Black Thunder (1998)

When last we saw Michael Dudikoff, he was making out with Julie Brown in the cult horror classic Bloody Birthday. When last we saw Richard Norton, he too only had a bit part, in the Rowdy Roddy Piper/Billy Blanks classic Tough and Deadly. Now, Norton isn't exactly the star in this on a par with Dudikoff, so it's not exactly a "Norton film", but he's in it more than just a bit part-- oops, did I give something away?

Black Thunder is about an Air Force plane that can cloak itself, similar to the Romulan cloaking device. Anyway, the test pilot flies off with it-- at least we think he does, even though it looks like his twin brother killed him in the previous scene, so the twin ran off with it. Anyway, Norton is the best pilot the Air Force has, but he's dead, so they call in the second and third best, Dudikoff and Gary Hudson, to go out and retrieve it. After some scenes of Dudikoff gritting his teeth and firing automatic weapons, and some stunt men either doing the shimmy and falling over, or looking like they slipped on a wet floor, Dudikoff re-appropriates the secret stealth plane, and everyone goes home happy.



This is pretty rough. Plenty of stock footage of fighter jets, which, no matter how much you cut in shots of people pushing buttons and flipping switches, or screens showing animations of missiles being armed, or people in flight helmets gritting their teeth, or people in officer uniforms on the ground giving status reports in tense tones of voice-- no matter how much you do any of that, you can't make that any more exciting than what it is: stock footage of fighter jets. Top Gun pulled it off somewhat, but they had a much bigger budget, much better actors, and much greater resources at their disposal. Stock orchestral music, often inappropriately placed, does not substitute Kenny Loggins. And when I say inappropriately placed, I mean like wondering if it's actually a part of the soundtrack inappropriate. By the time we get to the final dogfight between Dudikoff and the baddie, we're wondering why the two didn't just show us their stuff with a little hand-to-hand action. It would've been nicer, except all the action on the ground was as I mentioned above excitement by repetition comprised of teeth-gritting gunfire and dancing stuntmen falling over, so maybe it wouldn't have been any better than what we ended up with.

See, therein lies the rub with airplane movies, the action seldom translates. Think of a car chase. We know where in relation the two parties are to each other, we can tell from landmarks how fast it is (even if it's just an illusion of trick photography), and the crashes at the end are real. With planes, you're limited to so much, especially in terms of stock footage. I imagine it's much cheaper to use stock footage than it is to map out a car chase and make it happen, but if you go the cheap way out, expect lackluster results.



Speaking of lackluster results, somehow I neglected to mention in my Flight of Fury post that that film was a remake-- or near copy, rather-- of Black Thunder. I read it on imdb, and knew I wanted to mention it, and somehow I forgot. Sutekh over at Explosive Action (he was just Sutekh at that time) brought it to my attention when he made a comment on the Steven Seagal film, and when I read his comment in the e-mail notification, I was like "didn't I say that in the post?" Apparently I didn't, so a thank you to Sutekh for bailing me out on that one. I think what they thought they could do with the remake was replace some of the stock footage with newer computer generated images. The problem was the same problem I mentioned above, airplane movies are hard to pull off, especially when done on the cheap like that. The remake was equally as boring as the original.

Though this is post number 22 for Dudikoff, it's technically only his 21st film reviewed, because we did American Ninja 2 twice. If you throw in that he was barely in Bloody Birthday, it means he's closer to 20 films, which is right in the Lorenzo Lamas zone (though Lamas has a few Bloody Birthday sized roles himself). I was looking at the numbers, and we're only about ten films away from getting his entire DTV oeuvre on the site, which is actually closer than Don "The Dragon" Wilson. The difference between the two is, I'm having a little more trouble getting those ten than I am the 13 or so of Wilson's. What I do know is In Her Defense will be the last one we do, no matter what. As far as Mr. Norton, another DTVC Hall of Famer, this is only his twelfth film up. As he was only inducted last year, we can make that up eventually-- there is another film with Dudikoff he did that we can go to too... One film he did do that won't be reviewed on here though, is that Road House cash-grab disguised as a sequel that came out a while ago. I swore when I started this site that I'd never cover that one, even to give it a bad review.



