In the Name of the King 3: The Last Job (2014)

Last November Jamie was in the process of moving, and she needed to take a couple weeks off from the podcast. Because I didn't do a good job booking guests for those two weeks, I decided for one of them to go solo, and I picked this movie because it was the the third of three films, the first two of which I'd already covered, and I figured if Jamie hadn't done the previous two, my doing it solo would obviate her need to.

In the Name of the King 3 is an Uwe Boll joint that doesn't seem to have much to do with the first two, except that like part 2, here we also have a modern day warrior (Dominic Purcell) zapped back into the past. This time he needs to fight for a kingdom that's been usurped by the king's brother after the king dies. Hamlet it certainly isn't, but the question is, will Purcell or won't Purcell save the day.

My bad joke aside, this wasn't the worst thing ever, though it doesn't bring anything remarkable to the table to make it any more than that. Part 1 had tons of stars, as it was big screen flick, and part 2 had Dolph, which almost always works. Dominic Purcell isn't horrible here, but he's that one notch below a Dolph, and a film like this that is otherwise unremarkable needs a Dolph in the lead. It had the classic Boll low-budget schlock, like the CGI dragon, and the medieval villages that are dotted with trails beaten down by automobile tires, and that kind of thing is fun, but overall this just kind of is what it is: something you could kill 90 minutes with or maybe pop on in a bout of insomnia at 2 AM or while procrastinating on a paper.

Let's look at Mr. Boll first. He's gotten quite a reputation, most of it deserved, but this effort felt more like an Albert Pyun situation, where maybe he had a better vision of something better he wanted to do, and whether it was time, budget, casting--or all three--he was left trying to make the best of things. I don't know either if he's setting this one up to do a fourth installment. The thing is, the second film was a solid DTV flick, with Dolph at the helm; this felt more like it was being made for the sake of being made, and with all the projects Boll has going, it doesn't seem right that he'd do something for the sake of doing it. And the visible car tire tracks in medieval Europe doesn't feel like Boll either. My guess, and maybe I'm way off here, is that he was under contract to deliver this, and he just wanted to get it over with. If so, it showed.

Purcell is an interesting casting choice as the lead in a film like this. When I see him I think of a legit baddie, and he seemed to work well as the assassin who did his last job. It's someone like Dolph that does well in the transition to the guy stuck in a time in the past who needs to get back to the future. For Purcell to do this well, he needs more character development and more overall work in the script, and a film of this scope just isn't able to do this. It made his casting seem like an afterthought or like he wasn't the first choice. Where Purcell would have worked better for me was as the assassin who tries to get out of the business and his employers won't let him, and then from there we go into the traditional actioner.

One thing I like about the medieval movie, is it can be done simply, especially now with the advancements in computer technology. Throw in that computer dragon, while everyone else is dressed like they came from the local Ren Fest. "Would you like to sample my wares?" says the leather mug maker, then Purcell beheads him and says in a monotone "not today." Throw in some Dr. Seuss names for mythical objects, and you got yourself a movie. What I don't get is why we need to keep sending people from the current time back there? Just make Purcell either from the medieval time, or set the whole thing in the current.

Finally, I loved this scene here, where Purcell makes himself a coffee in the hotel after he kills his mark at the beginning of the film. The whole hotel thing definitely reminded me of things I hate in hotels though. First off, this coffee maker was much better than any I've seen in a hotel room. Also, as he's going from room to room, we see a TV remote on the dresser near the TV. Ugh! I hate the hotel TV remote! It almost never works, and all it does is steer you to the overpriced movie channel. Then you're pressing the off button and you get nothing. You gotta hit it like five times. I just leave the TV on 24 hours and say the hell with it.

Considering I'm doing a hotel TV remote rant, it's time to wrap this up. While this isn't horrible, it's not very remarkable either. As I said above, this feels like maybe Boll was just doing it to fulfill a contract. As far as my solo podcast, it was much better than the (as of now) unpublished Force of Execution one, but as always, the pods are much better with Jamie joining me on them. You can always out the podcast on the sidebar, with a link to your favorite podcatcher.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2379386/

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House of the Rising Sun (2011)

I guess I was a sucker for the cast in this one, seeing names like DTVC fave Danny Trejo, Amy Smart, and Dominic Purcell. Also, David Bautista looks pretty bad ass on the cover, and I'd love to see him get after it. Of course, we've seen with some recent WWE stars in DTV flicks that this isn't always a good sign. Let's see what happened.

