Cop Game (1988)

This is one I'd been meaning to do for a long time, and seeing it recommended to me countless times on Tubi, plus considering I needed to get more Bruno Mattei on the site, I decided to finally take the plunge. In addition to us, Ty and Brett and Comeuppance (whose review was quoted on the Severin Blu-ray) and Simon at Explosive Action have covered this as well.

Cop Game is about a special forces unit in 'Nam that's gone rogue and is killing officers during the last days of the war. Military Police detectives Brent Huff and Max Laurel are called in to find out what's happening, and end up getting a lot more than they bargained for. This either goes all the way to the top, or is somewhere in the middle but is causing issues for the top, but either way, it's not good for anyone. As Huff and Laurel go in deeper they don't know who they can trust, and it doesn't help that the Vietnam War they're living in looks like late '80s Manila. Will they get out alive?

This one was a fun time, but I think it may only qualify as a fun time for people who like these kinds of movies. Like do you get a little thrill if you see Mike Monty or Jim Gaines? Then it's for you. Do you like seeing what name Bruno Mattei will be using instead of his own? Then it's for you. ("Bob Hunter" if you're wondering.) Do you like Brent Huff yelling at people and dressing like he just rolled out of bed? Then it's for you. Once you get past those things, I think the most it has to offer is Mattei not caring how much his movie that's supposed to take place in the closing days of the Vietnam War looks like it took place in 1980s Manila, which adds to the charm when you're watching it in 2026. Also, Tubi has the Severin version, which looks really nice, and while I think there's additional charm in finding an old Japanese VHS with hardcoded subs, my eyesight is getting worse as I get older, so a cleaned up version helps. Maybe not the classic for me that Strike Commando or Robowar is, but how many things are? If you're looking for some Mattei fun to help you forget your troubles for 90 minutes, this will do the trick.

We're now at six movies for Mattei, which is low, but in looking at his IMDb bio, I don't know that we'll get him that much higher, I see maybe four or five other movies of his that we could review. That's okay though, in this case it's quality over quantity, so to speak, because he's made some classics, and while this one isn't quite that for me, it's plenty fun enough. Nines are wild for the three other names people would recognize here, as this is the ninth film for Brent Huff, Mike Monty, and Jim Gaines--who is finally getting tagged on here, not sure why it took so long. Obviously Huff is the star, and while on the surface he looks like he cares as much about his role as Mattei does about anachronisms, as you watch the film you can see him bring it, which is what gets this thing over the goal line and makes it enjoyable. Monty I believe has one blink and you'll miss it scene that's been taken from another movie where he's piloting a helicopter, which isn't much, but enough to get him another tag. And then Gaines is one of a character named Ludge's henchmen (that's his character name, "Ludge's Henchman), who we're going to get into in the next paragraph. It's definitely more than Monty--and was actually newly shot footage!--but still a small part. Either way, we'll take any Gaines we can get.

Back to Ludge, he's in the shot above, holding Huff at gunpoint. He's getting his own paragraph here because his name is Donald Wilson, credited as "Don Wilson." That's right, the same name as DTVC Hall of Famer and one of the greatest to ever do it, Don "The Dragon" Wilson. You may remember a controversy that came up a few years ago where we didn't know how many movies Don "The Dragon" Wilson had been in based on his IMDb bio, and we here had reviewed two films, Siege of Firebase Gloria and Saigon Commandos, that we gave tags to "The Dragon" for, only to discover IMDb took those movies off his bio. That led to a delay in getting that Don Wilson into the 40 Club. I believe Will at Exploding Helicopter had a similar issue, because removing these movies lowered Don "The Dragon's" films with exploding helicopters count. Now we have a face to put with the other Don Wilson, who's now listed on IDMb as "Donald Wilson" to avoid confusion. He's a bit of a Philippines movie mainstay, maybe not at the level of Monty or Gaines, but he's done a good number of films with greats like Mattei and Cirio H. Santiago, so we'll definitely see him again. As far as the confusion goes, this is what happens when we wade in the murky waters of 80s DTV films, combined with relying on the murky waters of a crowdsourced site like IMDb, but we wouldn't have it any other way--actually we would, we'd like to have a reliable way to know exactly how many movies each actor has done! 

As much as I've been extolling the virtues of this film, it had its flaws, and not all of them were endearing like Mattei not caring about making the film look more early 70s or more Saigon. First, in our quest to find more Presidential Portraits, Mattei teases us with all these shots of governmental offices, yet sans Presidential Portraits! How am I supposed to take these governmental offices seriously as governmental offices without a Nixon hanging on the wall? And we need a Nixon, we've never gotten one before! One theory is these movies didn't want to platform Nixon based on how bad he was, which is an interesting one. Like in 15 years will movies have Trump portraits? I mean I guess if we go full fascist like it looks like we're going, it might be required to have his portraits in everything by then. Either way, the search for a Nixon continues, with no help from Mattei. He also didn't help our friend Will with any exploding helicopters, but the same way he teased us with multiple governmental offices, he teased us as well with not only multiple helicopters, but helicopters engaged in firefights! Come on Mattei, you didn't have a stock helicopter explosion you could mix in? (And I selfishly wanted that exploding helicopter so I could get my number on his Letterboxd list up.) The only thing we had was the Manila Chinatown, which we'd seen before in Bloodfist, but here we also had the Friendship Arch, plus the novelty that it was supposed to be in Saigon, so I guess you take your wins when you can get them.