Any excuse to get Catherine Bell up here I'll take. She's in the film-- technically. Some of her scenes from Crash Dive were edited into Black Thunder, but I'm not complaining. In addition to Bell, there was also the aforementioned Hudson, Michael Cavanaugh (who's currently in a Progressive car insurance ad), and hottie Nancy Valen. All were great, but all were fighting an uphill battle against the boringness of fighter jet stock footage, a fight they ultimately lost (or in Bell's case, she didn't even know she was fighting.)

If you're a Dudikoff completist, you may enjoy Black Thunder, but if you're new to him, I'd go to the American Ninja well first and work your way down to this, way, way down to this. Netflix no longer has it on offer, as it's out-of-print here in the States. People abroad might have better luck, or you can just snag it on VHS. I would say, don't go too far out of your way for it though, because it's really not worth it.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118732/

One Man Force (1989)

I saw Mr. Sutekh's review of this on his blog, Explosive Action, and I knew I needed to get me some. Then the light bulb went off in my head, and I realized I could post this film and showcase our man from downunder's site at the same time. Go check him out-- after you finish reading this post, of course. Cheers myte!

One Man Force is about this big bear of a man, Jake, played by John Matsuzak (Sloth from The Goonies). He doesn't do things by the book, and has a penchant for using large appliances to attack people (I was going to say "penchant for attacking people with large appliances", but the dangling participle made it sound like he attacks people who have large appliances...). This reckless style gets his partner dead, and in order to make amends and bring his partner's killers to justice, he goes out on his own. But what does the kidnapping of pop star Stacy Q have to do with his partner's killing and Latin drug cartels? Does it matter?



Nope, it certainly doesn't. In the very beginning, when Jake's partner expresses his misgivings about the raid they're about to make on a drug deal, I got nervous. I was wondering how I'm supposed to like this when the hero is such an enormous tool that he gets his friend killed. Then this hilarious music plays while the friend takes a few deadly slugs to the torso, then Jake proceeds to lift up a refrigerator and charge another shooter. From there I was hooked. It was like watching a great physical comedian with Matsuzak. How can you not laugh when Ronny Cox tells him he's suspended, and he freaks out, violently clears off Cox's desk, and yells "fuck you!" Somewhere around the 35 minute mark, my attention started to wane, but out of nowhere, Jake's in a car chase, and he sends the people chasing him into a Pepsi sign and an exploding boat, and the next day, in the crash aftermath, he's drinking a 2 liter bottle of Slice. I could go on, but I don't want to give too much away, like the brawl in the S&M bar, or the poor stunt double that was taken through the ringer as Jake hangs from the window of a speeding truck, trying to choke out the driver. There was so much to love.

Matsuzak passed away earlier in the same year this was released. That's too bad, because it looked like maybe he was making a shift from bit parts in various TV crime dramas and action shows, into the DTV world. Based on what we saw here, the potential was enormous. He was just this big force, yelling out these hilarious obscenities and throwing his weight around. I don't know if it was all intentionally funny, but it all worked. It's a shame that he's no longer with us, but it looks like we also missed out on a lot of great work that never was.



This film brought together three classic That Guys in Charles Napier, Ronny Cox, and Richard Lynch. One of these guys in a film would be fantastic, two, amazing, but all three? Oh snap! On top of that, you had Stacy Q-- who did "Two of Hearts" for of my readers born after 1980, or who aren't 1980s music aficionados-- and Sharon Farrell, who, among her many roles, was in one of my all time faves, Can't Buy Me Love-- I have to give a mention to fellow Mainer Patrick Dempsey whenever possible.

I have no clue why, but this stance of Matsuzak's below cracks me up. Am I crazy, or am I right? I mean, what is he doing there, stretching out his hamstrings? Getting ready to run? No, he's making small talk with the cop manning the evidence room. There was so much that Matsuzak did that was either intentionally or unintentionally funny, but for some reason this stood out as absolutely hilarious.