House of the Rising Sun does not take place in New Orleans, but rather Grand Rapids, Michigan, where disgraced former cop Bautista, after doing a nickel in the clink for corruption, is working for a gambling house/brothel. As luck would have it, it's hit for $300,000 on his watch, and his mob boss bosses want him to find it. Now he has to go back to his cop roots and clear his name.



Whoa, what the hell was that? You're telling me you cast David Bautista as a glorified wannabe bad Noir cop? The David Bautista? And not just a Noir, but a bad, boring one, with a predictable plot and absolutely no action or anything else happening. Really? Whose idea was that? You can tell it wasn't the distributors, because they have the bad ass sleeve of tats Bautista looking to tear some shit up on the cover. That's what they're trying to sell us on, but that's nowhere near what we got. But why? Why wouldn't you make the bad ass sleeve of tats version? I'm shocked. When you try to go deep an emotional and plot driven with David Bautista, you know what you end up with? A guy who looks like a juicehead from the Jersey Shore as our lead. All we needed was the busy T and Bautista knocking a guy out with "one punch kid, one punch!" Sautéed in wrong sauce barely scratches the surface of how bad this was. I'm blaming you David DeFalco, because your name was the only one I recognized in the production credits.

I just don't get it. If you come to me and say "write me a movie for David Bautista", I'm thinking former special forces bad ass, owns a biker bar, buddy he used to work with is a senator, and the senator's daughter is kidnapped by bikers. Now they have to call Bautista in out of retirement, and he's kicking ass and taking names. Imagine it: one action scene bigger and better than the next. Explosions, flipping bikes, big brawls, Bautista throwing guys through walls and bar room tables. And if I had a script that looked something like this predictable Noir that I just had to sit through, and someone comes to me and says "hey, guess who we got for the lead? Bautista!", I'd be rewriting with the quickness it so it would look like the pile of awesome I described above.



And that goes for Amy Smart too. Totally wasted here as the one-note window-dressing lead female. Come on now, you could get any producer's mid-life crisis twenty-something girlfriend to play that role. This is Amy Smart, she of the great sense of humor and comedic timing. Imagine her in the movie I described above as a tough biker chick. Maybe throw in an eye patch, lots of leather, and just play it to the hilt. Didn't these people see Crank? Amy Smart has tons of range. I get that you like the name recognition of her over the producer's or financier's mid-life crisis broad, but once you cast Amy Smart, add to the part, give it the depth an actress with her range deserves.

We had a two-part baddie, with Trejo and Purcell, though Purcell was the real bad guy. Again, these two would've been awesome in the Bautista film I proposed. Keep Purcell as the main baddie, maybe work his accent and make him seem dirtier; then take Trejo and make him a respected rival biker gang elder who goes way back with Bautista. How awesome would all of that had been? Instead you get Purcell as a one-note mafioso baddie looking to weasel his way up the ladder, and Trejo looks all out of place as the head mafioso not knowing that Purcell is scamming him. Like Smart, these guys have more range too, let them show it.



I have never been to Michigan before, but it looks like a pretty nice place. We've seen a couple on here that were shot in Detroit-- Game of Death immediately comes to mind--, but this is the first in Grand Rapids. I know the state has been through some tough times, so it's cool that DTV film makers are going to these places to shoot their movies, instead of places like Bulgaria or Romania. Again, I'm putting it out there, I think DTVC Hall of Famer and Michigan native Steven Seagal needs to shoot some movies up there. Dump that faux Louisiana accent for one movie, get into Detroit, or Lansing, or Grand Rapids, or hell, Kalamazoo, Flint, or Sault St. Marie, and make it happen. Maybe you can get Detroit native Iggy Pop to join you.

Okay, you know the drill, total snoozefest, entire cast wasted, not worth your time. If you see this in your local Red Box or Netflix suggests it, run in the other direction. That is, unless you're suffering from insomnia, then it might be a cheaper alternative to sleeping pills.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1788383/