The Direct to Video Connoisseur

I'm a huge fan of action, horror, sci-fi, and comedy, especially of the Direct to Video variety. In this blog I review some of my favorites and not so favorites, and encourage people to comment and add to the discussion. For announcements and updates, don't forget to Follow us on Bluesky and Like our Facebook page. If you're the director, producer, distributor, etc. of a low-budget feature length film and you'd like to send me a copy to review, you can contact me at dtvconnoisseur[at]yahoo.com. I'd love to check out what you got. And check out my newest book, Mark in Sales, over on Amazon.
Showing posts with label Max von Sydow. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Max von Sydow. Show all posts

Friday, March 5, 2010

Judge Dredd (1995)

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It's crazy to think this came out almost 15 years ago. I was never very familiar with the comic, and just found out by looking it up on Wikipedia that it's not a Dark Horse publication like I always thought, but rather an independent UK publication that has been running since 1977, and it was in a comic book entitled 2000 AD, not Judge Dredd. I never really read it, not because I was a Big Publication snob-- I read some Valiant titles like Turok and Magnus: Robot Fighter-- but because I just never saw it around a lot for purchase. When I saw the movie in 1995, there was no Wikipedia to go to get all this info, so I just went in blind.

Judge Dredd takes place in the 22nd century (I think), in a place called Mega City 1, where order is kept through a law enforcement system where patrolling officers are cop, judge, jury, and in some cases executioner, all rolled into one. Sly Stallone plays Judge Dredd, one of the best, who is framed for murder by Rico, played by Armand Assante. Now he must prove his innocence, in a world where guilt is already decided, and mistakes in the system are never considered.

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I'm not going to try and discuss whether or not Judge Dredd was in any way faithful to the comic, because I don't know enough about it to say. As far as the movie went, it represented a place in time, where action was big and violent, but had an element of the cartoonish in it. I don't really know how to place it with a film like, say The Dark Knight. I imagine if it were made today, with our modern movie making technology, and with someone like Vin Diesel cast as Dredd, it would probably be as much of a flop as this one was. The best way to describe it is it was pretty much like every other Sly Stallone action film coming out at that time, which one: isn't what you want when you're adapting a comic book; but two: you can see in Sly's imdb bio that 1995 was that time when the wave crested and his popularity was waning. Had it starred Arnold, which was the original plan, it probably would've fared better, and not been any better a movie.

In trying to draw an analogy, I thought of someone making a Captain America movie in 1995 starring Arnold Schwarzenegger that played out like Commando. I realize that's not a proper analogy, though, because the thought of that sounds awesome, no? This was Demolition Man only not as much fun because we'd seen it before. According to imdb, the director, Danny Cannon, who is himself a Brit, said it was impossible to work with Stallone, and he constantly had to change things to Sly's liking. Now you can kind of see where the movie went bad. The thing too was in 1995, we were tiring of these kinds of films, and though we were tired of Stallone before we were tired of Arnold, as I said above, the wave was still cresting, and the lack of success of this film relative to its budget was a sign of a bigger sea change to come.

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I don't want to come off as bashing Stallone here, because Rambo 2008 was amazing, as was his stuff from the 80s and early 90s. In making the fuss he made, he was doing what he thought was right, because it had worked only two years before with Demolition Man. I'm curious to see what The Expendables is like, just based on how good Rambo 2008 was. I will say, after seeing The Dark Knight, if I had a choice between the cartoonish violence of the 80s and 90s, and the deranged Saw-like violence of something like that, I'll take the 80s and 90s any day. A villain that gives people and was given a Bloody Smile just doesn't appeal to me. Hans Gruber on the other hand is the man.

All of us I'm sure were assigned 1984 at some time during our middle school or high school days-- or both. It's interesting the way we and the Brits look at that book. We just take for granted we have a democracy, coming from that background, and also not having the Nazi threat directly on our shore, and as such, a book like that only influences our thinking so much. That's not such a good thing, though. How often do we forfeit various rights because we're told it's for our own safety. How long did it take for the drinking age to go back up to 21? If you tried to pull that in Europe the people would lose their minds. Now, we've not only submitted to a higher drinking age, but in order to buy beer we have to be even older before we can purchase without showing proof our age with a valid form of ID. Here we were railing against a universal ID system, but on a lot of levels we already have it, because being without our IDs means we aren't granted a number of legal rights we're due by virtue of our age. And all of this is done in the name of our protection, or for our own good.

