Savage Beach (1989)

After going seven straight reviews on newer movies, it was time to go back to the 80s, and back to our work on reviewing all of Andy Sidaris's LETHAL Ladies movies, which I've been doing since 2021 when I watched them all in one go for my podcast episode on Dallas Connection with Mitch from the Video Vacuum, which you can check out in our archives, episode 82. In addition to us and Mitch on his site, Joe Bob Briggs has also covered this, in a review he wrote in 1989 for the Orlando Sentinel, so you can see what he thought too.

Savage Beach follows our favorite DEA agent Dona Speir and her civilian sister Hope Marie Carlton, busting drug dealers while working under cover as air couriers in Hawai'i. On one such delivery trip, they get caught in a storm and end up stranded on a deserted island. Turns out it ain't so deserted, between the Japanese WWII vet who's been living there for 40 years, and then the Filipino Marxist dissident (Rodrigo Obregon), US Navy officer (John Aprea), and mysterious other guy who snuck into their group (Bruce Penhall) coming to find gold. Everyone is on a collision course to wackiness, but will our lethal ladies survive this savage beach?

This is another great one from Sidaris. Yes, there are a ton of moving parts, some of which don't exactly make any sense, but does it matter here? I'm okay with a guy on a computer talking about "probability vectors" if he's saying it to John Aprea, Bruce Penhall, and the great Rodrigo Obregon with a fantastic mustache. Joe Bob Briggs described the stranded WWII vet as "Claymation" due to the make-up they used to make him look old. In another movie maybe that's a detriment, but here it just added to the fun. One issue was, due to the myriad moving parts, we didn't get as much Dona Speir as the lead doing her action lead thing until the end, but that's a "minor quibble" (as the guy from Trekkies said) in what is an otherwise fun ride. Like all of Sidaris's other films, there is plenty of toplessness from both the women, and a couple of the guys, so if you're in a mixed group of movie watchers, this may not be as good a pick, but also like all of Sidaris's other films, if everyone knows what this will be going in, this is a sure bet for a fun movie night.

Going back to Speir as the lead, this is the first one in Sidaris's LETHAL Ladies films where he completely pivots to having her be the focus and completely diminishes the Abilene who can't shoot straight character--which is now "Shane Abilene," played by Michael Shane, who I believe was a Playgirl model in his own right--as an aside, I remember when my mom turned 30, her best friend got her a Playgirl magazine as a birthday present. I wonder if Shane was in that issue...? Anyway, this is supposed to be about Dona Speir. In the last Sidaris review I did, Picasso Trigger, I talked about how I had her fifth after Pam Grier, Michelle Yeoh, Cynthia Rothrock, and Zoe Saldana among top female action leads, right above Milla Jovovich and Michelle Rodriguez. You could make a case that Jovovich and Rodriguez could be above her, but not only did Sidaris give Speir the franchise with this film, but he did it in 1989, at a time when the film industry wasn't keen on female action leads, let alone giving women the leads in a franchises. The idea that we'd write off her contributions because she's taking off her top because her character is changing her clothes while piloting a plane that's about to crash land is also very 1989. Speir has "it" as the lead in this, and from the moment that plane crash lands, we know she's going to do whatever needs to be done to take care of this situation; and when she and Carlton are caught by Obregon, Aprea, and Penhall, and Obregon says "let's tie them up!" she warns them that that will be a mistake--we're not just here to be damsels in distress, we've got guns and we know how to use them! Yes, the myriad moving parts diminishes a bit of her first time officially taking the helm in this film, but she still takes it and affirms why Sidaris was right in making that move in the series.

