The Shepherd Code (2024)

This is one Ty and I covered on an episode of the podcast, number 167 in the archives. We wanted to get some Don "The Dragon" Wilson on the pod, so when we saw this was on Tubi, we gave it a shot, despite thinking "The Drags" may not be in it much. Let's see how it did.

The Shepherd Code has Alan Delabie (who also wrote, co-directed, produced, and action directed) as a guy who's known as the best in the elite bodyguarding world. That is, until he falls for the woman he's guarding, and she ends up dead! As he tracks down the killer, a jerkoff named Edson (Silvio Simac), his handler, Don "The Dragon" Wilson, has another job for him. But he's retired? Just one more job. So he takes it, shepherding a rich girl (Victoria Axensalva) through the UK, and as luck would have it, Edson is the jerkoff who wants to kill this girl too, so Delabie can protect her and get his revenge all in one go. It's really convenient, like steam-in-bag veggies.

What do you want me to say about this one? It's close to being one of those Samurai Cop/Miami Connection kind of deals, but considering the earnestness with which Delabie tries to pull this off, it's kind of endearing. The Wilson is scant, and that may be the thing that hurts it the most, but who knows how much time they got him for. I think the thing that both hurts it, and makes it fun in a Samurai Cop kind of way, is the holes in the plot. Like near the end Delabie and Axensalva are walking in the woods to meet the baddie, and she stops to tie her shoe, and he just keeps walking, leaving her behind, which causes him to lose her and the baddies to find her. How is the best bodyguard in the world that oblivious to where the person he's guarding is? It's like a parent in the 80s forgetting their kid at Chuck E. Cheese's. There's something so Continental European guy who's totally full of himself and doesn't care about anyone else about it. But again, does that kind of thing make it worse or better? It depends on your outlook, but if you're up for it, it is only 79 minutes long.

It's been almost 2 years since we last saw Don "The Dragon" Wilson on the site, and that review was another with scant Wilson, Scorpion King IV. I was looking at his bio on IMDb, and there is a bunch of stuff he has out now that I can do, like Diamond Cartel, which Ty has told me I need to watch, and Hitman Agency, which are both on Tubi. He's an interesting one, because he was at 39 movies, but we discovered IMDb had added films to his filmography that he wasn't actually in, like The Siege of Firebase Gloria, which meant he ended up losing tags. Now we have him at 38 films, so he's within striking distance again. We're also close to our 1300th post, so I figured we'd tie the two together to make it into a Wilson celebration. Who better to celebrate than one of the all-time greats? He's the reason Ty and I watched this, and he'll be the reason I do the sequel that's listed on IMDb. With guys this great, you gotta watch them all, and I've got some catching up to do.

Our hero of this passion piece/vanity project is Alan Delabie. If you go on his IMDb page, he has a series of fake magazine covers saying he's the best dressed man in the world. Let's not get carried away here, Alan. For me, I think Delabie would be great in a film helmed by Wilson as a member of his team. Give him a couple nice fight scenes, establish he's a dependable member of Wilson's crew, and maybe wrap with a death where he gets shot or stabbed--or both--and Wilson lifts his head off the ground and says "don't die on me man!" to which Delabie chokes out "finish the job!" then croaks. Maybe Wilson gets a little misty-eyed, but then nods, sets his head down, and moves onto the next scene. Could Delabie do that? Maybe direct and action direct some films where Wilson is the lead and he's a supporting character? I doubt it, so we'll see what the sequel to this looks like--at the very least, hopefully his best bodyguard in the world character will learn to pay attention when the person he's being paid to guard is tying their shoe!

In all these movies, I find someone with a smaller role to root for, and in this case it was "Rachel the Waitress" played by Natasha Killip. This poor young woman works as a server in a local cafe that looks more like a rec center, and is stuck dating a jerk who is so bad, she finds herself hitting on Delabie and complementing him on his jacket, which causes said boyfriend to crack foxy with Delabie, and get his ass kicked for his troubles. Later, when a bigger jerkoff, Edson, arrives, her jerkoff boyfriend can't help himself, and Edson kills that ass. Just trying to make it as a server in a cafe, she doesn't need all that BS, but maybe Edson did her a favor. I saw on IMDb that a sequel to this is coming, and Rachel the Waitress is in it, which I think is great, but maybe Delabie could get with the times and call her "Rachel the Server." Just a thought, but here's to you Rachel the Waitress, you're one of the great ones.

Finally, in our never ending saga over streamers, this film is only free on Tubi, which most of the time is a great deal, but when I went to get images for the review, Tubi had rolled out new features that disabled others, namely the search bar and My List. Normally that's not a big deal, because I could find this somewhere else, but it's not on anything else for free. The way I managed to get the movie qqueues up on Tubi was by clicking the link through the Letterboxd page. For low-budget indie filmmakers out there, let this be another lesson: try to get your films on multiple streamers, because you don't know when the one your movie's on will be down. I guess we can score another one for physical media.

But by the same token, Tubi will be fixed eventually, and you can get this on there for free. This is a fun one in the Miami Connection vein, but also gets you that much closer to being a Wilson completists, and who doesn't want that? Apparently a lot of people, because it doesn't have a lot of Letterboxd reviews, and we're only the second IMDb critic review. Oh, and Ty has watched it as well, because he and I covered it on episode 167 in the archives.

For more info: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt27419829

And if you haven't yet, check out my newest book, Nadia and Aidan, at Amazon in paperback or Kindle!

 

The Skulls II (2002)

As we finish up the month of November, we're also finishing our look at 2000s DTV sequels to 90s thrillers with this sequel to The Skulls. I know, that one technically came out in 2000, but in talking with Ty from Comeuppance about what a good fourth film for this series would be, we thought this would be better than some of the others I was considering, so I'm cheating a bit. In addition to us, Mitch at the Video Vacuum has covered this as well.

The Skulls II has DTVC favorite Robin Dunne as a kid going to Yale(ish) who's kind of coasting through life, until his older brother gets him into the Skulls. As luck would have it, he witnesses Aaron Ashmore (not to be confused with his brother Shawn) drug a woman, who proceeds to fall off the roof to her death. Dunne investigates, but is dissuaded when his brother and a cross between Jordan Knight and John Taylor tells him it was a hoax, then gives him a Ducati sportbike. That should be the end of it, but the Jordan Knight/John Taylor guy doubles down as a power play, and that pisses Dunne off, causing him to solve the murder and bring everyone involved down.

Like the others we've looked at in this series, this works in a guilty pleasure time killer kind of way. Robin Dunne is exactly who you want in the lead, and Lindy Booth is great as the young woman who helps him get to the bottom of things. Also like the others, it borrows heavily from the first film, though at least this one references the first one, it's not a straight rip-off the way Wild Things 2 and Single White Female 2 were. There were two interesting twists in this that I liked. One, I liked that Dunne was ready to buy the hoax explanation for why the girl died, but the cross between Jordan Knight and John Taylor baddie had to overplay his hand and try to ruin Dunne's life as well, which is what caused Dunne to dig in and turn the tables. It was a unique motivational device. The second twist was the use of Aaron Ashmore instead of his brother Shawn, who had just come off of a small role in X-Men. Well-played movie. Finally, the 99-minute runtime had me worried, but there are 6+ minutes of credits, plus the resolution comes with about 15 minutes to go, with everything after just tying up loose ends, so it's not as bad as 99 minutes would seem. The only issue I had is this is currently only available to rent as far as I can tell, and I don't know if it's worth shelling out any money beyond what you're already paying for your various other streaming subscriptions, but if it ever does appear on one again, it's worth the time.

