Bitter Desire (2025)

Nathan Hill is back! And he's going back to the Erotic Thriller well after Lady Terror. I couldn't wait to check this out, and once Nate sent me the screener I tried to make it happen as soon as I could.

Bitter Desire has Nate as police officer Steve, who has his ankle broken by criminal Andy (Tass Tokatlidis). While he's at home recovering, the department is paying for physical therapist Harmony (Hao Dao) to help with the healing process--not to mention with this being an Erotic Thriller, Steve's wife Lexi (Shar Dee) is also committed to helping Steve's recovery, if you know what I mean. Anyway, Andy's in prison, and his girlfriend Sasha (Diana Benjamin) visits him, and he tells her she's gotta get revenge on the guy who put him in the clink, Steve. While she's staking out Steve and Lexi's house, she gets the crazy Grinchy idea to replace Harmony as Steve's physical therapist. The problem is, once she gets inside their house, she starts to develop feelings for Steve. Will she be successful in her diabolical machinations?

This is another great time from Nate and company. He gets what makes Erotic Thrillers fun, and while in the process of making the movie fun, everyone is in on the bit, but it's never too over the top (Stallone style) in its attempts to have that fun. The two keys for me are Shar Dee and Diana Benjamin, in this kind of Fatal Attraction paradigm both of the actors playing those parts have to be all in for it to work. The interesting thing about the Fatal Attraction set-up here though is Nate's character more emotionally cheats on his wife than actually doing it physically, and that takes the out the element we had in Fatal Attraction where it was like "Michael Douglas is the real bad guy here, isn't he?" Also, positive spoiler, no pets get the wrong end of our femme fatal character. As we're closing in on the holiday season and all the stress that can come with that, this movie is a fun 70-minute reprieve, and if you rent it on Amazon for $1.99, you also get to support indie creatives.

We're now at seven Nate Hill films here on the site, and there hasn't been a single one of these that I haven't had a great time with. This one, like Lady Terror, is not as overtly funny as ones like Revenge of the Gweilo or Jasper, and I think for us Americans where we often need to be hit over the head with humor to get it, it might not all translate, but it helps that I know going in that the goal of Nate's movies is for us to have a good time with them. I was thinking of some of his others, like I, Portrait, where I felt like the ending in that one didn't work for me, but in this film he nails the ending, and I won't say any more than that, because I don't want to spoil any of it for you, but that ending I think encapsulates a movie that's made with giving the audience a good time at the forefront, and that's the one thread through all of Nate's films that I've seen so far, and why I've found them all enjoyable.

Often in this Fatal Attraction paradigm, the male lead in the triangle is the one where the focus is, and while Nathan's character does play an important part, Shar Dee's Lexi and Diana Benjamin's Sasha were developed more. For example, they're the ones we see talking with their friends or co-workers, while Nate is only either alone or with one or both of them. In that sense, even though this has the structure of Fatal Attraction, what we get is more like a Joan Severance or Shannon Tweed-style woman-centered Erotic Thriller. And that's where your leads have to be all-in, even if the movie is all in fun like this one is, if they're not committed to it, it loses some of the magic that makes it all work. We have to believe that Steve loves his wife and is attracted to her, but also why he may be drawn to the new woman as well. Again, it may ultimately be all in fun, but the foundation needs to be solid for that work, and I loved how Shar Dee and Diana Benjamin were able to provide that foundation.

There are two main kinds of Erotic Thrillers, one is more about rich people, and maybe someone with lesser means is drawn into the world of the affluent; the other is the every day suburbanite caught up in extraordinary circumstances, and this film fits into that second category. How do we know which of the two we're watching? It's almost always establishing shots. The fancy mansion with its big driveway and pool out back, versus the sleepy suburban town with people walking their dogs and the paper boy delivering the morning news to everyone. I loved how this movie leaned into those establishing shots. Between scenes it was shot after shot giving us the banality of suburban existence: kitchen sinks, potted plants, toasters, etc. As I mentioned above, Nate's comedy is less hit you over the head with it, but he finds his moments, whether it's with those establishing shots here, or the constant getting in and out of his car in Lady Terror, and when it works, it adds another note of enjoyment to the proceedings. 

