Showdown at the Grand (2023)

The Babe Ruth of DTV action, Dolph Lundgren, celebrates his 67th birthday today, so we had to celebrate with this film, which came out in 2023 and has been sitting in my watch list all this time. With now 74 films on the site, he's the only one with more films than years on the planet--though Gary Daniels is close, with 60 films at 61 years old.

Showndown at the Grand features Terrence Howard as the owner of a small, struggling indie theater. In an attempt to boost revenue, he invites famed low-budget action star Claude Luc Hallyday (Dolph) to visit. While that sounds great, it may all be in vain, as a real estate conglomerate wants to buy the theater and tear it down for a massive apartment development. But Howard won't go down that easily, and with his friend and local pawn shop dealer John Savage, and new intern Piper Curda, fresh from earning her PhD in film, they keep things together long enough for Dolph to arrive--which is the exact moment that the real estate developers unleash their army of masked goons on the theater. Will Howard and company be able to fend them off?

This was definitely a fun time. It's a bit over the top (Stallone style), but that's by design, so you're either okay with it or you're not, and while I think there were moments where I wasn't, once we got to the end I just went with it, which I think was the right approach. The Dolph that you wanted was there, both in the footage of the fake films he did--which all look fantastic and would be great if they were ever made--to the shy, reclusive former star that he is, uncomfortable being in front of a crowd again after all these years, and then when he finally gets in front of the audience, extolling the virtues of Estonian saunas. Howard was also great as the lead, he plays the theater owner in a very believable way to start, so when he has to turn into a de facto action hero, I wouldn't say we believe it too, but at least we're willing to go there with him. The one area I thought this was lacking was in developing Piper Curda's character. It feels like they liked the idea of her, but didn't do anything with her, which was a waste. Overall though I appreciated what they were going for, and enjoyed myself.

At 67, Dolph plays a 67-year-old character here, which I thought was great. He leaned into his age, but also showed off his fitness level to be his younger self in the fake movie clips. He also leaned into his low-budget/DTV career, and that was something as a longtime fan really I connected with. It was almost like he was giving us this role as a gift to us. We always talk about his larger-than-life presence, which we see in the clips of the fake movies, but to then pull that back when the character is unsure about talking in front of a large group after all this time, only to find some of that old magic when the theater is under attack, was all great stuff showing his range as an actor. He makes this movie for me, and while it's not an all-time favorite of his--if you look on my Letterboxd list for Dolph, it just cracks the top 40--for a new Dolph film, it's a nice addition to his filmography.

This is our first time seeing Terrence Howard on the site, which I was surprised about, because I thought I reviewed The System, a film Ty and I did on episode 147 of the podcast, all the way back in February, but I guess I never got around to it. As I said above, the best part of his performance is how well he nails the struggling indie theater owner. The personality he gives that character feels so spot on. But then he's got to sell it when the thing goes over the top (Stallone style), which to be honest I think is easier to do that than it is to authentically nail the quirks of the indie theater owner earlier on. It looks like DTV is where he's living right now, so we'll definitely see him again, but the level of this performance also shows DTV is not where he should stay. There's gotta be a prestige TV show on a streaming network that could use him, where his talents could be better utilized.

As "The DTV Connoisseur," movie theaters don't come up as often in conversation, but seeing an old movie at a small indie theater is always a fun experience. Here in Philly there's the Ritz, which is now owned by Landmark Cinemas, but it has enough of that feel, and a few weeks ago I got to see Blade there. The problem is, the consolidation of the studio side of the film industry has had a similar effect on theaters, with this smaller pool of more powerful studios wanting to work with the major chains that can give them more screens and better amenities. One way that the smaller theaters used to compete was by showing older films on special nights--like Blade--which gets people in the door so they come back for other films. What Disney has done to hurt that market is vaulting their films--of which they have a lot more now that they own 20th Century Fox's catalog too. For example, this year's the 35th anniversary of Say Anything, which was a 20th Century Fox film, and in the past Fox was good about giving the rights for indie theaters to show it. Now, Disney often won't let them, because they don't want a Say Anything keeping people away from a Deadpool and Wolverine. It's one of the many ways Disney is trying to kill the film industry--while still pulling in almost $3 billion from two films this year--which I think from Disney's standpoint may seem like the right play, but in the long run has the opposite effect, as fewer people overall go to the theater over time.

Finally, before we get into our second Dolph paragraph, I wanted to mention that guy above. That's Michael Oblowitz, father to the film's director, Orson Oblowitz. Why is that important? He's directed Steven Seagal in two DTV classics, The Foreigner and Out for a Kill. How do you not love that?

Anyway, this is probably it for Dolph for a while. I know I've said that before, but at this stage we only have Small Apartments and Fat Slags for DTV flicks; Sharknado 5, which he has a small appearance in near the end; and then Expendables 3 and Expend4bles as two theatrical films that are fair game because I've reviewed the first two. I don't know that any of them are real priorities though. It looks like he also has a BondIt Media film in post production that also has Michael Jai White, so that will be a priority whenever it comes out. In the meantime though, even taking a hiatus, I don't see anyone catching him for most tags all time. Gary Daniels is the closest, and he's still 14 behind. So as he celebrates his 67th birthday, and 74th film on the site, we celebrate him too, as the best to ever do it, especially in the DTV world. Grattis på födelsedagen, Herr Jundgren, du är störst.

And with that, let's wrap this up. Right now you can get this on Pluto TV here in the States. It's probably your best bet, though Pluto is much worse on commercials than Tubi is. As a Dolph fan, I think this is a must see--even though, as a Dolph fan, aren't they all must sees?

