The Direct to Video Connoisseur

I'm a huge fan of action, horror, sci-fi, and comedy, especially of the Direct to Video variety. In this blog I review some of my favorites and not so favorites, and encourage people to comment and add to the discussion. If you click on an image, it will take you to that post's image page, which includes many more pics from the film and other goodies I couldn't fit in the actual review. For announcements and updates, don't forget to Follow us on Twitter and Like our Facebook page. If you're the director, producer, distributor, etc. of a low-budget feature length film and you'd like to send me a copy to review, you can contact me at dtvconnoisseur[at] I'd love to check out what you got.



Hi everyone, it's been a while since I checked the page, and I wanted to make a few announcements.

First and foremost, it appears a dubious site has claimed the old url, meaning any link in any review that goes to the old mattmovieguy url is corrupt. I'm in the process of trying to remove them all, but it's a lot! It's best not to click on any link without hovering over it first to make sure it doesn't have mattmovieguy in the url.

Second, it appears since my last trip to the blog, Photobucket has decided to charge for third party hosting, meaning none of my images are appearing anymore. That's simply an aesthetic issue, but still annoying.

Thank you all for your patience, and again, hopefully this will all be fixed soon.


Wednesday, May 23, 2007

National Lampoon Adam and Eve (2005)

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My buddy and I caught this on one of the Encore channels late one night. We figured the name National Lampoon would mean funny, and we were looking for a comedy.

National Lampoon's Adam and Eve is about a college dude named Adam (Kirk Douglas' grandson), who digs music and lives at a flop house type frat with some kooky characters that make up a who's-who of teen angst movie extras. Adam meets Eve (Emmanuelle Chaquiri), who's ridiculously attractive, but also a virgin and waiting for the right time for her first time. They fall in love, but Adam can't get any. After being rebuffed again despite an elaborately romantic scheme, he gets drunk and sleeps with a hot blond skank that's after him. Thinking he picked up gonorrhea from her, he has to come clean to Eve at the same time Eve is ready to do it. 13 of the final 15 minutes of the film are spent with them split up, with the second to last minute being her giving him another chance, and the final minute being them about to have sex.

I'm not all together sure what the film makers wanted me to think of this film. Is it a romantic comedy? Is it a madcap romp in a frat with a dude finally growing up? Is it about what guys and girls take from relationships? Is it simply made to annoy the piss out of me?

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The premise is fairly understandable: Emmanuelle Chaquiri is so attractive that it would be hard to date her and not have sex with her. After that, this film has no identity. The kooky friends are extremely forgettable, yet the film makers seem to think they're cooler than that. One of them is the technical whiz kid from Fast and the Furious. He plays some chain smoking guy that's supposed to be really cool, but is just a dork who's not that funny and was better as the wuss who gets shot up by Asian dudes.

To show us how cool he is, he hooks up with Eve's friend; and if that wasn't bad enough, later we're forced to listen to her describe in gory detail during a banal conversation with Eve all the things he did to her. I'm assuming the banal conversation that sparked the horrific description of their tryst was an attempt to dull some of the testosterone in the film with a female point of view, but it just made the women look dumber yet more self indulgent than the dudes in the frat discussing whether or not you should stand to wipe your ass.

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In terms of funny, this wasn't. It had it's moments, but they were so far and few that I didn't have the energy to laugh at them when they came. How this got the name National Lampoon is beyond me. The guys at the frat paled in comparison to other Lampoon movies. It should've been called National Lampoon Ultra Light, because it tasted like water. That reminds me of the worst scene in the movie: a girl drinks gonorrhea piss. Adam takes a urine sample (instead of doing it at the doctor's office, like you would in real life) to get tested, and he's carrying it in a keg cup down to the doctor's. A girl stops him and insists on having a sip, thinking it's beer. He lets her, and we're supposed to laugh at that. Oh my god, she drank gonorrhea piss, that's so funny!

If you want to see the hot Emmanuelle Chaquiri, skip this and watch On the Line. At least there, you get her, and the always hilarious Joey Fatone. Don't go near this sack of ass crack. If you spot it on one of the Encore channels, run, as fast as you can from your TV set. Your brain will thank you for it.

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