Finally, this movie showcased a lot of product placement. Matsuzak only wore Adidas, while his partner's son wore Quicksilver. Then there were the Pepsi, Slice, and 7-Up appearances. There was even a Discover card sighting. The one that stuck out the most was the Miller Lite though, because I'd forgotten the old "Tastes Great, Less Filling" days. Back then I was young, and didn't understand that Miller Lite was only cool for kids in college playing beer pong (I didn't even know what that was), or what a person throwing a barbecue serves to avoid giving out anything really good that might cost more. Only a tool actually orders Miller Lite at a bar, at least if it's not on a special or something. Now their ads tell us "Man up and drink Miller Lite". Is it possible for commercial products to jump the shark? They do know they're Miller Lite, right? While they're suggesting that certain members of the male population are tools, they have to know that their product is the number one contributor to male tooldom in America. Either man up and order some straight bourbon, bitch, or don't start calling us out for not being manly enough-- especially because we don't drink watered down beer.

That rant went on way too long. I think it's because I watch too much ESPN, and those dumb beer commercials are ubiquitous. Anyway, we got off track, which is too bad, because One Man Force is awesome, and if you haven't seen it, you need to make it happen. It is available on DVD, but it's out of print and can be expensive. VHS is the better route, and if you're a collector of of bad DTV action, this is a must. Fantastic. And take a look at Explosive Action while you're at it.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098026/

Mean Guns (1997) (Revisited)

My original Mean Guns post came on May 15, 2007, about ten days after post number 1. At that time, I didn't really know who Albert Pyun was. This thing was still meant to celebrate all the B movies my buddies and I enjoyed, so I focused more on actors like Christopher Lambert. I happened to catch Mean Guns on TV, because it had Lambert, was less than impressed, and there's the review I wrote. This was before I had software on my computer to capture images, so the original two I got from somewhere-- I can't remember now. If you're out there and you're pissed I hotlinked your images, well, chill out, and remember, they're not yours either. Anyway, Mr. Pyun asked me recently to give his film another chance, so that's what we're doing with by revisiting it here.

Mean Guns is about a group of killers, snitches, etc. that have been gathered in a prison for what they think is a party. It's not. A major crime organization, aptly titled The Syndicate, has brought everyone that's ever wronged them together, and the last three standing get a share of a $10 million prize. The rest-- well, I'm sure you can figure that out. What follows is a deadly free-for-all followed by an equally deadly game of cat and mouse, as the remaining players form alliances, betray each other, and ultimately, kill each other off.



Okay, let me start with what I liked about Mean Guns. A lot of the characters were great. Michael Halsey was great, Lambert was great, Ice-T was great, all the way down to Pyun mainstays Yuji Okumoto, Thom Mathews, and Tina Coté. The action was solid and the film's premise was intriguing. I believe I said in my initial review that after the first 45 minutes, it's much better, and upon a second viewing, I'd amend that slightly, because there are pockets of action before that, but then it kind of grinds to a halt, and when it picks up again, it never quite regains that frenetic pace it had when Ice-T's men first dump the guns out to the 100 or so gangsters. Also, Mean Guns had some great Western and Hong Kong cinema elements, and I liked the off-beat nature of the violence (other than when the kid was involved, which I'm about to get to). So there was a lot here I dug.

All right, here's what didn't work for me. First and foremost, having the kid there was really weird, especially when she witnesses Tina Coté's death, which would've been played for laughs otherwise. I mentioned in the first post the sped up film in spots, especially with Ice-T staring at Lambert, didn't look right. The dynamic between Okumoto and Mathews felt forced and too derivative, like it was trying too hard to be Travolta and Jackson in Pulp Fiction. On top of that, the conflict between the two when Coté arrives seems really inorganic. Okumoto barely has a chance to get to know her before he's ready to forsake his friendship with Mathews for her. Had she been paired with them from the start, and that scene where she fights a guy in the kitchen been removed (which didn't work for me), the conflict would've looked a lot better. Finally, the almost 2 hour runtime may have been the biggest issue I had. In part, we had elements like Lambert's past that I felt were superfluous-- why not just have Lambert be a crazy guy, and leave it at that, especially if that means getting rid of the kid aspect. Then we also fell into a trap of excitement by repetition. Gunfight after gunfight with no distinguishing qualities. Don't get me wrong, a lot of them were great, they just lost their punch after a while.



