Last Flight to Hell aka L'ultimo volo all'inferno (1990)

A friend of mine hooked me up with a copy of this from his VHS.  It looked fantastic, especially with Reb Brown and Chuck Connors, plus it's and AIP flick.  Let's see how it turned out.  Also, our friend Ty at Comeuppance Reviews has hit this one.  It definitely looks like a Ty kind of flick.

Last Flight to Hell has Reb Brown as a DEA agent in the Philippines(?) working to take down drug dealer Mike Monty.  His boss, Chuck Connors wants him brought in alive, but when he's close to catching him, some Chinese drug lord scoops him up and holds him for ransom.  So now poor Reb Brown has to go into the jungle after him, where he meets up with Monty's daughter, who has been sent in to pay the ransom.  Will they get Monty and get out alive?



Maybe my one complaint is that it's light on the Reb Brown screaming, but otherwise this delivers.  Brown is awesome, Chuck Connors is awesome, Mike Monty is awesome-- the whole thing is awesome.  Plenty of action-- they get the chopper explosion out of the way quickly--, plenty of silly low-budget moments, and tons of hallmarks you expect from Italian exploitation flicks shot in the Philippines.  We had exploding huts, we had jungle chases, and myriad local stuntmen shimmying through hails of gunfire.  The best moment comes near the end, when Brown shoots the baddie between the eyes as the guy is driving a truck to him.  The truck veers out of control, into an abandoned shack, causing it to explode, to which Brown says "just like the fourth of July" in the calmest, soberest voice possible.  Not quite as iconic as Strike Commando or Robowar, but still plenty of fun.

This is some great Reb Brown.  I think he's supposed to be more of a maverick type, with his unkempt hair and five o'clock shadow.  It doesn't come off, Brown is too good a guy, but that doesn't make you want to root for him any less.  As I said above, he doesn't really have any great screaming moments, but he has a few near ones that were nice.  The thing is, this script was cobbled together, so just watching his earnest attempt to make the most of it was plenty for me, and I'm sure you'd enjoy it too.  Depending on how big you wanted your Reb Brown film fest to be, this is a potential inclusion.



The Rifleman Chuck Connors is great in this as well.  Growing up my father used to watch The Rifleman, and I watched it with him, so that made it really cool to see him in this and get a film of his on the DTVC.  Also, I'm not entirely sure, but I think he now joins Rick Fox, who was in Resurrection, as the only two former Boston Celtics to have films on here.  Oh wait, that's right, I did Steel with Shaquille O'Neal, and he finished his career with the Celtics too.  Anyway, Connors brings that imposing screen presence to this film, and it works so well with him opposite Brown.  It must've been an honor for Brown to work with him too, and I think, while we want to mock these movies and act like being in them must be the worst things ever, I imagine for someone like Brown, to have moments like that, he must feel very lucky, and I think that's pretty cool.

The great Italian/Philippine exploitation mainstay Mike Monty is in this as the drug dealer Brown is sent to bring in.  He's not in it much after he's kidnapped early on, though he makes up for it near the end.  Still, it was disappointing, because he's so great, and I would've loved to have seen him in it more as a menacing, evil kind of figure.  He has a rather prodigious filmography, but we've only done two others of his to this point: Strike Commando, and then the Miles O'Keeffe flick Phantom Raiders.  Here's to you Mike Monty, you were one of the good ones.



Finally, I wanted to discuss the way this film handled the exploding hut element.  Instead of it being innocent villagers suffering as collateral damage, it's Brown blowing up the huts on the baddie's compound.  I've seen other films go this route before, and I have to say I like it much better.  Why blow up an innocent person's home-- or give the illusion that you are in a film-- when you don't have to?  It's much less problematic this way.

This is a really fun film, but as far as I know used VHS is the only way to go.  Amazon does have it, but it's a little pricey, so maybe for collectors in that case, but if you see it in a bargain bin I wouldn't hesitate to jump on it.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102270/

Blood Games (1990)

This is another in our Netflix Dump 8, and I chose this one for two reasons: one, it has the late great Ross Hagen; and two, it looked like the kind of late-night schlock thriller I remember being on cable TV on the early 90s.  Of course, it could just fall flat and I'll have wasted my time and end up writing a review no one reads about a movie they have no intention ever of seeing.  But still, Ross Hagen.

Blood Games is about a team of barnstorming women baseball players who make money by betting locals in games.  In a small Southern town, the local town boss won't pay Hagen after the ladies win, so Hagen has to get his money by attacking the boss in the bathroom of the town's one bar.  The problem is, one of his daughters and another girl get worried (why would you worry about Ross Hagen taking care of business?) and are assaulted by a couple locals, including the son of the town boss.  Hagen has to save them, and he's fatally stabbed in the process; but as the girls escape, they kill the town boss's son.  Now all the redneck males in the area have been mobilized to stop and kill the girls.  Can they get out of town before they're caught?  And what happens when some of them decide to fight back instead of run.



So this is that early 90s cable schlockfest.  This is like 3AM on TNT pre-New Classics, and if that kind of thing were still as prevalent on cable TV, it's a definite rabbit hole thing that you could find yourself in if you were up that late battling insomnia or procrastinating on a term paper.  I mean, don't get me wrong, it's got bad dialog, and most of the actors and actresses have only this film on their imdb bio, but the tension is real and it drew me in all the way.  It does have some mean-spirited elements, like a woman who is gang raped, then rescued, only to be killed right after.  But I think even as a guy, it's really entertaining to watch a group of women take out a bunch of ignorant rednecks, probably the same way it was entertaining to see Jamie Foxx do it in Django Unchained.

Ross Hagen, as I mentioned above, isn't in this much, which is disappointing, because he's great early on.  When is Hagen not great though?  I imagine the film makers only had enough to pay him for one day of filming, which is why he's not in it as much.  The other name in this is Gregory Scott Cummins, and he plays the town boss's son, meaning he's done early on too, so it's probably the same deal with him.  Ross Hagen passed away in May of 2011, just shy of his 73rd birthday.  Even though I've just scratched the surface of his DTV output-- which was very prodigious-- I loved him in his great biker flicks from the 60s and 70s.  Here's to you Ross Hagen, you were one of the great ones, and you will be missed.



With Wild Girl Waltz and Venom on here recently, we've had a lot of talk about the Bechdel Test, and surprisingly, I don't think this movie passes it, despite how many women are in the film.  I guess in the moments when they're talking about their wounds or a play one made, but really, all of the conversations are centered on the threat posed by the guys.  On a female empowerment level it might work better, because the women refuse to simply be victims.  It's an odd interplay though, because we're still left with the overarching idea that these women wouldn't be in this mess if the two girls had listened to Ross Hagen in the first place, though perhaps the better point is that they were in the mess because they trusted Hagen who brought them to that shady town, and it wasn't until they took agency over their own affairs that they got shit done.  All things to consider in unpacking the film industry's default setting of patriarchy.