For more info: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt18115690

Looking for more action? Check out my short action novel, Bainbridge, and all my other novels, over at my author's page! Click on the image below, go to https://www.matthewpoirierauthor.com/

LETHAL Ladies: Return to Savage Beach (1998)

For our final DTVC Hall of Fame induction for 2024, we have the one, the only, Andy Sidaris, and what better film to review than his final film ever, and the end to his LETHAL Ladies films, one of the greatest DTV franchises ever. We covered this in a recent podcast episode, number 177 in the archives, with Chris the Brain from Bulletproof Action, and in addition to us, Mitch at the Video Vacuum has covered this as well.

LETHAL Ladies: Return to Savage Beach is the final LETHAL Ladies film, and in this installment, Rodrigo Obregon is back, and he wants some gold hidden on Savage Beach, the same one Dona Speir and Hope Marie Carlton seemingly blew him up on back in that film. To stop them, director Julie Strain has called in all her operatives in all their busty or muscular glory, but even that won't be enough, so the department has called in an old foe: Marcus "Buff" Bagwell, aka "Warrior," doing a heel-turn that would make Vin Diesel proud. Will they be able to stop Obregon and his baddies? Who knows, but what we do know is in the meantime, we'll be treated to all the dressing, undressing, and skinny dipping we can handle.

This is as fun as any of the films. Yes, we only get Dona Speir in a flashback sequence, and mainstays like Bruce Penhall or an Abilene who can't shoot straight are conspicuously absent; but the spirit of these movies is there in full effect. Like when Shae Marks and Julie K. Smith find where the gold is buried on Savage Beach, instead of digging, they decide to try some snorkeling--with tops on at first, just in case there are any coral reefs around that may scratch them, but then go topless once they find out they're safe from the danger of coral reef scratching--at least that's the best explanation I can think of for why they started with their tops on, then went topless. In the image above, Carrie Westcott is serving pizza along with ginger ale laced with Mickeys, because, as Chris pointed out on the pod, ginger ale is what you drink with pizza? It's moments like that that make the series, along with the explosions, nudity, love scenes, Rodrigo Obregon's baddies, and Ava's KSXY radio broadcasts--which this time are accompanied by Ninja Turtles co-creator Kevin Eastman as Harry the Cat, who at the time was married to Julie Strain. The one interesting element, which I don't know if I'd say is a full-on drawback, is because this is the only one that fully calls back the others, it needed to set up a lot of backstory, which felt a bit awkward. It was a small quibble on what was an overall great time though.

Like Dona Speir, Andy Sidaris doesn't have the filmography of some of the other DTVC Hall of Fame directors, but outside of the Bloodfist films, I don't there's a more prodigious, impactful, or iconic DTV franchise. Depending on how you count Malibu Express, this is either the 11th or 12th film--and at the very least, Malibu Express is part of the same movie universe, because Cody is mentioned in Hard Ticket to Hawaii as being Rowdy's brother. Either way, this is a series of over 10 films with no duds, you can turn on any of them and have a great time. We reduce them down to boobs, bombs, and bullets, but if it were just that, anyone could make these and have success. Sidaris adds something more, whether it's him directing, or his son while he's producing, there's a tongue-in-cheek vibe while everyone involved is playing it straight, that makes them even more fun. Also, the decision to put Speir as the lead instead of the Abilene who can't shoot straight was something that can't be understated. He had Bruce Penhall from CHiPs that he easily could've slotted into the next Abilene who can't shoot straight role, but he decided to give that part to Michael J. Shane and make it a smaller role, and give the series to Speir to lead. A true cinematic legend, here's to you Mr. Sidaris, you were one of the greatest.

We also had another Hall of Famer in this, Julie Strain, who, after Speir leaves the series with Fit to Kill, takes over as the lead female, first as a baddie, and now with these last two in the series, as the leader of the organization. One thing I discovered with this post, is she and Dona Speir move into a two-way tie for second-most tags by a woman on the site with 9, moving them past Kathleen Kinmont and Shannon Tweed, but still well-behind Cynthia Rothrock's 43. Could she ever get there? Based on her IMDb bio, probably not 43, but she has a lot that we could cover, which should keep her in the second place slot, or possibly jockeying back and forth with Shannon Tweed for that honor. She left us way too soon, but films like this are here to remind us of what a great legacy she leaves behind.

As we mentioned above, we have Buff Bagwell back, as his previous character, who was a baddie in the previous film. He lets Strain--and us--know that the agent he killed in that movie was a serial killer, so he did them a favor by taking him out. Even Vin Diesel thinks that's convenient, but you could see him watching this after Fast and Furious 7--or whatever it was called--thinking there's no way he could bring Jason Statham back as a good guy, then he listens to the dialog between Strain and Bagwell where Bagwell's like "yeah, so I'm a good guy now," and he must've thought, as he snacked on his Tombstone pizza and drank his Corona, "Jesus, that's all I need to do?" Unfortunately a few years after this, when the WWE buys WCW, Buff got the main event on Raw, and then Vince McMahon fired him soon after, causing his career to take a downturn. Why he couldn't get more DTV films though is beyond me, he was a lot of fun here. I do have a theory on why Bagwell was fired though: it wasn't because his mom called him in sick to an event or anything like that, I think McMahon saw how short he was next to Strain in this, and said "nope, that's it, he's gotta go," because McMahon has a thing for tall guys. His loss should've been our gain though, and maybe we can still get him in stuff, especially if he's wearing shirts like that.

