Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! (2015)

We kick off our first annual Shark Week celebration with the third installment in The Asylum's Sharknado series. Though these are technically TV movies due to the deal The Asylum has with SyFy to release them, to me they've always been DTV in spirit, and the kind of film the site was made for, so worth us checking them out. In addition to us, our friend Fred the Wolf at Full Moon Reviews has covered this, so you can go to his site to see what he thought of it.

Sharknado 3 picks up where part 2 left off. In the aftermath of the last Sharknado, Ian Ziering is hailed as a hero and is honored in a ceremony at the White House with the Golden Chainsaw. As luck would have it, another Sharknado is building off the East Coast just in time to attack the White House and ruin the ceremony. This storm is headed to Florida, where his family is vacationing, so he needs to shoot down there and save them. In the process, he and his team discover that this is bigger than the other ones, perhaps becoming a Sharkicane! The only person who can help now is Ziering's estranged father, played by the Hoff.

The natural go to here is to say the franchise is jumping the shark, but I have a feeling that's exactly what The Asylum and everyone involved with making this want us to say when we see this, so I'm not taking the bait. (Though I guess I already did just by writing what I wrote...) When I looked it up, this one didn't do as well as part 2 did when it aired, so we could already see the wave cresting and the enthusiasm waning, yet they still did three more. It makes sense, because, with a $2.4 million budget, if over 2 million people watched it, those are a lot of eyes seeing advertisements, which necessitates at least a 4th to see how much further they can take it. And the next thing you know we've got six. For The Asylum as newly inducted members into the 30 Club--and the only non-Hall of Famer to be in--these Sharknadoes represent their biggest successes, and while there are others, like Android Cop, that I prefer, it's still nice to see The Asylum reach these heights, coming from where they did when we started this blog, covering films like Snakes on a Train and Transmorphers. In that sense, I feel like it's worth celebrating their success overall, no matter how one feels about whether or not by part 3 they've jumped the shark--but I get it too if you don't have that soft spot in your heart and you're thinking "enough already" by part 3.

Still the most fascinating aspect of this for me is Ian Ziering. Loved Steve Sanders on 90210, despite the fact that I think I was supposed to like Dylan or Brandon more. There are still shades of Steve Sanders in Ziering's Fin here, which makes it that much more fun to watch--not to mention the added touch of the car he's driving in this having the same license plates that his Corvette on the show had. Seeing him do well in this franchise post-90210 is as good a reason as any for me to root for this series to succeed, it's just hard with the rinse-repeat nature of it to keep the novelty going. But, as you can imagine, I'll still be back here at some point for number 4, and will still be reminiscing about 90210.

We did have a Hall of Famer in our midst, 30 Club member Lorenzo Lamas has a short cameo--so short, he didn't even have a still frame of just his head in the shot for me to get a good screen. True to our rule though, except for the time we couldn't find Don "The Dragon" Wilson in Siege of Firebase Gloria, we always get the Hall of Famer's shot in the review, so here was the best I could do. If you follow Lamas on Instagram, you'll see that he's looking to become a pilot, so this cameo role was made for him. I also like that he played a character named Sergeant Rock, both in reference to the great comic book of the past, but also to Lamas's role as Chilly D (short for "Chilliam Davis" I believe) in the film Body Rock. For a short cameo, this was a fun one.

We can now add Mark Cuban to the list of names who have played the President of the United States in a film we've reviewed here on the site, joining Roy Scheider, Rutger Hauer, Vivica A. Fox, Mel Novak, Charlie Sheen, and Jerry Springer. I know of him mostly as the owner of the Mavericks, but recently he's receded a bit from being the more outspoken and controversial owner he was when he first bought the team. In 2011 his Mavericks won the NBA Championship, the biggest irony of that being, before 2011 he was the guy fans most loved to see fail; but in 2011 LeBron went to the Miami Heat to form a super team, which made them the schadenfreude darlings of the league, so by the time the Mavericks made the Finals against the Heat, sentiment had done a 180 and everyone was rooting for Cuban and his Mavs, and I don't think he ever lost that luster fully after. All of that made his appearance as the President here much more fun.

