The Direct to Video Connoisseur

I'm a huge fan of action, horror, sci-fi, and comedy, especially of the Direct to Video variety. In this blog I review some of my favorites and not so favorites, and encourage people to comment and add to the discussion. If you click on an image, it will take you to that post's image page, which includes many more pics from the film and other goodies I couldn't fit in the actual review. For announcements and updates, don't forget to Follow us on Twitter and Like our Facebook page. If you're the director, producer, distributor, etc. of a low-budget feature length film and you'd like to send me a copy to review, you can contact me at dtvconnoisseur[at]yahoo.com. I'd love to check out what you got.

Announcement

Announcement

Hi everyone, it's been a while since I checked the page, and I wanted to make a few announcements.

First and foremost, it appears a dubious site has claimed the old url, meaning any link in any review that goes to the old mattmovieguy url is corrupt. I'm in the process of trying to remove them all, but it's a lot! It's best not to click on any link without hovering over it first to make sure it doesn't have mattmovieguy in the url.

Second, it appears since my last trip to the blog, Photobucket has decided to charge for third party hosting, meaning none of my images are appearing anymore. That's simply an aesthetic issue, but still annoying.

Thank you all for your patience, and again, hopefully this will all be fixed soon.

--Matt

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Boa vs. Python (2004)

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I first saw this gem on the Sci-Fi Channel with some friends on a Saturday afternoon while we were figuring out what we were doing for the night. We were only casually following it, until the female lead challenged a husky Navy SEAL with a blonde mullet to see which one of them could hold his or her breath in the pool longer. Under the water, the woman unlaced her bikini top, and the Navy SEAL made the best face ever. Those who have seen this gem know that face. Our friend who was hosting us rewound the scene, so we were introduced to the wonders of TiVo and Boa vs. Python at the same time.

Boa vs. Python stars the hot blonde from Son of the Beach as the one who aced the Navy SEAL and that guy from Stargate: Atlantis that wears glasses as a nerdy snake man. They're recruited by the FBI to track down a Boa or a Python (I don't remember which) that some rich dude with a body like Fei Long's who has a plane with marble pillars in it let loose just outside of Philadelphia for some kind of hunting thing. To track it, they use their own Boa or Python, and hilarity ensues.

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As you can imagine, people get eaten, they get shot by the rich guy and his hunters, and the dude and chick hook up. Also, if you rent it or buy it (my buddy bought it used for $2), a chick gets eaten out by one of the snakes. It really doesn't matter, though. The movie just can't seem to carry on the momentum it started with the Navy SEAL in the pool. If he was wrestling with one of the snakes, it might have been better.

One thing I dig about this film is its strange concept of reality. They constantly refer to snakes as the "most cunning" of hunters, when they really aren't. The rich guy, as I mentioned above, has marble pillars installed in his plane, along with a ceramic bathtub. His girlfriend is afraid of snakes, but has one tattooed on her body. At the end of the movie, the rich guy assaults US servicemen (I think it was the Army) with a flamethrower.

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One thing I hated about this film was how low it was on the Man Crush factor. Who made the decision to go with the guy with glasses from Stargate: Atlantis? Give me some Lorenzo Lamas or Sasha Mitchell, please. I'd settle for Reb Brown. I just want to feel like the lead in a movie like that could kick my ass in a fair fight. Is that too much to ask? There's a reason why the guy with glasses is just that on his own show, because there's a beefier guy who does the hero stuff.

The final verdict on this film is simple: TiVo it for sure if you see it on your program guide, because the Navy SEAL's face is a can't miss. The rest of it is strictly for the connoisseur. If you're not a connoisseur, I'd avoid spending more than $2 on this, and catch whatever movies are on Sci-Fi or Encore Action instead.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0412523/

4 comments:

  1. Your first review and no comments! I enjoyed this movie. I like anything that the guy from Stargate: Atlantis is in. Check out his older horror flick Pin, it's great. He also did a fun comedy called Nothing.

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  2. Ha ha ha, we didn't have a lot of readers in those days! I'll have to check out Pin, because I dig that guy too. And thanks for spreading some love on the first review.

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  3. Great first review! Agree with Sutekh: Pin was a good horror flick.

    David "The guy from Stargate Atlantis" Hewlett was also in a interesting film called Get Down (aka Treed Murray)

    Also, since this is your first review, what was the 1st DTV flick you saw? I saw The Taxman with Robert Townsend and Joe Pantoliano. It was in a stand-out fancy cover.

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  4. I'll be honest, I don't actually remember my first DTV flick. I remember the first one that made me really seek out DTV flicks though, and that was Showdown in Little Tokyo. My buddy's parents had a descrambler, and we watched it on PPV for free. It's funny, when I think video store, most of my video store memories are of horror flicks, because that's what a lot of my buddies liked, and DTV action was more on movie channels and cable, especially USA Up All Night and TNT's Joe Bob Briggs. A lot of these that I revisit for the blog I'm seeing for the first time uncut.

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