The Dunne-ster is back, after we saw him in the first film we looked at, Cruel Intentions 2. While that movie was off-beat and this was more serious, Dunne's unique mix of off-beat jokester, combined with savant--here he's discussing Goethe with Lindy Booth, while in Cruel Intentions 2 he was showing Amy Adams up on the piano--plus guy who can scheme and get shit done, makes him perfect for a role like this, not to mention that Canadian-ness that brings it all home. It's also that early-2000s thing that he does so perfectly, with an open button-up shirt over a T-shirt, an oversized leather jacket over that, and some Gap wide-leg jeans. You put anyone else in this role, and it's not going to work as well, which I think is why we love Robin Dunne here. In looking at his IMDb bio, one thing I didn't know was how many films he's directed. Many of them are Christmas movies, which is nice, but what would be better is if he directed himself in some more DTV sequels of 90s thrillers. Like what if he did a Skulls IV that takes place in the present, where he and Lindy Booth are adults with kids of their own--and maybe one of his kids joins the Skulls! Dunne-y baby, we can make magic here!

Speaking of Lindy Booth, she's one day younger than me. On her IMDb page she doesn't have her year listed with her birthday, but it is still in her bio. It's another reminder of how old I'm getting too, that actors my age are removing their birth years from their bios in order to get more work.I last saw her on Strange New Worlds, where she was playing an "old" friend of Captain Pike, despite her being a good six years younger than him. This kind of thing happened later that season, when Mia Kirshner played Spock's mother, despite being only 11 years older than Ethan Peck, who plays Spock. Either way, what was great about Lindy here, was she inhabited that trope we see in a lot of these films: she's the diligent student, "plainer" than her sexier friend (Ashley Tesoro), who Dunne is dating initially because she's sexier, but when the chips are down, Booth is the one Dunne can count on--but in case we weren't sure if she was sexy enough, she has to sexy herself up to distract the coroner so Dunne can get an official coroner's report on the dead girl, and it's like "oh hey, she's sexy too!" But then at the very end, she picks Dunne up in her drop-top VW bug to show that as sexy as she can be, she's the sensible option over his previous girlfriend. I think between her and Dunne, their careers are similar, though she managed more TV roles. It was almost like, because she was in the tier below Sarah Michelle Gellar or Jennifer Love Hewitt, when the roles dried up for them, she had already adapted her career so she never lost out on the roles she was already getting, if that makes sense.

I was curious about Skull and Bones, the secret society at Yale that The Skulls is based on. I listen to a podcast called "Knowledge Fight," that makes fun of Alex Jones, and on his show, Jones has all kinds of conspiracy theories about Skull and Bones, some of which he gets from crazy conspiracy theory books, some of which it sounds like he gets from movies like this, and some that he must make up on his own--like when he said that part of the initiation involves initiates having buckets of human crap dumped on them. The hosts of "Knowledge Fight" were like, how do you get buckets full of crap like that? Conspiracy theorists don't ask those kinds of questions, they just go with it. A few interesting things that I learned from the Wikipedia entry though: while originally they were all about WASPy members, recently they've been more diverse, allowing women and people of color--in fact in 2020 they had their first all non-white initiate group. Also, tax filings give us a sense of how much money they have, which may be around $17 million. While that's a lot, it's not enough to flood the bank accounts of new members, or have tentacles into all areas of society. So if one of their members drugged a lady friend and she fell off a roof, they wouldn't be trying to cover it up, they'd be cooperating with the authorities and distancing themselves from the offending member with the quickness. Without any of that though, we wouldn't have fun, guilty pleasure movies, would we?

Finally, while this is supposed to take place at a version of Yale, it's shot in Toronto. Of the top ten metro areas in North America, Toronto is one of two--Houston being the other--that I have never been to, but I've always wanted to check it out. Part of it is that there's the Blue Jays, and I want to see every Major League Baseball park; but part of it is just that it's Canada's biggest city, and I've never been to Canada before. Maybe I need to set some money aside and make it happen in 2025. Could I do it as a tax write-off? "For the DTVC, I'm studying the hometown of Robin Dunne." Imagine what that would open up if that worked: London to see where Gary Daniels is from, Brussels for JCVD, and then Stockholm for Dolph's home city? At some point you'd have that small, sweaty, balding, mustachioed caricature of an IRS agent with his receipts and tiny calculator at my house going over my deductions. "You flew first class to Stockholm?" "Well, Dolph is so tall, I figured he'd never fly coach, and I wanted to experience it as he would."

And with that, let's wrap this up. Currently this is only an on demand rental here in the States, but if it comes up on a free streamer again, it's definitely worth checking out. It does what you need for a 90-minute guilty pleasure time killer, and don't let the 99-minute runtime scare you, it's not that bad.

For more info: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0278723

Looking for more action? Check out my new novella, Bainbridge, at Amazon in paperback or Kindle!

Single White Female 2: The Psycho (2005)

We continue our look at 2000s DTV sequels of 90s thrillers with this sequel to the early 90s classic(?) Single White Female. Out of all the films we're looking at, this had the biggest gap between the the first and the sequel, but I think the vibe is still the same. In addition to us, Mitch at the Video Vacuum, and Tars Tarkas have covered this as well.

Single White Female 2: The Psycho, has She Spies alum Kristen Miller as Holly, a PR firm worker who, with her friend Jan (Brooke Burns), are competing to get a managerial position. That's when Holly hatches a plan with her Poor Man's Julian McMahon boyfriend (Todd Babcock) to win the PR job for his new restaurant opening. But Jan is more wily than Holly, and she sends Holly on a fake business trip to Chicago, while she beds the Poor Man's McMahon. Now Holly needs a new place to live, so she moves in with nice, shy nurse, Tess (Allison "Road" Lange--I added the "Road"). Turns out, Tess really is a nice girl after all, and they all live happily ever after--or Tess is "the psycho" and she does psycho stuff for the last half of the film.

