Fast and Fierce: Death Race (2020)

Back in October The Asylum was inducted into the DTVC Hall of Fame, and I meant to do a post then to commemorate that. Unfortunately I ran into some issues and went on a mini-hiatus, and then had to go back and catch up on those Hall of Fame posts I didn't get a chance to do. On top of that, I needed to find a film I wanted to review of theirs for the occasion. There's a ton out there, but when I saw this was available on Showtime On Demand, I figured it was the right choice, especially after DMX's tragic passing recently. 

Fast and Fierce: Death Race is about a former professional racer named Jack Tyson (Michael DeVorzon) whose brother Nelson (Nelson Tyson?) (Jack Person) is in deep to a crime lord (DMX). His only way out of the debt? Jack needs to race in DMX's underground Mexico to LA competition and win. As always though, things aren't that simple. First, DMX's ex (Paulina Nguyen) has stolen two flash drives that have all the evidence of his criminal operation, and she's jumped into Jack's car; and second, the Mexican cartels have taken DMX, and his crew needs to rescue him. How will Jack maneuver his way out of this one?

 

Where do I go with this? It's not the Asylum's worst, but not their best either. I like DMX better here than Beyond the Law, but we still lose him for a good chunk of the middle of the movie. Michael DeVorzon was a solid enough lead, which helps, especially with DMX MIA. The problem is the problem most Asylum films have: they try to bang it out on the cheap, and often that means you get what you pay for. First off, Jack is only racing against two other people. What kind of race is that that only has two other cars? I grew up on Wacky Races, we need more than three contestants, but if you're doing it on the cheap, that's all you can afford. From there, when DMX goes MIA, he's replaced by his hench-person, played by Veronika Issa, who's good, but she's not DMX good. Part of me wonders why they even did that, because it's not like they couldn't have just shot a bunch of scenes of DMX reacting to things and looped them throughout the movie, especially since she was doing everything from one location too. Finally, with the short runtime (which I love!), they needed to make up for the areas where the plot dragged at points, so the end was one of those put on some eye protection as the loose ends fly together kind of deals. Just the same, it had its fun moments, and I think it gave us the Asylum mockumentary we were looking for.

In true Asylum fashion, you could say they forced us to put them in the Hall of Fame, because they were the only entity on the site--actor, director, studio, etc.--with 30 tags or more that wasn't in the Hall of Fame. I had two Sharknados in the can, parts 4 and 5, that I could have used for this post, but I decided against it, because when I did 3 during my Shark Week last summer, barely anyone read it. As much fun as Sharknado was, The Asylum couldn't get enough blood out of that stone, to the point people were sick of it. I think one could make a similar case for these Mockbusters, but when they have people like DMX in them, it's hard to say no; plus, Android Cop with Michael Jai White was one that I really liked. I think when these Mockbusters work, they're a lot of fun; and when they don't, there's almost a sense that The Asylum got one over on us, and I tell myself I won't be duped again, until I am. Here's to you Asylum, if anyone earned a spot in the Hall of Fame, it's you.

 

When I reviewed The Patriot, I included a comment on DMX after his passing, but when I saw that this Asylum film with him in it was available, I had to take the opportunity to give him a further spotlight. When you think of it, the same way Michael Jai White should have been RoboCop in the reboot as opposed to being in the Mockbuster, DMX should have been in the actual Fast and Furious movies too. Seeing him in this is a reminder of that, he would have been at home in scenes with Vin Diesel, Jason Statham, and the Rock. He was truly larger than life, and I think that comes across in this, to the point that when he's not onscreen, there's a void felt that lead Michael DeVorzon couldn't quite fill. The other thing was how this film and Beyond the Law felt like a pivot in his career, and had he not passed, I think he could have put up a Hall of Fame DTV career of his own. Really one of the all-time greats, and someone who will be missed.