That leaves me I guess with the what do I think might have improved it. As I said above, the idea is perfect. A deadly game conducted inside of a prison before it's opened is great. I almost think more could've been done with that. There were some gunfights in the kitchen, but that was it. Also, we never really had a sense of the space. We'd see a character in one place, and the immediate scene after they'd appear in a totally different location. When I think of a prison, I think of a virtual island, but also an environment that can be completely controlled by an individual or a group of individuals, almost in the way that the island in The Tempest was controlled by Prospero's magic. All we had, though, was a lot of what looked like a high school, only with armed guards outside, and with Ice-T watching everything on security cameras. It would've been interesting to see Ice-T, or someone else in the film, play with the space some, open and close cells, sound alarms, set off sprinklers, find some riot gear, hose someone down with a fire extinguisher, anything like that-- in that Hong Kong cinema vein, where the set is a dynamic part of the action.

Another thing I thought about as I watched it, is why didn't a character hide out while everyone killed each other? Like a grizzled vet, a Lance Henriksen type who we see from time to time in thirty second shots, playing solitaire or reading Nietzsche in a janitor's closet or something, while the sounds of gunshots and violence rang out around him. Then, after enough of the players have killed themselves off, he pops in and gums up the works for the other characters who think they're close to the prize.



When I wrote the initial review, three years ago, I made a few jokes, as I often do, one of which said something to the effect of "the sped up film looked like a car commercial, which was probably what this director did before this." I would say Mr. Pyun would have been within his rights to hit me with a "you're a fat kid living in his parent's basement" crack, or even to not even waste his time with my little review blog. He didn't do that though; he instead commented in another post about how he liked being in the Hall of Fame, and joked about how I made it through some of his films like Cyborg and Omega Doom. It's possible in the Mean Guns review he knew I was kidding about the car commercial crack, but in a later post, someone commented that they "didn't like Pyun's work", and he didn't respond at all to it, instead posting a comment telling us what happened with Urban Menace. As a result of all of this, I now make it a priority to look at his work and get the word out there about him. It's an age old saying, you catch more flies with honey, but for smaller production companies and lesser named directors, you could learn something from Pyun's use of blogs like this. Instead of wanting to shout down every negative review and pick a fight with every "fat kid in his parents' basement", use us to your benefit, get us excited about your future projects. I can say he's also taught me a bit about catching more flies with honey...

All right, time to wrap up this second Mean Guns review. Albert Pyun announced on his Facebook page that he's looking to remake this film, setting it on the BP Deep Water Horizon oil rig. I think that could be really great. As far as this Mean Guns' availability, I got it on Netflix Watch Instantly, but Hulu has it as well. The problem with both is it's pan-and-scan. I believe the version I saw on TV was too, but I could be wrong about that. Netflix no longer has it available on DVD to rent though. There's a lot to recommend here, especially with Lambert and Ice-T (though I still don't like Ice-T's fight scenes), but it is 110 minutes long. As I said above, that's my main issue with it, because early on as I was watching it again, I was like "geez Poirier, what movie were you watching, this is pretty sweet", but it loses some steam, and never quite gets it back-- at least in my opinion. By all means, get in and comment on this and say what you think too.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119642/

Bloodfist (1989)

Here we are, post number 549, and somehow Bloodfist has slipped through the cracks up until this point. I could have sworn I'd reviewed both this and part 2 already, and as I was watching this again for this review, I had a sense of deja vu as I saw certain images, thinking, "I could've sworn I grabbed that scene." Anyway, it was all my imagination, but here we are now, rectifying the issue.

Bloodfist has DTVC Hall of Famer Don "The Dragon" Wilson as Jake, a fighter in California, whose brother, a fighter in Manila, is killed. He goes over there to get to the bottom of things, and finds all roads lead to an underground fighting tournament, which he enters, hot on the trail of the murderer. The problem is, his trainer, a local who got him into the tournament, isn't too enthused with Donny figuring things out before he fights in the final. Who can Donny trust when the chips are down?