Finally, one of my favorite YouTubers is CityNerd. If you're not familiar, he's a former city planner that now makes urbanist YouTube videos about things like how bad train travel is in the US and how great it is in Spain, or how some Major League ballparks fit right into the fabric of their cities, while others sit in the middle of a massive parking moat. Anyway, he did a great 40-minute video on his trip to Melbourne, Australia, which I really enjoyed, but he was experiencing it as a visitor and trying to show us in America how we could learn things from Melbourne's urban fabric to improve our own cities. Anyway, the thing I like about Nate's movies is they also take place in Melbourne, and you know you're in Australia, but the lives he depicts and they way his characters live them, especially in these Erotic Thrillers, could be anywhere. I love a good shot of a koala as much as the next guy--and I wouldn't complain if Nate included some in his movies--but the point is, the Australia of his movies isn't a novelty, and we're not seeing it as a visitor, we're seeing it from the point of view of people who live there, which is something I really appreciate, because no American production would make a movie set in Australia and not have it be a novelty. This is a big reason why we need to support indie filmmakers more, because they give us stories we wouldn't otherwise get.

And with that, let's wrap this up. You can rent this on Prime here in the States for $1.99. If you're looking to support indie creatives, this is a great, low-cost way to do it. Maybe on Small Business Saturday, after a day of shopping, you can fire this one up. You're only tacking on a couple extra bucks to the pizza and beer you'll be having with it--and maybe you can even defray the cost by skipping a topping or something. Either way, this is a great time, and with how the world is right now, we all could use a escape.

For more info: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt29458517

Looking for more action? Check out my short action novel, Bainbridge, and all my other novels, over at my author's page! Click on the image below, go to https://www.matthewpoirierauthor.com/

 

Mafia Wars (2024)

This is one Ty and I covered on episode 224 of the podcast, "Phillippe Phactory II: All Gigandet." As we were waiting for Desert Dawn to come out, which has both Phillippe Phactory-ers, Kellen Lutz and Cam Gigandet, we figured we'd do an episode spotlighting a couple of Gigandet's films in the meantime. In addition to us, out of the three critic reviews, one of them is our friend Chris the Brain at Bulletproof Action.

Mafia Wars has Gigandet as Italian mafia enforcer Griff, who's known for being brutal, and also has designs on moving up. His brother's (Sterling Griffin) in prison, and his prison mate is Terry (Tom Welling), who just happens to save Griff's brother's life. Now with Welling out, the brother tells him to look Griff up if he wants a job. Not so fast cowboy, turns out Terry getting out of the clink was a plan by local detective Lombardi (Chris Mullinax), and he wants Terry to use his in with Griff to get close so they can get evidence against him and bring him down. Terry doesn't have much choice, so he does as he's told, and lucky enough a local sex worker (Cher Cosenza) happens to also be a CIA agent, so at least he has some help when things go sideways.

This wasn't half-bad. Welling was good in the lead, Gigandet was bad enough as the baddie, and Cosenza was good as a supporting character with a twist. I don't know where that gets you though. Do I have to know? I guess if I'm writing the review I do. In his review on Bulletproof, Chris mentioned how in the 90s PM would've made this, and I think that's a great jumping off point. Mid-90s, directed by Joseph Merhi, action-directed by Spiro Razatos or Cole S. McKay, starring Gary Daniels or Don "The Dragon" Wilson, with a baddie played by someone like Evan Lurie, it could've been an instant classic--or it could've been written and directed by Joey Travolta and starring John Aprea and Michael Nouri and ultimately been kind of a dud, but the point is, that high ceiling was there. Outside of a few big names in the DTV action world doing next-level stuff, this might be as good as it gets, so maybe we just need to take stuff like this that ain't half-bad and run when we do get it, because the DTV floor now is much lower too.

This is our first time seeing Cam Gigandet on the site, despite this being his third (and later this month fourth) film we've covered on the podcast, all of those being in the two-movie new DTV episodes we do each month with Ty. I don't know how the idea of the "Phillippe Phactory" came to be, I think Ty and I were talking about how Gigandet, Kellen Lutz, and maybe a Chad Michael Murray all filled niches usually filled by Ryan Phillippe. It's interesting though with this movie, because I don't know you could've just plugged Phillippe into Gigandet's part and have it work better, I think Gigandet is a fully flesh-out Gigandet here, doing the best he can to elevate this part. His IMDb bio has a bunch of stuff in various stages of development that could be interesting, so I imagine this won't be the last time we see him on the site, but at the very least, we'll see him more on the podcast.

This is also our first Tom Welling film, which I'm a little less surprised about, because he's only beginning his DTV journey, while Gigandet's been swimming in that pond for the last ten years or so. And with Dean Cain turning out to be a jerk off, I guess we needed a new former TV Superman to have a go in DTV films--the movie even leans into it a bit with a joke about the "fortress of solitude." The thing is, Tom Welling is no longer the Tom Welling we know from Smallville, he's become former NFL offensive lineman and current NFL TV analyst Mark Schlereth. I think that may suck more for Schlereth than it does for Welling, because Schlereth wanted to start an acting career, and now Welling will take any parts Schlereth could've gotten. The thing that hasn't changed for Welling though is he's still a likeable lead, which really helps in a movie like this that doesn't have a lot going for it, if you can at least root for the hero, that's half the battle. I don't know how many DTV duds we've gotten lately with bearded actors playing former special forces guys in flannel shirts and worn baseball caps that do nothing for us, to have Welling show up and not be that is a breath of fresh air--even if he's rocking an early-2000s goatee. 

