Tiger Claws II (1996)

Considering I got my hands on the three Tiger Claws movies, and I already reviewed part 1, it was only a matter of time before part 2 made it's way up here as well. The cast for this effort just looks so promising: Merhi, Rothrock, and Bolo return from the first one, plus you throw in Ong Soo Han and DTVC favorite Evan Lurie. This had to be good, right?

Tiger Claws II takes place however long after part one. Cynthia Rothrock is living in San Francisco, Jalal Merhi got a haircut, and Bolo Yeung is in a holding cell meditating. That's when Even Lurie tries to sell guns to Ong Soo Han's gang, the deal goes sour when Merhi interrupts it, and Han busts Bolo out of jail. Then Lurie, Bolo, and Han's two hatchet men take a cross country trip to San Fran in a French fry mobile, and Merhi follows them out there and teams up with Rothrock again. But just what is Han up to? And why is Bolo seeming like such a good guy? And why is Evan Lurie so awesome?



Somehow this devolved into a bad underground tournament flick with a mystical temporal gate that could send Tiger students back to their ancient homeland. The thing was, that devolution was preceded by very little action. It was like a bad detective film, with Lurie popping up from time to time being awesome, and Bolo somehow redeeming himself from his former life as a serial killer. At the end, the fighting tournament, though totally random, had some of the best fighting in the film. I have no idea why Ong Soo Han was cast, because his fighting was barely used, and as an actor he was pretty silly. This was no Demon from Bloodsport II, I'll tell you that. I don't know, with a cast like the one this film boasted, there should be a martial arts fight scene every ten to fifteen minutes, and instead we just got some decently choreographed fights in the last 25 minutes or so.

This might be the best looking Rothrock has been in any of her movies, but we don't watch Rothrock strictly for how pretty she is, we want to see her fight, and she did almost none until the very end. If you remember, she didn't fight much in the first Tiger Claws either. I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens in the third and last one, but I'm not holding out much hope. What I need to do is get my hands on a copy of Martial Outlaw 2, so I'll keep my eye out.



Boy do we love Evan Lurie here at the DTVC. Though imdb lists a film he did in 1980 called The Offenders, his career really doesn't start until 1991, when he has a bit part as a bouncer in Double Impact. For the next 6 years, he would go on to do 12 more movies, the last being Operation Cobra with Don "The Dragon" Wilson, and then that was it. His best film out of the ones I've seen him in is American Kickboxer 2, but Tiger Claws II is a decent second. He only fights at the very end, and he plays a baddie throughout, but every scene he was in he was awesome. Where did you go Evan Lurie, the world of DTV needs you!

Redemption in a bad movie is often a very loose concept. I understand that Tiger Claws came out about 4 years before its sequel, but with all the flashbacks they gave us, it was hard to forget that Bolo Yeung was a VICIOUS SERIAL KILLER!!!! Now you're going to tell me he's a good guy? Or as Merhi suggests: "He's a man of honor." Yes, Merhi, a man of honor who KILLED YOUR BEST FRIEND IN THE LAST FILM!!!! I've never been a fan of long stretches of capital letters and multiple exclamation points, but I'm not sure how else to show how I want to say this. Forgive me for this one lapse in discretion.



You may have noticed that all the pics I chose for the post are of Mr. Yeung. He was just hilarious in this movie. In one scene he's making French fries for cops out of the French fry truck Lurie stole. The cops wake him up, and he just gets his apron on and has at it. Of course, the gig is up when he puts mustard on their fries-- ewww. You know what I like? McDonald's french fries with their sweet n' sour sauce. Another one is the thicker fries that come with a seafood platter, dipped in some of the seafood joint's tartar sauce. Of course, there's always the classic ketchup as well. That's what I do at Burger King or Wendy's, because I don't care for their sweet n' sour sauce. I know people who do barbecue sauce too, but it's never been my bag.