Finally, we get a great theme song in this, one of the best parts of the movie actually, but despite that, I had "Head Games" by Foreigner replaced with "Cop Game" in my head. Growing up in the 80s, I know Foreigner is a big deal, but they haven't had a hit in a long time, and I worry that they'll be a victim, if they haven't been already, of this growing trend of kids saying a huge band or artist from the past is "underrated," just because they've never really heard of them. Again, maybe I'm creating a strawman here because I haven't seen anywhere that anyone has said Foreigner is underrated, but they're the kind of act that would be labeled as such by the kids. The worst offender was one my wife told about where a kid said George Michael was underrated. No, he was rated, and a quick check on Wikipedia would tell you that. "Regarded as a pop culture icon, he is one of the best-selling recording artists of all time... [h]e was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2023. The Radio Academy named him the most played artist on British radio during the period 1984–2004." That's literally in the first paragraph about him, he was never "underrated." For any of you kids reading this, if you have a notion to say "Foreigner is underrated," I also suggest looking them up on Wikipedia, where, again, in the first paragraph, it says: "Foreigner is one of the best-selling bands of all time, with worldwide sales exceeding 80 million records, including 38 million in the US."

And with that, it's probably best that we wrapped this up. If you're into physical media, Severin has a Blu-ray that's on sale as of this writing--and again quotes Ty and Brett's review on the cover. If you want to give it a test run first, the Severin transfer is on Tubi, which maybe doesn't have the charm of hard-coded Japanese subs, but it looks nice. Either way, this is a fun time and worth checking out.

For more info: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0094909

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Nine Deaths of the Ninja (1985)

Last month Chris from Bulletproof Action asked if I'd like to be a part of the Sho Kosugi collaboration post he was putting together for Mr. Kosugi's birthday, and of course I was in; but I realized in looking at the films he wanted us to rank, I hadn't seen this one yet. A major oversight on my part, but now that I have I figured I'd review it myself. In addition to us and Chris at Bulletproof, this has also been covered by the guys at Comeuppance, Kenner at Movies in the Attic, Mitch at the Video Vacuum, and Karl at Fist of the B-List. You can see how late to the party I am.

Nine Deaths of the Ninja has our hero Mr. Kosugi, as Spike Shinobi who, along with Brent Huff and Emilia Crow, are part of an elite anti-terrorist team. When a be-wheel-chaired former Nazi (Blackie Dammett) enlists a gang of women commandos led by a woman named Honey Hump (Regina Richardson) to hijack a tour group in the Philippines, former tennis pro Vijay Amritraj calls our team in as quickly as possible to take them down. But it's a race against time, as the baddie has a lot of hostages--including Kosugi's real-life kids, Shane and Kane--and he isn't afraid to kill them.

This is the fun ninja action that I'm looking for from something like this. Sure, we could've used more actual "ninja action," but between how much bonkers stuff is going on, and the solid 80s action quotient, it does what I need. Where do I start? Maybe the opening credits where Kosugi is demonstrating his martial arts techniques while scantily clad women are doing an interpretive dance routine around him. Or when the baddies first hijack the tour bus, and later that evening one of the grunts attempts to rape the tour guide, so a young Kane Kosugi runs up behind him and sets his blue undies ablaze, sending the guy running down the aisle while sparks appear to be shooting out of his buttocks through the underwear. Also, that tour guide's character name is listed as "tour guide." You've got Huff and Kosugi doing some kind of undercover work that doesn't always make sense, but somehow it gets them to where the baddies are. And then the head baddie himself, Blackie Dammett's Nazi in a wheelchair with a monkey in a diaper as a companion, only to be outdone by Regina Richardson as Honey Hump. So we have this fun ridiculousness, but at the same time, we have some great action sequences, like Kosugi undercover as an elderly gentleman doing some Old Man Fu while Huff is trying to hook up with a young lady that works for Amritraj; or the end scenes, which were fantastic. This is just a fun time all around.

We're at 8 Kosugi films on the site, but looking at his bio, there isn't much else after this. He did an 80s set in the 50s teen sex romp called Aloha Summer that's on YouTube that we could do, but that's about it. And I don't know that it matters. Sure, we'd love to have more Kosugi, but these 80s ninja actioners are so great in themselves that they have an outsized influence on the entire DTV action world beyond what another DTV star with only that many credits would've had. And while this may not quite touch the heights of his best ones, it delivers what you want, and in some ways because it's so much fun compared to some of his darker ones--I'm looking at you Pray for Death--it has a bit of an edge on those for me. His last film was 2009's Ninja Assassin, so if this is it for him, we really only have those 80s ninja films as his legacy, but what a legacy it is. Whenever I see one of those engagement-farm-y "name an actor who had a better run than..." posts on Twitter, I think for me I'd take the Pepsi Challenge with Kosugi's 80s ninja stuff against anyone else.