That was probably more basketball talk than anyone would have wanted, but when a film intentionally jumps the shark like this one did, sometimes you run out of things to discuss. The thing is, when I compare this to some other DTV franchises we've looked at on the site, is it really any worse? By Bloodfist VIII they had devolved into just actioners featuring Don "The Dragon" as a guy taking on the world--and not even the same guy in each film either! The Kickboxers featured Sasha Mitchell in 2-4, with two and four directed by Albert Pyun, and then 5 had Marc Dacascos. By the time you hit that fifth one, we have a baddie from Space Mutiny forming his own kickboxing league, and killing anyone who doesn't join. And with the Bloodsports, by Bloodsport 4 we had Daniel Bernhardt fighting in a Dark Kumite run by Benjamin Franklin. I think the big difference between those and the Sharknado franchise, is those other ones played it straight, where as these ones they're in on the joke. I get it, how can you play a tornado of sharks straight? It just means the shelf life may not be as long.

And with that, I think this is a good time to wrap this one up. Right now you can stream it, and the rest of the Sharknado films on Prime. I don't know if they're binge-worthy, but consumed as one-offs, they can be a fun time. As you can imagine, we'll be back here at some point in the future to cover part 4.

For more info: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt3899796

Sharknado 2: The Second One (2014)

For our 25th DTVC Podcast, and our last one of 2014, Jamie and I decided to do Sharknado 2. Jamie had already seen it, but I hadn't, and its inclusion on Instant came at a perfect time for this last podcast before our two-week holiday hiatus. Among the many other blogs that have reviewed this film, we have ones from friends of the DTVC Fred the Ex-Ninja, TarsTarkas.net, and previous podcast guest Fred the Wolf at Full Moon Reviews, so check those out as well.

Sharknado 2: The Second One is an Asylum joint where Ian Ziering reprises his role from Sharknado, this time consolidating his empire as head of a Sharknado mob family. Meanwhile, the story of Ziering's father from the old county, played by Robert De Niro, is told simultaneously, and we learn how he first started fighting Sharknados from a young age. Okay, none of that happened, it was just a cameo-fest that was set in New York City with CGI sharks getting carved up all over the place.

As is often the case with Jamie and me, we agreed on this one: great first 45 minutes, blah second 45 minutes. Somehow the fun and campiness of that first 45 gives way to useless backstory and padding and less Sharknadoing. Among the egregious mistakes, some unresolved love story between Ziering and Vivica A. Fox that was useless and unnecessary. Not to mention, they try to use a slingshot to shoot homemade bombs into the Sharknado like Ziering did in the first one, and it takes 3 tries to figure out they need another plan. What? Two fewer tries with more Sharknadoing was what we needed. Also, while some of the celebrity cameos were great, by that 45-minute mark we'd reached our saturation point with them. Among the things I loved though: Ziering was great again; the use of the Today Show was fantastic, also Stephanie Abrams and the Weather Channel; and I loved some of the landmarks like the Mets stadium and the Staten Island Ferry. I watched the first 45 minutes of this film with my wife, and then she wasn't able to watch the second half. I think she may have played it perfectly.

Let's start with Ian Ziering as Fin, because it really is his film. While he definitely had fun with it, the whole backstory and building his history thing was a waste. All it did was pad the film. If they needed backstory with him, maybe play up the Steve Sanders thing. We never had any 90210 jokes, at least not any I can remember as I write this review. There was a reference to Ziering and Mark McGrath (who played his old buddy and brother in-law) being troublemakers in school. Why not have fun with that? "Fin, remember how you got that bottle of champagne for prom and our friend Donna got drunk and almost couldn't go to graduation?" "I do man, that was bad." "Yeah, only you fixed it by organizing that protest and convincing the school board to change their minds and let her graduate." [Sugar Ray puts hand on Fin's shoulder] "You know how to fix things when they're wrong Fin, you always have. Now we need you to fix this Sharknado thing."