I don't really know where to go with this one. I guess, because it's a classic, it's worth looking at. Some of the fights are good, some are lackluster. The one big thing it has going for it is the running time, because you're in and out in 80 minutes, which isn't bad. On the other hand, the training montage is silly, and worse than that perfunctory and a bit superfluous, which hurts because that's more fighting or other action we could have had in its place. It is what it is, a derivative tournament film with the distinction of being Don "The Dragon" Wilson's first starring role.

And with this review, we're down to 13 films left in out Dragon completion project. This is an interesting case on why he became a DTV action star, because I think you can see what Roger Corman and whoever else saw in him. He wasn't a great actor, and the tapered pants didn't do anything to make him look any better on-screen, but when he squared up for the fight scenes, there was that look in his eyes, that elite athlete look, like "you won't beat me" or "if you're going to beat me, it's going to hurt a lot. Are you ready for that?" That translates well to the audience, giving him instant credibility. The problem always is, while he's good in those fight scenes, the rest of the time, we don't know what to make of him. Elite athlete does not always translate into solid actor.



Billy Blanks is sweet for his few scenes. His fighting actually looked the best out of everyone, including Wilson. I'm still not sure why it never happened for him, like it did for guys like Wilson. I know before I've speculated that his race might have been an issue, and on some levels, one could still make that case. I'm trying to think, after Wesley Snipes, how many African American action stars there are. And then, if you eliminate all the converted former rappers, how many do you have? And it's not like there's no one with potential out there. Look at Michael Jai White. He's great period, with no qualifiers, as was Blanks in the late 80s early 90s, great period, not just great African American. People must have looked at him and said "no one will buy a black action hero". That's our loss, unfortunately, because whenever we see him, he's great.

On the image page, you'll notice a kid with a rat tail. I figured I needed to snag that. I remember in 8th grade, my science teacher had one, and we were telling him how out of date they were. I want to say they were cool in like 4th grade, which would have been around when this was made. That kid's probably my age in the picture. If you're wondering, yes, I tried to grow a rat tail, went to the beauty school with my mom to get my haircut, and the stylist there started the process for me. It was pretty weak, compared to some of the other kids, so I gave up. Not that I had any better hairdos than that, I just didn't have the rat tail.



I like this mention of Chinatown in Manila. I was trying to think of other films we've had that have featured Chinatowns in them. Obviously, anything taking place in San Francisco, New York, or LA that had anything to do with martial arts showcased those Chinatowns. Into the Sun has the Tokyo Chinatown, which was cool. If you ever make it up to Boston, we have a pretty cool Chinatown here (the oldest in the country, actually). It's right down the road from South Station.

If you haven't seen this one, I think it's good to get it out of the way, just to be able to say you've seen all the Bloodfists-- kind of the same way I need to be able to say I've reviewed all the Bloodfists, right? Anyway, the DVD is currently out of print, meaning Netflix won't rent it. If you keep an eye out though, you'll probably catch it on TV.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0096952/

Angel Town (1991)

This is DTVC Hall of Famer Olivier Gruner's first film. I've been looking for it for a while now, and I know Kenner at Movies in the Attic has wanted me to get it up. Well, we made it, we finally made it.

Angel Town has Gruner as a French dude who comes to LA to get his masters in engineering, and train the US Olympic martial arts team. Problem is, he gets here late, and the only housing he can find is in a gang controlled barrio. Too bad for him, huh? No, too bad for them, because he's pissed that the nice mother, grandmother, and son that gave him a place to stay have to live in fear of these punks, and he's going to do something about it.



This was pretty stellar. A little long (105 minutes, when it really had about 80 minutes worth of material), but Gruner was solid, especially in his fighting skills-- his English and acting, maybe notsomuch. The plot did a good job of depicting the plight of the neighborhood in terms of residents that have given up fighting the gangs, and just accepted their terror as a way of life, and as Gruner giving them that sense of fight back. Sure, he's the hero, but he can't be the hero without the people being heroic and standing up with him. Instead of making it look like a bunch of savages that can't take care of themselves and need a white man to step in and sort them out, it was more like people who are victimized by a system that has neglected them and allowed the gangs to reign uncontested, and Gruner is the agency through which they reclaim their lives.