Let's get back to that then, this idea of being a barnstorming women's baseball team.  This was an outdated idea for 1990, at least in the form we saw here.  Maybe they could play against independent leagues, but how would you organize something like this otherwise?  Get the town together for a baseball game?  Really?  I could see maybe as a novelty at a local fair.  But that's how movies like this often start, with an unbelievable premise, and it's what happens after that counts, which is where this film made its money.  We can all sympathize with being chased by rednecks in a small Southern town and how scary that would be.



That brings up another greater point about Major League Baseball in America between the time this was made and the time I'm writing this review.  In 1990 MLB was it in the sports world, bigger than anything else.  Now it's the NFL, and even in the summer when MLB technically has no competition, the NFL is tops, for instance with ESPN having more shows dedicated to the NFL than MLB.  So as out of date the idea of a barnstorming women's baseball team would have been in 1990, the idea of centering a movie like this on baseball instead of football or basketball today would be equally out of date.  Maybe a barnstorming women's basketball team playing pick-up games would be the perfect film in 2013.

Now that Netflix has dumped this, used VHS is the only way to go, and it can be pricey, like $20 or $30.  That's why I say this should be for VHS collectors only, and really hardcore ones at that.  It's a perfect "post the covers pics on my Tumblr/showcase it on the shelf" kind of gem.  As an aside, for our Australian readers, including our friend Simon at Explosive Action (who we know is a big VHS collector), imdb says that the Australian title is "Baseball Bimbos in Hillbilly Hell".

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099151/

Return of the Kickfighter aka Mission Terminate (1987)

A friend hooked me up with this from a rip off of a Czech VHS. How sweet is that? Always on the lookout for more Richard Norton and more AIP flicks, I was looking forward to making this bad boy happen. Let's see how it went.

Return of the Kickfighter is something of a 'Namsploitation about a group of soldiers that bury some gold at the end of the war, and 15 years later a Viet Cong soldier who had it initially wants it back, and he plans to get it by killing all the members of that old troop. Initially his work looks like the work of terrorists, so the Army calls in it's best guy, Richard Norton, who, though he may have long hair and a beard, and may have been born in Australia, grew up in the States and is American through and through. Thank God, because they'll need him if they want their gold and they want to get out of this alive.



At least I think that's the plot. I may have missed something. Does it matter? I'm watching this for the exploding huts, and I got those. I'm watching this for the Richard Norton, and I got that too. Also, we had Bruce Le as a guy that had a score to settle with the Viet Cong soldier or something, and he was pretty sweet. This is a tough find, and I'm not so sure you should be going too far out of your way to get it, but if you see it in a bargain bin or on eBay or Amazon for a reasonable price, it might be a good one to to have in your collection.

What's interesting about this, is Richard Norton made a movie called Kick Fighter in 1990 with the same director as this one, so if you see that one kicking around, this movie isn't a sequel to it. Anyway, what can I say about how great Norton is here? He seems to have the attitude that shirts should only be worn if they have some additional utilitarian function. For most of us, that utilitarian function would be to cover our upper body, but for Norton, that would mean covering those too sweet pecs. No can do. For him, it's either no shirt, or a vest that holds ammunition and grenades. Otherwise, that T shirt he wears the rest of the time is too cumbersome for him. He also gets some great fights in and blows up some huts, which is cool too.



Mr. Kenner at Movies in the Attic had mentioned how he wanted me to do more Bruce Le on here, way back when I did Future Hunters over two years ago. I guess that didn't work out so well. He has a bigger part here than he had in that other flick, but it's still only a supporting role, and he even doesn't get to win his one big fight against his main rival, Norton has to come in out of the bullpen and put the fire out. Still, a little Le goes a long way.

Maybe I should've paid more attention in the credits, because I have no idea who this guy below is, but he looks like a poor man's Charles Napier. I mean, had this been made in the States Napier would've been playing this part, it's like it was made for him. As far as poor man's versions go, this guy wasn't bad-- Charles Napier would've been proud.



I could't tell for sure, but it looked like Norton had a rat tail. Remember the rat tail? Those were huge in the 80s. I started one, but then just cut it off. I didn't get haircuts often enough for the rat tail effect to become prominent. I remember some kids in school had some enormous ones though. Then, in the early 90s, when I was in 8th grade, our science teacher sported one. We were all like "dude, those went out almost 10 years ago, what are you doing?"

I couldn't find this on Amazon or eBay. In a way that's too bad, because this is a lot of fun; but it's not like it's one that you can't live without. I'd say just keep your eye out. I imagine my readers in Europe will have an easier time, especially if there's a Czech version floating around. No matter what, though, VHS is what you'll find it on.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093549/

Deep Space (1988)

When I heard that the great Charles Napier passed away, a bunch of potential movies for a tribute post popped into my head, but none of them felt quite right, because they featured Napier in his usual supporting role. That just wouldn't cut it here. Then I thought of Deep Space, which also just happened to be on Watch Instantly. Now this will do.

Deep Space is a Fred Olen Ray directed piece that actually has nothing to do with deep space. The US government has engineered a killing monster and keeps it incubated in a satellite orbiting above the earth, the idea being they send the satellite down to wreak havoc on a country that might threaten democracy, freedom, and money. Something goes wrong though, and the thing crash lands in SoCal, prompting a meddling teen and his girlfriend to investigate, and wake the thing up. When police detective Napier is sent out to investigate, things don't add up, so he pursues it, along with his buddy (Ron Glass from Barney Miller fame), and against police chief Bo Svenson's wishes. The question is, can even the great Charles Napier kill the ultimate killing machine?



This movie would've been perfect had the end scenes not been so dark that I could barely make them out. Otherwise, everything else was great. Maybe my screen was too dark, but I doubt it. Anyway, this was pretty solid Fred Olen Ray fare, schlock horror, sci-fi, and action all mixed into one for a fun time; but the thing takes on another level with Napier as the lead. As great as he is as a supporting character, he's that much better when it's his show. He also carried a lot of the down times that would've torpedoed this with a lesser actor. Overall, I think you'll enjoy this, and maybe you'll have more luck with the ending being dark than I did.