It's easy to crush The Asylum and their Mockbusters, but over time in watching a lot of them, I've grown to appreciate the earnestness with which a lot of the casts in their films approach their roles. I don't know what the mindset is when an actor is told by their agent that they're up for a part in Fast and Fierce: Death Race instead of Fast and Furious 9, but to not mail it in is statement in and of itself. For example, Nate Walker plays Mick, the heel. I think you really have to be a professional to not only take a role in a movie like this, but agree to be a character that's so unlikable. Or Paulina Nguyen and Becca Buckalew's parts, they could just be any female leads that look good in leather pants, which for this film would have been enough, but instead they, and a lot of the other actors in the cast, look at this as more of an opportunity to show what they can do. Maybe one day they'll all make it--whatever "making it" looks like to them--and while they're on a press junket for that "made it" project, they can have fun with the guy from Access Hollywood as they talk about that Asylum film they did.

 

Finally, when The Asylum first started making movies, they had what they called a "temporal refund disclaimer," saying that anyone who complains that they want the time back that they lost in watching an Asylum movie unfortunately is out of luck. In my mind, I thought that ended the whole "that's 90 minutes I'll never get back" commentary on The Asylum's movies, but when I browsed the IMDb user reviews, there they were, people giving one star and requesting temporal refunds. As someone who's done 30+ of these--and will probably do another 30 more before I'm done--I can safely say you're not getting that time back, so the best thing you can do is create a blog and try to make something creative out of it. Blogger and WordPress are free, and I'm happy to give any advice if you shoot me an email. Make lemonade out of lemons, that's what I always say--or in my case, lemon water, which is fine too.

And with that, let's wrap this up. As of this writing, this is available on Showtime On Demand and Hoopla, so if you don't have Showtime as part of your cable package, in the US Hoopla is the way to go, because I think this is more of a free stream than it is something worth renting. Hopefully it'll join all of its Asylum siblings on Tubi soon too. Also, congratulations to The Asylum for their spot in the Hall of Fame. Next stop for you is the 40 Club and beyond--and we have plenty of Mockbusters out there to keep that tag count rising.

For more info: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt11765324

And if you haven't yet, check out my novel, Chad in Accounting, in paperback or on Kindle!

Beyond the Law (2019)

This one appeared on my radar when it was first released on VOD, and I was just biding my time until it was included in one of the subscription packages I already have. First it became available on Hoopla, which is where I think I watched it for this, but it is also available on Showtime On Demand, which we also subscribe to through our cable package--either way, not a bad deal. In addition to us, Todd Gaines at Bulletproof Action reviewed this, so you can go there to see what he thought. Now, without any further ado.

Beyond the Law is not the early 90s Charlie Sheen action-thriller, but rather a 2019 suspense yarn with some action in it featuring Johnny Messner as a former crooked cop whose son is murdered and he wants answer. The murderer is played by Zack ward, aka Scut Farkus, who is crime boss Steven Seagal's son. With Messner and Seagal on a collision course to wackiness, we also have DMX as the detective on the take trying to stand in Messner's way. The real problem though is, Seagal, as the baddie, always has it in his contract that he can't be beaten in fight, so how does Messner vanquish a baddie he can't beat?

  

I don't know what to make of this movie. The cover told me all I needed to know, right? The actor with the most screentime is always the one furthest to the back on the tin, so I knew going in this was a Messner movie instead of a Seagal or DMX movie. That then leaves us with the issue that we only have Seagal and DMX in this to splash on the cover and make the movie worth more to the studios--I mean, would I be reviewing this right now if Messner was front and center on the cover with Zack Ward? Maybe not; or maybe I am because maybe the people who made it are getting the word out to people like me so we can sell it for them. I would love to sell a Messner vehicle to people as a Messner vehicle, as opposed to killing it for another lackluster Seagal performance.