I enjoyed this for what it was, a trashy guilty pleasure. Hot women in hot outfits in mid-2000s NYC stabbing each other in the back both literally and figuratively, while Poor Man's Julian McMahons and the manager of the Lake Edna KFC look on--that's right, Rif Hutton is back as another detective! (And it should be noted, Brooke Burns from this film was married to the real Julian McMahon at one time.) The thing is, I don't know if anyone involved, from the writers--who also did Wild Things 2--to the director, to the stars, thought they were doing anything else, and they still just kinda went for it, which I appreciate. It's not quite a Skin-a-max thriller, because no one really gets naked in it outside of some body doubles, it's more like let's do a low-budget thriller that plays on the Single White Female name and the popularity of Sex in the City, and see if anyone bites. By the same token, as fun as this is as a guilty pleasure, it doesn't have the iconic classic elements the original had. Steven Weber from Wings doesn't get it with a stiletto heel to the eye--in fact, there are no Wings cast members killed in this, they couldn't even be bothered to toss Roy out a window, or maybe push Fay down a flight of stairs. This just borrows as much as it can from that plot, and gives it to you in a low-budget, DTV fashion. As a free streamer I'd say go for it, especially if you dig this kind of thing or are with people you know who dig this kind of thing. If it's a rental, I say skip it.

I love Kristen Miller, so I was happy to see her here. I first remember her on USA High as Nicholas Guest's daughter, which was on USA in the late 90s while I was waiting for Highlander to come on--and this film features another USA High alum, James Madio. From there she was on one of my favorite syndicated shows, She Spies, but it looks like she never quite got beyond that--and a movie like this certainly wasn't going to help matters. She's gotten one-off TV appearances on shows like Mad Men and Dexter, but there's also a lot of The Dog Who Saved Halloween too. It looks like she'd given that all up to star in some indie projects like web series, but even that may be done, as she doesn't have anything on her IMDb bio since 2020, and nothing in production that's new. If that's the case, we'll always have She Spies... and this...

Would you look at that above? The fact that Miller continued on in the biz for another 15 years after seeing that this film's title screen looks like that is testament to her stick-to it-iveness. I mean the feeling you must have in the pit of your stomach if you're someone who worked on this film when you go to the premier or fire it up on DVD, and see that! Is that MS Paint? The greeting card template on Word? It looks like my friend and I making covers to our burned mix CDs in the late 90s. This was distributed by Sony too. Did anyone with them look at this? I have to guess not, otherwise they'd probably be like "come on guys, let's get a legitimate title screen up here." In all my years of doing this, I think this might be the worst one I've seen. And does the fact that "The Psycho" is in a different font in a different square mean they hadn't settled on "The Psycho" for it yet? What were some of the other ideas they had? "The Retread," or "The Cash Grab" or maybe "The Let's Hope Using the 'Single White Female' Name is Enough to Get Blockbuster to Buy Copies and HBO to Pick This Up". I guess that would've been too big to fit in the square.

For some reason, I got it into my head that this came out in 2008, but as I was watching it, the fashions didn't feel like 2008. How did I know that? Like if you asked me what the difference between 2005 and 2008 fashion was, I'd have no idea how to explain it to you, but I just knew it, and then I looked on IMDb and found out I was right. With next year being 20 years since this film came out, does that mean 2005 is considered vintage? Like I think when I was in high school in the 90s, 70s stuff was considered vintage, so that kind of tracks, right? I looked up the rule for cars, and it's 20 years for a classic car. So a 2005 Corolla is considered a classic car now? They said it's 45 for vintage, which means I'm vintage, but so is a '79 Oldmobile. So if movies and clothes follow the car model, then this is a classic, but it's not vintage yet.

Outside of Rif Hutton in Shotgun, I think the only other person in this who's been in another film on the site, was Brooke Burns when she did Titanic II. That means the most tagged... entity?... is McDonald's, who made another appearance, which brings us to 13 now. That's more than some Hall of Famers! I think if we put McDonald's in the Hall of Fame, that would be our Jumping the Shark moment, and unlike Happy Days, which had five or six seasons after that, many of which it was the number one show on TV, I think for me it would kill the DTVC. For a McDonald's update, on a recent trip up to New England to see my family, I got the new Chicken Big Mac while I was in South Station in Boston. Not great. The mix of the breaded chicken with the special sauce made it all taste like a Filet-o-Fish. On my way back I decided to just get some fries, and even those weren't that great. Am I going to need to tag another fast food place on the site now? I don't know if there's any I've seen as often as I've seen McDonald's in our films though. I guess I could just not tag any, but how much fun would that be?

While we ponder this question, it's time to wrap this up. I had to rent this on Comcast, but it looks like now it's on Prime, so if you have Prime, this isn't a horrible way to kill 90 minutes. It's good, schlocky, trashy fun.

For more info: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0448120

Looking for more action? Check out my new novella, Bainbridge, at Amazon in paperback or Kindle!

Jasper (2011)

I first got wind of this film when I watched Jay Harangue's interview with Nathan Hill, the film's star and director, and Nate told Jay this is the one he needed to see. Considering I've now seen three of Hill's movies, Lady Terror, Revenge of the Gweilo, and Alien Love, and I enjoyed all three, if he was recommending this one, I needed to check it out too. In addition to us, Jay Harangue has covered this on his YouTube channel, and Romey Norton covered it on Film Focus Online.

Jasper has Hill as the eponymous hero, a private dick who was just about to retire, when a lady of the night (Sandy Greenwood) calls in his services to find her kidnapped son. No sooner do they get it on, when a couple of baddies show up, take her, and give Jasper a knock upside the head. When he comes to, he realizes he's the only one who can save her and her son, so he loads up on Red Bull and gets after it, going from hooking up with women every place he goes, to getting beaten up every place he goes, but at each stop, he gets clues that bring him closer to the truth. The question is, will there be anything left of him when he finds it?

Like Nate's other films, this was a ton of fun. I like Gweilo best, but this is pretty close. It plays on all the tropes of the Noir-ish thriller, and almost hits you over the head with them, but there's still the right amount of playing it straight that makes it work. A big part of that is all of the women who play opposite Hill, they're all in, and if they weren't, the veneer of playing it straight layered over the goofiness and tongue-in-cheek vibe that makes this whole thing so much fun would break down. I also like how Hill mitigates the low-budget limitations of the film with the goofiness that everyone is playing straight, because it sets Jasper in this surreal world that's just real enough to be believable--and this surreal aspect is furthered by the video game animations of the character in the opening credits. 75 minutes, free on Tubi, and a fun time, it's a perfect combination.

I could say Nate's done it again, but this is actually the oldest of his films that I've reviewed, so the other ones were more doing it again. Either way, I just love how he nails this spoof of hard boiled detective films, but in a way that no one but us as the audience is in on the joke. I also loved that as the hero, he both gets all the girls, but also gets beaten up the whole time. In many cases his attempts to hook up are interrupted by the baddies coming to beat him up, which makes it all the more fun. Because he's directed many films, he has a clear voice and tone in his films, and with this being the fourth one I've seen, I can tell early on that I'm watching a Nathan Hill film. When he was on the podcast, more to discuss his latest film, Alien Love, he did get into this one some too, and mentioned that because he's an actor himself, as a director he's able to get a lot of buy-in from the cast, and that's something I think really comes through in the finished product.