If we needed to do an In Memoriam post for Charles Napier, this is one the best ones to choose. We see him in a kilt playing the bagpipes, we see him in an apron cooking steaks, we even see him in bed after a long night of drinking answering the phone with a pair of panties draped around it. And that's not even getting to how much ass he kicks. In one scene he's chasing one of the monster's spawn into this woman's house, and she's cowering in the corner afraid of it. He says to her "Let me borrow your bat and I'll go after it." Not "give me your bat" or "give me the goddamn bat lady!", but in a calm, polite manner "let me borrow your bat." Then, when the thing attacks her, he gets her to push it into the air, so he can bat it through the window. If you're a Napier fan and haven't seen this, put it on your list.



You'll notice that the alien looks kind of like the one from Alien. He attacks people in a more The Thing kind of way, with tentacles that come out of his body and pull people to him. From there, it's just buckets of blood tossed on the wall. I like all of that stuff. Sure, it's good to have great special effects, but a bucket of blood splashed on the wall and some screaming in the background is good too. What I can't abide is making the scene so dark I can't make out the action, especially when I want to see Napier going at this alien thing with a chainsaw. Fred Olen Ray giveth, and Fred Olen ray taketh away.

I loved the Ron Glass. Growing up, my parents always watched Barney Miller, though I really don't remember any episodes specifically. Seeing Glass here makes me want to go back and see some old Barney Miller episodes. Unfortunately, they aren't on Watch Instantly or Hulu, or even TV Land. What's the point of having a channel like TV Land if it doesn't show Barney Miller?



Speaking of TV shows I love, we had Julie Newmar here as a psychic or something that gave Napier anonymous tips on the case. We all know her as the first Catwoman on one of my favorite shows of all time, Batman. You may recall we had the voice of Eartha Kitt in Pink Chiquitas, meaning we only need a Lee Meriwether to have all the Catwomen on here. Of course, during our look at comic book movies back when I did Wild Card posts, we also reviewed Catwoman-- I won't say anything else.

If you miss this while it's on Netflix Watch Instantly, then the only other way to make it happen is used VHS. I think, if you're a big Napier fan, or a fan of camp Sci-Fi, this is worth it, especially as a cheap bargain bin find. Keep your eyes peeled for it, I think you'll have a fun time.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092863/

Steele Justice (1987)

This is it, this is Martin Kove's Hall of Fame induction post. Like many Hall of Famers before him, he has a lot of movies where he only played a small part, but as we'll see in a film like this, he's plenty capable of carrying the lead too, which is the mark of a true DTVC Hall of Fame actor. So without further ado... by the way, this has been covered before by Kenner at Movies in the Attic and Ty at Comeuppance Reviews-- and it's from Ty's that I hotlinked the cover image, so as always, just wanted to let you know.

Steele Justice has Kove as a Vietnam vet who's almost killed by the villainous General Kwan (Soon-Tek Oh) in the waning days of the war. He gets the last laugh, shoots a dart or something into the guy's chest, and heads home. In modern (1987) SoCal, Kove is a disgraced former cop whose former Vietnam and police partner is killed by Vietnamese gangsters-- and it smells like Kwan's work. His old chief, Ronny Cox, suspects that this could be a tough nut to crack, so he unleashes Kove unofficially on Kwan, with only his old buddy Bernie Casey to help out. Will he crack the case, or is he just too far gone to pull it off?



This one starts off slowly, but once it kicks in, it's pure 80s bad action, the kind of car flipping, stuntmen shimmying, monster rock montage-ing, shirtless male big gun shooting good time you came for. Let's take this one quote from Ronny Cox after Bernie Casey asks him if Kove has his old job back: "He isn't being recruited, he's being unleashed!" And after about thirty minutes of a drunken Kove in bad suits getting the crap kicked out of him, this film finally unleashes him on us, and it's oh so sweet. I embedded a YouTube clip of the too sweet montage clip on the image page-- it's only 1:30 minutes, with 30 seconds to start of a scene with he and Sela Ward dubbed in Spanish, just bear with that--, and I'll be posting some of the others on the DTVC Tumblr. This is just a fun time, plain and simple.

Martin Kove really can do it all, can't he? Lead star, lead baddie, cameo, baddie's hatchetman-- though if the head baddie isn't cool enough, having him as the hatchetman can backfire. This might be his best DTV flick-- er sorry, Steele Justice made a little over $1 million in the box office (sometimes people get nervous if I call a film that had a limited theatrical release DTV)-- definitely one of his best outside of the Karate Kid movies, which he's best known for. He's inducted into the Hall of Fame with this as his 13th movie, but with over 167 imdb credits, he has the potential for plenty more, maybe making a run at the overall tagging record. Martin Kove, DTVC Hall of Famer.



I had a lot of places to go for this paragraph with all the people in Steele Justice, but I decided to look at Renaissance Man Bernie Casey, who we've seen before in the Fred Williamson film On the Edge. He's great here as the Danny Glover-ish "I'm too old for this shit" detective who's close to early retirement, wants to get there in one piece, but knows that probably won't happen the longer he stays with Kove. Have you looked at his bio? You probably know about the pro football career, but he also has a BA and MA from Bowling Green, is an accomplished painter, and has published poetry books. The question you gotta ask yourself is, why the hell is he in this?, and I think the answer to that is he same he gave for why he played football: it pays the bills so he can pursue his art. Here's to you Bernie Casey, we're not worthy.

Now to look at everyone else. There was the always attractive Sela Ward as Kove's estranged wife. She mixed it up some in the action scenes, and played off Kove really well. DTVC favorite Ronny Cox was sweet as the dick police chief, but when is he not sweet? Not quite One Man Force good, but close enough. A personal fave for me was Joseph Campanella as Kove's old commanding officer. You may remember him best as the dad in No Retreat, No Surrender 3. The guy is 84 and still working. Shannon Tweed had a small cameo as I don't know who, maybe Campanella's daughter, but she was doing business with Soon-Tek Oh, who was also great as the main baddie. It seems like when you get these 80s actioners, the cast takes them more seriously than they would in a 2011 one, and though I get that the material might not be that serious, the fact that they all acquit themselves professionally adds to our level of enjoyment.



I inherited my complexion from my mom's Irish side of the family, meaning I don't tan that well, but if I did, you can bet shirtless with a pink sweatshirt tied around my shoulders is how I'd go during the summer months. It kind of makes me want to go to a tanning booth or get a sprayed on tan just to be able to do it-- no, I'm not shredded like Kove is, but I wouldn't be doing it for the ladies, I'd be doing it for me.