That I think is what makes this the worst, this cynical aspect where Seagal needs to be unbeatable, so the film had to come up with a way for him to lose without him losing. Is it worth it that much to get his face on the cover so people like me will review it and say "save your money"? That's what the DTV world has come to though; and while maybe we could say it's always been that, that the only difference now is instead of me seeing Seagal on the cover on the video store racks, I'm seeing Seagal on the cover in a thumbnail on my VOD rental selections, but there's something about this that feels more crass. The reality is we didn't even need Seagal in this, Zack Ward was plenty bad enough as the baddie, Seagal's inclusion just weighed it down; but from the cynical VOD standpoint, it doesn't matter, because Zack Ward standing where Messner is, and Messner standing where Seagal is, and Seagal nowhere in the film, means fewer VOD rentals, so it's better to make the overall film suffer, because the film itself is no longer important once we've already plunked our money down to rent it.

 

All that being said, I want to get into Messner in this. Why is it that every cover he's on has him with this look on his face like he's a teenager whose mom just told him he can't go anywhere until he's cleaned his room? And why do all the roles he's in feature him as this personality-less protagonist, when his IMDb photo has him with a monkey on his shoulder? Why can't he have a film that showcases both his action chops and his personality? Why can't he have a wisecracking buddy cop movie? Pair him with Michael Jai White or Byron Mann, and give us 88 minutes of fight scenes, shoot-outs, and great one-liners. This is another movie where we feel like we're just scratching the surface of Messner, and I think part of the reason for that is the studios are afraid to make the movie I described, and instead need to pair him with people like Seagal and Dolph. The studios need to trust us as a movie audience more. If you make the Messner movie, we will watch it.

DMX, like Seagal, isn't so much as wasted in this, as we're wondering why he's here. Other than a scene where he's at a bar asking for a full bottle of Hennessy, and the bartender doesn't get what he means, and he keeps saying "just give me the bottle," there's nothing particularly DMX about his role. He's really just there to be on the cover to get us to rent it in the hopes that it will be Exit Wounds 2. On the other hand, Zack Ward really delivers as the baddie, kind of the way Tim Abell carries Sniper Special Ops despite Seagal being on the cover, Ward carries Beyond the Law from the other side. Again, it's more of that cynical side where Messner and Ward were all we needed, but the studios don't like a move with just them on the cover, so enter DMX and Seagal, which gets me to review it and other people to watch it. On the other hand, this only has 14 external reviews on IMDb, meaning maybe Seagal is hitting his saturation point with these, and even the lure of a potential Exit Wounds 2 wasn't enough.

 

Finally, this film was directed by James Cullen Bressack, who is know more for his horror films. For me, I remember when he was first starting out, I was on a mailing list he had to get the word out on his early movies. The problem for me was, his films were too extreme for my tastes personally, and I didn't think it was worth it for both me to put myself through them if they made me that personally uncomfortable, and worth it for him to have me review a movie that wasn't made for me. Just the same, I wanted him to be successful, so to see him here directing this movie was really exciting for me as someone who hoped he'd do well. For that reason, I decided to include this shot above instead of a screen of DMX. To me it felt like the shot of a director trying to make the best of a film he was given that was beset with many limitations. It's too easy in the cynical DTV world to focus on the bad and turn up the snark, and miss some of the good that comes out of movies like these, like Messner and Ward's performances, or Bressack as a young director trying to put his stamp on a film that isn't his own.

And on that good note, it's time to wrap this up. I think as part of a streaming services you already have, or on Hoopla for free, this is worth checking out. Beyond that, it feels like we're playing into the forces that turned this movie into what it was, that every rental makes the studio think they're right by having a less-invested Seagal with his script demands or a DMX whose part could have been played by anyone in this just so they could be slapped on the cover; but by the same token, by skipping it altogether, you miss out on Messner, Ward, Bressack, and others who did their best to make this beyond just an enticing cover for a VOD rental.