And boy, is Gruner that agency. Total badass. Again, the feeling is that it's not he who we should pity for moving into a bad neighborhood, but the people who terrorize that neighborhood who should be afraid that they're picking a fight with him. It's like a Steven Seagal level of badass, only much cooler. Last August he celebrated his 50th birthday. I feel like such a dork that I missed that. Well, for what it's worth, happy belated birthday.



I don't want to give away too much of the film, but there were a few elements that this handled really well that most movies screw up. First, Gruner's friend puts his life in danger to help out against the gangs. Usually, that friend would be killed off by the gang, leaving Gruner with a revenge motive. That always pisses me off, because it makes the hero less heroic in my eyes. He needs to rely on people who end up dying for him. What Angel Town does is it has the friend be a defeatist who thinks Gruner is wasting his time fighting the gangs. When the gang attacks his dojo, no one is killed, but he realizes that he shouldn't live in fear of them, that he needs to fight back too. Excellent use of the friend character. The other one was the end battle. They don't insult our intelligence by having us believe that a Gruner who could take out five gang members at once would have trouble dealing with their leader, just because he's their leader. What they do is have Gruner soften the leader up, so the son of the woman he was staying with can fight the guy and get some satisfaction. Again, great way to rework the classic ending paradigm. There are ways to make bad action movies better, but they don't involve techno music, bad jump cuts and camera angles, or atrociously dragged on plots. Just look at Angel Town.

There was one moment where the racial issue-- I'm not saying was handled poorly, but rather, maybe needed more of an explanation if they were going to go there, even though that explanation would have gummed up the film, meaning maybe they probably shouldn't have gone there. Gruner is called a "frog" by a classmate, who is an Arab. Gruner grabs him by the collar and calls him a "rag head". Now, the thing is, Gruner's character, growing up a street urchin in Paris, would have been in direct conflict with impoverished Algerians, and it's not inconceivable that that animosity would have been divided on racial lines. The problem is, either way, it paints our hero as a racist-- I mean, I'm of French descent, and I know from experience that being called a "frog" should not be equated to any bigoted term meant to dehumanize a race, gender, creed, or sexuality. It was just a bad look in a semi-applause scene that shouldn't have been, even if it was meant to fill out Gruner's character's back-story. Come on Angel Town, you're better than that.



Mark Dacascos is in this for like two short scenes, just long enough to get his ass kicked by Gruner. There aren't really any close-ups on him, but I suspected it was him from his voice: Hawaiian American English is not East LA Chicano American English. Anyway, in the credits, he's listed as "Mark Dacuscos". As far as what he's been up to, his last four films after I Am Omega have not been released on DVD yet, but according to imdb, they could be some good ones. It's always a tough decision when it comes to whether or not to tag with a short bit part like that, because, on the one hand, we want people to know an actor is in the film, while on the other, I don't want people thinking the actor is in it a bunch. Our most recent example of this was with Michael Dudikoff in the 1981 cult horror classic Bloody Birthday, where he was in it for two funeral scenes and one make-out session with Julie Brown (the red head, not the Downtown one). But you want to know there's a horror movie out there with Dudikoff in it, right? (It's actually pretty good beyond him too.) Then you have Gary Daniels in Submerged, Deadly Bet, and perhaps most disappointingly, Retrograde. I think with those three films, it's more of a warning, because you see him listed and think "wow, Daniels with Seagal, or Daniels with Jeff Wincott, or Daniels with Dolph Lundgren, where do I sign up?" I think that's the big thing with Angel Town, because Dacascos is on the first page of imdb's cast listing, which can be very misleading. He's essentially a glorified extra with lines and a misspelled name in the credits.