Um, so yeah, let's finish this one up. Though it starts slow, once it decides to finally "unleash" Kove upon us, it's a film worthy of his induction post. No DVD here in the States, so either used VHS, or for right now you can get it on Netflix Watch Instantly. This is definitely worth a look.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0094034/

Lethal Tender (1997)

As I'm sure you know, many movies come across my radar, and more often than not, I totally forget about them. That's what happened here, because a few months ago, I read the review of this by our buddy Ty at Comeuppance Reviews, and thought, man I need more Gary Busey on here, I'll have to check that out. Then I totally forgot about it, and few weeks ago I'm looking for some Gary Busey, see this on IMDb, and think it looks like a good deal. Fast forward to today, after I've seen the movie, and I'm looking online for a cover shot. There's Comeuppance Reviews in the results, and there's Direct to Video Connoisseur in the comments of his post. Oh yeah, that's right... (As an aside, Ty, I hotlinked your cover shot. Hope that's not an issue, thanks in advance.)

Lethal Tender is Die Hard in a water treatment facility. I'm not kidding. DTVC favorite Kim Coates and a gang of terrorists have taken it over, and they're threatening to contaminate the water supply. At the same time, Gary Busey is somewhere else with a pile of government issue bonds. The two must be related, right? The fly in the ointment: detective Jeff Fahey, who was outside hitting on treatment plant worker Carrie-Anne Moss when the takeover happened. Now those two are the people of Chicago's drinking water's only hope.

What do I always say is my number one rule for great bad action? That's right, never let the plot get in the way of the action. And what does this do? You guessed it, and it's not even a good plot, it's well-worn territory done worse. Which makes it all the crazier that I'm about to say this: I enjoyed Lethal Tender. Two reasons, Kim Coates and Gary Busey. Very little of the film has Jeff Fahey making his way through the plant. It's mostly Coates and Busey as bad guys chewing up scenery, and I loved it. There's something to be said for a couple guys that just know how to bring it, and a movie that just lets them do it. Not only did they not let the action get in the way, they didn't let the plot either, they just fired up the cameras and let them have at it. What that means though, is this is strictly for Coates and Busey fans, otherwise you probably won't enjoy yourself.

This movie is pretty Abusive. Not extremely Abusive, but Abusive enough for someone looking for a little Abuse. The film starts with a Busey monologue--which was awesome but made almost no sense--, then he kind of disappears for a bit, gradually making his way back into it, almost in a tug of war, trying to take control of the film from Coates. He's at his best insulting this guy named Pogo that's helping him transport the stolen bonds. He's just constantly berating the guy with fun new ways to call him stupid. This is solid Busey, which is all you can ask for.

I'm thinking I might come up with a new word for the blog: Coates-tastic, because that's what this was. When a movie knows what they're getting when they cast him as their baddie, and they let him do his thing, it's just so much fun to watch. You can tell he's having fun with it, and that translates to us. The question is, what is Kim short for? With a woman it would be Kimberly, but that's probably not the case here. Kimjamin? Kames? Kimmothy?

Jeff Fahey is our hero, and he pretty much just does his thing. He lets Coates and Busey do all the heavy lifting, and while they're carrying the couch down three flights of stairs, he's making sure the door is held open so they can get out onto the street. As I told my buddy's 7-year-old son who kept getting in the way because he wanted to help as we were moving "believe me, holding the door is a very important job." While his son couldn't understand that, Fahey did, and did his part as a supporting character-style lead very well.

Toward the middle of the film, Kim Coates and the plant manager have a conversation that goes something like this: Coates says, "What is the only thing we have to do?" to which the plant manager replies "What you say." I'm going to have to respectfully disagree with him though. To quote my 6th grade teacher: "The only thing we have to do is die." Think about it, Kim Coates is holding you at gun point. You technically don't have to do what he says, but if you don't, he kills you, and you die. See, the only thing we have to do is die.

And with that, let's wrap this bad boy up. As far as I know, this is used VHS here in region 1, and used DVD or VHS in Region 2. I liked it, but that's because Busey and Coates were stellar. If they aren't enough for you, then this won't be enough for you. Let them be enough for you.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119520/

Looking for more action? Check out my short action novel, Bainbridge, and all my other novels, over at my author's page! Click on the image below, go to https://www.matthewpoirierauthor.com/

Dead Man Walking (1988)

When I first envisioned the DTVC, over four years and 725 posts ago, it was this kind of movie I had in mind. A Wings Hauser flick co-starring Brion James and the guy from Re-Animator-- back then, we didn't call him Jeffrey Combs, just "the guy from Re-Animator." At that time, my friends and I were on a big Wings Hauser kick, and we'd find all kinds of flicks of his on VHS and have viewing nights. This, unfortunately, was one we didn't find, and probably never would've found had the DTVC not continued on to where it is now, giving me a reason to track it down more aggressively for a review.

Dead Man Walking takes place 14 years ago, ten years after a plague has struck the planet, forcing the world's powers to take drastic measures, including blocking off entire sections of the country to keep the infected people away from the healthy ones. Among the infected, there's a rare few who have contracted a non-contagious strain that leaves its victims with only a year or two to live. These people are known as Zero Men, and they often behave erratically, like our man Wings, who plays Luger, a dude with a penchant for playing Russian Roulette with a chainsaw. After the Unitas Corporation's CEO is killed and his daughter kidnapped by another Zero Man, Decker (Brion James), the CEO's chauffeur, Jeffrey Combs, recruits Hauser to get her back-- from the infected zone. But what secret is Combs hiding?



This is what you came for. Slightly dystopian, slightly post-apocalyptic, slightly psychotronic, but all Wings and all Brion James. I mean, the Wings factor is immense, robust, dare I say prodigious. It's all the Wings you could want. And Brion James is an equally excellent baddie. Throw in Combs as the shady CEO's chauffeur, and some pretty funny black humor, a la Robocop in the form of news casts scattered throughout the film, and you've got yourself a gem.

For people who love Wings, there are certain things he does that stand out. Like he makes this face with his mouth open that is just quintessential Wings, or has this wide-eyes smile, or sometimes stands a little too close to the people he's talking to, or will deliver his lines in a way that's just a little off from what you'd expect someone to say. All of that Wings-ness is on full display in this film. One of the cooler things about this one was to see him act opposite Jeffrey Combs for a good bit. You'd think the two make no sense together, but they actually work.



Brion James. We've seen him play a great baddie before, but here we get him in dyed bright orange hair. It just makes him that much better a baddie, right? He has this one scene that might be too gross for some of you though, so I figured I'd shoot out a warning. A guy he escapes from prison with threatens him with a knife, so he grabs it by the blade, opening a huge gash on his hand. He then goes over to the girl they kidnapped, and uses his finger to take some of the blood-- the consistency of Smucker's raspberry preserves-- and draw a line on her face, then he does the same to his own. Then he licks some of it off his hand, and, with it still on his tongue, licks the girls lips for a good thirty seconds, before the two start making out. I just want to warn you, because it was pretty graphic.