Finally, we had two other potential Hall of Famers in this, with Rodrigo Obregon and Gerald Okamura. Obergon was a stalwart in these LETHAL Ladies films, he appears in almost all of them, and as fitting as it was that Sidaris in this final film chose to callback to Savage Beach, the film in the series where Speir took the helm, it was equally fitting that he made sure he brought Obregon back to be his baddie. Unfortunately like Strain and Sidaris, Obregon is no longer with us, but beyond these LETHAL Ladies films, he's done some others that belong on the DTVC, so he may still get there to the Hall of Fame. Okamura is now at 13 films on the site, with a lot of classics under his belt, and has a ton of stuff left that I still need to do, including some PM flicks, and some movies from the earliest days of DTV. He doesn't have as big of a part in this as Obregon, but one of his scenes involves him standing in front of a huge chair, and then helping Strain and Bagwell dispatch some kabuki ninjas. That's the Okamura we're looking for.

And with that, let's wrap this up. You can currently get this, and all the LETHAL Ladies films on Tubi. If you're looking for something fun to watch, these always do the trick--though Chris made a great point on the podcast episode that they're better watched at night. Speaking of which, you can find that episode in the archives, number 177. As we wrap, congratulations again to Mr. Sidaris, you were truly ones of the greatest.

For more info: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0127759

Looking for more action? Check out my short action novel, Bainbridge, and all my other novels, over at my author's page! Click on the image below, go to https://www.matthewpoirierauthor.com/

Click: The Calendar Girl Killer (1990)

Next up for our 2024 Hall of Fame inductions we have Dona Speir. She was best known for her Sidaris LETHAL Ladies films, but because we'd exhausted all the ones she starred in, we needed something else, and I found this gem on YouTube. In addition to us, Stacie Ponder at Final Girl has covered this as well.

Click: The Calendar Girl Killer has the great Ross Hagen (who also wrote and co-directed) as a famous photographer that may or may not also be a guy who dresses like a female nurse and kills people. Anyway, he has this crazy grinchy idea to do a violence-themed photo shoot, so he gets a bunch of models out to a ranch he has, and starts shooting them in skimpy outfits with various weapons in their hands. One of the models (Keely Sims) is there with her boyfriend (Gregory Scott Cummins), and he's not happy with her modeling career. He may have a case, because in the last 25 minutes or so, their model friends start getting bumped off. Can PI Hoke Howell help? Probably not, so it's up to Cummins and Sims to save themselves.

This is pretty fantastic, but it's not a 1990 fantastic, it's a 1990 in 2024 fantastic. If this was made today, and didn't kill anyone until an hour in, or if I was watching this in 1990 and saw that no one was killed until an hour in, I'd be like what the hell am I watching? But a 1990 movie in 2024, I know exactly what I'm watching, and I love it. Like when Gregory Scott Cummins on his dirt bike is chasing after Keely Smith and Ross Hagen on a winding highway, only to have another car come into his lane and hit him, causing him to go flying 20 feet in the air and land in a bunch of trees. Is he dead? Nope, "nothing's broken except my pride." It's like life can't get much better than that, can it? And there are more of those beautiful "what just happened?" moments that, combined with all the Members Only jackets, guys that probably hung out with your grandfather with popped collars hanging out with twentysomethings, and names you recognize, that make this such a great time. It's like a savings bond, it's only worth half as much in 1990 as it's worth now. 

Speir is only in this at the very beginning, though based on the fact that she's in the opening violence-themed photo shoot montage--holding a bow and arrow no less--my hunch is she was supposed to be in this more. Consider the number of writers, 6, and the number of directors, 2, this probably had all kinds of issues, and maybe at some point they lost Dona, whether it was due to other commitments, or she just didn't want to work with them anymore. Whatever the reason, this was a smaller role than we'd like for a Hall of Fame induction post, but she doesn't have much more work after this beyond the Sidaris films we've already covered. And those of course are the reason she's getting this HOF induction. One of the definitive DTV franchises, the LETHAL Ladies films, and Speir was in seven of them, acting as the lead for five starting with Savage Beach--and perhaps fitting that in her first scene in this film, she's accompanied by Michael J. Shane, who played Shane Abilene in the LETHAL Ladies films after it was decided to center the films on her instead of whichever Abilene who couldn't shoot straight that Sidaris cast. We've seen bigger budget franchises of 5 or more films led by a woman now with Milla Jovovich in the Resident Evil films or Kate Beckinsale with the Underworld films, but it's still rare for a woman to helm a franchise over that many films, and Speir did it more than ten years before them. She may not have the large CV of other Hall of Famers, but the legacy of the films she's had is much greater. Here's to you Ms. Speir, you're truly one of the greats.

Someone who's making a case for a future induction is one Mr. Ross Hagen, which is something I didn't see coming when I started this site, knowing him more for 60s films like Hellcats and Sidehackers--which I discovered is actually called Five the Hard Way? But he's had quite a DTV career, starting with 1986's Armed Response, and making almost 40 DTV flicks before he passed in 2011. In the late 80s/early 90s he existed well in this space as a guy born in the 30s, wearing Members Only jackets and later-season Happy Days Tom Boseley transition sunglasses, speaking with his raspy, 70s Love Boat guest star voice, giving you that sense that he could either be your grandfather's younger friend, or a coke dealer, or maybe both. There's something soothing about it, and it is kind of crazy to think that Robert Downey Jr. was two years older when he made Avengers: End Game than Hagen was when he made this, because Downey Jr. isn't really a fun mix of grandfather's younger friend and coke dealer. That explains why Downey has to slum it making another Avengers movie, while Hagen was killing it in classics like this.