Of those many performances, I think my favorite was Sarah Howett, who played Sara the Boxer. Obviously as a professional in real life, she was really skilled, but the screen presence was solid too, especially for her not having acted as much. It looks like she hasn't done much since this, and what she has done haven't been big parts. One name that comes to mind when seeing her is Mimi Lesseos, who had a nice career in the 90s with a few leading roles in DTV actioners. I don't know how much DTV action is shot in Australia, but I think some of the ones coming out of England right now could use her, especially since she also does stunt work. Another name that stood out was Candice Day as Coffy, who's actually played a few Coffys in her short film career, but on the pod Nate explained that in this instance it was an homage to Pam Grier's Coffy, which Tarantino was also a fan of, and as a fan myself, I thought that was really cool. It was a short, but fun scene.

As you're watching this, you might notice there's a lot of Red Bull. Jasper drinks it a few times, it's conspicuously sitting on a tray of food in a hotel room, and a bar has stacks of it in a cooler. I asked Nate about that, and he said he asked Red Bull about them helping to fund the film with product placement. The product came, he placed it, but the money didn't follow. It's a lesson to filmmakers trying to get funding this way, that if the product comes, the money isn't guaranteed. A film this brings to mind is Deadly Prey with the New York Seltzer product placement. Considering the van that the baddies drive had a crack in the windshield, I wonder if the same thing happened. David Prior or David Winters were like "sorry fellas, we wanted to fix the cracked windshield, but the New York Seltzer money hasn't come yet!" The Red Bull product placement does end up being a fun element to the movie, just too bad the money wasn't there for them.

Finally, speaking of Red Bull, I have a thing for energy drinks. I don't exactly love the energy or the crash after, but I love how they taste. If I go in the store and see a new flavor of Red Bull, or Monster, or Ghost, or whatever, I have to get it, even if I've already had coffee that day. This might sound like a problem, but luckily energy drink companies don't release new flavors that often, so I can go through the refrigerated case at 7-11 and say "oh, I've already tried the Red Bull Winter Edition," or the Monster Guava Paradise, or the Ghost Sour Apple Sour Patch Kids. You might think that all of the Red Bull in this movie would be right up my alley, but it's just regular Red Bull, I've had that however many times before. It's when I see that they have a new flavor that I get geeked up. Just talking about this makes me want to run to 7-11 to see what other flavors they have.

And with that, let's wrap this up. You can currently stream Jasper, along with many of Nathan Hill's other films, on Tubi here in the States. It's well worth it, this is a lot of fun, and streaming free on Tubi is a great way you can support indie at no cost to you. And for the podcast episode where Nathan talks about this and his other films, you can find that in our podcast archives, episode 183. It was a great conversation, and well-worth checking out.

For more info: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1691862

Looking for more action? Check out my new novella, Bainbridge, at Amazon in paperback or Kindle!

Wild Things 2 (2004)

For the second of our 2000s DTV sequels of 90s thrillers, we have this sequel to Wild Things, the late 90s flick featuring Neve Campbell, Denise Richards, Matt Dillon, and a full-frontal Kevin Bacon. Unfortunately, because this didn't have Kevin Bacon, we know going in we're at least not going to get that full-frontal action, so at best this will be a three star film. In addition to us, Mitch at the Video Vacuum and Tars Tarkas have covered this as well.

Wild Things 2 has Susan Ward as a star beach volleyball player for her local high school, and the step-daughter of a rich guy, meaning she stands to inherit a lot of money now that her mom is no longer with us. The fly in the ointment is Leila Arcieri, who doesn't like Ward, and when Ward's step-father bites it in a plane accident, she comes forward and says she's his illegitimate daughter, meaning she should get the inheritance. Turns out, after a DNA test, she is the daughter? That's when insurance investigator Isaiah Washington gets involved, and he has a hunch something's fishy about the whole thing. But can he resist the allure of the money and these two beautiful... high school kids?

While this isn't a Gus Van Sant shot-by-shot remake of Psycho-style remake, it is pretty much a remake of the first movie. What do you do with that then? I means we know what's going to happen at every stage, every twist, especially at the end when you need your eye protection as the loose ends start flying together and the twists come fast and furious (Vin Diesel style). It's too bad, because I think as a guilty pleasure DTV thriller, this could've worked if they'd decided to try some new stuff with the story. The Ward-Arcieri interplay loses its intrigue when it devolves into the same relationship Campbell and Richards hard; and Isaiah Washington's character becomes too one-note when he starts to turn from insurance investigator who smells a rat, to guy who just wants the money. And in that sense, the same way that people were like "why would you make a shot-by-shot remake of Psycho, Mr. Van Sant?" we can't help watching this and thinking "why couldn't you have zagged just a bit from the first film?" With so many Noir-ish thrillers to pull from, like Double Indemnity, that would've been perfect for this, it's a shame they didn't go there. Just the same, as a free streamer and a 90-minute time killer, this does fit the guilty pleasure bill.

This is our first time seeing Susan Ward on here, which was surprising, until I saw that she'd retired from acting in 2012, which, between then and now, would've been prime DTV movie making for her. I first remember her as the innocent girl from Kansas, complete with the Rachel haircut, on Sunset Beach, and while I think she would've been looking for more from that, sometimes Soap Opera to DTV/TV movie isn't a bad deal. It's interesting, because in our last review we were talking about the ecosystem that Wild Things helped create, and Cruel Intentions helped make a staple of the late 90s, and Ward was in The In Crowd, playing a role Sarah Michelle Gellar turned down, and unfortunately it was at that moment where that kind of thing had hit its saturation point--which seems crazy considering it was only a year after Cruel Intentions, but no one saturates the market like Hollywood does. And sometimes it's that simple, the role Sarah Michelle Gellar turns down ends up being a dud, and four years later you're doing Wild Things 2, and eight years later it's not getting better, you have a choice to make. Robin Dunne chose to lean into it, and Susan Ward chose to retire. As far as this film, she wasn't bad here, and I think would've good been in a Robin Dunne-esque career, but I also don't blame her for calling it a day too.

Unlike Ward, who hadn't been on the site before, this is the fourth time for Leila Arcieri, even though I didn't remember the other three times. The first one was the PM flick Hot Boyz, which, with all the names in that, I could be forgiven for missing her there; and the other two were Death Toll and Supreme Champion, and considering those were both so unremarkable, I could be forgiven for forgetting she was in either of those too. But like Ward, she's also retired from acting, in her case two years earlier in 2010, and I can't blame her either based on the kinds of roles she was getting. According to IMDb, she won an award at the Brooklyn Film Festival for Buffalo Bushido in 2009, and as far as I can tell, that film wasn't released, at least not widely enough. Couple that with having to take a film like Supreme Champion right after that, and that's probably enough for an agonizing reappraisal of the situation. And I don't know that a movie like this helps either. She did have a body double for the topless scenes, but even without that, overall her character is written as this one-note, "ethnic" antagonist to Ward, and as much as she tried to punch it up in her performance, there was probably also a sense of "this is what Hollywood thinks of me?" And it's too bad, because even a slightly more imaginative script could've given her more to work with, and I think she would've rewarded that imagination in her performance.