Talking about Jeffrey Combs on a site like this, especially to the horror fans that follow us, is like a girl posting a pic of Michael Fassbender on her movie Tumblr-- like that's the level of giddiness it engenders. And I ain't mad at you either, because I love Jeffrey Combs too. He's not really as off-the-wall batshit crazy as you're used to in some of his horror roles, but he's still pretty Jeffrey Combs, which is good. Definitely a guy we need to do more of on here-- it is kind of embarrassing that I haven't done Re-Animator yet.



Do any of you remember a show called Out of Control with Dave Coulier? Well, Diz is in this as an emcee at Cafe Death, a place where people with the plague go and watch people die and stuff. It was an idea that they didn't do as much with as they could've-- one of the few disappointments of the film-- but Diz was great, going for an almost Elvira slant, until she sets this dude on fire, then she lets out that trademark scream of hers. The problem was, they made too much out of this one death. It should've been two or three deaths, and really hit home the macabre and disturbing elements of it.

But that's one minor issue with a movie that otherwise works. It's only on used VHS, but you can get it for a good price, so it's worth it. Great Wings, great Brion, great Combs, and a pretty solid low-budget 80s sci-fi flick to boot. It was movies like this that got me to start the DTVC, and it's movies like this that keep me going.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092841/

Blood Warriors (1993)

It was time to get a little David Bradley up on the DTVC again, and this one also starred Frank Zagarino, so I thought, what the hell. That, and I got this from a friend on VHS, had an open slot here, and figured I'd go for it. I can always go to David Bradley in a pinch.

Blood Warriors has native Texan David Bradley playing a Marine from Texas who finds himself in jail. His ol' Marine buddy Frank Zagarino bails him out, gets his sentence dropped, and covers the mortgage on his dad's farm. The catch: he needs to board a plane to Jakarta and help Zags out on some business there. En route, Zags is killed, so Bradley catches up with his hot sister. When Zags's business competitor finds out his casket is empty, things get crazy. Is Zags still alive? And if he is, can Bradley trust him? And isn't this action hero gig a pretty sweet deal when you get love scenes with the woman who played the model on Seinfeld?



This isn't horrible, but it's not exactly great either. The beginning goes a little long before we get any good action, and while the action is decent, it's nothing spectacular. I felt like there were more missed opportunities than great moments, which is never a good thing. For instance, Zags is showing off for Bradley how well his mercs can fight. Bradley just sits there, then is all like "I don't want to be in your gang, Zags." What we needed there was a Jeff Wincott in Mission of Justice scene, you know, the one where he's supposed to walk this gauntlet, acts like he's not going to do it, then quickly turns and flips into the middle of all these dudes, and totally houses them. Bradley needed to kick all their asses, then throw on his cowboy hat, pop his collar, and tell Zags he'll be in his room if he needs him. With an action movie that has guys like Bradley and Zagarino, you can't have them sitting on the sidelines, and unfortunately, that happened too often.

Gotta love the Bradley in a cowboy hat look. Maybe not quite the fanny pack, but it's close. I know Bradley is from Texas, but he's too much of a dandy for Texas good ol' boy to work. He's a thinking man's lead, smooth, cleancut, sharply tailored suits and sleek automobiles. He needs to cruise into town in an expensive convertible and take out gangs of toughs with nice looking roundhouses and jumpkicks, throw on his sunglasses and tell the guys to have a nice day. The fact that Bradley co-wrote the script tells me he wanted to get away from that image some. Come on man, be who you are, and be proud of it.



Zagarino isn't in this much. He's kind of like Orson Welles in The Third Man, only his name is "Stone" instead of "Lime". Keith Stone, actually, not to be confused with the guy from the Keystone beer commercials. As far as I can tell, beer commercials, and in particular light beer commercials, are so bad it's almost criminal, but the Keith Stone ones are one of the few I like. Really, I'm more of a man if I drink your light beer? Or maybe you're more of a moron.

Sam Firstenberg directed this, and as I'm sure you know, he has a pretty solid track record. American Ninja, American Ninja 2, Avenging Force-- though he was also the man who put Bradley in a fanny pack in Cyborg Cop-- though to his credit, he made fun of it in the sequel, Cyborg Cop II. This was a definite step down from any of the others of his we've reviewed, and it makes me wonder if maybe something went wrong in post-production that hurt this thing-- or maybe it's his Jersey Girl.



Seinfeld fans will recognize Jennifer Campbell as the model Jerry meets flying home in first class, and then who sees him scratching his nose at a red light, and erroneously thinks he's picking it. I looked on her resume, and though she did do some action based TV shows, I didn't see another action movie after this, and I can kind of see why. She was pushed and pulled and dragged and carried and sent through the ringer in this bad boy. At one point, Bradley is carrying her over his shoulder, which made very little sense, since she seemed like she could run just fine-- and run faster than Bradley could run carrying her. It probably makes sense why we don't see as many repeat action movie female co-stars, it's a much easier paycheck looking disgusted when you think Jerry Seinfeld picked his nose.

This is not an easy find, out of print, only available on VHS. Maybe for completists, because it is Bradley and Zagarino directed by Firstenberg, but that's a big stretch. If you see it cheap in a bargain bin and don't have much else already in your basket, I guess you could go for it and add it to your bad action collection.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106432/

Fight to Win (1987)

This looked like a pretty sweet deal, especially considering it featured the Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire of DTV action, DTVC Hall of Famers Cynthia Rothrock and Richard Norton. Always good to get films in with this pair. Took a while to get, but a friend hooked me up with a VHS, which was very nice of him.

Fight to Win has George Chung as Ryan, a cocky kid with major martial arts skills but is totally full of himself. After winning a local tournament, his father and his sensei's old nemesis, Richard Norton, comes by and challenges the kid to fight one of his guys, and naturally, the kid loses bad. The sensei's got some heart trouble, so he calls in prized pupil Cynthia Rothrock to train the kid, and it just happens she has an ax to grind with Norton as well. Can the kid put his ego in check long enough to gain his redemption?



Wow, this is a pretty sweet deal. Not the best, but for bad action, really good. The fight scenes were solid, there were some jokes that were funny, and some jokes that didn't work that were even funnier, and some serious moments that were even funnier than that. I posted a short dance/martial arts montage on the image page that was one of the funniest, but I think I could've posted five or six videos, there were that many great moments. Also, there was some really impressive music, solid 80s stuff, and great mullets and outfits. This is just really good 80s bad action.