I better wrap this up before I go on too much of a tangent about French fries. Not the best Rothrock in terms of fighting, but probably her at her hottest looking. Lurie was great as always, but he doesn't fight until the end, so that's kind of a waste too. Then there's Bolo Yeung, inexplicably as a good guy serial killer who runs a fryolator. If you find it used cheap on VHS, go for it, because it would make for a great bad movie night. Otherwise, if you're looking for seriously good action, you'll be disappointed.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0126698/

Epicenter (2000)

There is a fair amount of Gary Daniels work out there that I still need to get to, and I'm always looking for an idea of what the next one should be. Usually I take reader suggestions, or I browse through his bio on imdb and take the ones with the best supporting casts. This time I went on the review my friend Mr. Kenner wrote on his own site, Movies in the Attic (the link is to the post, and the review is at the bottom of the page.) Of course, I didn't really read his review carefully, just went on his giving it three stars. My bad.

Epicenter is a Lifetime movie of the week disguised as a PM Entertainment action film, with Gary Daniels playing the part of Tim Matheson, and Traci Lords in the role of Joanna Kerns (imagine her as Maggie Seaver on Growing Pains!). Daniels is a dude who wants to sabotage his tech company in San Francisco, so he steals their program that monitors US fighter pilots, and tries to sell it for $15 million to the Russian mob. Traci Lords is the undercover cop with the estranged daughter who's been keeping tabs on them for a year. Everything blows up, Daniels is arrested, the mob's out the 15 mill with no plans, and Daniels isn't talking to either them or Lords and the FBI. That's when Jeff Fahey, Lords' superior, has Daniels flown out to LA, which works out great for Lords because her estranged daughter is down there too. She can wrap of the case and fix her dysfunctional family all in one fell swoop. That is, until the quake hits...



So where do I start? Maybe the first 45-50 minutes, where all that happens is a chase scene literally borrowed from Speed followed by an excitement by repetition out of control trolley crashing into cars. Awesome! Then you have the quake itself, again, excitement by repetition, followed by all the usual disaster film cliches, only done in a manner so perfunctory it hurt my sensibilities. Oh yeah, and Lords and Daniels are forced to act way more than either is comfortable with, which in turn makes us, the viewer, equally uncomfortable. Then there was just so much extra crap that did nothing to move the story forward, like this scene at the end where Lords' daughter is talking to this boy she has a thing for about why he didn't ask her out before or something. Seriously? We needed that? Just show the girl with the boy, have her say "man, I wish Mom would get here soon", and cut away. I was just like Why? Why! WHY!!!

Mr. Kenner made the point in his review that Epicenter was in the vein of the 70s disaster film. I love me a good old fashioned 70s disaster flick as much as the next guy, but that's not what we had here. Once Lords and Daniels escape their initial predicament, all the earthquake is is a backdrop. In real disaster movies, the disaster is a main character, not a supporting role, or in this case, tangential. The problem was, they made their background story too complicated, which meant it took too long to act out, leaving very little time for earthquake stuff. I'm not sure if it was Daniels' agent or what, but they put too much effort into making him a bad guy that wasn't really a bad guy. Think about how much more fun it would've been if Daniels was a real nefarious baddie, like a vicious drug dealer, and Lords and him have to team up to make it out of a busted up building. Almost like The Defiant Ones, only it's the earthquake that's figuratively shackled them together. Keep the bad acting, bad dialog, etc., and make a real tribute to the 70s disaster flick, instead of a Lifetime movie disguised as a disaster flick, with the disaster only playing a supporting role.



As far as Daniels goes, I'm not angry that he didn't use any martial arts, because this was (supposed to be) a disaster film. On the other hand, he did a few things, like jumping and shifting his hands that are cuffed behind his back to in front of him, which indicated that he was more than just a computer genius, and which they never explained. As far as his acting goes, he actually was pretty good when he was the bad guy at the beginning. It was later, when the role became convoluted, that his acting broke down, and I'm not sure we can blame that on him. Again, had he been able to play a straight up baddie who had to put his baddie-ness aside to survive a devastating earthquake, it would've been much better.

