The Direct to Video Connoisseur

I'm a huge fan of action, horror, sci-fi, and comedy, especially of the Direct to Video variety. In this blog I review some of my favorites and not so favorites, and encourage people to comment and add to the discussion. If you click on an image, it will take you to that post's image page, which includes many more pics from the film and other goodies I couldn't fit in the actual review. For announcements and updates, don't forget to Follow us on Twitter and Like our Facebook page. If you're the director, producer, distributor, etc. of a low-budget feature length film and you'd like to send me a copy to review, you can contact me at dtvconnoisseur[at]yahoo.com. I'd love to check out what you got.

Announcement

Announcement

Hi everyone, it's been a while since I checked the page, and I wanted to make a few announcements.

First and foremost, it appears a dubious site has claimed the old url, meaning any link in any review that goes to the old mattmovieguy url is corrupt. I'm in the process of trying to remove them all, but it's a lot! It's best not to click on any link without hovering over it first to make sure it doesn't have mattmovieguy in the url.

Second, it appears since my last trip to the blog, Photobucket has decided to charge for third party hosting, meaning none of my images are appearing anymore. That's simply an aesthetic issue, but still annoying.

Thank you all for your patience, and again, hopefully this will all be fixed soon.

--Matt

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Crisis (1997)

Photobucket

Anyone who's been rocking with us for a little while knows that I try to keep the amount of tags for Jeff Wincott and David Bradley roughly the same, just because I do, and last week we did two Wincott flicks in the two Universal Soldier sequels, so now it's time to balance out the scale with a Bradley flick. Even though Wincott wasn't a star in either film, that's not how tags work, two supporting roles don't equal one starring role, a tag is a tag no matter how much someone is involved with a movie, so expect another Bradley one soon after this one.

Crisis has Bradley as a hitman who visits his environmental activist brother and finds out the guy is planning a home invasion of a famous scientist that is also a major polluter. Bradley tags along to try and keep his brother out of trouble, but when things go pear-shaped, instead of helping, he finds himself tied to a weight bench. Looks like some pesky German terrorists have infiltrated the environmental activist group with a plan to get their hands on some missiles the scientist was commissioned with disposing of, and then pin the blame on the activists. Can Bradley get himself free in time to save the day?

Photobucket

Wow, great beginning, great ending, horrible middle. Jalal Merhi let us down here as director-- though he didn't write it, so maybe we can't blame him too much. I get that Die Hard in a mansion can be difficult to pull off for 90 minutes due to the small space in which the action takes place-- skyscrapers and industrial plants work so much better-- but to mitigate that issue by having our hero spend a chunk of the film tied to a weight bench making Romantic Comedy banter with a love interest in a Jennifer Aniston haircut, that's a bad play. The whole idea is that Bradley is supposed to be a snake in the grass, but when he shows his hand so early in, we're stuck. And this is after an amazing beginning where he offs a bunch of dudes, rides a Harley, and rocks some too sweet shades; and an end confrontation with the head baddie that ends hilariously with the baddie looking to run Bradley down in a stolen car, and Bradley countering by throwing a fireman's ax at the windshield. Can I recommend a movie for roughly 15 minutes of quality footage? Of course I can't. (Though I guess I did for even less in Out for a Kill.)

How is it that Bradley is the one who ends up in a Romantic Comedy scenario tied to a weight bench with another hostage tied up next to him whom he doesn't get along with, but eventually hooks up with? Do we see Wincott doing that? Dolph maybe, but for as long a segment of the movie as Bradley was here? It just seems like tied to a weight bench is part of a bigger pattern of fanny pack behavior. Maybe this is why Bradley got out of acting, because he was tired of crap like this. The thing to do with this would've been to keep Bradley's cover, maybe even have the baddie suspect something's up with him, so he sends him down to the weight room to guard the woman, and the challenge for Bradley then is to keep his cover, convince this girl he's just tied up that he's not really one of the hostage takers, and keep his ear to the door to keep himself abreast of the goings on upstairs. It would've been better than what we got.