One interesting twist in this was Emilia Crow's character (credited as Emilia Lesniak). While Kosugi and Huff were more out in the field, she was the computer whiz, communications expert, and the person with all the intel that helps us with background on characters through plot exposition. Usually that part is reserved for a geekier looking guy, but I thought she did really well with it. There was also a sense that she had some sexual tension with both Huff and Kosugi, like we couldn't tell if she was jealous Huff was going on a date with the other woman, or if she didn't care because she wanted to hook up with Kosugi, or if she didn't care because she didn't want to hook up with either of them. Had this been an 80s TV show, they could've played on those interactions much more. What a cool idea for an 80s TV show, these three traveling the globe, taking out terrorists and other assorted baddies, with some Diane-and-Sam-style will-they-or-won't-they screwball comedy notes. It's kind of a reverse Three Kinds of Heat, but also a major missed opportunity.

Among the other names, this is Kane Kosugi's 8th film on the site, same as his father. When we think of someone paying their dues to get into the biz, Kosugi has to be up there, because he was playing hostages and kidnap victims quite a bit when he was younger. His collaborations with Kaos will probably get his tag count above his father's, especially with Kaos having something in post-production that also has DTVC Hall of Famer Peter Weller in it. This is also 8 films for Brent Huff--I found out as I was posting this that I forgot to tag him for 1997's The Bad Pack--which I also don't even remember reviewing! This was only a few years before Strike Commando 2, and while he spent much of the 80s and 90s in the DTV world, he's carved out a nice career for himself in modern TV, which is good to see. Then we had former tennis pro Vijay Amritraj, who from 1983 to 1986 did Octopussy, this, and Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home. Talk about your three-picture run, it doesn't get much better than that. Finally Blackie Dammett, who plays the main baddie, has been on here one other time, in the Wings Hauser-Sybil Danning thriller LA Bounty, which is easily one of the greatest films we've reviewed on site.

Finally, with only the one paragraph left, I wanted to mention Lisa Friedman as Tour Guide. According to IMDb, she only did two other films, the 1980 Woody Allen film Stardust Memories, where she played "Fan in the Lobby;" and the 1981 car race thriller King of the Mountain, where she played "Spandex Girl." "Tour Guide" is definitely a step up from those two, but considering what the role entailed, I feel like she deserved better--like maybe a name? She starts out just being a tour guide, as her name suggests, but when the bus is taken hostage, later in the evening there's the assault, where this gross guy puts tape over her mouth while she's sleeping, then drags her to the back of the bus to have his way with her, only to fortunately have Kane Kosugi save the day. Later that same baddie decides he's going to have his way with her again, so he takes her behind some rocks, where fortunately our heroes step in this time to save her. It's definitely great that she was saved both times--we've seen darker versions of movies like these think it's necessary to go all the way--but just the fact that she was put through the ringer like that tells me she deserves better than just "Tour Guide" for her character name. Here's to you Lisa Friedman, you were a trooper.

And with that let's wrap this up. You can get this on YouTube or Plex here in the States. YouTube might actually be better because the version isn't bad, and Plex is horrible with commercials. This is a fun, lighter Kosugi film, which I appreciated. It's also a bit on the bonkers side, which may work in its favor. Also don't forget to check out the Ranked Kosugi list on Bulletproof Action! It was a lot of fun, and I was glad I was able to contribute.

For more info: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0089689

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Bad Bizness aka More Mercy (2003)

This is a film I'd been looking to do for a long time, as I'm trying to get as many Albert Pyun films reviewed on the site as I can. Finally it made its way to Tubi, under the alternate title More Mercy, so I was on it. In addition to us, our friend Mitch at the Video Vacuum has covered this, so you can go to his site to see what he thought as well.

Bad Bizness stars Traci Bingham as a hotel detective at a resort in Bali where women are being murdered. Call women, women of the night, moonlighting models, Bingham's not sure what the connection is, but there is a connection. Her boss, Norbert Weisser, would just as soon sweep this under the rug, as would his boss, Master P, so they give Bingham and her partner, Brent Huff, a shot at finding out who did it before they have to call in the Bali police and the whole thing goes sideways. In order to find out who this killer is, Bingham needs to delve into the seedy world of female surf magazines and the photographer/madam who runs them. All fingers point to a sleezy ponytailed rich guy with a soul patch as the killer, but something tells us the viewer that's just too easy...

When I first started the site, I called this The Direct to Video Connoisseur as this tongue-in-cheek concept evoking an image of an Alistair Cooke-type watching Dolph Lundgren action flicks while wearing a robe and ascot or something. After watching this film though, I began to feel like I was becoming a real connoisseur of sorts. Seeking out a movie simply because Albert Pyun started it and Jim Wynorski finished it, it's like discovering a movie Scorsese started and Spielberg finished; or Kurosawa started and Bergman finished. And ultimately that's the value this movie has now, almost 20 years later. The movie itself doesn't have a lot of mystery, but it seems like there's a lot of mystery surrounding the production: when did Pyun stop and Wynorski take over? Why did Pyun stop in the first place, was he fired or did he quit? A Fred Olen Ray film, Final Examination (which I haven't seen yet) was filmed in the same location around the same time, shares a lot of the same cast, and also has Pyun as a producer. Is there a connection? Was Pyun supposed to film that too? Information online is scant, so it would be interesting to learn more if we can.