For more info: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt11161374

Death Toll (2008)

This movie came up when I added Striking Range with Lou Diamond Phillips and Jeff Speakman to my Netflix Watch Instantly queue. It also had the aforementioned Phillips, along with rapper DMX, and Rudy Huxtable from The Cosby Show. Plus, the 80 minute running time was very alluring.

Death Toll takes place in New Orleans and follows the lives of two warring drug lords and the cops, DEA agents, mayors, moms, and nurses who are affected by their actions, and how the actions they take in response only perpetuate the problems, making the killing worse. DMX narrates, LDP is the mayor, and Rudy is the nurse.



This was horrible. The idea was great: a more visceral, street level version of Traffic or Crash, telling the stories of the people who live the struggle everyday in urban New Orleans. I got that. But the execution was just all kinds of bad. The dialogue felt like I was in a creative writing class reading the first draft of a classmate's short story. And the plot was all over the place, with characters underdeveloped here and making no sense over there. I didn't feel like I was watching a movie, I felt like I was watching contestants on a reality show that had to compete in an acting challenge. At one point one of the drug lords says to Rudy that he wants to run away with her, after only knowing her for one five minute conversation where they argued. Instead of being like "What?", she's like "Do you really mean that?" When the credits finally rolled, I said both things: "What? Do you really mean that?" Not only that, the director has the audacity to call himself "Phenomenon." Wow. There are probably 2000 directors with far superior talents than you out there that wouldn't dare call themselves phenomenon. What a moron.

What was Lou Diamond Phillips doing in this movie? Who is his agent? Did he fire him after? Maybe it was sold to him as the real story of the real people living in New Orleans, but he had to know from the script that he was in trouble. I mean, The Big Hit looked intelligent and nuanced compared to this film. And the thing was, LDP showed up. He didn't mail this in, he actually did a great job. You could tell he was the only one in this that had a superior level of acting talent, because he could take the bad script, and turn it into something other than just a dude reciting lines.



Even though Lou Diamond Phillips wasn't in this as much as the cover suggested, it was DMX that we were really stiffed on. The cover makes it seem like he's one of the drug lords. Instead he appears from time to time, essentially as himself, supplying commentary on the drug lords' behavior. A bait and switch if I've ever seen one. That kind of dishonesty makes me question the motives of the people making this. Were they really out to make a picture about the real New Orleans? Did they really have good intentions that went bad in the execution? Or was this a cheaply made cash grab playing on the names of a couple celebrities?

This urban New Orleans crime drama brings us back to a favorite here at the DTVC, Baller Blockin'. Baller Blockin' brought up many of the same issues this film did, and though they did about as good of a job dealing with them, what they did do was give us plenty of great memorable scenes. The Interrogation, the Foot Chase, the Mail Man Killing-- I could go on. Also, when they advertised that their film had Lil' Wayne and Juvenile, they actually had them. What I did like in Death Toll was the corrupt DEA agent. He was doing coke off naked chicks' chests and smoking fools with a high powered sniper rifle. They should've done more with him the way Baller Blockin' did more with the corrupt cop Curly. Maybe the people who made this could've taken a lesson from the Cash Money Millionaires. I can't believe I just said that.



We finally did it here at the DTVC. We got a Cosby Kid. Keshia Knight Pulliam, who played Rudy, is in this movie as a nurse that's in the wrong place at the wrong time and witnesses a murder. She looks fine as all get out. Watching the show, I always thought "Rudy's so young." According to imdb, she was born on April 9th, 1979-- 8 days after me! I guess I never realized how young I was watching the show. She was in the recent Madea movie, which hopefully will get her better roles in the future than this crap movie.

You gotta stay away from this. 80 minutes, DMX, Lou Diamond Phillips-- don't believe it. I just saw Ran the other day, and it's over double that length, and it felt like it was half as long. Next time a moronic director wants to call himself "Phenomenon", he should watch a little Kurosawa and learn what it's like to be a real phenomenon.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0822802/