As per usual, I'm getting off on a rant on that seventh paragraph, so let's wrap it up. Angel Town is not only a great first film for Olivier Gruner, it's a great DTV actioner as well. Solid fights, explosions, etc., plus a decent plot that doesn't have all the "ugh!" elements that most bad action films resort to. A bit of a hidden gem. Unfortunately, not available on Netflix, but it is on DVD if you want it.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099039/

L.A. Bounty (1989)

This was one I got wind of from our friend Ty at Comeuppancereviews.com. He and his site have done much to rekindle my interest here at the DTVC in one of our inaugural Hall of Famers, Wings Hauser. When I started this blog over three years ago, a lot of my focus was on the films my friends and I loved, and the actors we always looked for at the video store. Wings Hauser was one of those guys. But as time went on, I gained new readers and my friends and their opinions became less of an influence, meaning mainstays like Hauser faded back in favor of other stars like Gary Daniels. Now I've got an opportunity to bring the two together, and mix in more Hauser posts with some of the other later HOF inductees.

L.A. Bounty stars megababe Sybil Danning as Ruger, a chick with a major revenge motive and a huge gun. She's tracking down Hauser, because he killed her partner. At the same time, Hauser has kidnapped an LA mayoral candidate and is holding him for ransom. They're on a collision course to wackiness-- Hauser and Danning, that is.



Jean-Luc Godard once said that all you needed to make a movie is a girl and a gun. How about the meanest broad ever, and a piece that can take a dude's hand off in one shot? Sybil Danning is Ruger. Ruger. How awesome is that? How awesome is this movie? Forget how awesome Sybil Danning is as Ruger, then you have Hauser as a great baddie. This movie just got it right all around, from great lines, great explosions, great gun fights, great music, great mullets, and great performances from its two main stars.

This movie had me thinking, Wings Hauser is at his best when he's a baddie, isn't he? There's something about his style, the look in his eyes, his stature, the way he delivers his lines-- he's just a frightening dude when he wants to be. I guess I don't blame him for not always wanting to be a bad guy though, I mean, it must be fun to be the hero, to get the girl, have sex with her on a kitchen counter in a puddle of milk (Art of Dying). Anyway, I'm digressing here. This is one of Hauser's best turns as a baddie, because he's really allowed to let loose and have fun with it. Maybe one of his best DTV films period.



The only other Sybil Danning film we've reviewed is Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf, where she was the eponymous sister, or rather, the referenced sister in the title. Anyway, in L.A. Bounty she presents a totally different hero from most women we see in action films. She doesn't say much. She drinks Miller High Life (and makes for a better advertisement for the beer than those dumb commercials with the fat guy reclaiming it from parties). She smokes cigars. And she'll blow your ass away with her huge gun. But she's no dude, no butch lesbian with a buzzcut. No way, she's hot too, she just doesn't care about making herself look hot when her main objective is revenge. Why again am I going to want to watch the Rock in this same role in his new movie Faster), when Danning was so awesome?

A quick note on a DTVC favorite, Branscombe Richmond, who has a quick cameo in L.A. Bounty. You probably know him best from Renegade as Bobby Six-Killer. This is his sixth film here, and though there are probably character actors who are more deserving of a tag that don't have one, Branscombe's work on Renegade has to stand for something, right? According to imdb, he did a low-budget DTV flick with Ed Lauter, Frank Stallone, and James Lew in 2010 called Taken by Force. Who knows when it'll be out, or if it'll be worth looking at, but either way, it's good to see Richmond is still holding it down.



Danning's character, Ruger, drives this really awesome truck. It's jacked the hell up, looks like it may have been set on fire at one time, and on the inside looks like maybe she lives out of it. It got me thinking, remember when trucks were trucks? No buckets seats, no back seats, no enormous side-view mirrors that move in and out. None of this bullshit we see today, man, they used to make trucks. If I had the money, I'd like to get me an '82 Ford F-150, and get it back into running shape. It would probably need a whole new engine-- a whole new everything except for the body maybe-- but how awesome would that be? A guy can dream, right?

Well, at least one of your dreams has been answered, and it's possible you didn't even know you had this dream. A too sweet Sybil Danning and a too sweet Wings Hauser team up to bring you so much awesome you'll wonder what you did to be so lucky. It's okay, you deserved it, don't feel guilty.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097698/

Final Reprisal (1988)

According to imdb, Final Reprisal was the second film Gary Daniels made, but it's actually the first, and the other one, The Secret of Mahis Island, he made soon after. As an aside, I haven't been able to find The Secret of Mahis Island, which could eventually prove to be a problem depending on when we get around to finishing off his DTV filmography.