Beyond all of that, this thing is pretty low budget, and doesn't always make a lot of sense beyond the love scenes. There's a strip club, but it's in a theater where you might see a play, so the woman dances on the stage, and the men sit in the audience. The changing room for said strip club is a restaurant bathroom. Master P literally phones in all of his scenes from a Las Vegas hotel room, in a role that would have made Eric Roberts and Bruce Willis proud. And speaking of hotels, the one that this one takes place in looks suspiciously like it's in Hawaii instead of Bali. But at the same time, there are elements that make this a bit more fun 20 years later. Julie K. Smith is a great addition as a lesbian woman whose partner is killed by the serial killer. Traci Bingham is exactly the kind of strong female lead, especially a woman of color, Pyun would center his movie around; but she's also the kind of strong female lead Wynorski would want in one of his soft core boob fests, and I like that he teases us with that side without ever fully giving it to us, as Bingham remains fully-clothed and doesn't have a full love scene--and why does she need to, when we've got Julie K. Smith to do the honors. Even the fact that a sleazy guy with a ponytail and a soul patch plays on our 90s sensibilities of what bad is so much that we have to think he's the killer helps to make this a fun ride. But I think you also have to be a certain kind of viewer to have fun with it like that, as this isn't for everyone.

While Albert Pyun is now listed as having 44 tags, he only has 43 films, because we did Mean Guns a second time (at his request). We don't have many left to do at this point. I was finally able to track down Raven Hawk online, and then Cool Air and Left for Dead are available to rent; plus we have the aforementioned Final Examination that he produced. There are two others that he released in the 2010s, The Interrogation of Cheryl Cooper and Interstellar Civil War. I can't find a way to watch the latter, but it looks like through Pyun's site I can rent the other one. That still would put him just shy of the 50 Club, but even without that, he's by far the most tagged director on the site. There are definitely directors like Wynorski and Ray who have the output available to catch him, but I'd have to be doing this site for years more for anyone to get near 40 movies like him--I think Ray has the second most of a director with 15, so that means he's almost 30 behind Pyun. That gives us a sense of just how big Pyun has been for the DTVC, a legacy that will never be surpassed.

Jim Wynorski is one, on the other hand, who we haven't seen as much on the DTVC, but hopefully that'll change soon. He's credited in this film under the name Bob E. Brown, which could be a reference to the R & B singer and member of New Edition; the hair metal video vixen (my favorite of which is Hurricane's "I'm Onto You"); or even the former American League baseball president. I think part of the reason why Pyun has so many tags, and someone like Wynorski so few, is Pyun worked with a lot of big names, and the names tend to make movies move up in my review queue, so he got a bit of a head start because his films overlapped more with how the site evolved in the late 2000s-early 2010s. Now that we've exhausted most of Pyun's filmography, where Wynorski may have room to get more films in, we have directors like Jesse V. Johnson and Isaac Florentine eating up some of that space. When I look at Wynorski's filmography, it's really just the names that make the difference, because otherwise he has a lot of movies that belong here--and one feather he has in his cap that Pyun doesn't: he's worked with Dolph.

As far as I can tell, we haven't played the Pyun Mainstay game since 2013, so I figured we'd bring it back and give some shine to one of the most mainstay-iest of mainstays, Norbert Weisser. This is his 18th film on the DTVC, only one of which, Android, wasn't a Pyun film. That's the most of any Pyun mainstay, and while we have someone like a Thom Mathews who's had 10 films on the site and all of them were Pyun flicks (remember, Mean Guns was reviewed twice, so that's why he has 10 instead of 11), 17 out of 18 is pretty prodigious. I wonder what he thought when Pyun was no longer directing. Maybe it didn't matter, since most of his scenes were shot in this chair right here. 

And with that, let's wrap this up. You can currently find this in the States on Tubi under the name More Mercy. It really is for Pyun and/or Wynorski completists, and late-night cable cinema from the late 90s/early 2000s connoisseurs. If you start it and you're like "what am I watching?", you're probably safe to turn it off. But if you start it and you're like "why do I watch stuff like this?", you're probably best to stop questioning it and settle in for the next 90s minutes or so.

For more info: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0373163

And if you haven't yet, check out my new novel, A Girl and a Gun, at Amazon in paperback or Kindle!

 

 

 

Strike Commando 2 (1988)

This is the second of two Strike Commando films sent to me by our buddy from Down Under over at Explosive Action, so we thank him again for that. I watched it the first time with a friend while we were house sitting over a year ago, so that just shows you what my To Watch list looks like when something like this can be lost in the shuffle for so long.

Strike Commando 2 I guess picks up sometime after part 1, only now instead of Reb Brown, we have Brent Huff as our hero, Michael Ransom. His old major, Vic Jenkins (played by none other than Richard Harris--yes, that Richard Harris!) is kidnapped, and Ransom has to pay a ransom of $9 million in diamonds. Along the way, he picks up sexy spitfire Rosanna, and both the action and the sexual tension heats up as the two brave the wild Filipino--err Vietnamese--jungle and try to bring Richard Harris back safe and sound.

