The Direct to Video Connoisseur

I'm a huge fan of action, horror, sci-fi, and comedy, especially of the Direct to Video variety. In this blog I review some of my favorites and not so favorites, and encourage people to comment and add to the discussion. If you click on an image, it will take you to that post's image page, which includes many more pics from the film and other goodies I couldn't fit in the actual review. For announcements and updates, don't forget to Follow us on Twitter and Like our Facebook page. If you're the director, producer, distributor, etc. of a low-budget feature length film and you'd like to send me a copy to review, you can contact me at dtvconnoisseur[at]yahoo.com. I'd love to check out what you got.

Announcement

Announcement

Hi everyone, it's been a while since I checked the page, and I wanted to make a few announcements.

First and foremost, it appears a dubious site has claimed the old url, meaning any link in any review that goes to the old mattmovieguy url is corrupt. I'm in the process of trying to remove them all, but it's a lot! It's best not to click on any link without hovering over it first to make sure it doesn't have mattmovieguy in the url.

Second, it appears since my last trip to the blog, Photobucket has decided to charge for third party hosting, meaning none of my images are appearing anymore. That's simply an aesthetic issue, but still annoying.

Thank you all for your patience, and again, hopefully this will all be fixed soon.

--Matt

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Mortuary (2005)

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A buddy who's a horror connoisseur rented this because it's directed by Tobe Hooper. I wanted to see it because it starred Denise Crosby. I think in both cases we were disappointed.

The film's about Crosby and her two kids (I think the son was in the The Hills Have Eyes), who moved out to some abandoned funeral home, where Crosby plans to start life anew as an undertaker. Then people start turning into zombies.

The only redeeming feature of this film is Crosby's son's love interest, and hot brunette played by a chick named Alexandra Adi. But if you're watching the movie just for her, you'd be better off watching the chick in Las Vegas who dated Dylan in the later season of 90210 (yes, I watched that...), because NBC's still free, and this movie isn't. As far as a zombie movie, it adds nothing to the genre; as far as a campy horror movie, it's just not campy enough.

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As far as Crosby goes, I can't see why she did this. She's not really in it that much, and it's quite a step down from the Trekkies documentaries. She must've thought it would be a great opportunity to work with Tobe Hooper. From all I've seen of him lately, and despite The Texas Chainsaw Massacre , Hooper's less relevant a director in the Sci-Fi/Horror industry than Jonathan Frakes. If I were her I'd roll up my sleeves, get back that Johnny Hates Jazz haircut she had as Tasha Yar, and take the next script that comes along with either Dolph, Van Damme, or Dennis Rodman in it.

It goes without saying that you should avoid this sack-of-asscrack. If you really need to get a Denise Crosby fix, watch one or both of the Trekkies movies. The Commander will thank you for it.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0415167/

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