This is the film of a thousand cameos, and if I put them all in here that's all the review would be, so I just included a few. As I mentioned above, I really liked the Today Show thing. They also did The Weather Channel and Stephanie Abrams, and Live with Kelly and Michael. What would've been great is if they did Hardball with Chris Matthews or something like that, and had a Democrat and Republican argue who was responsible for the Sharknado: Global Warming or Obama? I think if you need to pad the film, goofiness like that works over bad backstory every time. Among the others I liked: Judd Hirsch as the taxi driver, and Robert Hays as the plane captain.

Jamie and I discussed what we thought were the best sequels when we looked at the film for the podcast. In my mind it's The Godfather II, with maybe House Party 2 a close second. We also talked about best sequel names, and we agreed that Electric Boogaloo is far and away the top, with everyone else coming in a distant second. I think where this movie failed the Asylum, is that it rushed it out there, and maybe didn't proofread that second script enough. I think they also probably got a bump from the premier on SyFy with the Twitterati watching it well-sauced by that 45-minute mark (which is more like the hour mark on TV with the commercials), so they weren't going to pick up on the second-half short comings. I know Jamie talked about that, how she read all these great Twitter comments the night before, then watched it the next day and couldn't understand where that came from. We'll see what happens in part 3, maybe they'll get back after it. Jamie and I noted though that very few franchises get better with the third film, Nightmare on Elm Street 3 being one of the few exceptions. 

Finally, if you'll allow me, I need to exorcise some demons here. Let me take you back to 1986, a seven-year-old Direct to Video Connoisseur, excitedly following his Boston Red Sox as they made an impossible comeback in the ALCS against the California Angels, then getting all the way to Game 6 and 3 outs away from winning the World Series against the Mets. Then the wheels came off, culminating in the ball going through Buckner's legs. Even now, almost 30 years, three Sox World Series Titles, and the Mets playing in a new stadium in abject mediocrity later, I still had trouble when I saw the Mets. When I took Jen to the Fenway Park tour in November of 2013, I was able to exorcise some of those demons by looking at the display the Red Sox had up for it, but I needed Sharknado 2 to show me that I was truly over it. Thank you Asylum, I really appreciate it.

Like the ninth inning in Game 6, this review has truly gone off the rails, so let's wrap it up before the ball goes through Buckner's legs again. The best way to do this is with a good amount of booze, so that you're well-inebriated by the time the film loses steam at the 45-minute mark. The first 45 are a lot of fun, but the second 45 not-so-much. You can always check out the pod by subscribing on your favorite podcatchers, or checking out the links on the sidebar.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3062074/

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Sharknado (2013)

When this first aired on SyFy and generated all that buzz on Twitter, you knew it was only a matter of time before I reviewed it, and the wait was really for me to finally get it on DVD.  That's the thing with The Asylum blowing up on SyFy, we at the DTVC have to wait for them to finally make it onto DVD now, whereas before we got first crack at them.  That's okay though, we're notorious for being late to the party anyway, but hopefully when we finally get there we add something to the festivities.  Speaking of friends who have already been here, we have Fred Dixon, the Ex-Ninja, Fred the Wolf at Full Moon Reviews, and Tars Tarkas.NET, so you can go and check out what they thought of this too.

Sharknado has the great Ian Ziering as Fin, a retired famous surfer who runs a beach side bar.  When a massive storm destroys it and threatens the rest of LA, he knows he needs to get to his ex wife and daughter in Beverly Hills to safety.  The ex wife is played by none other than Tara Reid.  In true Asylum style, this ain't no ordinary storm, as tons of sharks are washing up in the flood waters and tearing people apart.  But that's only the beginning, as tornadoes are popping up from the flood waters too, and it looks like they might be picking the sharks up with them.  Will Ziering and crew all make it out alive?