This is a great time. No, it's not the total classic Strike Commando is, but it's very serviceable for a Bruno Mattei under the name Vincent Dawn Vietnamese actioner shot in the Philippines. Brent Huff works, even though he's not Reb Brown, the Richard Harris factor never ceases to be puzzling and fantastic--seriously, what the hell was he doing in this?--and the silly Romantic Comedy element between Huff and Mary Stavin (Rosanna) is equal parts something to laugh at and something that's actually charming. Then there's all the stuff you want from this, like the rip-off plot--lots of Indiana Jones especially--the inappropriate music, which sounded like something you'd hear in a kids' movie fantasy romp scene where something magical and wondrous is happening, mainstays like Vic Diaz, and then all the stuntmen craziness and explosions you can cram into 90 minutes--Mattei even went the "ninja" route, simply using it as a ploy to double up on stuntmen by obscuring their faces so we can't see that they were just shot two scenes ago.

I'm serious, Richard Harris is in this. What was he doing? A friend told me a story about how his grandfather, back in the 50s, was drinking with some of his buddies, and one of them got really drunk. Long story short, his grandfather was rich, and he and his friends sent the guy on a plane to Havana, his grandfather footing the bill. I have to imagine that's what happened here, Harris was on a bender, and some of his rich actor friends sent him to Manila. Once he sobered up, he was probably like "fuck it, I might as well make some cash," or maybe Mattei offered to pay his ticket back. I mean, did he really take this gig on his own accord? Did the same agent who booked him Harry Potter book him Strike Commando 2?

If, in a sequel, you're going to take the lead star a step down, I think Brent Huff is a sold step down from Reb Brown. Maybe not Ted Prior good, but good enough. I had a lot of fun with him here at least. The best was when he'd yell at Mary Stavin when the two were in Romantic Comedy mode, because he was trying to sound exasperated, but it came off more like he had Tourette's syndrome or was hard of hearing or something. There was also an element of the tongue-in-cheek here as well, as if he were really playing the action lead to the hilt, which was great too.

I think it's a movie like this that makes me wonder where the art of the B-action film is going, because it's hard to find something this fun being made anymore. So many are just these overproduced, MTV-style edited, with a bad soundtrack and an even worse plot that dominates the movie more than some quality, fun action. Mattei has it figured out: throw some famous movie plots into a meat grinder, hire a bunch of local extras, and blow shit up. And the thing is, it really works. DTV movie houses need to go back to their roots and stop thinking they can put lipstick on a pig, when their audience doesn't want them to to do that.

The Romantic Comedy element led to an interesting dynamic as far as the lead female role in this movie went. It wasn't as simple as boy meets girl, boy likes girl, girl gets kidnapped, boy rescues her. Both were pretty much equals, and Mattei pits the two against each other as if they were in their tenth year of marriage. Even the scene here, where Mary finds herself bound and gagged in the back of a truck that Huff is driving--long story short, the work of ninjas--it's not played as a damsel in distress, but more like Mattei telling us "sometimes I'd like to do this to my wife when she's giving me a hard time! But in the end, I still love her." I'd like to see to some degree we in the States get to that level of interplay between male and female in our B-movies, but I think it takes someone with a European sensibility to make that happen.

The version of this that I received was a DVD burn off a Japanese VHS rip, which is probably roughly how you'd have to track this down. For our readers in the States, there is the bonus that we both use the same format; and in getting a Japanese VHS shipped to you, there's less worry about breakage, because they make their tapes much sturdier than we make ours (this sounds like the Japanese vs. American car debate from the past 30 years, huh?). Anyway, I wouldn't spend too much unless you're a heavy duty collector, but if you are, this is one worthy of your collection.

Note: Severin Films now has a Blu-ray of this.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098398/

Looking for more action? Check out my short action novel, Bainbridge, and all my other novels, over at my author's page! Click on the image below, go to https://www.matthewpoirierauthor.com/

Hitman's Run (1999)

I saw this one on Netflix Watch Instantly, and with the cast it had, figured it would be a good one for the week of Eric Roberts's birthday. This is also a great time to bring up the blog Eric Roberts - His Movies, which is a site dedicated to looking at Eric Roberts flicks, from the popular to the rare. Check it out.

Hitman's Run has Roberts as a mob hitman who lets an old friend go that he was supposed to kill, which gets him into hot water with the mob, so he goes into witness protection. Two years later though, some kid hacks into the FBI database and gets the names of everyone in witness protection, and wants to exchange the disc for info on his dad. The mob takes it, and targets Roberts's family. Now he has to get the disc himself, and take out the mobsters.