Does a movie that has "killer" in the title need to have kills sooner? Does a movie that has "calendar girl" in the title need actual calendar girls? Or maybe Neil Sedaka? Speaking of which, how did we make it through the 90s without getting Neil Sedaka in one of these movies? Yes, if you look at his IMDb bio, the songs he wrote in the 60s and 70s are still making him money, so it wasn't like he needed a quick paycheck; and I can't imagine he ran in the same circles as guys like Ross Hagen and Troy Donahue that maybe could've gotten him in a film like this just for fun, but still, I needed Neil Sedaka in a Members Only jacket with a pastel Izod-Lacost polo under it, pointing a revolver at someone while holding it in both hands. Anyway, no calendar girls, and no killers until the end, should be a wrap for a film like this, but in a way it adds to the charm. Like do I care what the movie is called when Hagen packs off a group of models and crew into a van, the van drives off, and then blows up, seemingly out of nowhere? Call it "Ross Hagen may at some point eventually dress up as a female nurse and kill people" if you want, if you're going to load it up with the stuff they did here, I'll take it.

Finally, we have a Chinatown sighting. This actually isn't the first time we've seen LA's Chinatown in a movie, there was also Lethal Ninja, and Chinatown Connection. I was trying to think of how many other Chinatowns we've had. The best I could do is a search of my site, which means I would've had to mention it in the post. Of those, we also had New York Chinatown, but then I think that's it for American ones. Outside the US, we've had Melbourne's in Revenge of the Gweilo, Manila's in Bloodfist, and Tokyo's in the Seagal flick Into the Sun. This dovetails with a point I'm about to make about the Chinatown here in Philly, which is danger based on a recent development between the mayor and the NBA team, the 76ers. In my post on The Double, I talked about Washington DC and how it had a nice Chinatown. I hadn't been in 10 years at that point, but earlier this year I went there to see a Wizards game, because the arena is also in Chinatown. In 2001, that arena was new--It was called the MCI Center, remember that company?--and Chinatown was much more robust. Now, in 2024, it's a shell of what it was then, the arena and all the accompanying development that comes with it had diminished it considerably, now instead of the Mongolian restaurant, we had a Yard House and Caesar's Sportsbook. In Philly they want to do the same thing, only the arena the Sixers and the mayor want to build will not only do the same thing to our Chinatown, it will also jam up the main east-west thoroughfare on game nights, making the city a total mess. It puts me in a quandary, because, like others, other than the one ticket I'd already bought for a game, I'm done with them until they change course on this; but on the other, tickets are really cheap right now. Opening night is under $60, which I haven't seen that low since the mid-2010s when they were horrible. It's tempting, but I gotta be strong. Save Philly's Chinatown, no Sixers arena downtown!

And with that, let's wrap this up. I found this on YouTube. That version wasn't bad, so hopefully it'll stay there for a while, because this is a lot of fun and worth checking out. And then congratulations to Dona Speir on your induction into the Hall of Fame! It's well deserved, and people can celebrate by watching any of your LETHAL Ladies films on Tubi.

For more info: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099278

Looking for more action? Check out my short action novel, Bainbridge, and all my other novels, over at my author's page! Click on the image below, go to https://www.matthewpoirierauthor.com/

Alien Love (2024)

Nathan Hill is back! We had a great time with Lady Terror and Revenge of the Gweilo, so I was excited when he reached out to see if we'd cover his newest film. In addition to us, YouTube channel Jay Harangue has covered this as well.

Alien Love has Hill as Ryan Van Hill-Song, an astronaut in a world where astronauts are rock stars. When he finally gets his big chance to go into space with NASA, something goes wrong--he goes radio silent for 60 seconds! Luckily a NASA special agent has informed his wife Sadie (Ira Chakraborty) that there's nothing to worry about, even if he ventured all the way out to Australia to tell her. When Hill gets home, everything seems fine at first, but then she discovers her husband's not himself. He's jogging a lot, and sometimes has a larger-than-normal erection. Unfortunately she doesn't catch all these red flags before he impregnates her with his alien seed. As her world unravels, she's fortunate that she kept the NASA special agent's card--though he's already onto everything and has sent some folks out to take care of it.

This was a lot of fun. There were definite laugh-out-loud moments, like when Hill and Chakraborty are sitting at a cafe, he in a NASA T-shirt and Kennedy Space Station hat, and a young woman rushes up to their table and asks if he's an astronaut, then asks for his autograph. Hill's character's transformation is a lot of fun, from his ambling around the neighborhood with what could loosely be termed "jogging," to when he goes to a bar and orders champagne and hooks up with Demz Lato--who I swear I've seen in other Hill films before, but she's not listed on any I've seen. I also really liked Ira Chakraborty as the wife who thinks she's got it made with her astronaut husband, but then slowly sees that her life is falling apart. Unlike Hill, who could ham it up a bit as he was becoming more alien, Chakraborty always had to play it straight, which I can't imagine was always easy, but she pulled it off. 75 minutes, free to stream on Tubi, and a fun time, what more could you want?

Even though Hill didn't direct this, he co-wrote and produced it, so it still has the feel of one of his films. Unlike Lady Terror, where I missed initially that I should be laughing with the film, this one I could feel it right away; but I can also still see how people could miss it, especially us Americans who sometimes need to be hit over the head with the humor. The thing I loved about Alien Love was how his approach to making these movies can mitigate the budgetary limitations. If you don't have the budget for an expensive outer space set, if your hero astronaut is playing it straight but we know it's for laughs, the lower-budget set enhances that sense. If your stars are newer to acting--and based on the fact that very few have photos on their IMDb page, that's probably the case here--playing silly-ish dialog straight is a great way for them to be serious while we're having fun with the content of what they're saying and not that they're inexperienced as actors. I'm really glad Nate reached out to me to cover his films, because they're a lot of fun, and I can't wait to see what's next!