It was once said of Audrey Hepburn that one could make a movie of just her eating an apple, and it would be worth watching. I think the same could be said of Traci Lords, only in her case, she can't act as well as Hepburn. She's hot as hell in everything she does naturally, it's when she has to act that it doesn't always work, at least in Epicenter. The scene where I took the image of her smoking is a perfect example. She was hot as hell every time she took a drag, but in between when she argued with her superior about FBI stuff, it came off silly. I went deep into the archives for a film called Frostbite that she was in. I kind of remembered her being good in it, but unfortunately, my review doesn't say really one way or the other, just that the film cracked jokes about her former career in Gentlemen's Cinema. I guess what I'm saying is that she was probably as much a victim of this poor film as Daniels was.



imdb says the film was shot in Vancouver and Romania, but that is also took shots from Speed, Money Train, Metro, and a 1990 TV movie called The Big One: The Great Los Angeles Earthquake. I only bring this up because that shot above looks like the hotel I stayed in when I was in LA last May. Of course, since it would've had to have been stock footage taken potentially as far back as 20 years ago, it's hard to say if it's actually LA or not. It doesn't look like Romania, so if it's not LA, then it would have to be Vancouver, but it really looks like LA, and where I stayed to boot. Also, on the image page, there's a shot of the Super Shuttle, which I took to get from the airport to the hotel in back when I was in LA. Anyone else ever taken one of those?

This is a definite skip. Not because Daniels doesn't use any martial arts, but because it's totally lame-o. If you're in the mood for a good old school disaster flick, check out the Sci Fi (SyFy?) channel schedule and roll the dice. You'll have better luck. And speaking of rolling the dice, I need figure out what my next Gary Daniels flick will be.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0233656/

Steel Dawn (1987)

I had really wanted to review this one back during our Swayze tribute in September, but Netflix had it set on Very Long Wait, so we replaced it with a suggestion by RepoGenetic, Black Dog, which worked out just as well. Anyway, Very Long Wait then turned into Unavailable, and I put it out of my mind. That was until this week, when I found it on Hulu. Yes!

Steel Dawn is a post-apocalyptic action deal where Patrick Swayze plays a WWIII vet wandering the desert. He comes across a water treatment type farm, run by a woman, her son, and a foreman (Brion James). Swayze is taken on to work for food, and he discovers that one: she is one of many such farms terrorized by a local warlord that they hope to defeat; and two: she has a natural spring underneath her land that could irrigate the entire region, making it invaluable. At the same time, this woman discovers one: Swayze is not just a wandering farmhand, he can really kick ass; and two: she's been too long without the love of a man, and Swayze's visit couldn't be more fortuitous. Things get a little tougher when the local warlord calls in a reject from a hair band making ends meet as an assassin. Can Swayze take this guy down and protect the farm?



How awesome is this? It's like your classic post-apocalypse desert action flick/Mad Max rip-off, only with Swayze at the helm. And he brings it like he does in everything else he does. Sure, it might not be Road House, but how much is, right? I'm fully convinced his hero in this film was Kevin Costner's inspiration for his role in Waterworld, and comparing the two makes me appreciate even more just how great Swayze was, and how much he'll be missed. Throw in the late great Brion James, and you've got a winner, hands down.

But when you get down to brass tacks, this film would be crap without Swayze. The scenes with no action would be dumb. The retread of a plot would've been less bareable. For instance, there was a low-speed chase on these vehicles that looked like they were stolen in the middle of the night off the Mad Max set, which was definitely still ridiculous, but when you add Swayze into it, it has a level of awesomeness that it wouldn't otherwise have, even with someone as great as Dolph. Should we be surprised though? He made a film about a legendary bouncer into classic. I could add some glib statement here about how we never realize how special these guys are until it's too late, but that's not the case with Swayze. It's more a case of I have trouble watching films like this and reconciling them with the reality that he's no longer with us, and will no longer give performances like this.



Speaking of no longer with us, there's DTVC favorite Brion James. I can't believe that this August will mark 11 years since he passed away. In Steel Dawn he plays a good guy, which is a change of pace from what we're used to with him. Over the course of his life, he had 200+ acting credits in everything from feature films, DTV fare, and TV shows. A consummate professional, and a character actor of the highest order. If you don't love Brion James, you don't love yourself.