This had some flaws, major and minor, which proved to be its ultimate downfall. It started with a chase scene that went on way too long, especially with nothing happening in it. There's only so many shots of cars skidding through sharp turns and close-ups of guys gritting their teeth while doing the wax-on wax-off steering technique that I need to see. Of course, the only thing worse than one bad chase is two, which is what we got here. Then they introduced the annoying quirky sidekick, complete with bad jokes and obnoxious behavior. I've never gotten that move, but it happens so often, and has felled many a mightier flick. Finally, and this was the biggest one, when you've got someone like Eric Roberts in the heroic lead, someone who is usually a great baddie, he has to be a really likable character. A mob hitman who rats on his employers instead of facing them? I mean, really, who should we be rooting for, Roberts, or Robert Miano? All of this could've been saved by some solid action, but that didn't exactly happen either-- a lot of shootouts that seemed mailed in. It's kind of disappointing when you consider this was directed by Mark L. Lester, the man who helmed Commando and Showdown in Little Tokyo. I guess you can't be good all the time.

This should in no way be looked at as an indictment of Eric Roberts, because he was still as good as could be expected with what he was given. I think we said the same thing about him in Border Blues. It wasn't his fault that the basic premise of his character was so blah. What he should've been was an undercover cop who makes a huge bust and goes into witness protection. Make him genuinely likable. I get that they wanted some kind of redemptive aspect, but it didn't work, and as a result, took the film down with it.



Yep, that's C. Thomas Howell. He plays an FBI agent, and though I think his character was supposed to have survived an attack by the mob through the use of a bulletproof vest, after the attack, we never see him again, so I guess he dies. I really liked his FBI agent character though, so the lack of him in the movie was another missed opportunity. He had this like ADD quality that made the character very dynamic-- literally.

And there's Brent Huff. He's in the film even less than Howell. I figured I'd give him a mention, because I know there are some readers who are familiar with his work, especially in Filipino low-budget imports. He's actually still doing a lot of work, including an appearance on Mad Men. Good for you Brent Huff, get after it. I know this won't be the last we see of you on here.



Finally, I wanted to discuss the casting decision for the part of Robert Miano's son, because it was totally sautéed in wrong sauce. Seriously, was David Charvet unavailable? No Bryan Austin Green? The guy looked so ridiculous when he tried the whole mean mugging routine and the whole tough gangster face. That's a part that needs someone who works in it, otherwise we can't take his ability to threaten anyone seriously-- and it's his ability to threaten upon which the film hinges. I mean what, Ed Cavanaugh was busy?

This is available on Hulu and Netflix Watch Instantly as of this posting. I'm not so sure it matters. Look at the cover (which is what I should've done!). If that sells you, maybe you'll like this; but if you're like "wow, Roberts looks kinda like a tool there, I bet this movie sucks", then you should trust your gut and stay away.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0174741/

Bad Pack (1997)

We'd been looking to get some more Rowdy Roddy Piper up here, so when I found The Bad Pack, I figured why not. It also sports Ralph Moeller, Robert Davi, Marshall Teague, Sven-Ole Thorsen, Larry B. Scott (Revenge of the Nerds and Snake Eater II), and Brent Huff ( Strike Commando 2, and he also directed). Ensemble cast, Seven Samurai or Magnificent Seven remake, can't go wrong, right?

The Bad Pack is about a town in Texas near the Mexican border that is terrorized by a militia group run by the evil Marshall Teague (he might not be overtly saying he used to fuck guys like you in prison, but he's certainly thinking it.) A couple townspeople get bold and go looking in LA for a mercenary. They find Robert Davi, who's less than impressed, until Larry B. Scott, a CDM (Can Do Man-- though he often calls himself a "CDM Man", which I guess would make him a "Can Do Man Man") lets him know that there is tons of money at Teague's compound. So Davi rounds up his friends-- four of them-- who with Davi, Scott make a six-man army ready to hand that militia it's ass. Then they find Brent Huff on the side of the road, and that rounds out their seven.



I kind of liked this movie. Sure, it had some shortcomings, first and foremost among them, Vernon Wells is only in like 1 and 1/2 scenes (more on that later). It also was somewhat light on the action, but what action it had, it was pretty fun. Also, Davi, Piper, and pretty much everyone else did a great job. This really is DTV made for DTV fans. You get the great one-liners, the great explosions, the great baddie that you really want to root against, and the great heroes you want to root for. This one worked for me.

This is only post number 13 for Mr. Piper. Looking over his DTV oeuvre, there aren't many DTV films left that are really appropriate for this site. He doesn't have a huge role in this, and he plays a driver with a bum leg, so no body slams or sleeper holds. You're certainly not watching The Bad Pack expecting Tough and Deadly. You're probably wondering why, if his DTV output is so scant, he's a DTVC Hall of Famer? Most of ten or so DTV films where he's a main star are really great. Plus, he did They Live. Plus, he he's Rowdy Roddy Piper. Inaugural Hall of Famer, and well deserving of it.



Many of you know my taste in movies spans many genres and styles, and that includes a enormous love of Akira Kurosawa's films. We've seen some remakes of his other works in the past, in particular, Omega Doom and Desert Heat remaking Yojimbo. The plot of Seven Samurai also lends itself to remakes, and though this might be better classified as a remake of a remake, Magnificent Seven, the idea is roughly the same. I think this one did a pretty good job with the source material, which is probably why I enjoyed it so much.

