority-- obviously). Problem was, Netflix didn't have enough copies of it, and I was stuck with the dreaded Very Long Wait, which turned into "For Fri: Hardwired" after I returned three films on Wednesday. That Netflix, what are we gonna do with them?

Hardwired takes place "a few years" into the future, where the economy is even worse than it is now, and huge corporations had to bail out the government when it couldn't bail out the huge corporations. If that doesn't make enough sense, Hope Industries has decided that we've saturated all our advertising space, and we need to put a computer chip in our brains that makes us hallucinate pitchmen and women until we buy their product. If people don't like the chip, it explodes, simple as that. 660 people were chosen for inclusion in the test process: 659 loners, and one family man, Cuba Gooding jr., who just happened to piss off one of the people who chose the people to get the chip. That was a mistake, because an underground group has been trying to take down Hope, and now they have their man in Gooding. Turns out to be a good choice.



This is one of those big brother cautionary tales of what happens when we let corporations have too much control and too much influence in our government. Makes sense, though you could've spent a lot less money by just documenting the current healthcare crisis, no? What's even funnier is, by its very nature, this film stands to give corporations what they want: a new avenue for exposure. Maybe having the Golden Arches on the Hoover Dam is supposed to tell us how bad things could get, but it also reminds me that I could use a Big Mac, no? Also, any originality this film could've claimed was already taken by the Bruce Payne film Paranoia 1.0, which did the same thing in a much cooler and more stylistic manner-- and without all the product placement too. So what are we left with: a semi-remarkable sci-fi actioner with Cuba Gooding jr., Michael Ironside, and a Val Kilmer with a horrible hairdo.

It's true that maybe I'm being a little hard on this, because, after all, it is just a DTV movie. But so was Streets of Blood, and that film was great. Not only that, it would've been better with Cuba Gooding jr. and Michael Ironside accompanying Kilmer and Sharon Stone. The other point is Command Performance, with just Dolph in it, was a lot more fun to watch. Cuba Gooding jr. and Val Kilmer are great actors, but giving Kilmer bad hair and even worse dialog, and then making Gooding jr. have these silly scowling expressions on his face and even worse responses to Kilmer's bad dialog, just makes us wonder what happened to them as actors, and think they've fallen so far. Why not just cast Lorenzo Lamas and John Rhys-Davies? At least we have more to make fun of, and Kilmer and Gooding jr. can be Kilmer and Gooding jr. somewhere more respectable.



This is the first of probably many Cuba Gooding jr. films that we'll have here, because he's amassed quite a DTV oeuvre over the past few years. Oh, what fun we'll have, you and me. You the Oscar winner, and me the guy who's about to review American Ninja 2-- for the second time! Of course, I make fun of you for this, but Hardwired was better than Pearl Harbor, Radio, and Men of Honor, just to name three. Maybe you're making out better in this deal. We'll keep in touch.

This is the second Val Kilmer film we've done this week, and let me tell you, though Columbus Day was about as good of a movie as Hardwired, Kilmer's part was way worse in this one. The biggest offender was the hair. When you see the cover in stores or on Netflix, you'll see a Kilmer with a slick cut, low and tight. Not so in the actual film. He looks like either a reject from a failed 80s New Wave band, or one of the crew members on the warehouse ship in Space Mutiny. The only explanation was that he didn't want us to recognize him in this film. No such luck. Hey, didn't you used to act in Oliver Stone movies?



I hate commercials. More than anything, I hate the lowest common denominator view they have of the world. Take the MasterCard Priceless thing. Their main goal was to create a catch phrase that seeped into popular culture, and once people bit and started using the phrase on signs at sporting events so they could look clever and get on TV, we were stuck with that smug voice telling us "...Priceless...". Their whole raison d'etre is to stick their product into our brains in whatever way imaginable, and pat themselves on the back for it afterwards. That makes this movie all the more pointless, because no company would consent to something like this, when they can do it much cheaper the old fashioned way. Or, they could just agree to have their logo plastered all over a movie, like they did here.

I want to say you shouldn't watch this, that you're just in for some pain, but after my whole review, I have a different take. Hardwired is a unique opportunity to see how the mighty have fallen. Look at Kilmer's hair and Gooding jr.'s scowl, and not only laugh, but know that we all are only a couple Radios, Daddy Daycares, Island of Dr. Moreaus, and The Saints away from the same fate. If there's any cautionary tale in this film, it's that one. Also of note, the end sets us up for a sequel with who else as the owner of Hope Industries: Lance Henriksen.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1405412/