I'm not sure if you've seen Religulous yet, but whether you have or haven't, my referencing it here won't get overly political or be a comment on my own thoughts on religion. What I wanted to bring up was one of the overarching themes of Bill Maher's film, the idea that many religions describe the end of the world, and that people who believe blindly in these religions feel this is an inevitability. What Maher points out is, yes, the end of the world could be inevitable, but not because God wills it, because we humans will it. Steel Dawn is one of many post-apocalyptic films made in the 80s where the end of the world as we knew it came about as a result of nuclear war, which would play into Maher's point. It also plays into the point he was making by showing that we humans are somehow fascinated with the concept of the world ceasing to exist. The problem is, the movies focus on the survivors-- obviously because there'd be no movie otherwise-- and people forget that if a catastrophe struck, odds are good that they'd die a horrible death. Because of the influence of their faith, they somehow feel their devotion will make them "chosen" and protected, which is a scary concept. It means they aren't thinking rationally about what the end of the world could mean.



I really liked this image above. It's not often that I watch a low-budget film and see a screenshot that's that great. If it were in a film with a much more acclaimed director, people would be all over how amazing it was and how it was just more proof of how great the director is. Well, Steel Dawn's director was Lance Hool, and his other two directing credits were Missing in Action 2, and One Man's Hero. Here's to you, Lance Hool, that was a great shot. (Of course, I probably should be lauding the exploits of the film's cinematographer, George Tirl. His other work includes Left Behind and a bunch of other Christian Armageddon movies--- go figure.)

While this is on Hulu, you need to see it. It'll be your best and cheapest way. Sure, you gotta put up with obnoxious 5-Hour Energy commercials every so often, but it's still free. Anyway, it's worth it.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0094033/

Masters of the Universe (1987)

I've been meaning to review this one for a long time, but even after I introduced the Wild Card post so I could include non-DTV films here on a weekly basis, I just wasn't sure how I wanted to attack it. It's been made fun of and laughed at so many times, right? What more could I do with it? But after a long Dolph absence, I knew I needed to do something, so I rented it anyway. When I popped it in the DVD player, though, I saw the word "Commentary" on the menu, and thought: "this could be promising". Turns out all it is is director Gary Goddard, but still, it allowed me to get some questions answered about why this turned out as badly as it did.

For those that don't know, Masters of the Universe is loosely based on the action figures and the 23 minute cartoons that acted as advertisements for said action figures. Dolph Lundgren plays He-Man, and Frank Langella (yes, that Frank Langella) plays Skeletor. Skeltor has taken over Castle Grayskull, and Dolph and his crew use some kind of device to go to Earth, and then they need to somehow find the device and get back, while Skeletor wants the device too and he wants He-Man so he can kill him and show all of Eternia that he's the true king.



Before watching the film with Goddard's commentary, I had always thought the people involved with making it were either lazy or arrogant or both; that they thought that because the cartoons were so simple and silly, they could throw together a script and make a movie about it without much effort. I was wrong about that. According to Goddard, Golan-Globus came to the writer, David Odell, and said write us a script about He-Man that's set here on Earth so we can make it cheaper. Then they went to Goddard, who hadn't directed a film before, and said make us this film adaptation in under $17 million and in quick enough time that it can be out for the summer. That explains a lot, and makes me more sympathetic to how bad the film turned out.

I have to respectfully disagree with him though, when he says that all in all the film was a success, or rather, that it turned out well. No it didn't. He also said a lot of people my age see it as one of their all time favorites. Again, no they don't. Maybe they tell you that, Mr. Goddard, because you sound like a nice guy in the commentary, and after hearing what you had to say, I fully believe you did everything you could to make this a success, but it was sautéed in wrong sauce from the start. Someone brought you in out of medical school to perform open-heart surgery on the back of a moving truck without all the instruments you needed. He-Man on Earth to save costs? And then you said you didn't want to do this or that because you didn't want it to look too much like Star Wars? Didn't you realize the whole thing looked too much like Star Wars? Critics called it the "Star Wars of the 80s", and you completely ignored that in your commentary, when it was obvious to all of us. I'm willing to accept that you and everyone else involved did your best to make this as good as possible, but good as possible isn't good.