This movie is a lot of fun.  I should warn you that the actual Sharknado doesn't appear until near the end, so on some levels it's a Sharknado bait-and-switch, but everything else is The Asylum doing what The Asylum does right.  It's a good mix of cheese, send-ups of older films in the genre, homages to other greats, and some pretty sweet satire.  I love the references to Bad Taste and The Shining, which you can find on your own as you watch it.  There are probably some others you've seen too that I missed.  Ziering is great in the lead, and the supporting cast around him is great too.  Reid isn't in it as much, but I enjoyed her role as the mom of two teen kids in Beverly Hills, and she and Ziering were good together.  I also loved how The Asylum has reached a great balance between schlock silliness, and quality work, whether it's the special effects, or the high level of some of the humor.  The Ferris wheel rolling down the boardwalk looked great; and the scene where the waitress at Ziering's bar, played by Cassie Scerbo, relates how she got the shark bite scars on her leg is hilarious.  If you're like me and you've seen a ton of these, you might wonder what the fuss was about, because it's not better than some of The Asylum's best work; but it was a great moment for them to get some shine like that, and the movie is plenty of fun to boot.

It's amazing how far The Asylum has come in the six-plus years we've been doing the DTVC.  This is the 27th film of theirs we've reviewed, and what's happened is that we've gone from most being misses with the occasional hit, to now almost all being hits with very few misses.  We've also seen them score more and better acting talent, plus they have this contract with SyFy so that their DTV movies are often TV movies with a bigger audience.  I can't help but note too though the many times the Sharknado destroyed classic Hollywood landmarks, like the Hollywood sign or the outside of Mann's Chinese where the actor's hand prints are.  Is there a veiled message for us about how they feel about big Hollywood?  Either way, it's been fun to watch The Asylum's transformation, and I can't wait to see what they have for us next.



My man, Ian Ziering, aka Steve Sanders from 90210.  This is big for him, he's finally cast as Brandon Walsh, and he nails it.  Actually, it's more accurate to say that his character is a mix between Dylan McKay and Brandon Walsh, but either way, Ziering is no longer the supporting character, and it was nice to see him pull it off.  It's possible that because he was Steve Sanders for so long, not the Brandon or Dylan, that he could play this role that The Asylum had for him, which was a combination of the classic hero and a send-up of the classic hero, and play it so seamlessly.  He's both in on the joke and playing it straight at the same time, and without both, I think the film wouldn't have been as enjoyable.  As someone who loved him in 90210, it's great to see him top billed and do well at it.

We've done our share of shark attack films in our time at the DTVC, and I think this one is up there as one of the best.  Maybe not Cruel Jaws or Shark Attack 3, which I hold up as the standard, but I'd slot it in right below that.  One thing about this is that there are tons of sharks here, and they start killing immediately.  It's like a mix between the old insect swarm film of the 50s and the modern shark film, which is a unique take on it, but The Asylum makes it work.  And there all kinds of different ones, so it's like those Shark Attack fruit snacks we used to have in the 80s and 90s that I used to love getting for my lunch, I could be like "oh, there's a hammerhead!"  Man, those were so good, weren't they?



Look at who that is.  It's Cousin Oliver!  I know, can you believe it?  There has to be someone at The Asylum who loves The Brady Bunch, because we also saw Greg Brady, aka Barry Williams, in Bigfoot.  If you don't know his real name, it's Robbie Rist, and he only has a small role as a bus driver with a bus full of kids that Ziering rescues.  Then we had Tara Reid as Ziering's ex-wife.  She wasn't in this quite as much as the buzz made it sound, but I liked the idea of her as the Beverly Hills mom.  I think she'd be great in a role like that in a CW teen drama, like maybe with Ziering as her husband.  What a cool show that would be.  John Heard has a small role as a bar patron at Ziering's establishment, kind of just dirty old man humor, but he's good at it.  Baywatch alum Jaason Simmons plays Ziering's bud.  He'd be great in that capacity if the show I'm proposing with Reid and Ziering were a sitcom instead.  Finally, I mentioned Cassie Scerbo above.  She's like the next Jennifer Esposito, which I think wouldn't be a bad career for her-- in fact considering how young she's starting out, she may ultimately do Esposito better than Esposito.

