The Direct to Video Connoisseur

I'm a huge fan of action, horror, sci-fi, and comedy, especially of the Direct to Video variety. In this blog I review some of my favorites and not so favorites, and encourage people to comment and add to the discussion. If you click on an image, it will take you to that post's image page, which includes many more pics from the film and other goodies I couldn't fit in the actual review. For announcements and updates, don't forget to Follow us on Twitter and Like our Facebook page. If you're the director, producer, distributor, etc. of a low-budget feature length film and you'd like to send me a copy to review, you can contact me at dtvconnoisseur[at]yahoo.com. I'd love to check out what you got.

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Announcement

Hi everyone, it's been a while since I checked the page, and I wanted to make a few announcements.

First and foremost, it appears a dubious site has claimed the old url, meaning any link in any review that goes to the old mattmovieguy url is corrupt. I'm in the process of trying to remove them all, but it's a lot! It's best not to click on any link without hovering over it first to make sure it doesn't have mattmovieguy in the url.

Second, it appears since my last trip to the blog, Photobucket has decided to charge for third party hosting, meaning none of my images are appearing anymore. That's simply an aesthetic issue, but still annoying.

Thank you all for your patience, and again, hopefully this will all be fixed soon.

--Matt

Friday, March 20, 2009

The Stoned Age aka Homo Erectus (2007)

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I had my eye on this one for some time mostly because it had Gary Busey and Tom Arnold listed in the credits. It just seemed like a good deal. Of course, I had to know going in, with this being a National Lampoon's DTV, that I could be in for some pain, but I figured the price would be worth it if it was sufficiently Abusive.

The Stoned Age is about some dude living in prehistoric times who thinks outside the box, which makes him an outcast. He's in love with a chick from his tribe, but she loves his alpha male brother. Anyway, the tribe is beaten in a battle with their rival, and the girl is taken, and he goes to save her. Suddenly the movie has no identity and goes on longer than it should.

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This was supposed to be a comedy, and for the first twenty minutes or so, me and my roommates were entertained. Then it got weird. The main character clubs a girl he likes, and she falls off a cliff, and then the tribe eats her. I'm not kidding. And it just gets weirder from there. Towards the end he meets up with some Amazon women, and they clean him in a pool naked, and there's a bunch of nude women with really hairy vaginae all over the place. I just didn't get it. There's a point where someone needs to come in and say "Enough!"

Gary Busey was barely in the film, but when he was, he was great. My roommates didn't think so. Busey freaks them out. The reality is Busey probably freaks a lot of people out. I'm just one of those nutty dudes out there who digs him. Other than the first twenty minutes, which was pretty good, the only redeeming feature of this movie was the few minutes Busey spends on screen, and it's because of this that I devoted all three images from the film to his brief appearance. I think Hallettsville in my instant queue may be my next Busey film for the DTVC. we'll see what happens.

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Tom Arnold also was barely in the film. He played a gay man in the tribe, who is convinced by the main character to come out of the closet, and is then beaten to death and eaten by his fellow tribesmen. I didn't get it. Arnold was funny. He didn't over do the flamboyance at all, which was good. But why it was supposed to be funny that the tribe beats him to death and eats him is beyond me. Maybe it just sounded good at the time. And why didn't Arnold, who is funny-- at least he was here-- step in and say: "fellas, enough!"

My roommates weren't familiar with National Lampoon's horrible DTV reputation like I am. They were like "The people who did Animal House and Vacation did this?" Yes and no. They just seem to put their name to any old kind of DTV crap and trade on their reputation. I mentioned to them the Paris Hilton film National Lampoon's did, and they got the idea. That being said, I am interested in the National Lampoon's Van Wilder: Freshman Year. Maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment.

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I know I brought my roommates up a bit here, but that's because they watched it with me, so they shared in the painful experience. They did, though, have some fun at my expense. There's a character named The Old Fool, who's like in his seventies, and the movie makes a joke that he's "30 years old", something to do with life expectancy in the Stone Age. Anyway, when we watched this, I was only a couple weeks away (now only twelve days!) from my own 30th birthday, and my roommates thought the image of this really old man at thirty was hilarious. Go ahead, laugh it up, fuckers. [Ugh!]

Don't go near this sack of asscrack. If you see National Lampoon's and think "I bet this is funny", don't, and instead think "I read that this was a useless sack-of-asscrack, and I should steer clear of it." Sometimes it's for the best.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0484207/

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