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I considered omitting this next paragraph because it would mean admitting that I haven't seen Shutter Island yet, ie, I suck as a human being; but I figured it would be good to shame myself into getting around to it. In my defense, I was going to go last Friday, but the movie theater had no power. Anyway, what I'm getting at, if you haven't already guessed, is one of my all time favorite actors, Max von Sydow, is in this. Though it didn't happen, I would've loved a scene where Max played chess against Stallone as Death.

Okay final thoughts. In 1995, this sucked, but now, fifteen years later, it's a fun time, so if you haven't seen it, you may enjoy it. It may have failed as a solid comic book movie, but I'm not sure how much that matters anymore. At the very least, you can still say, in your best Sly Stallone voice: "I am tha' law!"

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0113492/

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Final Inquiry aka L'Inchiesta (2006)

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I guess this thing's been bouncing around Europe for a while before it finally hopped across the pond and made it to our neck of the woods. Does Dolph not understand that he has legions of fans in this country. We think he's awesome too. Why should Europeans have all the fun?

The Final Inquiry takes place right after Christ's crucifixion. A Roman is sent undercover to Jerusalem to investigate the resurrection by the Emperor Tiberius, played by Ingmar Bergman mainstay Max von Sydow. This Tiberius is much nicer than the history books have depicted. Anyway, this Roman has with him a slave warrior, played by Dolph. While he's investigating with Dolph, he meets this hot chick played by Penelope Cruz's sister. The hot chick's a Jew whose father (played by F. Murray Abraham) wants her to marry an old dude, not a Roman undercover agent with a beefy Swedish slave. As he uncovers the truth that Jesus was in fact resurrected and the Jews didn't like him, F. Murray Abraham beats his daughter, Penelope Cruz's sister, to death... sorta. It's convoluted, and we're left with a weird revisionist history ending where the film makers tell us Tiberius would've made Christianity the religion of the empire if Caligula hadn't killed him.

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This is a Christian propaganda film, so it must be taken with a grain of salt. The Jews who aren't down with Christ, like F. Murray Abraham, are depicted as pretty deplorable. There's also an ancient autopsy done, where the Roman agent examines a body that's supposed to Jesus', but's determined to be a fake. This is no Last Temptation of Christ, so if you're looking for something good, you won't find it here. On the other hand, the action's lacking, because the people making this are trying to give us a serious film. This is not the decent Vercingetorix biopic Druids that Lambert did. It just sucks.

Dolph isn't a main character, so his involvement is kind of low. Why, is beyond me. The dude they got to play the Roman was a total waste of space. Who casts Dolph in a movie as the sidekick? I know from the European standpoint Americans are rather capricious and overbearing, which tends to lend itself to more National Treasures than Umberto D.s, but in the case of making Dolph films, I think we Americans do it way better than our Euro counterparts. Try Showdown in Little Tokyo. Yeah, I thought so.

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This film marks the first ever pairing of two Swedish acting giants, Dolph and Max von Sydow. It's amazing it took so long for this to happen, and it's disappointing it was in such a bad film. Also, the Tiberius they had him portray was nothing like the one I learned about in in Roman history class in college. Benevolent, spiritual, someone amicable to the tenets of Christianity-- these are not ways that I would describe him. I don't know who came up with any of this, but it's ridiculous. Read I, Claudius, then come talk to me.

Penelope Cruz's sister, Monica, is the main eyecandy here. The Roman wants some, and he's having trouble getting it due to local mating customs. Because she's a Christian, though, and not a Jew, she rebels against her arranged marriage. This puts her at odds with her father, played by F. Murray Abraham, who you may know as Salieri from Amadeus. He beats her with his cane, and we think she's dead. In fact she's close to dead, but she has like a bunch of hours to live, and she's kind of awake through it. Also, though nearly beaten to death, she doesn't have a mark on her. It's like she's dying of a lingering illness, but the film makers needed someone to blame for it, so they replaced the illness with a beating, but didn't replace the symptoms. Straight up stupid.