This was Dolph's first film after Rocky IV, and when you tack on the distribution disaster of The Punisher, his fate as a DTV star was pretty much sealed. Universal Soldier might be seen as an exception, but he played second fiddle to Van Damme there. It was Masters of the Universe and The Punisher versus Bloodsport and Cyborg that paved the paths for both actors, and though Van Damme eventually made it to where Dolph is, and though from Dolph's demeanor it would seem he's fine with the way things worked out, it's interesting to wonder what if, isn't it? Surprisingly, this was a little light on the Dolph, but what there is of him, is awesome as usual.

Masters of the Universe, though a financial strain on Golan-Globus and Cannon, was not the one that ultimately took it down-- that honor goes to Superman IV: The Quest for Peace-- but it didn't help. If you're interested you can read the Wikipedia article on Golan-Globus and Canon by clicking here. Who knows where'd they'd have ended up if they'd stuck to low-budget action and Oscar winning foreign films, but they had the rights to Mattel and Marvel properties, so it only made sense to want to use them. The problem with those things, as we're seeing now, is they're an all or nothing proposition: they either need to be nine-figure blockbusters, or they shouldn't be made. I know in the mid-80s $17 million was a lot for a film, but in the 2010s nine figures is a lot for a film too; and I also know that throwing money around doesn't always work either (see Transformers: Rise of the Fallen), but keeping the budget artificially low, or trying to make Masters of the Universe on the cheap, isn't a recipe for success either. Again, it's either all or nothing, and they tried to just go with more than they usually spend instead of all, and ended up paying more for it.



Wow, I'm already at paragraph seven. I guess no comment on Courtney Cox's first film, or that a future female Trekkie heartthrob was in this as well as Cox's boyrfriend, or how much I loved the toys as a kid, or even James Tolkan not telling Tom Cruise how he'd have him flying cargo ships of rubber dogshit out of Hong Kong. If I only have one paragraph left, I'm using it on Frank Langella. Goddard couldn't say enough about how they wanted to make the Skeletor mask look a certain way so it would retain Langella's facial expressions, which is fascinating, because Goddard, who hadn't directed a feature film before that, and hasn't really since, understands a simple truth that James Cameron and a bunch of Avatar honks didn't: that great actors do so many subtle things with their faces, and that subtlety adds so much to the film. Anyway, Langella is a true professional actor, and he didn't mail in this role at all. He put the same amount of effort in here that he did in Frost/Nixon, which is amazing.

If you haven't seen this before, go for it, you'll have a great time. If you have seen it, and hate it, maybe reading this review, or watching it on your own with the director's commentary, will allow you to be a little more sympathetic. Though Mr. Goddard isn't same quality of director as another Goddard we all know (Jean-Luc!... sorry, I had to do that...), he did the best with what he was given. Who knows what a modern Masters of the Universe would look like today, but there's no guarantee it'll be better. That doesn't excuse this one, just puts it in perspective, at least for me.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093507/

Snake Eater III: His Law (1992)

As I have all three Snake Eater films at my disposal, it was probably only a matter of time before completed the trilogy and reviewed the last one. I know Hawk's Vengeance was supposed to be the fourth in the series, but it really doesn't fit, so I don't count it. Am I aloud to do that?

Snake Eater III has Lorenzo Lamas back as Soldier, a cop who lives by the seat of his pants and never follows proper procedure. He's found himself suspended yet again, and this time a couple has come to him to take down a biker gang that kidnapped their daughter and used her as their sex slave for 18 months. Soldier calls in an old friend named Cowboy, and together they make it happen. Those bikers don't know what hit them.