As you're reading this, you might be thinking "isn't that the plot to The Astronaut's Wife?" I'd actually forgotten that movie existed, but yeah, it definitely is, the same way Lady Terror was like the Haim/Feldman flick Blown Away, and Revenge of the Gweilo took elements from Drive. That's part of how Hill works, he pays homage to other films, and then puts his unique twist on them. What was crazier to me was that this year marks 25 years since The Astronaut's Wife came out, which explains why before watching this I'd forgotten about it. That was a time when R-rated movies were more common. If a studio were to remake The Astronaut's Wife today, it would have to be PG-13, though maybe now with the success off Deadpool and Wolverine, maybe R-rated movies in wide theatrical release will come back. If not, at the very least Nate can bring them back to us in his own special way.

This movie has a lot of flying saucer imagery, which made me wonder when flying saucers were first invented. According to Wikipedia, it was a sighting reported by a pilot in 1947, which then led to myriad other reported sightings. From there, 1950s sci-fi movies and TV shows made heavy use of it, so much so that now if we see a flying saucer in a movie, TV show, or even commercial, we know right away that that means aliens, the same way the opening wah-wah to "Let's Get It On" tells us something we're going to see is alluding to sex. The propagation of sightings makes sense too. It's like how one Karen's Facebook post about two people of color in the Hobby Lobby parking lot being potential traffickers will lead to thousands of Karens across the US thinking traffickers are targeting them in Hobby Lobby parking lots too. It's a fascinating thing about us humans, how one person sees something and then a bunch of us think we see it too, and popular media can exacerbate it, turning things into phenomena faster. In the 70s Sci-Fi imagery started to change, and the flying saucer became less ubiquitous, meaning maybe we'll also be released from the fugazi trafficking paradigm we're seeing in every third DTV actioner or Lifetime thriller--though to be fair, flying saucers were actually fun, as evidenced by how much fun they were in this film.

Finally, I don't know why, but whenever I see the film's title, Alien Love, I get Zapp's "Computer Love" stuck in my head. They aren't the same thing, I mean I guess they're both three syllables for the first word and "love" for the second, but that's it. After watching this I was making dinner, and our fluffy cat Luca was hanging out with me, so the whole time I was singing "Computer Fluff," which makes even less sense. It was really ahead of its time though, predicting how we'd all end up using computers to meet romantic partners. Zapp had some great hits, like "More Bounce to the Ounce" or their cover of the Smokey Robinson song "Ooh, Baby, Baby," and then in the 90s their music was a huge part of the West Coast hip hop scene. Here's to you Roger Troutmann and the rest of Zapp, you were great ones--now I just need to get "Computer Love" out of my head!

With that, let's wrap this up. You can currently get this on Tubi here in the States. It's a lot of fun, and it's only 75 minutes. What better way to support indie creatives? Thanks again to Nate for having us review it, I really enjoyed it.

For more info: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt28434918

Looking for more action? Check out my short action novel, Bainbridge, and all my other novels, over at my author's page! Click on the image below, go to https://www.matthewpoirierauthor.com/

Countdown aka Serial Bomber (1996)

For our next 2024 Hall of Fame inductee, we have the man we've termed The Seagal Whisperer, Keoni Waxman. Since we'd already done all nine of his Seagal films on here, I decided to go earlier in his filmography for his induction post, and cover this film here, which I found on Tubi. (More on that later!)

Countdown aka Serial Bomber has Lori Petty as an FBI agent in Seattle trying to take down serial bomber extraordinaire Jason London. When his Japanese national girlfriend is arrested, Petty and co. think they have the key to bringing him down, but when Yoko, an officer from Tokyo PD (Yuki Amami) shows up to escort the girlfriend back to Japan, London gets antsy and starts to up the game with his fancy bombs placed around the city. Now it's up to Petty and Amami to bring this guy to justice, while a soundtrack of late 90s alternative music plays in the background.

This wasn't bad. Yes, by the end the whole cat and mouse thing had gotten tired, it may have worked better as an episode of a late 90s syndicated TV show; and there were a few incidents that were a little off, like Jason London beating up Petty's mom, or when a bomb squad expert seems to have solved the wiring London put together for him bomb, only to have him get blown up anyway--London was plenty diabolical without any of that. The biggest key for me is Lori Petty, who is fantastic in the lead; and then we have a great supporting cast, including London and Amani, plus James Le Gros as the FBI chief, which was sweet to see, but made me wish we also had BoJesse Christopher hanging around too. The music was fantastic as well, 90s alternative, none of which were hits, but they sounded like songs that were hits, which is nice enough. For a late 90s free streamer, this does what you need it to do, and sometimes that's all you need. 

For his yeoman's work on Seagal films alone, Waxman was deserving of a slot here in the Hall of Fame, but now that he's joining other Hall of Fame directors with his tag count--this is 13 for him, which is a three-way tie for third--it was really overdue. This is the earliest of his films we've reviewed, coming out two years before Sweepers, which we know he had some friction making with Dolph. I liked this better than Sweepers, telling me that he probably didn't have those same issues with Lori Petty, but he also said he learned from his experience on Sweepers, which probably made him more amenable to an even more demanding star like Seagal, leading to him directing Seagal in nine films between 2009 and 2017, plus all the True Justice episodes. One thing Scott Murphy from All 90s Action, All the Time and I have noticed as we've been going through all of Seagal's DTV flicks fpr the DTVC podcast, is Seagal often works with a director two or three times, and then that's it, meaning Seagal's people probably sign them on for more than one film, knowing how bad Seagal is to work with. I can't imagine Waxman signed a nine-picture deal, meaning he had to have re-upped at some point, or that there were line producers like Ben Sacks who were like "hey Keoni, we need you again," like that friend with a pick-up truck who's always getting called when someone is moving. He's had five films since his run with Seagal was over, one of which we've done here, The Hard Way, but according to IMDb he doesn't have anything in development right now. Even if he's taking a break, he's put together a Hall of Fame resume, and is  truly deserving of his induction. Here's to you Mr. Waxman, you're one of the greats.