Final Reprisal has Gary Daniels as a Marine in Vietnam, sent to take out a bunch of North Vietnamese leaders at a meeting. Turns out the meeting is postponed (those things are almost always postponed for one reason or another), and Daniels's crew is trapped in a North Vietnamese fortress. As luck would have it, the defense minister who lives there also has a daughter, very young, like a preschooler, and he's very fond of her. Daniels and his two remaining men take the girl as a hostage, escape, then run over a mine, which blows up their jeep and separates them. When the minister and his soldiers arrive, the girl has been shot through the head, and as luck would have it for him, one of Daniels's men, his best buddy, is wounded and ripe for capture and torture. Fast forward five years, and Daniels has a wife and kid, and a job training the special forces in Thailand. When the old buddy shows up out of the blue, it seems great-- until Daniels and his family are attacked. His wife and son don't survive, and now Daniels wants his... final reprisal... or does the North Vietnamese defense minister?...



For what this was, a no-budget late 80s bad actioner from the Philippines, it actually wasn't bad. Bad acting? Yes. Bad script? Yes. Bad special effects? Yes. Bad Foley? Yes. A timeline that either doesn't work, or everything in the film is anachronistic? Yes. But if you're going into late 80s bad action from the Philippines, are you expecting anything less? What surprised me was how solid Gary Daniels was as a leading man. No, he couldn't mitigate the poor script, but can he now either? But there was no sense that he wasn't the man we loved in the 90s into the 2000s. His martial arts were solid, his screen presence was all you could ask for. It wasn't so much DTVC Hall of Famer in the making, it was more like DTVC Hall of Famer already there.

And I guess why I was surprised by how much of a star he proved to be in Final Reprisal is that in a lot of his other early films, like Ring of Fire or Deadly Bet, he's barely in them, and I can't figure out how that could happen if anyone casting any of these films had seen him in this. The only thing I can think is that Capital Punishment didn't do anything for them, but even then, that doesn't excuse, for instance, the scant part he had in Bloodfist IV, or that he wasn't the lead heel in Ring of Fire. Here's an interesting question for everyone, who's had the better career, Daniels, or Don "The Dragon" Wilson?



One of the most difficult moves to pull off in an action film is the bad guy revenge on the good guy, especially when it involves the bad guy losing a loved one. Here they tried to mitigate it, in part by saying the bad guy was falsely accusing Daniels for killing his daughter-- sketchy at best, considering he did take the daughter hostage, and in a court here in the States, that would be enough to convict him as an accessory to the murder, even if he didn't pull the trigger; and in part, by playing up anti-communist sentiments. I guess a dead 4-year-old, if it's a dead commie 4-year-old, counts less than an American 4-year-old. Anyway, if Daniels wasn't awesome in this, I would have been rooting for the baddie-- Daniels's awesomeness saved the film.

Often, I have very little to report to my straight female and gay male readers in terms of gratuitous PNA (pecs and ass). Usually you get the hero shirtless, but after that, it's all for us straight guys and lesbian women, with naked hot chicks all over the place. None of that here beyond a couple naked strippers at a bad club, but for the other half of my audience, you get some Gary Daniels bare buttocks. Shower scene with his buddy, no curtains in either stall. And here you thought you only got that kind of action in a Van Damme movie.



Finally, Miami Vice, while waning in popularity here in the US in 1988, was I guess just getting started in the Philippines, because near the end, they decked Daniels out in a Crockett special. They even went with the perfect undershirt in exactly Crockett's style. I don't know if you've seen that asinine LeBron James commercial where he whines to us because we don't like him anymore, but the Don Johnson cameo is great. If LeBron was half the cat Johnson is, my Celtics wouldn't have destroyed his Cavs in last year's playoffs.

Okay, I'm way off topic now, so let me reign it in. This is hard to find, but worth it. It would be worth it on it's own as a Daniels flick, but this has the added bonus of being Daniels's first flick. Total fun time, Rambo and Commando rip-off, with zero budget, and bad everything-- except for an awesome Daniels, and that's plenty.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0832300/