The Direct to Video Connoisseur
I'm a huge fan of action, horror, sci-fi, and comedy, especially of the Direct to Video variety. In this blog I review some of my favorites and not so favorites, and encourage people to comment and add to the discussion. If you click on an image, it will take you to that post's image page, which includes many more pics from the film and other goodies I couldn't fit in the actual review. For announcements and updates, don't forget to Follow us on Twitter and Like our Facebook page. If you're the director, producer, distributor, etc. of a low-budget feature length film and you'd like to send me a copy to review, you can contact me at dtvconnoisseur[at]yahoo.com. I'd love to check out what you got.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Almighty Thor (2011)
Because Marvel can't copyright Norse mythology, the door was left open for The Asylum in conjunction with the SyFy channel to trade on the big screen adaptation of the Marvel version of Thor. I had originally wanted to go with a joke about how I thought this was called "Almaty Thor", and wanted to know what this Kazakh version of Thor was all about, but I already used that joke on Twitter. I need to be careful and not use up all my best material before I even get a chance to write the review. Also, I first caught wind of this through the post at Cool Target Action Reviews.
Almighty Thor is kind of a Thor prequel, where our hero is a whining, annoying teenager, and his dad, Odin (played by Kevin Nash) is killed by Loki (played by Richard Greico), who wanted to get his hands on the infamous hammer of invincibility or something. Anyway, one of Odin's most trusted warriors, Patricia Velasquez, takes Thor to LA so she can train him, and Loki follows them there, and all hell breaks loose. Can Thor stop being a shithead for two seconds and defeat Loki?
Whose idea was this? "Yeah, I want to do a movie about Thor where he's a whiny, annoying teenager. Like, you know the 16-year-old who bitches about how much he hates his parents because they won't let him have the car, that human embodiment of awesomeness, that's what we're centering the film around." Really? If I want to listen to whiny teenagers, I'll go hang out at the food court at the mall. And for me, because Thor is the main character, it made the whole film a pile of suck. That's too bad, because Greico was awesome as this movies version of Loki, who looks like a cross between Edward Scissorhands and The Borg, but sounds like Christian Slater, and seemed like he was totally having fun with the film; Kevin Nash as Odin was also great, but pretty much wasted, because he barely had any scenes; loved the CGI monsters, total Asylum cheese; and even Patricia Velasquez as a Norse demi-goddess with a South American Spanish accent was pretty sweet. But whining Thor is the killer, as sauteed in wrong sauce as you can get.
As someone who grew up with Marvel comics, Thor was not one I followed. I remember he was in one of the Hulk TV movies, but after that, I didn't care. I was a little surprised they decided to make a movie about him, but I guess Marvel feels like if they make it we will come. I don't know, I didn't see it. I can think of a few that I remember that I'd have rather seen first: Cable, New Mutants/X-Force, Deadpool (not that weird thing they gave us in Wolverine), and maybe some of those space guys like Silver Surfer (I know he was in the Fantastic Four), Thanos, all those aliens and whatnot. Thor was not at the top of my list.
If you're going to do Loki, why not do it the way they did it here with Richard Greico? It was like his theme song should've been Marilyn Manson's cover of "Sweet Dreams", and he should've been walking around LA like Sid Vicious in Urgh! A Music War strolling through Paris, shoving a piece of cake in someone's face. It's a shame that such a fun performance was ruined in a movie that decided to hang it's hat on an annoying teen Thor.
Loved Kevin Nash for his short scenes early in the film, and wish he'd been in this more. I remember when he, as Diesel, first came into the WWF. There was a Royal Rumble where all the guys in the ring ganged up on him to throw him out, and Shaun Michaels, who was his buddy, got in on it too. Hey, it's every man for himself in the Royal Rumble. I haven't watched wrestling in years, but I've heard he was back in the (now) WWE as Diesel. Love to see him get more work in the DTV/TV movie market-- and more than just a scene or two.
All Asylum films have great CGI monsters, and this was no exception. Man, it's so annoying that they went with an annoying teen Thor for the hero. Did he have to be annoying? He could've been a teen but not annoying, right? It was like they were trying to channel Arch hall Jr. Sometimes The Asylum really gets it right, and sometimes they really get it wrong, and sometimes you get something like this that should be so right, but ends up so wrong. Give us Thor attacking big CGI monsters with Kevin Nash and Patricia Velasquez, and Richard Greico as Loki shoving cakes in people's faces. Is that so hard?
But wrong it is, so it's a no go for me. Maybe if you see this on SyFy you might want to watch passively while doing something else. I haven't give this one in awhile, but it has late-night procrastinating on a term paper potential. As far as a rental, whether it's on Netflix or Red Box, don't waste your time. It's not worth it.
For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1792794/