 
This is our third Lori Petty film on the site, but the first real DTV one, because the other two were Point Break and Tank Girl. 1996, when this came out, was only one year removed from Tank Girl, and when I looked at her IMDb bio, that looks like her last big screen big budget production. From there she's bounced around between television appearances, voice work on Batman and Superman cartoons, and now microbudget horror films that could use her face on the tin to sell streams. On the one hand I don't get it, because she's great here, like she was great in Tank Girl and great in Point Break; but on the other I do, because I think for as great as the 90s were, they weren't ready for a Lori Petty. Now in the 2020s it feels like we have too many Lori Pettys, but none as great as she is, it's almost like the idea of being like a Lori Petty is enough now. Back in the 90s, other actors cut their hair short and did a Lori Petty-like performance to show their range, but no one made a career of being a Lori Petty the way they do now. Had Lori Petty been born in 1993 instead of 1963, every prestige TV show, indie movie, and blockbuster would have her in it. Instead, she was born in 1963, ahead of her time, but still able to shine in roles like this. I saw that she had a PM flick in 2001, Firetrap, so you know we'll make that one happen soon, meaning this won't be the last time we see her here.

Was Jason London Eminem a few years before Eminem was Eminem? It looks like it in that shot there, doesn't it? 24 when this movie came out, he's every bit the young Gen Xer with his hair, and his beanie, and his big coats. You could've seen him hanging out with Ian on The Grind with Eric when they did the alternative song. "Oh, they're playing Sabotage, where's Ian? There he is, with his messy hair and post office jacket!" There's also a little Eric Nies in this performance too, London is both alternative Gen Xer and pretty boy Gen Xer. But then we have to throw in the 90s baddie who's good at everything and has everything figured out. He knows how to wire the bombs, find out information on the FBI agents after him, break into places and leave tapes everywhere, and is pretty handy with a gun if you need him. All at 24. I was looking at his IMDb bio to see how his career arc got him here too, and he doesn't have the big screen hits Petty had. In '93 he was the star of the indie hit Dazed and Confused, then appeared in a couple Aerosmith videos, but it was mostly DTV and TV appearances from there, meaning this film may have been a step down from those things, but par for the course for what he was being offered. This is now 7 films for him on the site, and while we don't specifically seek his films out, with the volume he does, we'll no doubt see him again.

Finally, I usually save my "where you can find this" for the eight paragraph, but this was an interesting one that required a longer space to vent. IMDb said this was on Tubi, but when I searched it didn't show up, and when I clicked  the link on IMDb it didn't show up either. Letterboxd said the same, but same lack of result. Letterboxd also said Freevee had it, but when I checked Amazon the same thing happened. So I checked Plex, because sometimes they have things that others don't, especially 90s actioners like this. They told me they didn't have it, but gave me links to Tubi and Freevee too. And that's how I got it, I clicked the link in Plex that took me to Tubi, and that's where it worked. How does any of that happen? I mean, searching for "Countdown" didn't reveal it on Tubi, and looking up Keoni Waxman didn't reveal it, but clicking through the Plex link? I'm not sure how it works, but at least I was able to watch the movie and get screens for the review.

And with that, let's wrap this up. As I said above, you can get this on Tubi here in the States, but if you don't see it when you search, try clicking through the link on Plex. This isn't horrible, despite its flaws, it's a fun time with the all names and the nostalgia for the late 90s. And congratulations to Keoni Waxman on your Hall of Fame induction! It was truly yeoman's work directing all those Seagal DTV actioners, but someone needed to do it.

For more info: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0115953

Looking for more action? Check out my short action novel, Bainbridge, and all my other novels, over at my author's page! Click on the image below, go to https://www.matthewpoirierauthor.com/

Realm of Shadows (2024)

This is another film producer Joe Williamson asked us to review, a horror anthology from writer/director/actor Jimmy Drain, featuring names like Mel Novak, Tony Todd, Vernon Wells, Richard Tyson, and Harley Wallen, a director we usually see when Joe sends us a screener, but here appears in a cameo at the end. Let's see how this one did.

Realm of Shadows is less an anthology and more a collection of short films made my Jimmy Drain, many of which feature him as the male lead. They deal with issues like witches who are feminists (haven't seen that trope before!), women who get impregnated by warlocks (sans Mia farrow and John Cassavetes), and spells to make women have sex with guys (a little on the rape-y side post-Cosby). Around these short films we have a group of witches trying to get a dagger, and using a Ouija board to get it. Suddenly at the end, Tony Todd shows up, Vernon Wells reveals himself to be leading the witches, and Harley Wallen and Richard Tyson look like witch hunters ready to take down the dagger witches. And then the movie ends.

And that's the movie. The most interesting and most exciting stuff all comes at the end. I can't knock it though, if I were Jimmy Drain, it sounds like a great idea: package all my short films, then get some big names to do some small scenes around them, and voila you're swimming in Tubi streams. I think the problem I had with this compared to other anthologies Joe has had us look at, is those ones were collections of short films all with similar themes, and all done by different directors, so we get unique voices and performances, which is something we needed here. The other thing is I think some of the stories had issues. Again, we probably never should've done the "spell cast to make a girl like you" paradigm, because it always had overtones of foregoing consent, but post-Cosby it should be totally off the table--though to be fair to Mr. Drain, the cellphone his character has looks like something out of 2008, so maybe he made it pre-Cosby? Also, the loaded trope of the feminists who are really just man-hating witches is also both dated and probably never should've been a thing to begin with. There were a couple shorts that were done more like silent films--perhaps because the audio was bad when they recorded them?--and while I liked that idea, we needed some inter-titles to know what was going on. I'm all for people making it happen in a creative field, and Jimmy Drain's short films here are no different; but I think overall, I just could've used a bit more from the stories, and more of the great stuff at the end.