You might be wondering about Robert Davi as the main hero. In the first diner scene, when he takes out a bunch of armed robbers, it doesn't look as great as it should. But Davi sells everything else, playing the stoic old warrior to the hilt, then really bringing it in his final fight with Teague, delivering one of the all-time best gun to the back of the head disarmament scenes. One issue I had, though, was in an earlier scene, he plays blackjack with Teague, and with twenty showing, he hits, drawing an ace. Later, when he kills Teague, he calls him a bad card player. In actuality, it was Davi who was the poor card player, because he hit on twenty.



Man, we got robbed on Vernon Wells. Only one scene, and he looks like John Goodman with a mullet. Seriously? What happened to Bennett? Why isn't anyone telling him to let off some steam? And am I the only one who noticed that he has an Australian accent? Why waste that? Sven-Ole Thorsen isn't supposed to have lines, and you gave him more lines and scenes than Wells. Bad move Brent Huff. Bad move.

I'm thinking VHS is the only route on this bad boy, depending on where you're living, though Amazon has a few DVD versions floating around on their website. If you find it, and don't have to spend a lot on it, it's a pretty fun time, and I'd say worth it.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0147868/

Scorpio One (1997)

I was looking for more Jeff Speakman, and found this in a Robert Carradine double feature on Netflix. I already made my joke about what a Robert Carradine double feature is in the last post, but really, I was wondering what kind of Speakman output I'd be in for. We'd been working our way up to Speakman in a starring role in the previous the posts of his, so hopefully, this was the big one.

Scorpio One is about a space station that is the victim of a terrorist attack. On board is a 3 1/2 floppy with the formula for cold fusion on it. The CIA sends a group of Rangers up there, on a NASA spaceship, led by Speakman. Naturally, the shuttle crew is a little put off by this, but when they find out there's a saboteur on board, they find Speakman is their only hope. At the same time, on Earth, a congressman that heads a committee on NASA is in cahoots with a corporation that is infiltrating NASA and hoping to steal the cold fusion plans. It's a mess, and only Speakman can untangle it.



This wasn't bad. It had some good action in parts, and we got to see Speakman flex his martial arts skills. On the other hand, there's only so much that can be done in space to make it awesome. I'm still kind of of the opinion that this, when paired with Firestorm, make for a pretty good bad movie double feature... if you're looking for a bad movie double feature.

This is definitely an upgrade from the previous three Speakman entries, but we're still not all the way there. He's in it more, but we only get great fight scenes at the beginning and at the end. I'm going for Running Red next, and I think that will be the one. Cross your fingers.



I liked Robert Carradine in this movie better than Firestorm. Here, he got to be more off-beat and witty, which is more his style. I tried to find the the cop movie he did that I saw a while back, but I got nowhere scanning imdb. I'm sure I'll figure it out eventually, if it matters.



The NASA pilot was played by Steve Kanaly. He's one of those smooth, close-cropped, salt and pepper haired cats that always looks good drinking a cup of coffee, especially when shot from his profile. These guys show up everywhere, from DTV films, to TV crime dramas, to Lifetime Pictures Originals. They tend to be neutral in tone, so you never know if you can trust them, which adds to their over all allure. The addition of Steve Kanaly in this film gave it a little more depth than the average slow-moving bad action flick.

This is definitely not a movie to go to if you want your Speakman fix. His being in it is more of a cute addition than anything else. Carradine's the same. Together with Firestorm, this works as a bad double feature, so if you've got your buddies together and they want to make fun of something, there's plenty to work with between these two.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120080/



I missed X-Men Origins: Wolverine when it was in the theater, so I got it this week on Netflix. I didn't really know what to think of it. It didn't work for me. I was a huge comic guy back in the early 90s, and Deadpool and Gambit were two of my favorites, so I was excited to see this. Deadpool was a mess, because he was really different from his comic book self. Instead of being a human assassin with cancer who was given Wolverine's healing power to survive, he was a mix of 10 mutants, Wolverine and Cyclops included. Yes, that means he shot laser beams out of his eyes. Gambit wasn't bad, but he wasn't in it much. There were some other issues. Wolverine was Sabretooth's brother, not son, and they were born in the Northwest Territory of Canada before it existed in 1840. Then they inexplicably travel to the US and fight in all our wars. And for some reason they aged to middle adulthood and stopped. Why? Then there were a lot of action sequences that went nowhere, complete with a "Cool guys never look at explosions" scene.

I was never a big Wolverine fan, but that's not really the problem. I read some reviews from some of my more prestigious colleagues, like Roger Ebert and AO Scott. I agreed with them for calling this lame, but I also see where their not knowing comics means they don't get all of it. Ebert wanted to know where Wolverine got his powers, when we all know mutants get them at birth. That being said, his not knowing comics means the Deadpool character isn't a disappointment, he's just crap. It sucked for fans of the comics, and it sucked for people who didn't read them. I guess in the end, all we're left with is a sub-par big budget action film.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0458525/

Hot Boyz (1999)

This film has some first grade talent: Busey, C. Thomas Howell, Snoop, Jeff Speakman, Master P, and Clifton Powell. I figured it couldn't go wrong. The only thing that could derail it would be if it ignored that great talent and focused on someone else, like Silkk The Shocker. They wouldn't do that, would they?