I think I like this one best of all. It wasn't really gross the way part one was, and didn't have those silly mental hospital digressions part two did. This was just a straight ahead 1990s DTV action film, and sometimes that's enough. Lamas was at his best, cracking jokes and playing his off-beat self, while still kicking ass and taking names Soldier style. In one scene he gets into this huge bar fight, and this one guy whose ass he kicked calls in his brother. The brother is huge, and he tells Lamas to apologize, to which Lamas says "I'm sorry. I'm sorry you're a stupid piece of shit!" How awesome is that? All in all, this just worked.

When he tries to play it serious, Lamas looks ridiculous; but when he plays it off-beat and is allowed to joke around, it works much more. It also helps when his acting takes a back seat to the action. This is a rule of thumb regarding him that you'll also find in Renegade: episodes where he's required to be serious and act don't work like the ones where he and Sixkiller are playing off each other, Lamas delivering roundhouses and Sixkiller headbutting baddies. This will be Lamas' 22 film, putting him firmly in second place behind Dolph for second most all time for an actor. I'm not sure if I put that out there as a trivia question that anyone would guess it right away without looking down the tags list. As far as star power goes, he's not in the category of a Dolph, Seagal, or Van Damme-- and some might even say a Gary Daniels-- but when he's allowed to do what he does best, he can be as good as anyone, and Snake Eater 3 really got the best out of him.



The first Snake Eater film had Lamas rescuing his sister from inbred hillbillies, while the second two focused on Lamas as a vigilante taking out drug dealers and biker gangs. What all three have in common is this idea that the system doesn't work, that it doesn't have the power to clean up our society from murderous country-folk, drug dealers poisoning our streets, or biker gangs spreading their own kind of violent anarchy. In these small fictitious sample sizes, they work, because we have no need to distinguish the mountain man that wouldn't harm anyone with the dudes that'll go Deliverance on you, or the high level drug dealer from the woman delivering a package for her boyfriend with no idea what's in it, or the group of guys who love bikes and the lifestyle that have no thought of breaking the law from the hordes menacing our towns and highways. We know who the bad guy is, and we want Lamas to deal with him accordingly. He provides us with a sense of satisfaction we can't always get in real life, which is a good thing, because we often want movies to be a fun escape.

Bam Bam Bigelow is probably the only other name in Snake Eater III. Had I not reviewed this now, and saved it for some kind of spotlight on wrestlers in movies, would it have counted? I mean, he's not in it that much, but he's there. Another film he was listed in is the 2000 Die Hard at the Killington Ski Resort Bruce Campbell classic Icebreaker. I may need to check that out again and review it. Anyway, Mr. Scott Bigelow left us in 2007 at the young age of 46, from diabetes.



This movie is based on a book called Rafferty's Rules by W. Glenn Duncan. I haven't read it, but it's available used on Amazon for $0.01 (which is like $3 after shipping). I couldn't find out if any of the other films are based on anymore of his books, or if they were based on any other books in general. I'd never even heard of him before I saw the connection on imdb while writing this review, so I don't know if he has a following, or if Snake Eater III is more popular than any of his books ever became.

Of the Snake Eater films, this is my personal faves, but I can see someone liking any of them. They're some of Lamas' best work, and anytime you can get a look at a DTVC Hall of Famer's best, it's a good thing.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0105434/

To read my reviews on the other two films:
Smake Eater
Snake Eater 2

Lies & Illusions (2009)

One of our more faithful supporters, RepoGenetic, warned me against this one (at least I think it was him, sorry if I'm wrong and not giving someone credit), but as a reviewer, the Christian Slater and Cuba Gooding Jr. factor just drew me in, and bad or no, it was my job to watch it and tell everyone what I think. Now it's time to make lemons out of lemonade.

Lies & Illusions is a Hitchcockian style thriller with Christian Slater as a best selling author who loses his fiancée in an apparent mugging, and after a year of her missing, she's declared dead. Trying to move on, Slater discovers his girlfriend may not have been who he thought she was, and a whole host of unsavory characters start popping up beating up Slater and making him get things out of safety deposit boxes for them. Now this simple author is thrust into a world of danger and intrigue that he neither wanted nor was equipped to handle.