I know I should be posting a Cynthia Rothrock image here-- and I put a couple on the image page-- but I had to indulge in this Norton one here instead. It has everything, the windswept, feathered mullet; the leather jacket with the sleeves rolled up; the sweatsuits; and most importantly, the vintage Ford Escort. Man, if I had the money, I'd get one of those things and have so much work put into it-- hell, I'd even get the "Antique" plates. How sick would that be? As far as the Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire of DTV action, they were both good. Norton had a lesser role because he was the baddie, but he had some good fight scenes, especially with Rothrock; and Rothrock was great as the trainer who then takes on a more active role in fighting. Not the best of their team-ups, but not a bad one either.



One of the best Gary Daniels films we've reviewed is Bloodmoon, and like Darren Shahlavi, who was great but hasn't had the roles since then that he deserves, the same can be said for Chuck Jefferys, who is also a fantastic fighter. He seems to be here more for his comic relief-- and his great Eddie Murphy impression-- but when he gets his chances to show off his prodigious martial arts skills, he doesn't disappoint. A guy that definitely deserved more work.

All right, I'm going to get a little film snobby on you and bring up Yasujiro Ozu, but bear with me, I have a point. This movie, though it obviously wasn't completely Ozu-style, had some of his hallmarks, particularly a still frame that he allowed all of the action to move within without excessively panning or zooming in. (You're going to think I'm crazy when you see the one clip I decided post, because that's all kinds of edits and whatnot, but I swear, that was the exception.) One thing Ebert remarked on with Ozu's style is that it allows the viewer to fall into a rhythm, which makes the movie pass quicker in our minds, as opposed to something like Armageddon, where no shot is on the screen for more than a second, and as a result, because it's so cut up, it takes forever. Fight to Win is a great example of that juxtaposition with the modern punchfighting movie, that is a mess of bad edits and gimmicky crap that diverts out attention. We have fight scenes in this that are allowed to breathe in front of us in one continuous shot with a camera that moves ever so slightly to keep all of the action within frame, and for us the viewer, it makes it easier to get into. The thing is, this movie looks like it was made on a shoestring budget, so if they can make a fight look good with limited edits and zero computer gimmicks, then the modern DTV flick should have no problem either.



That's Hall of Fame (NFL not DTVC) safety Ronnie Lott. He has a short cameo where he comes in on a four-wheeler and shoots a bunch of guys up, then banters with one of the good guys. It's crazy to think how much the world of football has changed between 1987 and now. In 1987, Lott's 49ers were one of the best teams ever, and the idea that they would ever be the sack of asscrack they are now was inconceivable. At the same time, the idea that instead of the '9ers, it's the Pats that are one of the best teams, is equally crazy. I guess it's a reminder that nothing in sports is guaranteed, and the Pats could drop out eventually too.

And that's it, this is a good one, if you can find it. VHS, and I'll tell you, this transfer isn't great-- lots of scratches from the source film. But for you VHS nostalgists, that probably makes it all the better. I think this is more of a collector's flick, so keep your eyes peeled, and don't be afraid to spend, because it's a good one for your collection. They don't make 'em like this anymore, which is too bad.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0165776/

No Retreat, No Surrender 3: Blood Brothers (1990)

It's taken me a little while to get my hands on this one and complete the No Retreat, No Surrender series, but we've got it, so let's do it. Our friend Karl at Fist of the B-List has also done this one, so you should check that out too.

No Retreat, No Surrender 3 doesn't have anything to do with part 2, it just has Loren Avedon. Avedon plays a rebellious younger brother who runs a dojo and wears a CCCP jacket, while his brother, Keith Vitali, and his father run a private spy company. After his dad's birthday, his dad is killed by a terrorist baddie named Franco that looks like a poor man's Roland Gift with bleached hair cut in the Billy Ray Cyrus style. Now the question is, can the feuding brothers, Avedon and Vitali, get along long enough to avenge their father's death?



This is a bit of a tough one, but I really enjoyed it. The action, when it's there, is extremely high octane. We're talking Hong Kong cinema level martial arts and stunts, which is really exciting to watch. Then you have the bad acting, worse dialogue, and amateur level direction-- seriously, were all those boom mics showing up on purpose?-- all of which was funnier than it was annoying when set against the too sweet action. The problem for me was that there were gaps in the action that at first were funny, but as the film went on, the bad acting, dialogue, and story wasn't as funny anymore, making those gaps tedious. Still, it does recover, and really brings it with a finale worthy of the solid scenes we'd seen leading up to it. I'm giving this a recommendation strictly to bad action fans and no one else-- again, if you overuse the word "cheesy" when describing a late 80s/early 90s DTV actioner, this is probably too much for you; but if you're into great action and are willing to have fun with the bad spots, you'll be rewarded.

Really liked Loren Avedon here. I think we've brought this up before, and other sites have discussed it as well, but it's a shame Avedon hasn't been in more stuff, based on how sick his skills are. Mr. Kenner at Movies in the Attic told us he spoke to the man himself, and one of the things he said was Avedon had a falling out with Lorenzo Lamas, and Lamas made it hard for him to get work after that. If that's true that's too bad, because Avedon is almost 50 years old, so we may have missed his best years-- though at 50 he'll still be over ten years younger than Steven Seagal, so maybe we'll see him again.



What was up with all the boom mic-age? I lost track of how many there were. And you had multiple kinds too, from the fuzzy outdoor variety, to the standard one you see here. Once or twice is a novelty that we love when watching a low-budget film, but after awhile it becomes ridiculous. Is it that hard to keep the thing from floating into the shot? I guess it is, and that's why we love you.

We've done some other Keith Vitali flicks on here, American Kickboxer 1, Bloodmoon, and Revenge of the Ninja. Don't know if I remember him in any of them. His acting is pretty rough-- which is hilarious-- but his fight skills are right there with Avedon's. According to imdb though, Avedon worked 4-6 hours a day to train, while Vitali came into the role out of shape. He also busted his arm for real before shooting, so it was written into the film that his arm was shot, and then the rest of the movie people made cracks about his cast. Keith Vitali, exactly what No Retreat, No Surrender 3 needed.



Most movies cast a veteran character actor as the President. We've seen Roy Scheider, Rutger Hauer (I know, he's not a native born American-- Birthers!), even Jerry Springer (I know, he was born in London-- Birthers!). This movie took a different tact. They used file footage of Bush 41, and acted like the villains were targeting him with a rocket launcher by drawing some green sights over it. Hey, it saves money, right? That's all public domain footage right there, you can do whatever the hell you want with it. So bad it's ingenious!

