The Direct to Video Connoisseur

I'm a huge fan of action, horror, sci-fi, and comedy, especially of the Direct to Video variety. In this blog I review some of my favorites and not so favorites, and encourage people to comment and add to the discussion. For announcements and updates, don't forget to Follow us on Twitter and Like our Facebook page. If you're the director, producer, distributor, etc. of a low-budget feature length film and you'd like to send me a copy to review, you can contact me at dtvconnoisseur[at] I'd love to check out what you got. And check out my book, Chad in Accounting, over on Amazon.

Friday, May 11, 2007

G2 (1998)

I'd like to see Daniel Bernhardt in the DTVC Hall of Fame someday. It's hard though, when I see films of his like this. I actually bought this after suggested it when I picked up Future War. That's probably the best way they can unload this frightening movie.

G2 follows Daniel Bernhardt, who is either the reincarnated or actual general that protected Alexander the Great and his sword. Some Mongols, led by James Hong, fight with him. In the present day, Hong and his cronies lure Bernhardt out through underground pit fights... I think. Then a Mongol dies, and a blue bolt of lightening hits him, and he disappears... I think. In the end, Bernhardt vanquishes Hong, gets the sword back, gets the girl, and lives happily ever after... I think...

I don't know what happened here. The script was like a bad short story from an introductory creative writing class--only the professor didn't go over it with the red pen. At no point are we told: why they're immortal, if they're immortal or just reincarnated, what's up with the sword, why someone who dies is hit by lightening and disappears, and most importantly, why Bernhardt is fighting in underground pit fights. Those were things that we as the audience needed to comprehend the movie.

James Hong wasn't a bad baddie; if only we understood his motivation. Based on his acting performance, I'm not sure he understood it either. There were points where he was almost laughing at the ludicrousness of the film. I would think for a filmmaker it would be time for an agonizing reappraisal of the situation when your top baddie is laughing onscreen at the script.

For Daniel Bernhardt, this was pre-the Mortal Kombat show, so maybe we can give him the benefit of the doubt. I would, but his sword fighting in this sucked. There wasn't much of his martial arts either. As an action film with Daniel Bernhardt, I expected him to get into some good fights. I can forgive a Swiss cheese plot if the fight scenes are there. Mr. Bernhardt, your application to the DTVC Hall of Fame is still pending. Let me know if you need someone to write the script to Bloodsport 5.

I wouldn't buy this unless it was packaged with another Bernhardt movie. I mean, Future War might have been worse than this, but it has the distinction of being mocked on MST3K. Now that there is no more MST3K, there is no more saving grace for this film. I would even say that in renting it it's a waste of money, because it's so bad, mocking it doesn't help. Even though it's not a DTV film, I'd go for Highlander 2 (not the renegade version, either) if you want a silly film about immortals that has a plot that makes no sense. At least in that one, you got DTVC Hall of Famer Christopher Lambert, Sean Connery, and Michael Ironside.

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