We always joke about how old the high schoolers are in movies like this, and this film is no different, with Ward 28 and Arcieri 31 when the film came out. I get why they do that--if they have a love scene with 41-year-old Isaiah Washington, you can't have an actual high school-aged actress in that role. But the thing is, even if the actors are that much older, they're still playing high school students, and which makes the whole thing kind of weird. At least in Cruel Intentions, other than the assistant principal or whatever who was hooking up with Amy Adams's character--and that was fully depicted as a bad thing--at least the characters who were adults playing high school kids were only hooking up with each other, as opposed to here. And I think the only reason why they set this in high school was because the first one was, which to me isn't enough of a reason to do it again--in fact, it would've been a better zag on the first one, right? Make them college students instead of high school students, and then add in some of those other elements I discussed, and we could've had something more than just a 90-minute DTV guilty pleasure time killer.

Finally, as I mentioned above, we had some beach volleyball in this. It was the most haphazard, cobbled-together, after-thought beach volleyball, where the kids in the high school just run across the street to the beach and play the game, with no coach or anything--it was almost surreal in its goofiness. I think this is the fourth time we've had beach volleyball here on the site. The first was the C. Thomas Howell classic Side Out, which if you haven't seen, it's a must; the second was Beach Kings aka Green Flash, where David Charvet plays a college basketball star who decides to try his hand at beach volleyball, a film that also had The Hills's Kristin Cavallari, which dovetails nicely with the third film, Into the Blue 2: The Reef, which had some beach volleyball in it, and featured another The Hills star, Audrina Patridge. While I do enjoy watching volleyball and I have fun playing it at a cookout, it's not like I'm a fan to the point that I can name famous players or anything, so I'm not sure why beach volleyball keeps coming up on the site. Do I need to start tagging it?

We'll leave that question for another time and wrap this baby up. Currently you can get this on Tubi, but between when I saw this and wrote the review, it was already taken down once, so who knows how long it'll stay. It's too much of an unimaginative remake of the first one to be really great, but it could get you to the church on time if you need to kill some time for 90 minutes.

For more info: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0365270/

Looking for more action? Check out my short action novel, Bainbridge, and all my other novels, over at my author's page! Click on the image below, go to https://www.matthewpoirierauthor.com/

Cruel Intentions 2 (2000)

For the first of our DTV sequels to 90s thriller films, we're looking at this Cruel Intentions sequel from 2000. I don't know that any of them typify this paradigm more, from the movie it's a sequel of, to the fact that it has Robin Dunne; but the interesting quirk here is the addition of a pre-star Amy Adams. Let's see how it did.

Cruel Intentions 2 is something of a prequel to the original, with Robin Dunne as Sebastian Valmont moving in with his father, his father's new wife Mimi Rogers, and her daughter Amy Adams, as Kathryn Merteuil. As he tries to adjust to his new life in New York, he falls for the headmaster's daughter Danielle (Sarah Thompson). At the same time, we learn that Kathryn is the head of a secret organization of most elite among the elite students, and her task is to get newly arrived freshman Cherie (NH's own Keri Lynn Pratt) laid. As all this is happening, a rivalry is brewing between the new step-siblings. Adams is trying to maintain her hegemony, but Dunne is ready to mix it up with her and carve out his turf while pursuing love interest Danielle. Which of the two will prevail?

This was originally intended to be a TV series on Fox based on the first movie, but word on the street is Rupert Murdoch got wind of it--and saw the scene where Pratt, a 22-year-old at the time playing a 14-year-old, giving herself an orgasm by grinding on top of a horse's saddle in Central Park--and pulled the plug. At that point three episodes had been filmed, so they decided to cobble those together and add some new, racier footage--including nudity--and market it as a DTV sequel. If there's anything wrong with the film, it's that, that it feels cobbled together and reworked--like if it's a prequel, why does it look like it took place after the first film? Once you get passed that though, this is everything you'd want from a movie like this, from the trashy fun, like when Dunne and Adams are hooking up and Adams says "The Bradys never had it so good;" to the Robin Dunne factor; to the plot with all its twists and turns; to the mix of names we barely know to names like Mimi Rogers, who would've anchored a show like this; and names we know now like Amy Adams who would've just been getting her start. I don't know if I'd watch this and the first one together, but if you were doing a night of these DTV sequels, this would be a fun addition.

The Robin Dunne element maybe works most in the film's favor, and can't be understated. We're going to see him again this month when we look at Skulls II, and originally we were going to do American Psycho 2 in that spot, which also has Dunne. The first thing I saw him in was The Big Hit, where he plays a bungling white rapper sort who's trying to break into the assassin industry, and meets a bad end at the hands of Lou Diamond Phillips for his troubles. We've also seen him on the site before, when he was in the Roddy Piper flick Jungleground, which makes sense considering Dunne is also Canadian. And it's that mix of good looks, off-beat charisma, and Canadian-ness that makes him perfect for these movies, and now as the market has transitioned and he's gotten older, perfect for the Hallmark Christmas movies he's been doing--I count eight Christmas movies and one New Year's movie on his IMDb bio. It's quite a career when you think about it, and other than maybe Brandon Routh, there isn't anyone I'd rather have leading my Christmas movie now, or my 2000s DTV sequel then.

One year removed from her film debut in Drop Dead Gorgeous, Adams probably thought she'd made it when she was cast on this network TV show, only to see it dumped by Fox and cobbled together into a DTV sequel with nudity added in. What would the big break be then? Catch Me If You Can? Talladega Nights? I think the one that puts her on the level she's on now was The Fighter, which then leads to blockbusters like Man of Steel. What's fun about our site though is we can go back to films like this and see roles from when big stars were just starting out. Even with her character being cobbled together and edited the way it was, you can still see the star that was there, but it's interesting to think about what would've happened had the show been allowed to continue. She and Dunne could've created something really interesting, and maybe Dunne would've gone on to have more of a Joshua Jackson-esque career than the one he has now; but would Adams have been able to carve out the superstar career she has? Or would she have been known for more TV stuff? Was the show being canceled before it even started the best thing that could've happened to her, while it hurt the careers of almost everyone else involved? Maybe. She does have a couple more DTV films, so we may see her again on here, but if we don't, this film is an interesting one in her filmography.

I tried to bring myself back to the early 2000s as I was watching this. I haven't seen the original since it came out, but at that time we had this new Brat Pack forming from a group of twentysomethings who were slightly older than me or my age, all born from the mid-to-late-70s and playing high school students. I think the movement started with WB--now the CW--shows like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Dawson's Creek, and Felicity. Then we had movies like Scream and Wild Things that featured more of an older set of young stars, like Neve Campbell and Denise Richards, but were emulated with this younger set in films like I Know What You Did Last Summer and Cruel Intentions. It's interesting, because I think the ones that emerged out of that group to become the biggest stars were the ones that were younger, like Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling; or the ones that were more adjacent, like Amy Adams. Reese Witherspoon probably had the most success into the 2010s, followed by Paul Walker with the Fast and Furious movies, but that's about it for that top level of stardom. Either way, for a time between the late 90s and early 2000s, they ruled, and they were our Brat Pack. And now they've all fallen into comfortable roles on not-so-prestige TV shows and Christmas movies. Maybe 20 years later, that's actually not a bad deal.

