Blubberella (2011)

I'd been wanting to do more Uwe Boll and Michael Paré, saw this was on Watch Instantly, and figured I'd give it a go. Did I have high hopes? I don't know. Uwe is all kinds of hit and miss. One moment you get BloodRayne: The Third Reich, which didn't work at all for me; the next you get In the Name of the King 2: Two Worlds, which came in behind Mega Python vs. Gatoroid for my best DTV flick of 2011. If Blubberella is anything in between, I'll be happy.

Blubberella is a spoof of BloodRayne: Third Reich starring Lindsay Hollister as our eponymous heroine. She's a half human half vampire living in 1940s Germany, looking for potential suitors on a Jewish dating site. Problem is, all her dates are standing her up. When she discovers it's the Nazis that are the cause of this, she vows to kill them all, and this brings her into contact with the resistance, led by Brendan Fletcher, with whom she's immediately smitten. Unfortunately, in her blood lust for Nazis, she's accidentally turned Paré, and now he and Clint Howard want her blood so they can make an army of vampires to conquer the world.



I don't know what to do with this one. It's not only a spoof of BloodRayne: The Third Reich, but it's shot in all the locations, with the entire cast except for Natassia Malthe. It's kind of like in the style of Scary Movie, only mixed with Uwe Boll. Very few of the jokes were funny, but it was almost because they were so unfunny that they were intriguing, if that makes sense. And a lot of it was just weird, like when Blubberella has a dream where she's playing Risk with Adolf Hitler (played by Boll) and (I think) Brendan Fletcher in black face. I don't know, what do you do with that? I guess I got my wish, this was somewhere in between BloodRayne: The Third Reich and In the Name of the King 2, but that's not much of a help.

Getting back to that dream sequence... I don't know.... The black face would be appalling, if this weren't a dream sequence, but in that sense it almost adds to the surrealism. I also think Boll was making fun of Robert Downey Jr.'s character in Tropic Thunder. Speaking of Boll, seeing him as Hitler is a trip. It's more than just them playing Risk. He has a meal and checks out her Jewish dating site profile with her too. There's something very Uwe Boll about the whole thing, and, I don't know, like I said above, what do I do with that?



For some reason, there's a scene here that parodies Precious. This scene also features some black face. Of all the movies to make fun of, Precious isn't at the top of my list. I don't know, there isn't a lot in a girl living with a violently abusive mother and has a father who made her pregnant twice and infected her with AIDS that warrants humor. I don't even know if this scene was Boll's idea, because there were more writers in on this than just him. It was just very weird.

Blubberella was played by Lindsay Hollister, and I think she did pretty well. It was a lot of self-deprecating humor-- including one random scene where she's in a meat locker dropping off sausages and stuff-- but when it went away from "hey, guess what, I'm fat, isn't that funny?", and did some more fun stuff, she was definitely up to the task. I think this movie, especially with some of he odder scenes, like the Uwe Boll as Hitler ones, could've worked better without all the fat jokes, and just rested on the fact that Hollister as a big woman was playing a superhero.



Finally, I want to give a big shout out and congratulations to our buddy Mitch over at The Video Vacuum for making it into this film. You can see him there in the blue Mexican wrestler mask. What's most amazing is how humble he's been about it. Anyone else with a movie blog-- yours truly included-- would've been trumpeting an appearance in an Uwe Boll flick all over the place, but Mitch, he kept it under the radar. Well Mitch, because you were too classy to do it yourself, I'll do it for you, and let the world know about your cool cameo in Blubberella.

And on that good note, let's wrap this up. You may find this offensive. You may find it hilarious. You may find it exceedingly unfunny. Or you might be like me an have no idea what to do with it. First thing I'd say is, if you have any plans to see this, watch BloodRayne: Third Reich first, just so you get some of what they were going for. Otherwise, tread at your own risk.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1756427/