Machete (2010)

I know everyone's been waiting for me to review this one for a while now, so I won't waste any time with a story about why it took so long or about how much that whole "Netflix has to wait a month for a movie" thing sucks. We'll just cut right to the chase. Also, three other blogs I follow made this one happen: Francisco at The Film Connoisseur (no relation to us, but a great site in it's own right), Mr. Kenner at Movies in the Attic, and our man from Down Under, Sutekh over at Explosive Action. All good reads in my opinion.

Machete has veteran character actor and DTVC favorite Danny Trejo as a Federale that has been set up by baddie drug lord Torrez, played by the film's one DTVC Hall of Famer Steven Seagal. He survives and escapes to a small Texas border town, hiding out as a day laborer. Jeff Fahey suspects his dissimulation, and hires him to assassinate Robert De Niro, a Texas politician whose raison d'etre is an abhorrent xenophobia bent on expelling Mexican immigrants from the state, to the point that he's joined Don Johnson and his good ol' boy gang of evil hunters who kill people trying to sneak over the border. That's when all hell breaks loose, because it's a set-up to use Trejo as a patsy to get De Niro re-elected after the assassination attempt, and Trejo realizes that the plot may go deeper, all the way to his old nemesis Torrez. The only people he can rely on are Michelle Rodriguez, a woman who runs The Network, which helps immigrants gain a foothold in the country; Jessica Alba, an immigration enforcement officer; and his brother, Cheech Marin, who is now a priest. Can Trejo defeat these bastards?



Oh, yes he can. This movie is nothing short of pure awesome. Great nonstop action, a perfect mix of blood, humor, and explosions. I know Rodriguez was going for a 70s Grindhouse feel, but he did a great job modernizing it without losing too much of what makes that kind of film great. He also incorporated the political elements he wanted expertly, something a Bill Maher would have been proud of. No, this movie isn't meant for Sean Hannity or Rush Limbaugh, but that's what makes it so kickass: we get to laugh at them with everyone else. This hits all the spots you wanted it to when you saw the commercial, plus some you weren't expecting. There's so much awesome shit crammed into this film, I actually forgot to grab an image of one of my favorite actors, Tom Savini. It really doesn't get much better than this.

Usually we start with the Hall of Famers, but I think we'll wait on that to discuss one Mr. Danny Trejo. How do you not love that? As Kenner put it in his post, he channeled Charles Bronson, and that's not hyperbole. We're so used to seeing him as a character actor, taking on supporting roles, but to see him here in the lead felt so natural-- and that includes him swinging by a man's intestines Bruce Willis Die Hard-style out of a hospital window. He's paid his dues giving Jean-Claude Van Damme foot massages, so it's good to see him get a chance to kick ass like this.



Now to Steven Seagal. While the rest of his action star brethren were appearing in The Expendables, Seagal was in his own ensemble piece, and I think it worked out for the best. I don't know what kind of role he would've had in Stallone's film, but here he got to not only play a baddie, but got to have fun with it too. You may remember that he and Trejo linked up previously in Urban Justice, with Seagal as the main hero, and Trejo as a rival gangster to Eddie Griffin. That's usually the natural order of things, but Machete turns all of that on its ear, and it wouldn't have been possible if Seagal wasn't on board. Really great work, and better than a lot of his poorly-written omnipotent protagonists in some of his DTV films.

We know that one of my main rules about good action films is to avoid political subjects, but this film broke that rule and, in so doing, actually enhanced the end product. The thing is, few DTV productions have the skill or know how to pull this off, so I'd say Machete is more the exception than the rule. The key is that at no point are they preaching. This is very Bill Maher or Jon Stewart style-- only much bloodier and explosive, of course-- where they paint their opponent's viewpoint in such a way that you can't help but laugh at them and see them for how asinine they are. If you're a Tea Bagger and you watch Machete and don't think you're a complete douchebag and ignoramus afterwards, you're actually a bigger douchebag and ignoramus than you thought.



Unlike The Expendables, which had very little in the way of female supporting characters-- very unfortunate that Charisma Carpenter didn't get a bigger part, but I digress-- Machete had two in major heroic roles: Jessica Alba and Michelle Rodriguez. We all know that Jessica Alba is one of the hottest movies stars alive, and there's nothing in here that will make anyone change their mind about that; but Michelle Rodriguez is no slouch either. So often she's depicted as just the tough chick, while the Jessica Albas of the picture are celebrated for being the hotties, but Robert Rodriguez does a great job of splitting the difference, and celebrating Michelle Rodriguez for being both tough and physically attractive. Then, when she has her eye shot out by Don Johnson, she can rock that eye patch, and Robert Rodriguez can make the whole thing sexy-- not just tough.

With all of this positive stuff about the film being said, I did have one issue with it, and that was when Jeff Fahey killed off Cheech Marin after he helped Danny Trejo. This was a bad action movie rule that they broke and couldn't turn into a positive. No matter what, whenever someone is asked by the hero for his or her help, and is killed for doing that, it always makes the hero look less heroic. That was especially true here, where Marin was being crucified while Trejo was lying in bed with Jessica Alba. I've just never understood the concept of that. "Hi, I'm the hero, I need you to help me. I know I'm getting you involved in something you want no part of, but it's okay, believe me. It's better for the film if you die instead of me."



You may remember a long time a go I put up a poll seeing what people thought of me possibly reviewing a Lindsay Lohan film for the DTVC. Well, now we can actually do it. Yep, that's her in the nun costume aiming a pistol at Robert De Niro. There's something symbolic in that, isn't there? This was the role that did for her what that sack of asscrack I Know Who Killed Me was supposed to and failed miserably at. This is the "fuck The Parent Trap, fuck Herbie Fully Loaded" movie she's always wanted, and she fucking killed it. All I can say is, good for her, man, good for her.

This is the movie you wanted, and it's finally available on Netflix. If I had to choose... I'd have to say I couldn't choose between this and The Expendables. They're both good for what they were trying to do, which was actually two very different things. The Expendables was taking the late 80s/early 90s action blockbuster and making it modern, while Machete was taking the 70s Grindhouse feature and making it modern, and both were very successful. 2010 was a great year for action in the theaters.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0985694/