My number one performance was Tony Todd, who I love anyway. This is now 7 films for him on the site, perhaps the most memorable being his turn as a baddie in Sabotage, but even here, he's just another level in the few scenes he's in. We have two names that are hitting their 12th film on the site, Mel Novak and Vernon Wells. Novak of course is a mainstay in the films Joe asks us to review, and he's always a lot of fun, playing a priest in the bumpers between shorts, who's then later revealed to be buddies with Tony Todd. That's the movie I need, those two as priests vanquishing evil. And perhaps that evil could be in the form of baddie Vernon Wells, who in this just appears at the end when he's revealed to be the one directing the witches coven seeking the dagger. It's always great to see these guys in movies, and despite having scant roles here, it was no less great to see them.

Often when I'm reviewing a movie, I pick my favorite supporting character, and here I had a clear winner. Look at how great that guy above is. He's either a priest, or he's selling beers in the stands at a baseball game, or he's a transient short order cook who may or may not have a rap sheet and who may or may not occasionally sleep out of his Chevy Ranger as he's traveling the country, starting over in a new city after he's worn out his welcome in the last one. As a priest he's telling Jimmy Drain--who I guess in this short is a college professor, or a grad student teaching English classes?--not to succumb to temptation when one of his students wants to hook up with him. What Drain apparently cuts out is our priest asking Drain after for $20 to float him through to payday. I don't know who he is, because his picture isn't on IMDb, and with these being shorts, characters were in and out so fast it was hard to know who anyone was--and I have a hunch the no image on IMDb is by design, the last thing he needs is the landlord in Des Moines that he skipped out on finding out where he is, or that guy in Poughkeepsie that he owes $500 to. Either way, here's to you this guy, you were fantastic.

Jimmy! Jimm-May! I love that the creative force behind these films isn't James Drain or Jim Drain, but Jimmy Drain. "Who do you put your bets in with?" "Jimmy the Drain over on 2nd and Wolf. They call him 'the Drain' because all your money goes down the drain with him!" Being of part-Irish decent, I've had family members call me "Matty" before, the same way my late grandfather was a "Jimmy," so not only I can appreciate it, I like that he's embracing it. I can also appreciate that he had all these short films, and he wanted to package them into something that can make him money. The problem was, the best stuff came with his bumpers and the final denouement, which I think made the shorts look worse by comparison. I hope he makes that second movie that the end of this one teases, because I think it could be really good. While I appreciate why he packaged all his shorts into this film, I'm rooting for him to make it happen with more full-length features.

Finally, look at that phone. I think I last had one like that in 2012. After that I got my brother's iPhone 4, and have been using iPhones ever since, going from that to my wife's i6, which I broke, forcing me to get the SE I have now. My dad has never been up on technology, but he finally had to get a flip phone when my mom got rid of their landline. He was saying how he never uses it, and I tried to explain to him how much I use mine for. The obvious one is texting, but it's not just phone texting, but messaging on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter/X. I use Apple Pay to make almost all of my purchases, plus I can ride the subway or the bus here in Philadelphia with Apple Pay, along with the subways/buses in New York, Boston, and Chicago. That means in those cities, I don't need to bother with getting a subway pass or ticket. My train tickets and plane tickets are on my phone, along with any sporting events I attend. If I'm lost, I can open my phone and find out where I am so I don't need to ask strangers for help. There's also the bad, like how I have all my work apps on my phone too, so I can see off hours when someone is pinging me--but even that can also be a good thing, because I can step away from the computer during work hours and still be available if someone needs me for something. Seeing that old phone made me a bit nostalgic, and there was maybe a romantic sense hearkening back to a simpler time, but how much better was that simpler time? Needing to get tokens or have a unique card for every city I went to to ride their subway? Making sure I had my plane ticket and boarding pass, and didn't lose them? I remember my friend forgetting our tickets to Gwar and realizing it when we were three hours from our dorm at UMaine. He had to buy us all new tickets when we got to the show in Worcester. Now he'd have the tickets on his phone--unless he still has a phone like that one.

And with that, let's wrap this up. You can currently get this on Tubi here in the States. While it has some moments, the thing I really want to see is the next movie that's teased at the end. By the same token, I'm always a proponent of supporting indie filmmakers, and you can support Jimmy Drain by just streaming this. It's a nice use of 90 minutes of your time, and you may find yourself enjoying some of the stories.

For more info: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt10619392

Looking for more action? Check out my short action novel, Bainbridge, and all my other novels, over at my author's page! Click on the image below, go to https://www.matthewpoirierauthor.com/

Chief of Station (2024)

It's October, and you know what that means, Hall of Fame inductions! We're starting with director Jesse V. Johnson, who has been steadily creeping up the all-time director tags list, so I figured it was time to get him in, and with his newest film on Hulu, this made sense as the one to go to. In addition to us, Chris the Brain at Bulletproof Action has covered this as well.