Finally, the soundtrack has some Smithereens songs, which brings me back to the early 90s, but it also had a couple songs by Thin Lizard Dawn. You'd be forgiven for not knowing who they are. I think their biggest hit was 1996's "Sucks," which at the time I think was called "Sucks Like Oasis," and was probably only a hit because it called out one of the biggest bands of the time. 1996 was also the year I saw Oasis in concert at the Worcester Centrum, now the DCU Center--I still have the T-shirt I bought there. My buddy had the album that had "Sucks" on it when I was in college, apologizing because he knew I was a big Oasis fan. Here's the thing though, I listened to the song for the first time in like 25 years, and realized it's not very good. "Weed," which was used in this film, is a bit better, but you can see why Oasis was an all-time band, and no one remembers Thin Lizard Dawn.

Kinda though, right? Because this movie is currently on Tubi, so you can stream this free and hear all the Thin Lizard Dawn you want while you get your fill of Robin Dunne, pre-stardom Amy Adams, and fun DTV sequel/prequel guilty pleasure. So while Oasis is planning a massive reunion concert, Thin Lizard Dawn lives on as well.

For more info: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0196267

Looking for more action? Check out my short action novel, Bainbridge, and all my other novels, over at my author's page! Click on the image below, go to https://www.matthewpoirierauthor.com/

Showdown at the Grand (2023)

The Babe Ruth of DTV action, Dolph Lundgren, celebrates his 67th birthday today, so we had to celebrate with this film, which came out in 2023 and has been sitting in my watch list all this time. With now 74 films on the site, he's the only one with more films than years on the planet--though Gary Daniels is close, with 60 films at 61 years old.

Showndown at the Grand features Terrence Howard as the owner of a small, struggling indie theater. In an attempt to boost revenue, he invites famed low-budget action star Claude Luc Hallyday (Dolph) to visit. While that sounds great, it may all be in vain, as a real estate conglomerate wants to buy the theater and tear it down for a massive apartment development. But Howard won't go down that easily, and with his friend and local pawn shop dealer John Savage, and new intern Piper Curda, fresh from earning her PhD in film, they keep things together long enough for Dolph to arrive--which is the exact moment that the real estate developers unleash their army of masked goons on the theater. Will Howard and company be able to fend them off?

This was definitely a fun time. It's a bit over the top (Stallone style), but that's by design, so you're either okay with it or you're not, and while I think there were moments where I wasn't, once we got to the end I just went with it, which I think was the right approach. The Dolph that you wanted was there, both in the footage of the fake films he did--which all look fantastic and would be great if they were ever made--to the shy, reclusive former star that he is, uncomfortable being in front of a crowd again after all these years, and then when he finally gets in front of the audience, extolling the virtues of Estonian saunas. Howard was also great as the lead, he plays the theater owner in a very believable way to start, so when he has to turn into a de facto action hero, I wouldn't say we believe it too, but at least we're willing to go there with him. The one area I thought this was lacking was in developing Piper Curda's character. It feels like they liked the idea of her, but didn't do anything with her, which was a waste. Overall though I appreciated what they were going for, and enjoyed myself.

At 67, Dolph plays a 67-year-old character here, which I thought was great. He leaned into his age, but also showed off his fitness level to be his younger self in the fake movie clips. He also leaned into his low-budget/DTV career, and that was something as a longtime fan really I connected with. It was almost like he was giving us this role as a gift to us. We always talk about his larger-than-life presence, which we see in the clips of the fake movies, but to then pull that back when the character is unsure about talking in front of a large group after all this time, only to find some of that old magic when the theater is under attack, was all great stuff showing his range as an actor. He makes this movie for me, and while it's not an all-time favorite of his--if you look on my Letterboxd list for Dolph, it just cracks the top 40--for a new Dolph film, it's a nice addition to his filmography.

This is our first time seeing Terrence Howard on the site, which I was surprised about, because I thought I reviewed The System, a film Ty and I did on episode 147 of the podcast, all the way back in February, but I guess I never got around to it. As I said above, the best part of his performance is how well he nails the struggling indie theater owner. The personality he gives that character feels so spot on. But then he's got to sell it when the thing goes over the top (Stallone style), which to be honest I think is easier to do that than it is to authentically nail the quirks of the indie theater owner earlier on. It looks like DTV is where he's living right now, so we'll definitely see him again, but the level of this performance also shows DTV is not where he should stay. There's gotta be a prestige TV show on a streaming network that could use him, where his talents could be better utilized.

As "The DTV Connoisseur," movie theaters don't come up as often in conversation, but seeing an old movie at a small indie theater is always a fun experience. Here in Philly there's the Ritz, which is now owned by Landmark Cinemas, but it has enough of that feel, and a few weeks ago I got to see Blade there. The problem is, the consolidation of the studio side of the film industry has had a similar effect on theaters, with this smaller pool of more powerful studios wanting to work with the major chains that can give them more screens and better amenities. One way that the smaller theaters used to compete was by showing older films on special nights--like Blade--which gets people in the door so they come back for other films. What Disney has done to hurt that market is vaulting their films--of which they have a lot more now that they own 20th Century Fox's catalog too. For example, this year's the 35th anniversary of Say Anything, which was a 20th Century Fox film, and in the past Fox was good about giving the rights for indie theaters to show it. Now, Disney often won't let them, because they don't want a Say Anything keeping people away from a Deadpool and Wolverine. It's one of the many ways Disney is trying to kill the film industry--while still pulling in almost $3 billion from two films this year--which I think from Disney's standpoint may seem like the right play, but in the long run has the opposite effect, as fewer people overall go to the theater over time.

Finally, before we get into our second Dolph paragraph, I wanted to mention that guy above. That's Michael Oblowitz, father to the film's director, Orson Oblowitz. Why is that important? He's directed Steven Seagal in two DTV classics, The Foreigner and Out for a Kill. How do you not love that?

Anyway, this is probably it for Dolph for a while. I know I've said that before, but at this stage we only have Small Apartments and Fat Slags for DTV flicks; Sharknado 5, which he has a small appearance in near the end; and then Expendables 3 and Expend4bles as two theatrical films that are fair game because I've reviewed the first two. I don't know that any of them are real priorities though. It looks like he also has a BondIt Media film in post production that also has Michael Jai White, so that will be a priority whenever it comes out. In the meantime though, even taking a hiatus, I don't see anyone catching him for most tags all time. Gary Daniels is the closest, and he's still 14 behind. So as he celebrates his 67th birthday, and 74th film on the site, we celebrate him too, as the best to ever do it, especially in the DTV world. Grattis på födelsedagen, Herr Jundgren, du är störst.

And with that, let's wrap this up. Right now you can get this on Pluto TV here in the States. It's probably your best bet, though Pluto is much worse on commercials than Tubi is. As a Dolph fan, I think this is a must see--even though, as a Dolph fan, aren't they all must sees?

