The Direct to Video Connoisseur

I'm a huge fan of action, horror, sci-fi, and comedy, especially of the Direct to Video variety. In this blog I review some of my favorites and not so favorites, and encourage people to comment and add to the discussion. For announcements and updates, don't forget to Follow us on Twitter and Like our Facebook page. If you're the director, producer, distributor, etc. of a low-budget feature length film and you'd like to send me a copy to review, you can contact me at dtvconnoisseur[at]yahoo.com. I'd love to check out what you got. And check out my book, Chad in Accounting, over on Amazon.

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Mortuary (2005)

A buddy who's a horror connoisseur rented this because it's directed by Tobe Hooper. I wanted to see it because it starred Denise Crosby. I think in both cases we were disappointed.

The film's about Crosby and her two kids (I think the son was in the The Hills Have Eyes), who moved out to some abandoned funeral home, where Crosby plans to start life anew as an undertaker. Then people start turning into zombies.



The only redeeming feature of this film is Crosby's son's love interest, a hot brunette played by a chick named Alexandra Adi. But if you're watching the movie just for her, you'd be better off watching the chick in Las Vegas who dated Dylan in the later season of 90210 (yes, I watched that...), because NBC's still free, and this movie isn't. As far as a zombie movie, it adds nothing to the genre; as far as a campy horror movie, it's just not campy enough.



As far as Crosby goes, I can't see why she did this. She's not really in it that much, and it's quite a step down from the Trekkies documentaries. She must've thought it would be a great opportunity to work with Tobe Hooper. From all I've seen of him lately, and despite The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Hooper's less relevant a director in the Sci-Fi/Horror industry than Jonathan Frakes. If I were her I'd roll up my sleeves, get back that Johnny Hates Jazz haircut she had as Tasha Yar, and take the next script that comes along with either Dolph, Van Damme, or Dennis Rodman in it.


It goes without saying that you should avoid this sack-of-asscrack. If you really need to get a Denise Crosby fix, watch one or both of the Trekkies movies. The Commander will thank you for it.

For more info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0415167/

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