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The F. Murray Abraham brings me to a common rant I make amongst my friends. I'm convinced that Finding Forrester is the second worst movie ever made, after Pay it Forward. I watched this film with my friends, and it made me angry. It was racist, in a condescending, elitist kind of way; and I was especially distressed with the end scene, where Connery's supposed to make this inspirational speech, a rebuff to Abraham, but the film makers were so lazy they skipped the speech and went with a montage of him speaking and people being inspired. F. Murray Abraham's appearance in this made me realize that no matter how bad this was, it wasn't as bad as Finding Forrester.

This could actually be a worthy rental. If you have some friends who are history buffs like I do, they'll have a great time ripping this apart. The inclusion of Dolph, von Sydow, and Abraham will make it even more enjoyable. On the other hand, if you're looking for pure, unadulterated Dolph asskicking, this isn't the best bet for you. He does kick some ass, but not enough to make it worth it to sit through this sack of asscrack.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0491720/

Friday, October 26, 2007

Druids aka Vercingetorix (2001)

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I'd heard big things about this movie for a while before I actually watched it. It was supposed to be absolutely hilarious. How could it not be: Lambert in a movie about Druids with hair like that? This one had to be a lock.

Druids is actually called Vercingetorix, and is a bio-pic about the famous leader of Gaul who fought Julius Caesar. Lambert plays the eponymous hero, a great German actor plays Caesar, and Ingmar Bergman mainstay Max von Sydow plays an actual Druid. The movie starts with Lambert as a young boy seeing his father murdered as clansmen looked to consolidate power. He returns later to take the throne of power that was rightfully his. He first leads his men in battle with the Romans, only to learn this isn't the way to do it. He does his best to fight off Caesar, but we learn it's the people under him that make mistakes that lead to his downfall and the eventual Roman victory.

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This actually isn't that bad as a bio-pic. Maybe it's not the most accurate historically, but as a movie it's better than a lot of Lambert's other films. I went into it thinking I was getting a silly medieval tale with witches and magic and whatnot. I'm not sure if the distributors here in the US were afraid of marketing a film about Vercingetorix with Lambert as the lead role, so they overhauled the title and targeted the Dungeons and Dragons demographic, but it was a bad move, and more so, and insult to the intellect of us bad movie watchers. Okay, maybe not so much the second part.

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Lambert's not bad in this. A friend of mine who's a history buff hated his hair, but I'm not so sure that's that big of a deal. He was better in this as the hero of Gaul than he was as a Eurotrash Beowulf. I think the thing to do now would be to cast him as Franklin Pierce in a film about the life of the Doughface fourteenth president. I bet he could pull it off. I'm not saying he's a Southern sympathizer, I'm just saying he'd make a good Franklin Pierce.

The guy who played Julius Caesar was the man. I don't think I've ever seen a better one. His name's Klaus Maria Brandauer. It's rare to find a gem like that when looking for a bad Lambert movie. As far as I can tell from his imdb bio, he mostly works in Germany. I think that's good, because he'd probably be pigeonholed as a bad guy in horrible Nicolas Cage films if he hung out in Hollywood too much. Germans are just too easy to use as evil masterminds.

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Max von Sydow's in this in a few scenes. I was looking through the other films I've reviewed on here, and I believe he may have the most quality resume. His work with Bergman alone speaks for itself. It's amazing that a man who's done The Seventh Seal, The Virgin Spring, and Through a Glass Darkly, just to name three, has also done Judge Dredd and Rush Hour 3. According to imdb, he did a film that hasn't made it to the US yet called Final Inquiry, and it has fellow stellar Swedish actor Dolph Lundgren in it too. Word on the street is it'll be released in the US in February of 2008. The DTVC will keep you posted.

I don't know what to do about recommending this. If you and your friends can make fun of anything, give it a shot. Otherwise, if you're looking for something bad to laugh at, this isn't it. The US or Canadian distributors falsely packaged this not-so-bad bio-pic as a cheesy medieval tale of magic and sorcery. Just remember when you rent it that it's not about Druids, but Vercingetorix, and it's a pretty good movie.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0199481/