For more info: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt18115690

Looking for more action? Check out my short action novel, Bainbridge, and all my other novels, over at my author's page! Click on the image below, go to https://www.matthewpoirierauthor.com/

LETHAL Ladies: Return to Savage Beach (1998)

For our final DTVC Hall of Fame induction for 2024, we have the one, the only, Andy Sidaris, and what better film to review than his final film ever, and the end to his LETHAL Ladies films, one of the greatest DTV franchises ever. We covered this in a recent podcast episode, number 177 in the archives, with Chris the Brain from Bulletproof Action, and in addition to us, Mitch at the Video Vacuum has covered this as well.

LETHAL Ladies: Return to Savage Beach is the final LETHAL Ladies film, and in this installment, Rodrigo Obregon is back, and he wants some gold hidden on Savage Beach, the same one Dona Speir and Hope Marie Carlton seemingly blew him up on back in that film. To stop them, director Julie Strain has called in all her operatives in all their busty or muscular glory, but even that won't be enough, so the department has called in an old foe: Marcus "Buff" Bagwell, aka "Warrior," doing a heel-turn that would make Vin Diesel proud. Will they be able to stop Obregon and his baddies? Who knows, but what we do know is in the meantime, we'll be treated to all the dressing, undressing, and skinny dipping we can handle.

This is as fun as any of the films. Yes, we only get Dona Speir in a flashback sequence, and mainstays like Bruce Penhall or an Abilene who can't shoot straight are conspicuously absent; but the spirit of these movies is there in full effect. Like when Shae Marks and Julie K. Smith find where the gold is buried on Savage Beach, instead of digging, they decide to try some snorkeling--with tops on at first, just in case there are any coral reefs around that may scratch them, but then go topless once they find out they're safe from the danger of coral reef scratching--at least that's the best explanation I can think of for why they started with their tops on, then went topless. In the image above, Carrie Westcott is serving pizza along with ginger ale laced with Mickeys, because, as Chris pointed out on the pod, ginger ale is what you drink with pizza? It's moments like that that make the series, along with the explosions, nudity, love scenes, Rodrigo Obregon's baddies, and Ava's KSXY radio broadcasts--which this time are accompanied by Ninja Turtles co-creator Kevin Eastman as Harry the Cat, who at the time was married to Julie Strain. The one interesting element, which I don't know if I'd say is a full-on drawback, is because this is the only one that fully calls back the others, it needed to set up a lot of backstory, which felt a bit awkward. It was a small quibble on what was an overall great time though.

Like Dona Speir, Andy Sidaris doesn't have the filmography of some of the other DTVC Hall of Fame directors, but outside of the Bloodfist films, I don't there's a more prodigious, impactful, or iconic DTV franchise. Depending on how you count Malibu Express, this is either the 11th or 12th film--and at the very least, Malibu Express is part of the same movie universe, because Cody is mentioned in Hard Ticket to Hawaii as being Rowdy's brother. Either way, this is a series of over 10 films with no duds, you can turn on any of them and have a great time. We reduce them down to boobs, bombs, and bullets, but if it were just that, anyone could make these and have success. Sidaris adds something more, whether it's him directing, or his son while he's producing, there's a tongue-in-cheek vibe while everyone involved is playing it straight, that makes them even more fun. Also, the decision to put Speir as the lead instead of the Abilene who can't shoot straight was something that can't be understated. He had Bruce Penhall from CHiPs that he easily could've slotted into the next Abilene who can't shoot straight role, but he decided to give that part to Michael J. Shane and make it a smaller role, and give the series to Speir to lead. A true cinematic legend, here's to you Mr. Sidaris, you were one of the greatest.

We also had another Hall of Famer in this, Julie Strain, who, after Speir leaves the series with Fit to Kill, takes over as the lead female, first as a baddie, and now with these last two in the series, as the leader of the organization. One thing I discovered with this post, is she and Dona Speir move into a two-way tie for second-most tags by a woman on the site with 9, moving them past Kathleen Kinmont and Shannon Tweed, but still well-behind Cynthia Rothrock's 43. Could she ever get there? Based on her IMDb bio, probably not 43, but she has a lot that we could cover, which should keep her in the second place slot, or possibly jockeying back and forth with Shannon Tweed for that honor. She left us way too soon, but films like this are here to remind us of what a great legacy she leaves behind.

As we mentioned above, we have Buff Bagwell back, as his previous character, who was a baddie in the previous film. He lets Strain--and us--know that the agent he killed in that movie was a serial killer, so he did them a favor by taking him out. Even Vin Diesel thinks that's convenient, but you could see him watching this after Fast and Furious 7--or whatever it was called--thinking there's no way he could bring Jason Statham back as a good guy, then he listens to the dialog between Strain and Bagwell where Bagwell's like "yeah, so I'm a good guy now," and he must've thought, as he snacked on his Tombstone pizza and drank his Corona, "Jesus, that's all I need to do?" Unfortunately a few years after this, when the WWE buys WCW, Buff got the main event on Raw, and then Vince McMahon fired him soon after, causing his career to take a downturn. Why he couldn't get more DTV films though is beyond me, he was a lot of fun here. I do have a theory on why Bagwell was fired though: it wasn't because his mom called him in sick to an event or anything like that, I think McMahon saw how short he was next to Strain in this, and said "nope, that's it, he's gotta go," because McMahon has a thing for tall guys. His loss should've been our gain though, and maybe we can still get him in stuff, especially if he's wearing shirts like that.

Finally, we had two other potential Hall of Famers in this, with Rodrigo Obregon and Gerald Okamura. Obergon was a stalwart in these LETHAL Ladies films, he appears in almost all of them, and as fitting as it was that Sidaris in this final film chose to callback to Savage Beach, the film in the series where Speir took the helm, it was equally fitting that he made sure he brought Obregon back to be his baddie. Unfortunately like Strain and Sidaris, Obregon is no longer with us, but beyond these LETHAL Ladies films, he's done some others that belong on the DTVC, so he may still get there to the Hall of Fame. Okamura is now at 13 films on the site, with a lot of classics under his belt, and has a ton of stuff left that I still need to do, including some PM flicks, and some movies from the earliest days of DTV. He doesn't have as big of a part in this as Obregon, but one of his scenes involves him standing in front of a huge chair, and then helping Strain and Bagwell dispatch some kabuki ninjas. That's the Okamura we're looking for.

And with that, let's wrap this up. You can currently get this, and all the LETHAL Ladies films on Tubi. If you're looking for something fun to watch, these always do the trick--though Chris made a great point on the podcast episode that they're better watched at night. Speaking of which, you can find that episode in the archives, number 177. As we wrap, congratulations again to Mr. Sidaris, you were truly ones of the greatest.

For more info: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0127759

Looking for more action? Check out my short action novel, Bainbridge, and all my other novels, over at my author's page! Click on the image below, go to https://www.matthewpoirierauthor.com/

Click: The Calendar Girl Killer (1990)

Next up for our 2024 Hall of Fame inductions we have Dona Speir. She was best known for her Sidaris LETHAL Ladies films, but because we'd exhausted all the ones she starred in, we needed something else, and I found this gem on YouTube. In addition to us, Stacie Ponder at Final Girl has covered this as well.