They did. Hot Boyz is about Silkk as a dude in LA whose girlfriend is wrongly accused of killing a cop. Gary Busey and C. Thomas Howell are corrupt cops that want to catch the other corrupt cop that really killed the cop, not Silkk's girl. Anyway, they want him to go undercover and get evidence, but as he does, his girl is killed in jail by that bad cop. Silkk goes over the deep end, and he and the boys he grew up with start their own gang and kill hundreds of people. Then the net finally drops, but for some reason Silkk, after killing hundreds of people, is let out of jail on a technicality.



What? Where do I start? First, I understand Master P wanted to use this film to showcase Silkk the Shocker so he could make more money off him, but when he surrounded him with the talent he did, it left us wondering why they were all playing second fiddle. Snoop Dogg as an underling in Silkk the Shocker's gang? Not a chance. And Master P himself has a great scene where he's being interrogated-- but it's his only scene, and it just left me wanting more. Why weren't Master P and Snoop Dogg just kicking ass and taking names in some kind of new age Fred Williamson-type flick?

The plot was ridiculous. First, killing off the girl was a bad move. Then having him start a gang when he was unbelievable in that role was dumb. Finally, having an epilogue where Silkk gets out of jail leaves the story with a "huh?" kind of bad after taste. Baller Blockin' this definitely wasn't. They knew better than to kill off the girl, they made the cops sufficiently corrupt, and the overall level of charm was higher.



This was all right as far as Busey went. He's first billed, which is slightly misleading. Silkk was supposed to be the star. Obviously I think Busey should be in any movie as much as possible, no matter what it is. I absolutely loved Slumdog Millionaire and The Wrestler, but each would've been that much better with Gary Busey in them. Speaking of which, why doesn't Busey have an Oscar? He should've gotten best supporting actor in 1991 for Point Break over Jack Palance, but that's neither here nor there...

There isn't much C. Thomas Howell. He plays a detective that works under Busey. With the momentum from The Da Vinci Treasure, I was hoping to build on it with another great performance-- and he was good-- but there just wasn't enough here to work with. Like Master P and Snoop Dogg, they all did well, I just wished they could've been in it more. Silkk the Shocker should've been the one with the limited role.



Because this and Baller Blockin' were both made by competing New Orleans rap outfits, I thought it necessary to compare the two in an earlier paragraph. One thing the two have in common is Anthony Johnson, the guy who plays the crackhead in Friday. The only thing is on imdb he's not listed in the credits of Baller Blockin', so you won't find it on his bio. As with everything else in Baller Blockin' they use this comedic actor much better than Hot Boyz did. The crazy cop was funny, while the stuttering, jealous member of the gang didn't work for me. One of his best attributes is his fast speech, so making him a stutterer ruins that.

This movie was sauteed in wrong sauce right from the start, from conception to production. Every good move they made was coupled and trebled by myriad bad moves. I just don't get people who make movies sometimes. Avoid this, and watch Baller Blockin' and then Point Break again instead.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0191191/

Dead Tides (1997)

My buddy bought this on VHS when he found out it had DTVC Hall of Famers Rowdy Roddy Piper and Miles O'Keefe in it. He brought it over one night before we were headed to Boston, and the whole next day this film was all we could talk about. It's that good.

Dead Tides has not only those two DTV legends, but also Tawny Kitaen and Trevor Goddard. Tawny is the chick from the Whitesnake video who danced on the cars, and Trevor Goddard is the guy who played Kano in Mortal Kombat with Lambert. If you include his work in Men of War with Dolph Lundgren, he's had the distinction of working with four DTVC Hall of Famers. Not too shabby.

 
The movie's about Piper, a yacht sailor, who's recruited by Kitaen for her drug dealer boyfriend to smuggle drugs into the country. Goddard is the Coast Guard guy who's sleeping with Piper's ex-wife. Miles plays the ATF guy who wants Piper's help in taking down the drug dealer. You've probably seen the rest of the movie in other drug dealer/double cross films, so I don't need to tell you what happens. Who cares anyway with that kind of stellar cast?

One of my favorite parts was early in the movie, when Goddard trashes Piper's boat and throws him in the water. Another great one is when he takes down the drug dealer's henchmen one at a time after the dealer screws up his execution of Piper. It's just good to see him in the movie.

It lacks a bit of Miles, and that's disheartening. Of course, in Marked Man we get plenty of Piper and Miles, so maybe I'm just being greedy... yeah, I'm just being greedy. What I'd really like is an off-beat cop drama with Piper and Miles as partners, only they dress like Rowdy the wrestler and Ator. A guy can dream, right?

I think you know where I'm going with this. Buy it, rent it, do whatever you can to see this. On the open market, you should be able to buy this used on VHS for no more than $5. I don't know if it's on DVD, but as far as I know it ain't. Either way, it's a solid deal. Just remember who you're getting: Miles, Rowdy, and even Kano. As Billy Ocean would say "Simply... awesome."

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0161485/

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