As far as I know, this is only available on VHS here in the States, but overseas you can get it on DVD-- in fact, Amazon offers a Region 2 DVD set of all three No Retreat, No Surrender films. I think it's really a matter of where you are in the bad action movie world. Do you love these things with absolutely no irony whatsoever? In that case, you should look for a copy of this. If you just kind of do this thing for some goofy fun to laugh at "cheesy" movies, this might be too much. To give you an idea, it wasn't too much for me, but I've had a blog for over four years where I review stuff like this on a regular basis.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0100266/

Blast (1997)

This is not the easiest find, which is too bad, because it's chock full of great names. If you like your Albert Pyun films filled with Pyun Mainstays, this is the movie for you. One of the difficult things about tracking down a copy, is its name makes it ambiguous in search engines. Plus there's an Eddie Griffin movie of the same name that came out later. I was fortunate enough to have a buddy overseas send me his DVD-- being the DTV Connoisseur has its privileges.

Blast takes place during the Atlanta Olympics in 1996, where the villainous Andrew Divoff and his terrorist gang have taken over a swimming practice and the American women's swim team hostage. One kink in their plans: janitor/former Tae Kwon Do champ Linden Ashby is still kicking around the facility. Bad news, right? And he better save the day, because the rest of the assembled Pyun talent can only sit on their hands while Divoff bumps off swimmer after swimmer.



All right, so let's start with the good. Great cast. Let me rattle them off: Divoff, Ashby, DTVC Hall of Famer Rutger Hauer, Tim Thomerson, Vincent Klyn, Thom Mathews, Yuji Okumoto, Tina Coté, and Norbert Weisser; plus Kimberly Warren from Mean Guns. Wow. Other than Divoff, who cut a sweet baddie, everyone else was spread throughout the film with parts of varying sizes, but every one of them was solid. This had some good fight scenes and action as well, especially when Ashby was taking out Divoff's men Die Hard-style. I also liked the way Pyun cast this as a 50s/60s Red Scare type film, using terrorism as the monolithic evil, instead of the USSR. The one fault I had with the movie though, was how big the story was. There was just too much going on, and it weighed the film down at points. This effect was lessened to some degree because of the cast involved, but I went through periods where I forgot Linden Ashby was in the film at all-- and he was the lead hero! Overall, though, Blast isn't bad.

Look at that cast. If you play the Pyun Mainstay drinking game, you'll be pretty drunk by the movie's end-- you may not even make it. It depends on what you consider a Pyun mainstay, but we have Norbert Weisser, whom imdb says has been in 18 Pyun flicks, Vincent Klyn who's been in 13, Thom Mathews who's been in 12, Tim Thomerson who's been in 9, Tina Coté who's been in 7, Yuji Okumoto who's been in 6, and Andrew Divoff who's been in 4. All we needed was Scott Paulin, Nicholas Guest, Ice- T, and Michael Halsey. And cyborgs, we didn't have any cyborgs here either.



Andrew Divoff is such a sweet baddie. I daresay this film is Div-tastic. He's probably best known for the Wishmaster series, of which I have done none of yet at the time of this posting-- I know, I suck as a human being. Anyway, in Blast, he might be one of the better Die Hard terrorist style baddies, because he has the chops to live up to Alan Rickman as Hans Gruber. If Blast shows us anything, it's that the more Divoff, the better. Div-tastic.

As I mentioned above, I liked the way Pyun drew on the old Red Scare movie. He has a couple screens of text at the beginning, talking about potential terrorist attacks in Atlanta, then ends with a screen telling us that what we were about to see was what could've happened. We're almost a month away from the ten year mark of the 9/11 attacks, and after that happened in 2001, it made sense that the discourse shifted to make terrorism the new Cold War-esque enemy, but here in 1997, Pyun was ahead of that curve (as he often is with this kind of thing). Yes, the film devolves into Die Hard at a swimming practice facility (which I think is the prison from Mean Guns, but I'm not totally sure on that), but it does have those old Red Scare film elements that give it that extra layer beyond the simple Die Hard rip-off.



Check that out, Shannon Elizabeth as a credited extra. She gets a fair amount of screen time as a hostage, but she really doesn't have any lines beyond sobbing in mortal fear, hoping Divoff's cronies don't choose her to be the next sacrifice. I thought this wasn't the first Elizabeth film we've done at the DTVC, but it turns out, as I went back into the archives, that I haven't actually done Jack Frost before. How did that happen? I could've sworn it was one of the first ones I did four years ago. Anyway, Blast came out about two years before Elizabeth's breakthrough in American Pie, and now it looks like she's fallen back into the DTV world-- when she's not playing poker, of course.

This is definitely for completists or hardcore B-movie fans, because if you don't think it's awesome to see names like Tim Thomerson, Yuji Okumoto, and Andrew Divoff on the marquee, you'll have much more trouble with the down times when the weight of the plot becomes too heavy for it. On the other hand, if you love seeing names like that, I think you'll really enjoy this one. As far as I know, here in the States this is out of print and only available used on VHS, making it probably that much more a purchase for completists and hardcore fans only; and I know there's a Region 2 DVD floating around, so if you're in Europe or another area like Australia that is Region 2 compatible, you might have better luck.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0115701/

Project: Shadowchaser aka Shadowchaser (1992)

I've had this one for some time now, but put it on my back burner in order to get a few other reviews up instead. Then Netflix sent me the DVD with parts two and three, which put my feet to the fire and made me shuffle things around some. It works though, I've been meaning to get some Martin Kove up here anyway. Also, our man Ty at Comeuppance Reviews has hit this one too.

Project: Shadowchaser has Frank Zagarino as Romulus, an android killing machine designed by diabolical scientist and apparent big time Susan Powter fan Joss Ackland. Romulus has something of an existentialist crisis, and takes it out on everyone else by taking a hospital hostage that just happens to have Meg Foster, the President's daughter, visiting. The feds need to get her back, so they erroneously take Martin Kove out of his deep freeze imprisonment, thinking they're freeing the hospital's architect with the hope that he could give them some insight into a rescue attempt, only to have the team die in an elevator explosion. Now Kove is knee deep in it, but he may also just be America and the First Daughter's last hope.



This had its issues, was pretty derivative-- see Die Hard in a hospital-- but overall I think it worked in that 90s DTV sci-fi action cheese vein. I mean, you're not looking for Kurosawa when you fire one of these bad boys up, and this pretty much hit all the spots you'd want it too. It did have some slow areas, but with Kove involved they weren't too intolerable. He had fun with this, and his attitude had a trickle down affect through the cast, with everyone playing off him, and that fun translated well to the viewer. Maybe a little unremarkable, but for what it was, it worked for me.