This movie sent me a strong message at the 13 minute mark, letting me know what I was in for. Lochlyn Monroe as an attorney for Slater's missing wife has his finger put into a paper shredder by some baddies. This is totally useless as far as the plot goes, because the baddies already had what they wanted out of him by threatening his family, meaning the film makers did it just to do it. I've never had a film give me a sign like that, only to have them turn things around and make a quality film, and Lies & Illusions was no exception. Beyond the weirdness and grossness of that (which wasn't shown, but the fact they did it was enough, plus they showed Monroe's chewed up pinky finger after to remind us they did it), there was the story that didn't know if it was a suspense thriller, a bad action film, or a screwball comedy, and as with all films suffering from an identity crisis, it did none of those genres well at all.

One of the most poorly emulated directors of all time is Alfred Hitchcock, and the further in time we get from his films, the worse the emulations seem to get. Putting fingers in paper shredders? Hitchcock would never do that, yet he'd make his films so much more suspense filled than anything like this that did. Maybe it's because I love Hitchcock so much, but I feel like these people love him as much as I do, so it frustrates me when they don't get it. I know if the people involved are making a DTV picture with Christian Slater and Cuba Gooding Jr., they aren't of the pedigree of a Hitchcock anyway, and that's not what upsets me. The key is to understand their limitations and bring us some quality, and putting fingers in paper shredders for no reason is indicative of that lack of understanding.



Before I deal with Cuba Gooding Jr. and Christian Slater, I want to look at one scene they did together. It was near the beginning, after Slater's woman had disappeared, and Gooding shows up at one of Slater's book signings pretending to be a fan. I had this vibe that 15 years ago, these two actors would've been paired in a similar scene in a theatrically released Romantic Comedy. The critics would've torn it apart, it probably would've faded quickly after a decent opening week, then we'd have forgotten about it accept for the occasional airings on TBS after Jersey Girl, or in our married friends' DVD collections next to Sahara. The thing is, as a Romantic Comedy, Lies & Illusions would've been a better movie. Same basic plot, only focus on Slater's love triangle, and make Cuba's gangster character a much more ironic bad guy. I would've liked that one.

This is our first Christian Slater DTV film, and the only thing I have to say is: "where ya been old pal?" This was classic wisecracking and ranting Slater, reminding me of something like Kuffs. I'm not exactly sure what happened to him. Unlike Gooding and Val Kilmer who were big stars that Hollywood just couldn't find a place for, Slater was never as big as them, and I can't see why what he brings to the table isn't still a staple in most modern films. That's the problem with the way movies are made today, they'd rather have a rapper or comedian play a part that Christian Slater could do so much better. Had he been born 30 years earlier, he never would've lost his place in the film industry.



Now if Cuba Gooding Jr. had been born 30 years earlier, he would've been doing Blaxploitation films and would've had no chance of winning an Oscar, but have times changed enough? I guess what I'm saying is, how many African American actors can you name that are his age and weren't either a comedian or rapper first? Don Cheadle comes to mind. Forest Whitaker and Terrence Howard too, but that's about it. What do those three have that Gooding doesn't? We believe them in more serious films than we do him. Considering how good Gooding was in Gladiator, I think that's a shame, but he took a lot of parts after Jerry McGuire that were family friendly and feel good; and now it seems like he's making up for that by playing all these bad ass roles in his DTV career. I get that, but he's kind of overdoing it, and he was great in the Romantic Comedy style scene he had with Slater at the book signing. I guess it just sucks that Hollywood is picking rappers over him when he's a much better actor than any of them.

I was late on reviewing this, so I probably didn't save you from a Red Box disaster, but if you see it on TV or Netflix, stay away. It's currently on Watch Instantly, so it may be tempting. Don't succumb to temptation. You'll thank me for it.