The main impetus behind Welling's character getting arrested is he goes abroad to sell drugs to make money for his niece's operation back in the States. This device has been used in so many DTV movies, it makes me wonder if a bunch of DTV production companies and distributors have joined the private health insurance lobby to keep America from having single payer health care. For some reason as a society many Americans don't look at that and say "that's pretty shitty that a country this prosperous would rather health insurance execs and shareholders get money from people being sick or dying, instead of keeping its citizens well," or even dumber, "it's pretty stupid a lot of Americans would rather pay out the nose for health care than be called a communist." In my case I'm lucky enough to have health insurance from my job, but even then if, God forbid, I was diagnosed with something serious, or got hit by a car, the things that my private health insurance wouldn't cover would bankrupt me, and unfortunately I don't have a relative who can go abroad to sell drugs or maybe get involved in one last heist to pay off those medical debts. But hey, at least DTV movie screenwriters can use it as a plot device, so there's that.

Finally, speaking of Chris the Brain, I had him on the pod recently for an upcoming episode, and he mentioned the pronunciation of Cam Gigandet's last name. I thought Gigandet was more committed to the French pronunciation of his name than I was mine because his family had more recently come here from France than mine had from Quebec, but that doesn't appear to be the case. With that in mind, I don't know why my family decided to anglicize "Poirier" so it sounds like "poor-EE-er" instead of "poir-EE-ay"--and it may not have even been their decision, because another common pronunciation is "poor-EE-ay," splitting the difference between the French and the English. For example my UMaine Black Bears hockey team has a freshman scoring sensation named Justin Poirier, and announcer Jeff Mannix always pronounces it "poor-EE-ay." Maybe I'm just not as a big a stickler on it as Gigandet is his. "Poir-EE-ay," "poor-EE-er," or "poor-EE-ay" is all fine for me, hell if you just get close I'm happy enough, but if someone ever asks me, I always default to "poor-EE-er."

And with that, let's wrap this up. You can currently get this on Tubi. It's not a horrible deal, and if you're a big Welling fan from Smallville, or a Gigandet fan from Twilight, it's worth giving it a shot. And if you haven't yet, you can also check out the podcast episode where Ty and I discussed it, number 224 in the archives.

For more info: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt10450852

Looking for more action? Check out my short action novel, Bainbridge, and all my other novels, over at my author's page! Click on the image below, go to https://www.matthewpoirierauthor.com/

Small Apartments (2012)

As we close in on Dolph's birthday again, we're running out of movies to review for this occasion. This one is one I'd seen on Tubi for years, and knew I'd have to do it at some point, and with his new one, Exit Protocol, not out for another week, I figured now was as good a time as any. At the very least, it has a pretty prodigious cast, that has to count for something, right?

Small Apartments has Matt Lucas (from Blur's "Country House" video) as Franklin Franklin, a guy whose brother (James Marsden) has been committed, so he lives in a small apartment and wears only his tighty-whities and socks, except when he needs to leave his apartment, when he also dons a coat and a wig. The other thing is he drinks my favorite soda, Moxie, even though I don't know if it was sold in LA. Anyway, his landlord (Peter Stormare) died in his place under mysterious circumstances, and Frank needs to sort this out because the body's starting to smell. As he's doing that, other people who live in his apartment building, like James Caan, Johnny Knoxville, and Juno Temple, have things going on, but they're only so fleshed out; then Frank runs into the kinds of issues people disposing of bodies in indie movies inevitably run into. Will he manage to get out of this situation?

The best way I can describe this is the people involved, like director Jonas Åkerlund and writer Chris Millis (whose novella of the same name this was based off of) had seen a lot of quirky 90s indie flicks, and they understood that those movies had certain elements, like buildings and cars and clothing that were seemingly from another time; or characters with quirky, off-beat traits, like the main character blowing a big Alphorn and only wearing underwear; but they couldn't replicate the actual DNA that made those movies work. There's a connective tissue that this was missing, pieces of characters and storylines that were left unfinished, never fully realized, so when they came to some kind of conclusion I didn't know them well enough to feel anything. In a way it's kind of fascinating to see what other people took from those movies, I wanted to connect with the characters, while the people who made this were focused on their surface quirkiness and things like off-beat settings and shot composition. Those things can be fun too, they just aren't what I look for in a film. If you do, or if you're a completist of one of the many names in this, you may want to give it a look, especially since it's on Tubi. One other thing, the music was done by Per Gessle from Roxette, so it's a bit better than what you'd expect from a movie like this.