Kove was great. He really played up that slick talking resourceful guy who finds himself in an impossible situation. We often don't get to see Kove as the hero (I know there are obvious examples of films where is the hero, I'm just saying they're outweighed by the roles he has as a baddie), so any chance we get is a bonus, because he's so good at it. I can see though why he might prefer being a baddie, because roles like this where the good guy is as fun as the baddie is a rarity-- have you ever noticed the baddie is almost always the most fun role in the film?



Frank Zagarino makes an excellent robot baddie-- though one could make the case that he's even better in part two when his character is given more of a personality. Either way, this is the role Frank Zagarino was made for. How is it that film makers don't look at this and say "man, this guy is so wooden, why don't we do a Project: Shadowchaser and cut the amount of acting that's required?" Also, love the Susan Powter look.

Meg Foster's character was one of the parts of the film I didn't care for, and not because of her, but because it was written very inconsistently. At the beginning we had a tough woman, won't take any crap, not just another pretty face/rich daddy's girl style character that worked really well. Then, as Kove's rescuing her, she suddenly turns vain, decides she needs to change into a dress and heels for her escape, completely betraying anything good the character had built up to that point. Over-writing strikes again, and make a muddled mess out of something that could've been so good-- and that's too bad, because she and Kove had great chemistry.



Your eyes aren't deceiving you, that's Kove with a glued on Grizzly Adams. It doesn't get any better, does it? Forget the goatee, the glued on Grizzly Adams is the way to go. I wonder if he's ever rocked the Grizz in any other roles? See, this is where the reader comments section comes in most handy. If you're going to dismiss discussing the movie completely to read off a list of other movies the cast have been in instead, give me something more than just "such and such was a WAY better movie IMO", give me some meat damn it, tell me some other movies that Martin Kove has been in where he rocks the Grizz. The request/suggestion box is full of movies right now, so if you want to stand out you need to bring it.

Now I'm rambling, so it's best we wrap this up. As far as I know, this is only available on VHS, and can be pretty pricey, even used. Not sure it's worth that, but this is a good one for collectors, so you may want to make that decision for yourself. For me, if you can't get it for less than $5, I'd wait.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0105178/

Brain Smasher... A Love Story (1993)

This is one I've been meaning to do for a long time, but it's not that easy to find. Not only is it only available on VHS here in the States (the UK get a Region 2 DVD, lucky bastards), but it's also usually expensive on the secondary market. Fortunately a buddy hooked me up with his, and now I'm passing the savings onto you... that didn't make any sense, but it sounded good.

Brain Smasher... A Love Story is an Albert Pyun flick starring the Dice Man Andrew Dice Clay as a bouncer in Portland,Oregon who runs into supermodel Teri Hatcher escaping from a band of Shaolin Monks led by Yuji Okumoto. Okumoto wants a red lotus flower, and Hatcher's sister has it, but they think they can get it through her. Now she and the Dice Man are on the adventure of their lives, trying to save the world, and maybe falling in love in the process.



This film is fantastic. A really fun 80s-style romp, similar to Big Trouble in Little China, only on a slightly smaller scale. The music was great, the dialog was great, the action wasn't lacking, and the performances more than held up their end. Not only were Teri Hatcher and Andrew Dice Clay solid, but there were tons of Pyun mainstays that were also sweet, including DTVC faves Tim Thomerson and Brion James. Top to bottom, this just works, and works really well.

It really is too bad that it's films like the Urban Trilogy-- each of which had to be fudged together because half of each film was lost in transit by Air France--, that are available on DVD and Netflix Watch Instantly, when so much of Albert Pyun's best stuff, including Brain Smasher, is out of print and only on VHS-- again, unless you're a Brit, and then you get it on DVD. I mean, this has Teri Hatcher, who is kind of a big deal on Desperate Housewives, you'd think an opportunistic distributor would pick up the rights and mass produce a bunch of $5.88 DVDs with her all over the cover.



Speaking of Ms. Hatcher, you don't need me to tell you how hot she is, and playing a supermodel means she's even hotter. She also understood the sillier side of this movie, and really made it work. This was right before she got the Lois and Clark gig, which was what made her a big star the first time, then she fell off a bit before rising again through Desperate Housewives. I wonder what she thinks of this film looking back on it, especially kissing Andrew Dice Clay. One really cool thing Pyun did with her character, as she was running through the streets of Portland to avoid Okumoto and his gang, was have her stand in front of advertisements she did as a model that were displayed in department stores and whatnot. I liked that he juxtaposed her glamorous supermodel world with her current situation, reminding us how much of a fish out of water she was-- or she was supposed to be-- plus, it made for a great shot to have multiple images of her on screen at once.

One of the ongoing jokes in the film was about Americans lumping all Asians into one ethnicity, in this case saying they're all Japanese, and that the Shaolin Monks are ninjas. Throughout, Okumoto's gang corrects people, telling them "Ninjas are Japanese. We are monks, and monks are Chinese!" The joke of course is that Okumoto is Japanese, playing a Chinese character. For me, being a fan of both Chinese and Japanese cinema, and Chinese and Japanese cuisines-- and just being an anth major in college-- I got a kick out of this, because I'm often explaining the differences to people I know too.



Now it's time for everyone's favorite game when reviewing an Albert Pyun flick: name that mainstay; and Brain Smasher had plenty. I already mentioned Thomerson and Brion James, who played great send ups of the classic 1940s Film Noir detective, grilling the Dice Man. We also already mentioned Okumoto, who played the head of the gang of monks. Then there was Nicholas Guest, another detective, only grilling Teri Hatcher instead of the Dice Man. Deborah Van Valkenburgh, who played the accountant in Mean Guns, was Hatcher's sister (she was also in Road to Hell, which I believe hasn't been released yet). Other stars who weren't Pyun mainstays included Peter Kwong, who you may remember from the Olivier Gruner flick Angel Town, but who also had parts in Big Trouble in Little China and The Golden Child; and Liz Sheridan, Jerry's mom from Seinfeld, played the Dice Man's mom. Interesting that we had a second Seinfeld connection, the first obviously being Teri Hatcher in the "They're real, and they're spectacular!" episode.

If you live in the States, either keep your eye out in used VHS bargain bins, or bite the bullet and make the Amazon purchase, but this is one you'll need. If you live in the UK, take a break from all that Steven Seagal buying and pick this bad boy up. You won't regret it.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106475/