12 Rounds (2009)

I remember seeing ads for this when it was in the theater, but those ads didn't last long. Maybe that's because this didn't last long-- at least not in my neighborhood. According to imdb, it had an estimated budget of $22 million, and made about $12 million at the gate here in the States. I imagine, after foreign sales, DVD money, and then charging FX or whatever to air it, they probably just broke even.

12 Rounds stars West Newbury's John Cena as a New Orleans rookie police officer who happens upon an evil criminal mastermind escaping from a crime he just committed with his girlfriend. The girlfriend dies in ensuing the pursuit, and the criminal mastermind vows revenge. Fast forward, and now detective John Cena gets a phone call from the criminal mastermind, letting him know he kidnapped Cena's woman and if he wants her back, he's gotta jump through some criminal mastermind hoops. As the name implies, it's twelve rounds of fun, and if he makes it, his woman lives.



Ever seen Die Hard 3? Imagine that without Jeremy Irons, Samuel L. Jackson, Bruce Willis, or any awesomeness. Okay, maybe I'm being a little hard on it. For a bad action movie it was pretty good, I just liked it better when it was called Die Hard 3. What's so wrong with that?

John Cena grew up in West Newbury, Massachusetts, which is only 30 miles away from where I grew up, in Kittery, Maine. People often find it hard to believe that growing up in Maine would mean I grew up so close to Mass too, and for most Mainers that's true, but Kittery is on the southern tip, just on the other side of the New Hampshire border. There's about 16 miles between Kittery and the Mass border, and West Newbury isn't far on the other side of that. The neighboring Newburyport is actually considered part of the same geographic area as Kittery, known as the Seacoast, and it has the closest Boston commuter rail stop to us. Anyway, enough of the geography lesson, but it was necessary to set up the next paragraph...



...Because John Cena in this film represents a certain type of dude I grew up with, and I couldn't get past that. The thick Mass accent, the demeanor-- the only thing he was missing was the Red Sox cap-- it all just felt like this guy who beats his chest about how great "tha Sawwx" are, then gets drunk and starts a fight. Even the look on his face when he was angry was like "yo dude, you wanna go?" For everyone that lives outside of New England, this is the kind of meathead who will try to fight you because you're wearing the hat of the other team that's playing that day; and believe me, he will try to fight you. I've seen this plenty of times at either the Garden or Fenway Park, and people are like "you're not serious, are you? I'm just wearing a Cleveland Indians hat or Ottawa Senators jersey." It's not an intimidation factor either, I'm sure people from everywhere else are just as tough as Bostonians, they just don't fight over something as silly as what team gear someone is wearing. I'm not sure why, but Boston fans have been let off the hook for this behavior, while Philadelphia fans get branded as being horrible.

Now I'm not saying Cena is that guy. I know a lot of his act in the WWE is making fun of that guy (and making fun of "Marky" Mark Walhberg), and people from around here get a kick out of it that much more because we know first hand who he's making fun of; but in a film like this, when he's not doing the over the top thing like he does in the WWE, it just hits too close to home, and my feeling is if I want to see a guy like that, I'll go into any bar on a Saturday and rock a Yankees lid. "Dude, you wanna go?" Hopefully, if he does more films, he'll develop skills that transcend the "dude you wanna go?" element.



When I reviewed April Fools Day I mentioned the very hot Taylor Cole. She was in this as well, as the criminal mastermind's girlfriend, but I didn't find her as hot as I did in that other film. Cena's woman was played by Ashley Scott, who was on a show based on Batman called Birds of Prey that I didn't even know existed. Anyway, as I was watching 12 Rounds, I wondered: what makes someone take a role like Scott's, where all she is is a damsel in distress? I don't think you could pay me enough to play a part where I spend most of the movie bound and gagged, dragged around at gun point, and helplessly waiting for the hero to save me. As I watched further though, I saw how they sold it to her: by telling her she's a strong woman. Early on in the film she's seen under the sink trying to fix a leak. Later, she's kicking the baddie while Cena fights him. We're supposed to forget the damsel in distress part and focus on the tough chick. I can even see her in the press junkets telling everyone how "strong" her character is. I know this might sound cynical, but it actually has a practical implication as well. Scott now has more to give to future casting directors other than just "wow, I really believed it Ashley when you told that bad guy how he wasn't going to get away with it..."

I think most people outside of the Greater Metro Boston area will find this to be a fun bad action film, no matter how much it rips off Die Hard 3. Also, I imagine a lot of people within the Greater Metro Boston area who are the type of person above will see this and love Cena's character-- or they'll see it and want to fight him. Either way, for me it just brought up a lot of personal memories of local meatheads, so it was more of my issue than any real problem with the film, and for that I can't tell someone else to avoid it.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1160368/