Interceptors aka Interceptor Force (1999)

I don't really know what's taken me so long to get this movie done. I've had it on Watch Instantly for over a year now, maybe close to 18 months. I think what happens is I throw a film on my Instant Queue, and then forget about it, with the idea that I can get to it whenever. Right now I don't just have DTV films in there, but tons of Criterion Collection movies. If you have Netflix, Criterion on Watch Instantly is one of the coolest things, because a lot of the great foreign classics you've maybe not gotten to yet but have always been meaning to are on there. Of course, if you're like me, there's so many I've been meaning to see, and I just never seem to be able to get to them.

Interceptor Force has Olivier Gruner with 80s teen sensation William Zabka and Showgirls alum Glenn Plummer as mercenary extractors that are called in by Brad Dourif to go to Mexico and pick up the debris of a crashed fighter jet. What they don't know is the debris is really extraterrestrial, and the alien that came with it is a dangerous killer. Not only that, the Mexican town is run by a drug cartel, and they want to kill Gruner and his crew too. And not only that, but Dourif made them take two extra people with them, Boa vs. Python's Angel Boris and a guy who looked like a young Adrian Monk, and these people are keeping things from them, only revealing them as the plot requires. Will Gruner make it out alive?



First 15 minutes, amazing film. Gruner kicking ass and taking names, then picked up by a plane and joking around with Zabka and Plummer. Who'd a thunk we'd only get one more great scene like that for the rest of the film. Everything else was bad Predator crossed with bad Terminator 2. The problem with all these alien invasion films is they get caught up in their crummy plots. They make these aliens that are impossible to stop, write themselves into corners, and then walk all over the paint and track it back into the house, making a bigger mess, instead of starting over and making a better overall story. The way to go would've been politician's daughter is kidnapped by the drug cartel, and Gruner's men are called in to get her back.

Gruner was awesome here, which made this all the more disappointing. At least they didn't completely waste him, but they didn't use him enough. Gruner's at his best when he's allowed to really get after it. He makes the one-on-ten fight believable, which in turn makes it awesome. This also puts Gruner in double figures for movies up here finally, which is kind of surprising. I looked back at my past Gruner posts, and a lot of them say the same thing-- why doesn't he have more reviews? I guess he's just one of those ones who gets lost in the shuffle. Next up for him will be T.N.T., which I'm shocked Netflix still has.



This is our second William Zabka film, the first being Gale Force, starring Michael Dudikoff and Treat Williams. Anyone who digs 80s movies like I do, has to love William Zabka. It's often hard to reconcile how he looks in these DTV films with the bully or heel from a lot of my faves. What I found interesting when going over his bio is how few films he actually did. He was such an icon of that era, in my brain I associate him with so many other movies that he didn't have anything to do with. I'm trying like a trooper to get my hands on the Shootfighter films, which are must haves. Cross your fingers.

There was a pretty sweet supporting cast, with Ernie Hudson jr., Brad Dourif, and Glenn Plummer. Also, we have Angel Boris, who is special because she starred in Boa vs. Python, the first film we ever reviewed here at the DTVC. Shows you how big of a deal it was to me, considering I was away for the weekend and forgot that Saturday marked the three year anniversary. I'm a moron, because I thought May 5th was our first day. Anyway, we've come a long way in that time, and I want to thank everyone for all their support. If it wasn't for you we wouldn't have even made it out of May 2007, let alone May 2010 and beyond.



Whenever I feel like a moron, I found a new way to raise my self-esteem: Ancient Aliens on the History Channel. Have you seen this show? All these crazy dudes with crazy hairdos try to explain everything in human history by saying aliens did it for us or taught us how to do it. I saw it late Saturday night, only to find out it's actually on in primetime! I can see 2AM to capture that crazy insomniac demographic, but primetime? There's enough of a market for that? I want to believe they're all just like me, and want to feel smarter, because the idea that that many people are watching that show and thinking everything humans ever accomplished was through the aid of fictitious aliens... that kinda scares me.

Interceptor Force is pretty pedestrian outside of two great Olivier Gruner fight scenes. Considering it's on Netflix Watch Instantly, if you have that you're only investing your time, which isn't so bad. I'm not even sure it's in the "so bad it's good" category, because the story is so lame and derivative. Again, other than the two great fight scenes, nothing to write home about.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0167215/