Okay, let's wrap this up.  I don't know if this still airs on SyFy, but I'm sure it does.  If you don't want to wait, you can rent it on DVD at all the usual suspects.  The buzz is more for people who don't usually watch films like this, but considering you're here, it means this kind of thing is probably old hat for you, and if that's the case, then this is just a fun way to kill 90 minutes, which I think is all you're really asking for from The Asylum anyway.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2724064/

Savate (1995)

Back in grad school, about three years ago, one of my buddies and I were having a conversation about bad movies and TV shows we liked. I talked about Highlander, and he told me how he annoyed his roommates with Walker: Texas Ranger. While we were supposed to be doing research on the PoliSci department computers, he was showing me the entry for this movie on imdb. It looked simply amazing, and I had heard of it. He and his friends loved it, it was like their Showdown in Little Tokyo.

Savate has French action star Olivier Gruner as a dude traveling through antebellum Texas looking for revenge. He runs into Ian Ziering and his hot sister-- the heroine from Warlock III-- and he learns how they're being squeezed by the drill sergeant from Full Metal Jacket into selling their land or paying a hefty tax. One way he can save them is to sign up for some fight tournament in the town. Just so happens the guy he wants revenge against, Marc Singer aka The Beastmaster, has been called into town by the drill sergeant to deal with him, so he can have his cake and eat it too.



I can totally see why someone would latch onto this gem. Gruner is great as a low-rent Van Damme. I'm not saying he is one now: he was great in Soft Target aka Crooked; but he delivers his lines like a young Van Damme did. He actually does poor man's Van Damme better than Bernhardt does. This also has your run-of-the-mill paint-by-numbers script that hits all its spots, which makes for great heckling. And the sheer volume of cameos and recognizables makes this a can't miss.

On the other hand, this is really bad, and if you can't see the charm in its badness, you could be in for a snoozefest. The fight scenes are not always the best choreographed, the bad Southern accents get difficult to listen to after a while, and the predictability, though good to mock, is still a tad hard on the soul. If you're going to tackle this, make sure you have some like-minded friends around.



This is the second Gruner film we've covered, and I must say I should be trying to get some more. He's a pretty solid action star. His imdb bio doesn't read like a potential hall of famer, but he could slot himself in on that Jerry Trimble/Evan Lurie level of guys we love. His final fight with Marc Singer wasn't too bad, especially when he stabbed Singer in the eye-- man's game, Gruner. Let's see how his next movie does.

I always got a kick out of 90210 when I was younger, and I still do. I'm just kind of a prime-time drama kinda cat. Don't ask me why, it's not something I can defend legitimately, and I'm plenty willing to be raked over the coals for it. Along with greats like "Donna Martin Graduates!" and "This is Dylan, you know the drill. Beep", I was always a huge fan of Steve Sanders. For me, he was always too ridiculous not to love. Now I'm questioning the validity of that opinion. Ian Ziering was pretty annoying in this movie. I do think that that was part of his character, but if that was so, then I was pretty stoked when his character was killed off, because I'd had enough of him. I'm afraid to go back to SOAPNet and watch the 90210 reruns, because if Ian Ziering annoys me as Steve Sanders, everything I thought I knew would be wrong.



Marc Singer in the house. The frickin' Beastmaster. Gotta love it. 61 years young. And I'm bitchin' about turning 30 in 22 days. Incidentally, he has a movie coming out the day before my big 3-0 called Dragonquest. It also stars Brian Thompson. You know I'll get to that as soon Netflix lets me. Rock on Marc Singer. And what about his cameos on The Beastmaster syndicated TV show? That show was the last bastion of great syndicated action. You just can't get crap like that at 2 AM on a Saturday night after getting a decent snap on anymore. If it was on DVD I'd buy it just for those occasions.

This is definitely worth it. I watched it on my Netflix player for my TV, so if you have Netflix, it's available to watch instantly. The problem is I'm not sure I'd call this a "kill some time on your computer" movie, as opposed to an "attack it with the support of your friends" kind of movie, so unless you have a way to watch your Netflix movies on your TV, you better get it on DVD or VHS.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0111080/