It's time for the man of the hour though, Mr. Dolph Lundgren. This is his 75th film on the site as he celebrates his 68th birthday. And this probably is a good 75th movie, not in that it's a really big role or anything, but because he's not in it much, so it's more one you get to after you've done most of the bigger roles first. That's not to say it isn't a great part, Dolph plays a self-help guru type with his own self-help book and everything, and Dolph plays him as well as you'd want him to, with his dark hair, joining the Mile High Club with flight attendant, etc. The whole thing was a lot of fun, and just adds to this journey we've taken with Dolph over the past 18 years or so, where we've seen him play all manner of characters--or rather, mostly kick-ass action dudes, so to see him not play one here, and do a great job with it, was worth it, even if I could've taken or left the rest of the movie. Here's to you Mr. Lundgren, you're the greatest, and Happy Birthday!

There are a lot of names in this, but one I thought I'd never see on the site is Billy Crystal. Growing up in the 80s he was one of the biggest stars, especially with things like When Harry Met Sally and City Slickers. My personal favorite was Running Scared, with Gregory Hines they were two off-beat cops on the edge, I remember first seeing that on The Movie Loft on WSBK TV38 and loving it. You'd think this would be our first time for James Caan too, but he was in Santa's Slay, so we've seen him one other time before. The other one I thought we'd seen on here before was Johnny Knoxville, but this is his first appearance on the site too. Throw in Juno Temple, who we haven't reviewed on the site, but I covered Venom: The Last Dance on a DTVC Extra podcast where we looked at the Sony Spider-Verse Without Spider-Man, so she's been associated with the site in some way before. Anyway, all four of them played characters that could've been compelling, but were never properly developed, so we just get strands of them throughout the film, and then we're supposed to pretend these strands have magically formed into a sweater, but it's hard to make the mental leap to sweater when we've only had strands, so when we get to some sort of end to their strands of storyline, we can see that the sweater would've looked nice, had it actually been finished. Anyway, it's fun to see names we don't usually see, so reviewing something like this that we don't usually do gives us that opportunity.

One of the film's bright spots is it features my favorite soda, the official soda of Maine, Moxie! The movie took place in LA, and my understanding was you couldn't get Moxie outside of Maine, New Hampshire, Massachusetts, and maybe parts of the other three New England states (and according to Wikipedia, Pennsylvania?), but it looks like maybe in the early 2010s there was a push to sell it in more places, which might have meant it was sold for a short period in LA? Or was it just the quirkiest of quirky sodas that Matt Lucas's character could drink? I've always liked it, but since I moved to Philly--where it's not sold--it's something I have to have now when I visit my family in Maine. You also may have noticed that on my video appearances on Jon Cross's podcasts, or on some of the original YouTube videos I've been making, I wear my Moxie hat, so I'm always excited to represent it. If you ever get a chance to try it, you may not be a fan, because it's an acquired taste, but once you've acquired it, I think you'll like it. Also note: they no longer use that logo, they're back to something more like the original. That one in the image I think was only around for a short period of time.

Finally, I don't want to give away too much, but one of the characters tells Matt Lucas's character that you need to live life to the fullest, and that time wasted is time lost. It sounds profound in theory, but in reality, humans can't live like that, they need some level of routine and mundaneness. The problem is, in a capitalist society, routine and mundaneness doesn't compel people to spend above their means. If I just need a car to get to and from work, I'll get a cheap sedan; but if I think I'm going to spend every weekend white water rafting and rockclimbing, I need a more expensive, gas-guzzling SUV! And then I can feel like a schlub when it sits in the yard while my rockclimbing gears collects dust because I just want to relax at home and eat Doritos. Social media is even better for this kind of thing, because you have your friends and family showing you how they're going on vacation to exciting places to make you feel like you have to be out there doing stuff too, they're like free advertising the moment you see that SUV commercial or travel credit card commercial again. Now, this isn't to say you shouldn't take advantages of the moments you have to experience new things, that's important too, but what we need to do is re-normalize the normal, or celebrate the smaller new experiences, like watching a new movie, or visiting a new coffee shop. Forget "wasted time is time lost," let's stop worrying about making the most of every minute, and just live. At least that's what I'm doing.

And with that, let's wrap this up. As of this writing you can get this on Tubi here in the States, and I think that's been the case for roughly as long as Tubi's existed. If you're a completist of any of the actors in this, then check it out while you can for no cost other than sitting through some mobile casino ads.

For more info: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1272886/

Looking for more action? Check out my short action novel, Bainbridge, and all my other novels, over at my author's page! Click on the image below, go to https://www.matthewpoirierauthor.com/