Look at that James Lew hair! We haven't seen him in over two years, when we did Star Raiders, a film where he played a baddie who had the top half of his head missing, so to come back with this entry where he's sporting that beautiful lettuce is fantastic. Also love the skinny tie. This is how we need our Lew in a film, and I know father time has come in to steal that amazing moss from the top of his head, a true travesty, we can come back to gem like this movie and see it in its full glory for us. On top of that, we get a great fight between him and Al Leong, who, I had no idea, didn't have a tag before this post! It turned out, that kind of made sense, in that this is only his 9th film on the site--compared to now 15 for Lew. As I looked over his filmography, I see a few reasons for this: one, he doesn't have as many DTV credits as Lew, and also doesn't have as many of the meatier roles Lew's had--a lot of Leong's parts are "Asian Thug" in bigger screen roles. That's one thing that's great here, is Leong has a bigger part, but also we get to see him fight Lew, two 80s/90s bit part character actors facing off. In his review of this, Mitch said everyone has their favorite Sidaris moment, and for me it's in Hard Ticket to Hawaii when harold Diamond and Ronn Moss pass a man riding his skateboard with his hands, and Moss says "Man, he must be smoking some heavy doobies," but after that, that fight between Lew and Leong, just for the novelty of it, has to be up there. Here's to you James Lew and Al Leong, you are two of the greats.

Because I watched all of the Sidaris LETHAL Ladies movies in 2021, that year for Letterboxd my top actor was Rodrigo Obregon and my top director was Andy Sidaris. Beyond the fact that that was fantastic to post that on Twitter for my year-in-review, it also goes to show what a great run Obregon and Sidaris had together. Mitch calls Sidaris "the Skinamax Alfred Hitchcock," and like all great auteurs he has his mainstays, but it's hard to think of another pairing between actor and director that have been as fruitful and iconic. Yes, Scorsese has had his collaborations with De Niro and DiCaprio, or Ozu with Setsuko Hara and Chishu Ryu, or Kurosawa and Mifune, or Fellini with Mastroianni--the lists are endless, but there's something about Sidaris and Obregon that has a comfort food quality, like that first bite of an In-N-Out Double-Double when I'm on the West Coast, or a Wiz Wit cheesesteak at Tony Luke's--it's comforting, but almost unctuous in its comfort. I hadn't tagged Obregon before this, so I rectified that issue, and while the bulk of his now 6 tags are Sidaris films, he does have one that wasn't: the Olivier Gruner/Isaac Florentine Western actioner Savate. Also, if you're wondering, 2022's Letterboxd top director and actor for me were both Fred Williamson. I think if it wasn't going to be Sidaris and Obregon again, Williamson sweeping both was the way to go.

Finally, I wanted to vent about a pet peeve of mine. Often, and it seems to be in commercials more than anything, so that probably explains the inanity enough right there, but we see this thing where someone asks, thinking they're so smart and clever, "why does Hawai'i have interstate highways?" Oh you're so witty! That's hilarious! Don't forget your sly grin emoji! Why does Hawai'i have interstate highways? Because interstate highways get money from the federal government for their upkeep, and the people of Hawai'i pay federal taxes. Alaska and Puerto Rico have them too, yet no one mentions those in their witty commercial conversations that are telling us absolutely nothing about the product their selling--seriously, what does Jason Bateman asking about why Hawai'i has interstate highways have to do with a car's performance? Yes, they aren't technically interstate, but neither is Interstate 4 in Florida, or Interstate 27 in Texas. Also, the reason why we have 21 as our drinking age is due to the fact that the Interstate Highway system in America is funded by the federal government. When a group of prom-goers crashed their car in the late 80s, a group of Karens known as Mothers Against Drunk Driving lobbied the federal government to raise the drinking age, and they used federal highway funds to pressure states to raise the age to 21. Don't want go back up to 21? Fine, your Interstate Highways can fall apart then. So while you can go to prison or get killed in a war at 18 here in the States, you have to wait until 21 to buy a sixer of Pabst Blue Ribbon pounders. If only we had Twitter and Tik Tok in the late 80s, we could've shamed those MADD Karens into submission on social media before they got up a head of steam. Those Gen Z kids would've known what to do with them!

And with that, let's wrap this up. You can still stream the Sidaris LETHAL Ladies films on Tubi here in the States, so unless you invest in the DVD boxed set--which I will be soon--Tubi is a good deal--and if you're over 21, you can drink legally while watching them. This is a fun entry in the series, and notable both for Speir taking over the helm from the Abilene who can't shoot straight, and for the Lew-Leong fight. 

For more info: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098257

And if you haven't yet, check out my new novel, Holtman Arms, at Amazon in paperback or Kindle!