Chief of Station has Aaron Eckhardt as a CIA agent who sees his CIA agent wife die in a horrible explosion in front of him. Six months later, the CIA IG is giving him the business about it, which gets his gears going. Could there be more to her death than just the accidental gas main leak the authorities were chalking it up to? After he does some digging, turns out it was just an unfortunate gas main leak, and the rest of the film is Eckhardt wandering aimlessly through grocery stores and enjoying coffee at cafes in Europe... NOT! Ho ho, didn't see that coming, did you? It's as spy thriller-y as you'd expect, as Eckhardt has to see which Johnson mainstays he can trust as he tries to get to the bottom of things and save his son, who the baddies grabbed while the son was getting some in Croatia.

This is a pretty good deal. As far as Jesse V. Johnson goes, I wouldn't put it in my top five of his films, but for 90 minutes on Hulu, it's going to be better than the bulk of the DTV stuff you'll find on there. Eckhardt is great in the lead, and then Johnson pulls in some great names in supporting roles that have worked with him before, like Olga Kurylenko, Daniel Bernhardt, and Nina Bergman, plus a fun performance by Alex Pettyfer. There are some parts earlier on where things are a bit slower, plus we have a gratuitous torture scene that was unnecessary--more on that later--but when you have a tight runtime, great names used well, and solid action when it's there, those things can be forgiven in a way that a longer movie with a bunch of names in one-scene cameos and a lot of bad computer effects can't. 

When I looked at the names of directors who were already in the Hall of Fame, I realized that Jesse V. Johnson was going to be passing some of them for tags once we started catching up on his filmography (this one at 13 ties him for third all-time with Hall of Famer Sam Firstenberg), and when I factored in the longevity of his career as a director--roughly 25 years--and some of the classics he's done, like Avengement or Savage Dog, I saw it was time to get him in. When you go from 2017 to 2024, he has 13 films released, and while I haven't seen them all, the 10 I have seen are all pretty solid. To be able to pull that off in the current DTV climate, where budgets are shrinking and the more cynical approach is to just slap a bunch of names on the tin and get in and out for as little money as possible, Johnson has been able to successfully navigate that and continue to provide a level of quality that us action fans appreciate. Much deserving of his Hall of Fame induction this year, here's to you Mr. Johnson, you're one of the greats.

The last time we saw Aaron Eckhard, it was in the film Erased, which we've not only reviewed on the site, but featured in a podcast episode, all the way back in episode 13 in the archives, a little over ten years ago in September of 2014--and that film also had Olga Kurylenko. It looks like he's now working as a DTV leading man, as this is the fourth of five films he's had come out between 2023 and now. I really liked him here, he's the kind of leading man you'd want in a movie like this, whether he's just looking good in a suit, wandering aimlessly in a grocery store as he thinks about his late wife, scowling at a computer screen while he's trying to make sense of the cryptic data in front of him, or beating up a bunch of guys at a poker game while a mustachioed Russian spy Nick Moran looks on. I could joke that he's an elevated Thomas Jane, but we saw from One Ranger that Jane brings something completely different to the table--Jane wouldn't have worked as well as the lead in this film, and Eckhardt wouldn't have worked in One Ranger the way Jane did. I don't know how much we'll get into Eckhardt's burgeoning DTV oeuvre, but based on the numbers, I imagine this won't be the last time we see him here--he has another with Johnson in production, Thieves Highway, so we know we'll be doing that one at least--and if this performance is any indication, I'll be looking forward to it.

Speaking of Kurylenko, she has a smaller, but very impactful part in this. She's kind of Ghost in the Machine-ish, only Johnson teases her earlier in the film, so I guess Chekhov's Kurylenko beats Kurylenko as Ghost in the Machine. Her entry is such a badass scene, and even though her character wears a ski mask at first, you know it's her before she removes it. She comes in while Aaron Eckhardt is being tortured for information and saves him, which made the torture scene unnecessary--if she's just going to save him, why not have her come in before he has needles stuck under his fingernails and charged with electricity? The other problem with it was it required bandage continuity, because Eckhard had the fingers that were used in the torture wrapped, but some scenes it looked like they weren't. Just save us the discomfort of having to watch that, and the script supervisor the trouble of having to keep up with it, and have Kurylenko save Eckhardt before he's tortured, it's so much easier. Anyway, Kurylenko has a ton of stuff in her filmography that we need to get to, plus, a bunch of new things coming--and I can't wait to see her on the big screen next year in Thunderbolts--so it's just a matter of me getting caught up on it all. She's continuing to make a name for herself as one of the top women in the action world, and I can't wait to see what else she has for us, but for now, she's great here in a smaller role.

Finally, a name that is probably overdue for his own Hall of Fame induction, Daniel Bernhardt is great in this as a baddie. I was trying to figure out why he wasn't in already, and I think it was because, while he was a mainstay in the early days of the site, especially with his Bloodsport sequels, in the late 2000s when bigger names like Seagal and Van Damme were dropping down to DTV, and names like Bernhardt were getting fewer leading roles, instead of trying to force it with lower-tier stuff, he went with smaller parts in bigger films. Stunt work and fight scenes in movies like The Matrix Reloaded, which led to bigger things like John Wick, it didn't mean he wasn't doing DTV stuff, but it wasn't as much, and I kind of lost track of him myself--though when I look at his tags on here, which is now at 16, I've haven't completely lost him, he's had some recent reviews. I think it's just an oversight on my part, but we can pencil him in for next year's inductions.

And with that, let's wrap this up. You can currently stream this on Hulu in the States, which I think is a good deal, but if you live in an area where this is a rental only, you could do a lot worse. And congratulations to Jesse V. Johnson on entering the Hall of Fame! It's much deserved.

For more info: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt21301418

Looking for more action? Check out my short action novel, Bainbridge, and all my other novels, over at my author's page! Click on the image below, go to https://www.matthewpoirierauthor.com/