Karate Cop is a sequel to Omega Cop, where our hero is the last of his breed of good guys in a post-apocalyptic wasteland run amok with mutants and baddies all looking to do harm to any nice folks in their paths. In doing his good deeds, he happens upon a woman with a group of kids that she's trying to get to Oregon, which I guess escaped the apocalypse unscathed. How do they plan to get there? A teleportation device, of course, the only issue is the crystal needed to power it is busted. That means our hero is the only one who can get to another teleportation device and take its crystal, then bring it back to make the first one work, so this lady and all the kids can escape the post-apocalypse wasteland and live happily ever after in Oregon.
This is just a bouillabaisse of nuttiness that somehow works in a way that's just fun for me, if that makes sense. Like where did the teleportation device come from? Who cares, right? Why is it Oregon of all places that avoided the apocalypse? I don't know, but if I just go with it, it'll be all right. And Marchini's martial arts are still solid, so whoever he's beating up, whether they're extras from the Alien from LA set, or those same guys only now with masks over their faces so we don't know they're the same guys, it's all great for me. Sometimes you just need a fun time waster that isn't dripping in the assembly line cynicism of today's current DTV model, and that's when the late 80s/early 90s come in to save you with a gem like this.
This is now the third film of the Marchin-inator we've done here, which leaves us with four to go of the seven I watched when I did the podcast with Ty and Brett. I actually don't remember where in my list I placed this one, but I don't think I had a huge distinction between 1 and 7. The thing with Marchini is he decided to go it alone, as opposed to work with one studio or another, so we get these things that are a bit more earnest in their construction, but are often so all over the place that they're fun in spite of themselves, which is what we have here. There is that part of me that wonders what a 90s Marchini could have done with PM, or an 80s Marchini with Cannon, but that never happened, so we're left with stuff like this, a pile of schlock fun.
The film's one Hall of Famer, David Carradine, had a one-scene cameo, where he ran a diner that sold jackrabbit stew. That jackrabbit stew looked as unappetizing as you could imagine it would be coming from the guy in that screengrab I took of Carradine above. We last saw him in another short cameo in the Williamson film Down 'n Dirty, so we have to go back to 2012 to find the last bigger role he had, which was the lackluster Road of No Return, in no way made lackluster by Carradine's performance. I mean this role here is simply so Marchini can slap his name on the tin, meaning we need to get in and do some real Carradine considering his Hall of Fame status, and the number of films of his out there we still haven't done. Also of note, his diner had a small napkin holder full of paper napkins that are common in diners pre-apocalypse, but how does a diner post-apocalypse keep the napkin holder stocked? Is it possible Sysco survives the apocalypse?
This movie came out in 1991, which means this year was its 30th anniversary. Beyond our usual pleas for Vinegar Syndrome or MVD to put out all of Marchini's films on Blu-ray, or the perfunctory "oh geez, I can't believe how old I am!" trope, I believe this is another movie where the future is now the past. As a 12-year-old in 1991, I guess I didn't do the math when I watched movies like these, to realize how close they thought the apocalypse was, and how unlikely we were to see it come that soon. At least in America, we can see now how the apocalypse really works, it's not a sudden event, but rather more like the fall of Rome, where it all slowly crumbles around us while we enjoy our Starbucks and Netflix--what could be a more fitting slogan for the apocalypse than "Netflix and chill"? Marchini never could have guessed in 1991 that the apocalypse would be crazy Boomer and Gen X parents at school committee meetings making crazy rants about masks and vaccines, or Q-Anon folks camped out in Dallas hoping for the second coming of JFK Jr., or a sitting congressperson unironically theorizing about the existence of Jewish space lasers. And I guess if this is it, the apocalypse is a-comin', it's time for me to put down my latte and turn off the Netflix, and go take those Muay Thai lessons I saw advertised five blocks from my apartment, because if Marchini's vision of the future is any indication, I'm going to need them.
I've only been to Oregon one time, when I visited my sister while she was living out in Seattle, and we did a day trip to Portland. I got to have some Voodoo Donuts, check out the Black Velvet Painting Museum (which I found out is no longer open), and buy some used books at Powell's. We also went to a pizza place, where I ordered two slices, and the hipster jerk-off taking my order snarked "do you want me to box the second one?", like I couldn't eat two slices because they were so big. To prove a point, I not only ate those two, but went up for a third and ate that as well. Take that you fucker. That the apocalypse could have missed Oregon might seem unfathomable, but after my own experience and watching Portlandia, I get now how it happened. Any apocalypse wouldn't last five minutes in that den of insufferability, and while it was mined for comedic gold on Portlandia, I can see how the apocalypse would have politely hopped on the next Amtrak to San Francisco and continued its destruction there. Of course, Portland, I kid because I love... I mean, any real hipster would think Portland, OR is passe by now anyway, and be onto Portland, ME instead.
It's probably better I wrap things up before I insult more of the people reading this. Until Vinegar Syndrome or MVD or another company make Blu-rays of Marchini's movies, YouTube is the only avenue you have, but I think this is worth it. It's 90s minutes of pure 90s schlock fun. What more can you ask for?
For more info: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102187
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