Click: The Calendar Girl Killer has the great Ross Hagen (who also wrote and co-directed) as a famous photographer that may or may not also be a guy who dresses like a female nurse and kills people. Anyway, he has this crazy grinchy idea to do a violence-themed photo shoot, so he gets a bunch of models out to a ranch he has, and starts shooting them in skimpy outfits with various weapons in their hands. One of the models (Keely Sims) is there with her boyfriend (Gregory Scott Cummins), and he's not happy with her modeling career. He may have a case, because in the last 25 minutes or so, their model friends start getting bumped off. Can PI Hoke Howell help? Probably not, so it's up to Cummins and Sims to save themselves.

This is pretty fantastic, but it's not a 1990 fantastic, it's a 1990 in 2024 fantastic. If this was made today, and didn't kill anyone until an hour in, or if I was watching this in 1990 and saw that no one was killed until an hour in, I'd be like what the hell am I watching? But a 1990 movie in 2024, I know exactly what I'm watching, and I love it. Like when Gregory Scott Cummins on his dirt bike is chasing after Keely Smith and Ross Hagen on a winding highway, only to have another car come into his lane and hit him, causing him to go flying 20 feet in the air and land in a bunch of trees. Is he dead? Nope, "nothing's broken except my pride." It's like life can't get much better than that, can it? And there are more of those beautiful "what just happened?" moments that, combined with all the Members Only jackets, guys that probably hung out with your grandfather with popped collars hanging out with twentysomethings, and names you recognize, that make this such a great time. It's like a savings bond, it's only worth half as much in 1990 as it's worth now. 

Speir is only in this at the very beginning, though based on the fact that she's in the opening violence-themed photo shoot montage--holding a bow and arrow no less--my hunch is she was supposed to be in this more. Consider the number of writers, 6, and the number of directors, 2, this probably had all kinds of issues, and maybe at some point they lost Dona, whether it was due to other commitments, or she just didn't want to work with them anymore. Whatever the reason, this was a smaller role than we'd like for a Hall of Fame induction post, but she doesn't have much more work after this beyond the Sidaris films we've already covered. And those of course are the reason she's getting this HOF induction. One of the definitive DTV franchises, the LETHAL Ladies films, and Speir was in seven of them, acting as the lead for five starting with Savage Beach--and perhaps fitting that in her first scene in this film, she's accompanied by Michael J. Shane, who played Shane Abilene in the LETHAL Ladies films after it was decided to center the films on her instead of whichever Abilene who couldn't shoot straight that Sidaris cast. We've seen bigger budget franchises of 5 or more films led by a woman now with Milla Jovovich in the Resident Evil films or Kate Beckinsale with the Underworld films, but it's still rare for a woman to helm a franchise over that many films, and Speir did it more than ten years before them. She may not have the large CV of other Hall of Famers, but the legacy of the films she's had is much greater. Here's to you Ms. Speir, you're truly one of the greats.

Someone who's making a case for a future induction is one Mr. Ross Hagen, which is something I didn't see coming when I started this site, knowing him more for 60s films like Hellcats and Sidehackers--which I discovered is actually called Five the Hard Way? But he's had quite a DTV career, starting with 1986's Armed Response, and making almost 40 DTV flicks before he passed in 2011. In the late 80s/early 90s he existed well in this space as a guy born in the 30s, wearing Members Only jackets and later-season Happy Days Tom Boseley transition sunglasses, speaking with his raspy, 70s Love Boat guest star voice, giving you that sense that he could either be your grandfather's younger friend, or a coke dealer, or maybe both. There's something soothing about it, and it is kind of crazy to think that Robert Downey Jr. was two years older when he made Avengers: End Game than Hagen was when he made this, because Downey Jr. isn't really a fun mix of grandfather's younger friend and coke dealer. That explains why Downey has to slum it making another Avengers movie, while Hagen was killing it in classics like this.

Does a movie that has "killer" in the title need to have kills sooner? Does a movie that has "calendar girl" in the title need actual calendar girls? Or maybe Neil Sedaka? Speaking of which, how did we make it through the 90s without getting Neil Sedaka in one of these movies? Yes, if you look at his IMDb bio, the songs he wrote in the 60s and 70s are still making him money, so it wasn't like he needed a quick paycheck; and I can't imagine he ran in the same circles as guys like Ross Hagen and Troy Donahue that maybe could've gotten him in a film like this just for fun, but still, I needed Neil Sedaka in a Members Only jacket with a pastel Izod-Lacost polo under it, pointing a revolver at someone while holding it in both hands. Anyway, no calendar girls, and no killers until the end, should be a wrap for a film like this, but in a way it adds to the charm. Like do I care what the movie is called when Hagen packs off a group of models and crew into a van, the van drives off, and then blows up, seemingly out of nowhere? Call it "Ross Hagen may at some point eventually dress up as a female nurse and kill people" if you want, if you're going to load it up with the stuff they did here, I'll take it.

Finally, we have a Chinatown sighting. This actually isn't the first time we've seen LA's Chinatown in a movie, there was also Lethal Ninja, and Chinatown Connection. I was trying to think of how many other Chinatowns we've had. The best I could do is a search of my site, which means I would've had to mention it in the post. Of those, we also had New York Chinatown, but then I think that's it for American ones. Outside the US, we've had Melbourne's in Revenge of the Gweilo, Manila's in Bloodfist, and Tokyo's in the Seagal flick Into the Sun. This dovetails with a point I'm about to make about the Chinatown here in Philly, which is danger based on a recent development between the mayor and the NBA team, the 76ers. In my post on The Double, I talked about Washington DC and how it had a nice Chinatown. I hadn't been in 10 years at that point, but earlier this year I went there to see a Wizards game, because the arena is also in Chinatown. In 2001, that arena was new--It was called the MCI Center, remember that company?--and Chinatown was much more robust. Now, in 2024, it's a shell of what it was then, the arena and all the accompanying development that comes with it had diminished it considerably, now instead of the Mongolian restaurant, we had a Yard House and Caesar's Sportsbook. In Philly they want to do the same thing, only the arena the Sixers and the mayor want to build will not only do the same thing to our Chinatown, it will also jam up the main east-west thoroughfare on game nights, making the city a total mess. It puts me in a quandary, because, like others, other than the one ticket I'd already bought for a game, I'm done with them until they change course on this; but on the other, tickets are really cheap right now. Opening night is under $60, which I haven't seen that low since the mid-2010s when they were horrible. It's tempting, but I gotta be strong. Save Philly's Chinatown, no Sixers arena downtown!

And with that, let's wrap this up. I found this on YouTube. That version wasn't bad, so hopefully it'll stay there for a while, because this is a lot of fun and worth checking out. And then congratulations to Dona Speir on your induction into the Hall of Fame! It's well deserved, and people can celebrate by watching any of your LETHAL Ladies films on Tubi.

For more info: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099278

Looking for more action? Check out my short action novel, Bainbridge, and all my other novels, over at my author's page! Click on the image below, go to https://www.matthewpoirierauthor.com/