Photobucket

What you're looking at right there is Word 97 (at least I think it is). You're probably thinking "great, why would you cap that?" Because that my friends is what passed for the company interface through which the sleazy scientist accessed his company in order to get the release for the missiles. Yep, no cute graphics, no animation that looks nothing like a computer program, but still looks like something. Nope, a Word file, and they just had the guy type into it. At one point he's contacting 911. Yep, just type it in anywhere in the Word document, that will be fine.

Speaking of the sleazy scientist, he was played by Cameron Mitchell's son. You may remember the son from Space Mutiny as the guard that tells Calgon that "the information is scanty" at the moment. Scanty. Most of his credits are under the name "Channing Mitchell", including this one, but now he goes by the name Cameron Mitchell Jr. He was good here as the sleazy scientist, but no where near what his dad brought to the table in all those AIP flicks.

Photobucket

We've started something of a trend here where I use the last paragraph to talk about some outdated cultural phenomena or nostalgia that comes to mind when watching the movie, and I couldn't pass up the Jennifer Aniston hairdo. Was it called the Aniston or the Rachel? It was big in the mid to late 90s, and while this one isn't a perfect example, is Aniston-y enough. I think they went with it here to give the impression that this woman was a modern spitfire of sorts, that she wouldn't take any crap. Like Bradley though, she spends a good chunk of the film tied to a weight bench, though she isn't as well secured, so she gets to hop around a lot. Very modern spitfire.

Though you can check this out on Watch Instantly, I don't recommend it unless you're a Bradley completist. I am by virtue of having this blog, which means I hurt so you don't have to-- and if you don't have to, I wouldn't. Also, it was shot in Saskatoon, so if that does anything for you, by all means.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0136774/

7 comments:

  1. Funny thing about the "rachel" haircut, Anniston herself claimed that she hated the hairstyle and never intended to start a cultural trend. Anyways i'm dissapointed to hear this film is low on action, but I already own it, so I might as well get around to watching it at some point.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Look I haven't seen the film, but I did see The Exterminator 2 (I rewatched 1 and still stand by my initial reaction) You SO HAVE TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN. There is kind of a girlfriend spend the coin twice but the movie is so heinously bad it just is delightfully atrocious. The attack scenes actually play like Benny Hill scenes, and Mario Van Peebles is just awesome.

    This film inspired Cyborg and Death Wish 3. It's so hilarious it plays like an Italian Mad Max rip off. The soundtrack is so bad. You really have to make this happen.

    I actually have a new favorite terrible flick.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Great review Matt. Appreciate the Word 97 cap, love these little details that low budget films feel aren't important but end up sticking out like a sore thumb. Reminds me of No Retreat No Surrender 3 when Keith Vitali access a top secret file on a computer that's just a word file on the DESKTOP titled 'Top Secret.doc'

    I used to really dislike Bradley but I've since come round to his style of acting. Does anyone else think that he didn't have a costume department, he just rolled up to work on his harley and leather jacket and said "Let's Go!"?

    Important question: is Bradley rocking a fanny pack in this film? It might make the difference between me watching and not.

    ReplyDelete
  4. another one for the die hard-ish list.

    and out for a kill has more than 15 good minutes!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I will make The Extermintaor 2 happen Mr. Kenner, sooner rather than later, you can count on that, especially after that kind of endorsement.

    No fanny pack here Jack, just tied to a workbench, which, for me, is the fanny pack of sticky situations. I like Bradley too, I just feel like he doesn't always get the best roles, and this is an example of that. They set him up as this really awesome dude, but then they don't follow through like they should. Hard Justice is definitely one though where they got it right.

    Out for a Kill does have more than a good fifteen minutes, and I'd recommend it for more than that, but on the strength of the end scene alone-- which is actually less than 15 minutes, I was being generous-- it's worthy of a recommendation.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Has Bradley's face been grafted on Bolo's body (on that cover?)

    ReplyDelete
  7. That's an excellent question, it might just be. It looks kind of Bolo-ish, doesn't it?

    ReplyDelete